SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Beelzebub Bytes!   Forget about viruses and malicious hackers; the real threat these days is far more insidious. Your home computer may have the Devil in its data, say Reverend Jim Peasboro of Georgia. "... the Computer Age has ... opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's souls."   Rev. Jim says he became aware of the problem from counseling churchgoers. "I learned that many members of my congregation became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers," ... "Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic Web sites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations."  "Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally," he declared ... One woman ... confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.'"   The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner's computer himself. To his horror, an artificial-intelligence program started spontaneously. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he said. Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook.   "I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!" The minister estimates that one in ten computers in America now hosts some type of evil spirit. The Reverend advises anyone suspecting that their computer is possessed to consult a clergyman, or, if the computer is still under warranty, to take it in for servicing. "   Technicians can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently," he says.   However, there is some good news -- Only a PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit, the minister explained.


The Ballad Of Bill and Lucifer by Lonesome EJ

Bill was a goofy-looking nerd back in the Spring of 74
When a County Cop at a traffic-stop found an ounce down on the floor
He spent the night in the Cascade Jail, his mind in a state of shock
When he heard a step outside the door, and the key turn in the lock

A man walked in with a sinister grin, and a kind of sulphur smell
Said "Pardon sir, name's Lucifer, I'm on a business trip from Hell
And, tell the truth, I've had my eye on you since the moment of your birth
Put aside your fears, in ten or twenty years you'll be the richest man on earth!"

Chorus:
The Devil came through the Windows
Now he's living in my house
Now his heart is in my hard-drive
And his mind is in my mouse

Now Bill was quite reluctant to sign away his soul
But the Devil smiled and said "No, Child, I have a much, much bigger goal"
And from his jacket pocket, he produced a smoking disk
Saying "What I need from you, Bill, is sell a million copies of this!"

And Bill did sell a million, and a million yet again
And everyone was eager to bankroll the Wage of Sin
And Bill became the Richest Man, though sworn not to tell
How true the words so many spoke : "This program's straight from Hell !"

Chorus

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