Ashes To Ashes by Scabby Doug


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The Song Challenge: Who Left Uncle Harry In The Bushes? July 6, 2000 - Fort Worth, Texas: Maintenance worker John Truex was minding his own business as he walked the grounds of the Woodhill Apartments on Monday, when he spied an odd-looking wooden box under a bush. "He had no idea what it was," said the manager of the complex. "It looked like a little coffin." Truex took the box to the apartment office to show the manager and other staff members what he found. Curious, the group opened the lid and discovered a sealed brass box inside. They couldn't open the brass box, and couldn't figure out what it was, so they called the police. Office r W.T. Byrnes arrived at the scene and was just as stumped by the 1-foot-long by 4-inch-wide box, which seemed to be missing a display plate. "I wasn't real sure what it was," Byrnes said. "I called funeral homes in the area and they said, 'Yes, we package things like that,' and I said, 'Eeeeyew!'" "According to a couple of funeral homes," continued Officer Byrnes, "they take ashes, put them in a plastic bag with a label of who it is and then put them in a box that they seal up and then put in a display case." Byrnes turned the little box over to the Medical Examiner's Office; however, the staff members there declined to comment yesterday. The statement from spokeswoman Linda Anderson was, "As it stands right now, we don't have any information on it -- All we have is a box." But the apartment manager has heard otherwise. "It's an urn of some sort," she said. "The medical examiner's office found out that it is a lady from Granbury, but they haven't contacted any relatives. But I'm sure when a person finds out that their relative was left here, we will be hearing from them . . . (but) you've got to wonder who would leave Uncle Harry under a bush . . . .".

Ashes To Ashes by Scabby Doug

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
If cremation don't get ya then relations must
They couldn't be bothered to take me away
So they ditched me out here on a Texas highway

My name could be Harry or Ethel or Norm
The policeman would love just to fill in his form
I'm not even a person, I'm in Lost and Found
On the whole I'd be happier under the ground

I sit on the shelf, just here in my urn
But just wait a while, you'll all get your turn
When you're a cadaver how'll they treat you?
Do they really use horses for making that glue?