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SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!
'I See Your Future Growing Bigger And Bigger' (Hamburg, Germany) A German clairvoyant is reading his clients' futures by feeling their naked bottoms. Ulf Buck says buttocks have similar lines to those on the hand, which can be read. The 39-year-old, who's been blind since he was three, says the bottom is more 'intense' than the hand. He says a reading can give information about his clients' personalities as well as their future wealth, happiness and health. Mr Buck from Meldorf, northwest of Hamburg, says he's attracting all kinds of clients including a soap star and a stockbroker. He also says being blind helps to relax his customers as they know they'll remain anonymous and that he doesn't get a thrill from the buttock reading, adding he's happily married.
A Fortune From Behind by SharonA
(Tune: "Love Potion Number Nine" by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller)
Pronunciation Guide: Ideally, "fortune" should be pronounced "FO-chun" ;^)
I took my two buns down to Meister Ulf –
You know, that German with the guide-dog wolf –
He's got a fad, now; I heard he paws 'em blind,
Tellin' kids his fondles tell
A fortune from behind.
I told him that I was a cop. His fix
Of skin's against the law, so nix his tricks!
I wrote out a ticket and said, "Just read this!" "Nein,"
He said, "All I read is
A fortune from behind."
"So bend down and turn around and don't be a fink,"
He said, "I'm gonna feel you up. Your future is pink!
You'll get a third of what I make. I'll give you a mink..."
I held his wrist. I cuffed his ass. He's in the clink!
He'll never go out in the daytime light.
I doubt he's missing Meldorf's bums tonight
'Cause when he pissed this cop off who'd heard he paws 'em blind,
The pokey's where I thought he'll have
A fortune from behind
A fortune from behind
A fortune from be-hi-yi-yi-yi-yinnnnd!