30 Second Commercial for a Filthy Spanish Hotel by Trapper


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The Song Challenge: 'They're Giving It Up At The Hotel California' . . . British tourists held a Spanish hotel manager hostage in protest at what they claimed were appalling conditions at their hotel. Police were called eventually to rescue the man, who had been barricaded in his office for two hours. The 19 British families involved in the protest say that they wanted an explanation for conditions at the Hotel Mallorca in the resort of El Arenal on Majorca, which they say included animal bones, clothes and condoms floating in a filthy pool; hotel food that was crawling with ants; and bedrooms that were infested with cockroaches. Breakfast consisted of stale bread. The families' all-inclusive holiday cost almost �1,000. Louis Aristos, of the travel agents Sun Private Travel Ltd, said that the hotel and tour operators had assured the company that the conditions were not as bad as was claimed. "We have not received complaints from other people we have booked into the hotel." A spokesman for the 210-bed hotel said that it had been ordered to carry out repairs last year to avoid the risk of being closed. He said that the hotel was old but of a good standard and did not suffer from the problems raised by the tourists. The pool was cleaned daily, he added, and ants were found in bedrooms because tourists took food into their rooms. The man held hostage was a representative of the tour company, the spokesman said. He has since been treated for depression and is now off work.

30 Second Commercial for a Filthy Spanish Hotel by Trapper
(Tune: The Addams Family Theme Song; New Words by Al Boyce 9/6/2001)

Trapper's Comments: Hey you guys! I'm sure it's a fine hotel! In fact, to counteract all of your slander, here's a . . .

It's creepy and it's pukey,
Disgusting and it's spooky,
It's all together ooky,
The Mallorca Hotel
The pool's a great big toilet
If you're smart you'd boil it
In bed, cockroaches spoil it
The Mallorca Hotel

Da-da-da-dum...SNAP,SNAP (Bugs!)
Da-da-da-dum...SNAP,SNAP (Slugs!)
Da-da-da-dum, Da-da-da-dum, Da-da-da-dum SNAP,SNAP (Drugs!)

So get some rubber suits on
And knee-high welly boots on
We'll drop some big lawsuits on
The Mallorca Hotel