The Multiple Cases of Sloane Brunswick: A List
Unfortunately, sometimes people acquire permanent damage from doingstupidthingsinpublic syndrome. The symptoms can be very noticeable, enormously stupid things, or just simple everyday stupidity. Also, once the disease has set in long enough, these symptoms can begin to occur in private as well, but this brings us to an entirely new disease, which I have made no website for. Anyways, this brings us to our next study subject, Sloane Brunswick.
As Sloane's symptoms are erratic in their occurences, it is difficult to choose just one case. Therefore, I have composed the following list, with explanations of each trait as well:
- Sporadic, maniacal laughter: Yes, as crazy as it sounds, it's true. In fact, it should sound crazy, for DSTIP comes pretty dang nigh to complete insanity at times. It occurs when Sloane laughs for no apparent reason at all (no jokes have been told, nobody has suffered a symptom of DSTIP, etc.), and then expects the rest of us to laugh as well at whatever crazy/funny thing is going on in her...brain?
- Running into obviously visible objects: Tables, chairs, tree branches, you name it. If it's there, chances are she'll run into it, and then she'll laugh maniacally (see above).
- Driving like an idiot: Happens randomly. This is pretty self-explanatory, and occurs often. Includes crossing four lanes of traffic without signalling, going at stop lights, or turning without slowing down.
- Changing six or seven times an evening: Sounds more neurotic than anything else, I know, but you should see some of the outfits! If you ever had, you would understand that this clearly falls in the DSTIP category.
- Making stupid websites on a whim: See this entire website. All of it. Her idea. Need I say more?
- Giving herself concussions: Exhibit A: Our hometown theater's bathroom door. She claims it was stuck, and she kept pulling on it until it snapped open and slammed into her forehead. This is only one small example. This story continues briefly in the next topic.
- Shouting random phrases: Upon re-entering theater, Sloane shouted "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!", or something along those lines. The theater was full of young children and miffed parents. While this may not be entirely random, it still fits into this category, as the incident had occurred over 5 minutes before. Can you say delayed reaction?
- Dressing inappropriately: I don't mean dressing like a ho, I'm referring to dressing inappropriately for the weather or occassion. Two examples: Flip-flops and capris when it's twenty degrees, and dressy clothes to a cat dissection lab.
- Talking about herself in the third person: Probably the most often occurrence, as well as the most amusing. I swear on high heaven the girl knows no other way to speak. "Sloane has parked the car." "Sloane will be in trouble with her mommy later." etc.
- Random bursts of energy:Unfortunately, these are usually inflicted on her closest friends. She'll throw things at you, blow powdered sugar all over you (or maybe it was something else...that would explain a lot), or scream in your ear. Usually results in first symptom.
The list goes on and on, but I have a life; therefore, I will not relate the rest of them. It is a sad thing indeed, for Sloane is, or was before DSTIP, a fairly intelligent person. She is perhaps the best example of the traumatic effects this disease can have on a person's life, and the lives of her friends. In fact, we may suffer more. I think we do. We love her anyway, though, despite her disease, and the fact that it is incredibly contagious. In fact, it's endearing. Maybe I have it too...
Compiled and written by Ralstin Howe
This is a true story. Names have been changed to protect the innocent victims of this atrocious disease. To see more cases of DSTIP, and what it can do to you, click here.