The Fork Story
Once upon a time there was a young...well not so young...girl of 14 named Julia Brummett!! Remember that, it will be very important later. Anywho, this girl was thought of as a pretty intelligent person, until she contracted the -- doingstupidthingsinpublic syndrome aka DSTIP. It was a sad day for well, pretty much just her. The rest of us were rolling with laughter. You probably find that cruel of us, laughing at a friend who has just contracted a serious illness, but you don't know us very well!
It all started one evening after our latest school play. A couple of friends and our families had decided to go out and get some goodies. I wanted cobbler but the crazy mo fo's had none, so this little piggy had none too. Anyway, Julia had decided to order the brownie fudge sundae. A yummy treat!! They brought out the half frozen delight and, instead of devouring it in two seconds like anyone living in the realm of intelligence would have done, she waited forever to eat the stupid thing. We started to wonder if perhaps she had had a slight stroke, or maybe something outside had caught her attention, like a bird flying into the glass...(see Ralstin Howe's story). We decided to question her.
"Somethin' wrong with the ice cream Julia?" I inquired.
She stared at me for a few moments then turned back to the ice cream and simply stated..."What are you supposed to eat this thing with?"
I was stunned...everything inside screamed A SPOON YOU CRAZY LITTLE THING!! A SPOON!! But I just couldn't resist the temptation. I had to say it!!
"The fork Julia, use the fork." My voice was laced with sarcasm, however, I was stunned once again.
"Okay!" was my best friend's happy cry.
So she picked up the fork and started eating it. It was sad and funny all at the same time. As time moved on, Ralstin just had to set things right. That little freak!! Ruined my wonderful and possibly only moment of being minutely smarter than one of my most intelligent best friends.
Suddenly I heard it, "Hey Julia why don't you try using the knife instead??"
Julia soon caught on and looked around in horror shouting, "You guys are so mean."
We laughed and soon she did too. But to this day she has made us promise not to tell anyone about it, and if you don't tell, we won't tell. It can be our little secret!
Retold by Sloane Brunswick
This is a true story. Names have been changed to protect the innocent victims of this atrocious disease. To see more cases of DSTIP, and what it can do to you, click here.