| WHY YOU SHOULD KILL Reason One - You Hate. |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BAD NEWS ON TWONK THE BEAVER!!!! Yes, I'm afraid so. Still lonely and mourning the loss of his love Mavis, Twonk finally thought he had found the right beaver. Sadly however, she deceived him - telling him that her husband was dead when in fact he was not. He came home one day and caught them together. With a cry of rage he lunged forward and cut off Twonk's tail with a cheese slice. (Hangs head) I'm just sorry I...had to...be the one to tell you. I'm so sorry, so very sorry. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ON A HAPPIER NOTE, I HAVE MARRIED PETER FALK!!!! Yeah, you know - the little shriveled actor guy who played the part of Lieutenant Columbo. We met in an open-topped tour bus in London. It had just begun to rain and I was foolishly dressed for the sun in a paper shirt with toilet-tissue trousers and a soluble cravat. The gallant Mr Falk rushed to my aid, draping his legendary raincoat around my shoulders. Shortly afterwards he declared his love. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Adventures Of A Superhero Episode Nine Billion and Twelve: "The Revenge of the Revenge" As the forty-seven rabid lions approached our hero, he quickly picked up the bucket of paint and with amazing speed and incredible artistic skill (Obviously in a really suave way as well), he painted a moustasche and glasses on the first of the lions. As the other lions were laughing at the humourous facial alterations to their colleague, our dashing, brave, firm-buttocked hero ran for the exit - the lion's concerned cries of "It's not a penis you've drawn is it? Tell me it's not a penis." ringing in his ears. On the other side of the door, he skidded to a halt.....In front of him stood the fluffiest goat in the world. A goat so fluffy that it was DEADLY. Especially to someone with advanced nasal powers such as our dear, pert-breasted, rosy-cheeked hero. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR LOVELY, RUGGEDLY HANDSOME, CLEAR-EYED, INTELLIGENT, DREAMBOAT, ORGASMICALLY AUDACIOUS HERO???? FIND OUT.....SOON!!! |