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Excuses for not coming to work...
* If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices
told me to clean all the guns today.
* I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Safeway.
* Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I
help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for
calling.
* Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
* I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't
come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false
information.
* The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this
jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
* The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
* I prefer to remain an enigma.
* My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track
her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her
eternal peace. One day should do it.
* I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my
house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for
helicopter transportation.
* When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac.
I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.