For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in
effect in every relationship.
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior
notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules,
she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong it is because of a vagrant
misunderstanding which was a direct result of something
the male said or did wrong.
7. If rule number six applies, the male must immediately
apologise for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without express
written consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any
time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the
female
wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know
whether she wants him to be calm, angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily
harm.
14. The female always gets the last word!
(*) These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit.
Updated Rules.
These are the nineties, and the rules for a relationship have been amended.
1. The female always makes the rules.
Amendment: Except in matters of choice of beer, use of the remote control,
and at anytime the male's favourite sports team is on the air. This amendment
will is to be reinforced pending the expansion of Major League Soccer in the
US.
2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior
notification.
Amendment: Except the amendment to rule #1, as the remote shall always remain
in the possession of the male at any given time he is home.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
Amendment: This does not apply when make is in possession of said remote, as
rules 1-10 constitute an unnecessary interruption of channel surfing.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules,
she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
Amendment: The female must never, under any circumstances (except nuclear
holocaust, and only after CNN has been vaporised), attempt to alter or revoke
any rules concerning the remote.
5. The female is never wrong.
Amendment: Unless the remote is missing.
6. If the female is wrong it is because of a vagrant
misunderstanding which was a direct result of something
the male said or did wrong.
Amendment: However, if the remote control is missing, the female must make
every effort to locate said remote as it is technically impossible for the
male to lose it, unless, of course, the dog eats it, in which case, the
female must rush out to get a replacement.
7. If rule number six applies, the male must immediately
apologise for causing the misunderstanding.
Amendment: See amendment to rule #6.
8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
Amendment: The male may channel surf at any time.
9. The male must never change his mind without express
written consent of the female.
Amendment: The female is not permitted to channel surf without the express
written consent of the male.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any
time.
Amendment: However, she may not interrupt channel surfing for any reason
other than previously stated.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female
wants him to be angry or upset.
Amendment: As long as she does not provoke his anger by taking away the
remote.
12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know
whether she wants him to be calm, angry or upset.
Amendment: She is also under no circumstances to attempt to take away the
remote, or else, all rules are null and void.
13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily
harm.
Amendment: Any attempts to prematurely end channel surfing could result in
further channel surfing to the exclusion of any attention paid to the female.
14. The female always gets the last word!
Amendment: This generally does not matter if the male is not paying
attention during channel surfing.