things you dont want to hear on plane
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO OVERHEAR OVER AN AIRLINE PA SYSTEM
1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take the
time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices...
2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can
recognise where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of
peanuts
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain.
I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a
flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock.... one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!
5. Umm.... Sorry......(silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after take-off)....uhhhhh....we have to
go back....we….ahhh...we....uhhhhhh....forgot something.....
7. I'm sure everyone’s noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in
weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.
(ironic note: this is actually true for prop aircraft!)
8. Fasten your seatbelt (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving
tendencies uses when you get in the car)
9. This is your Captain speaking...these damn planes are a lot different than the
ships I'm used to…so you'll have to give me some leeway...
10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched
the in-flight movie.
11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and Oh shit...
12. Don't worry that one is always on E...
13. Get the parachutes ready...
14. Drinks are on me...or I'll have what the Captain's having...
15. Hey cap'n take another hit man...
16. Hey why don't you tell the new Stewardess she can come sit on my lap and fly
the plane...