Dr. A: Move, you filthy Rhino bastard! You�re coming with me!
Little Girl: Look mom! Some crazy man jumped in with the Rhinos!
Mother: Oh darling, that�s no crazy man. Look, he�s dressed up like a doctor. He�s must be the zoo�s veterinarian. He knows what he�s doing.
Dr. A: That�s it. If you don�t move right now, I�m going to inject you with SUPERAIDS!
Steve Irwin: CRIKEY! Ya can�t do that, mate. I�m all about animal conservation! We can�t hurt these beauties, we�ve got to protect them, even if they are deadly. You see, cute animals always have protectors, but it's hard to protect animals that people generally consider to be "ugly" or "dangerous." Understanding that animals like this have a right to live just as much as we do is fundamental.
Dr. A: Man, that is really, really, really fascinating. And people always told me that talking to dead people meant I was crazy, and that I wouldn�t learn anything from it. Well now I did. Which means they were wrong. Which means they must also be wrong about that �shouldn�t have sex with dead people� thing too. I�m grabbing a shovel and digging up Grace Kelly� ASAP!
The rhino�s eyes open from all the poking and jabbing. It starts to stir.
Steve Irwin: Okay mate. Now you�re going to need my help.
Dr. A: Nonsense. Have you never heard that I am a Rhino whisperer? Check this out.
Dr. A goes up to its ear, and whispers gentle words of encouragement.
Dr. A: Psst. Rhino horns make great aphrodisiacs. I�m going to cut your ****ing face off, grind your horn and give it to Davros. He will fall in love with me and award me the win.
The rhino reacts. But not because the words, because Rhinos don�t speak English (they speak Swahili). The rhino is instead angered by this giant douchebag who has been poking him and just came up spitting in its ear.
Steve Irwin: CRIKEY! You�ve done it now!
Dr. A: Oh really?
*ABORTOCUTTER*
Dayum! Dr. A just hit that rhino with a vicious Abortocutter.
Dr. A: I don�t think we�ll have any more trouble from him. Hahaha! Now, just to find a way to get him to Davros!
The Doc leans on it and starts pushing.
Dr. A: GGGGGGGRRRRR!!!!
Steve Irwin: It�s not going anywhere, doc! You�re going to need to try something else.
Dr. A: Nonsense. It clearly moved like an inch or something. I�ll get there in no time!
Naked Amanda Bynes: Yeah, and I'll help!
Two and a Half Hours Later�
Dr. A: GGRRAAAHHHHH! *gasp*gasp*gasp*�. GGNNNNNRRRNNNN!!!! *gasp*gasp*gasp*
Icehawg: And there is Dr. Abortion! Coming back with that Rhino at last� his second animal!
Burnt: Man, it�s sure been a long time since we last saw him.
Icehawg: Yep!
The Rhino is finally pushed over the line.
Davros: Dr. Abortion! You�ve brought back a Rhino. That means you�ve successfully brought back the Rhino and the Taipan, giving you a total of two of the five animals. This places you in last place, behind both Diggzy Brown and Sam Elliot� who have four out of the five animals each!
Dr. A: WHAT?! Four out of the five each?! WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!
Davros: During the two and a half hours that you were dragging that Rhino here. Keep up.
Indeed. For this two-and-a-half hour trek was used as a convenient plot device to move the story along. Because Davros�s scenerio involves all three competitors bringing back 5 animals each, which would mean that I would have to tediously RP the capture and transport of 15 animals, doing the same animal three times each. This would be extremely repetitive and boring. And it�s even more boring when you consider that this is the same match that you have to read for the BoC vs. Network and GD vs. SAVF.
Dr. A: You know, if� say� Nakedman was Event Coordinator, he would have probably made it so each match had a different single animal. That way Wrassle TV didn�t have to broadcast 7 different wrasslers in 3 different matches capture the same 5 animals over and over and over again like Davros�s lame idea. Instead, each match would be fresh and quickly paced. Boy that Nakedman, he sure is a charming and intelligent person.
Davros: Shut up and stop questioning me. I�m standing right here. Well, sitting. I don�t have legs. Plus Kiebler will be coming in soon enough. *grumbles*
Icehawg: Well, just in case you missed the last 2 and a half hours, fans� we can give you a quick recap!
Burnt: That�s right. Diggzy showed up first with his second catch� the taipan! And not that long after, Sam Elliot showed up with a taipan too. He seemed angry at Davros. He started shouting something about Davros not coordinating this event with the zoo, and everything being illegal.
Davros: Meh. So what?
Icehawg: But despite his complaints, he saw that Diggzy was on his way to capture his third animal, so he ran out again to catch up. Our GPS showed that Diggzy went to the crocodile habitat next, and sure enough he came back soon with a croc with its mouth and legs all tied up!
Burnt: Wow� he�s good! I wonder how Diggzy managed to do that!
Icehawg: Not sure. Sam then came back with his third animal, a baby Rhino! Smart thinking on his part, as there is no rule that says you couldn�t bring back a smaller, less dangerous adolescent animal.
Burnt: Yeah, that made it tied three-up. Until Diggzy showed up moments later with a sleeping Rhino on the back of a flatbed animal transport vehicle! That put him a whole animal ahead of Sam� who quickly ran off and came back, carefully handling the dreaded sting ray!
Icehawg: Our GPS shows that Sam is heading towards the crocodile habitat right now. But he better hurry, because it also shows that Diggzy Brown has been sitting at the Leopard area of the Cat Canyon for some time, probably finding some way to rustle up that dangerous cat!
Davros: Doc, you need the Croc, the Leopard and the Sting Ray. While Diggzy only needs the Leopard and Sam Elliot only needs the Croc. You�re going to have to get a move on it!
Dr. A: This is bogus. There is some vast conspiracy against me!
Steve Irwin: Just because things aren�t looking good doesn�t mean you should give up now, doc. Stop blaming others and go out there and capture those animals. Do it for Steve-O!
Dr. A: You know, you�re right. And I�m not going to waste my time catching all the animals at and bringing them back one at a time. Nooooo sir. This time, I�m bringing them back ALL AT ONCE! LET�S GO!
Dr. A high-fives his imaginary dead friend, and then gives him an AbortoCutter as a gesture of endearment. And by that I mean he AbortoCuttered thin air.