Douche McLin: Wow, that sure was crazy… I mean, what happened to Nakedman and all.

Brain: Things with Nakedman never make any sense.

Douche: Yeah, but being darted in the neck and stuffed in a bag? That’s even peculiar for Nakedma-

“We Care a Lot” by Faith No More hits the Bingo Hall PA, and his awesome entrance video plays.

Brain: Entrance Video?! Huh?! But this is a Bingo Hall… not an arena!

Douche: Shut up, it’s playing on a wall or something.

A quite disturbed young man with a mop in hand comes out… he’s wearing a blue and red vest with an Autobot Logo on it, from the hit 80s Cartoon: TRANSFORMERS.

Brain: Say… isn’t that one of the janitors?

iRWF Mark in 3rd Row: HOLY CRAP! It’s 1999-2000 iRWF and CBF Superstar, Orion Pax! Wait a minute… if my calendar is right, it is exactly three years ago to the day since Orion Pax joined Cyberslam!

Douche: Wow, did you hear that guy in the 3rd row? I didn’t even know there were marks for feds that crappy!

Orion Pax steps in the ring, and grabs a microphone.

Orion Pax: HI THERE EVERYBODY! I’m Orion Pax!

He mops the mat for a second. To answer Brain’s question… yes, he is a janitor.

Orion Pax: In case you were wondering, it was I – yes, I – who darted Nakedman in the neck and stuffed him in a bag.

Audience: *gasp*

OP: Why did I do this? Why – you ask? I DON’T KNOW… I’M CRAZY!!! Hahahahahaha. But really, I’m not crazy. Optimus Prime told me to do it.

He pulls an Optimus Prime toy out of his pocket and starts talking to it.

OP: What's that you say, Optimus? “Megatron must be stopped. No matter the cost?” Well, he has been Optimus, he has been.

He takes out a photo of Nakedman’s unconscious body. Nakedman has been sprayed silver, has a large bowl put on his head, and has a giant roll of Christmas wrapping paper tied down to his right arm in order to make him more closely resemble Megatron, the villainous leader of the Decepticons.

OP: Nakedman, or – MEGATRON – as I know him, has finally been apprehended. His evil schemes of plotting to plunder the earth's precious energy sources are over. Yet I know this is not the end of my work. No, Decepticons everywhere must be stopped. Though Megatron may be my captive now, I know the villainous coward Starscream has stepped up and taken his place as leader. Thundercracker and Skywarp are likely behind him.

This is no good! QUICKLY!… We must bomb all military bases in the United States that have F-15 fighter jets on them! They could be the SEEKERS, cleverly disguised. AGHH!!! THERE IS ONE NOW!

Orion Pax jumps out of the ring and nails a small child in the audience in the head with his mop.

OP: DON’T TRY TO HIDE YOURSELF, RUMBLE! Where is your twin brother, Frenzy, huh?! Out with Ravage, probably. And Lazerbeak! I must find Prowl and Jazz and inform them of the high rate of Decepticon activity in this area! Maybe Teletran1 has some reading on where they will strike next. AGHH!!!

Orion Pax runs back to the back, crazily… and into the hallways of the Bingo Hall, looking for Decepticons to kill.

OP: WAIT! This isn’t a mop! These aren’t little pieces of rope – they are tentacles. This must be a Quintessan I have in my hand! TAKE THIS, YOU SLIMY 5-FACED JERK!

He stomps on his mop.

Because he’s CRAZY!!!

I AM GOOD ORION PAX! (UCE Post)

Following Thursday Carnage, Action Jackson and Slick Rick are sitting in the back, drinking some coffee.

AJ: Bitch.

Slick: I didn’t even say anything.

AJ: Oh, sorry. My mistake. Bitch.

Slick: For a running joke, this sure isn’t-

Suddenly, a janitor comes into the room, mopping the floor. But pay no attention to him, surely he will not be significant in any way.

Slick: So, did you see what happened to Charon? Looks like he got summoned straight back to hell.

AJ: That bitch deserved it. Plus it’s Hades, not hell.

Slick: Whatever. But his spot on the roster, who will fill it?

AJ: Casting for new bitches ended on the 15th. Guess we gotta wait until the end of the month to get a new guy. Unless this friggin janitor here has wrestling experience, hahahaha…

The wrestler, named Orion Pax, answers.

Orion Pax: Actually, I do. Hi, I’m Orion Pax. And I’m a former iRWF and CBF wrestler from back in Cyberslam. As a matter of fact – today, October 19, is the third anniversary of October 19, 1999. Which is the day I started wrestling. *agh*… the memories. Look, I even have a brand new flash video too. It goes to "We Care A Lot" by Faith No More.

AJ: But now you sweep floors? Hahaha… you must have sucked like a bitc-

Slick: Say, wanna take the place of Charon. I mean, what with you having wrestling experience.

OP: Yeah, and also what with the guy who ran me being the same guy who runs Charon now.

An awkward, OOC silence falls upon the room.

OP: And while I’m talking to you two, could I interest you in a stunning new gospel of the bible?

AJ: SON OF A BITCH! He’s a Mormon! Get away from me, I don’t want your-

Orion Pax pulls out his “New Gospel of the Bible.” It is a Rhino-DVD re-release of the 1986 Cartoon Cinematic Feature: “TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE.”

Slick: Heyyyy! Transformers. A nice one. Ha, I thought you were going to really pull out some bible like one of those religious nuts.

OP: But this is the bible. Or at least a book of it. It tells the story of our Lord and Savior, Optimus Prime, who died so that man and Hot Rod could live. But mostly just Hot Rod.

AJ: Hahaha… this bitch worships Transformers… literally! How pathetic.

OP: Do not call my faith pathetic. It is a known fact that Optimus Prime died, and then was resurrected in the episode, “The Return of Optimus Prime.” The resurrection of Prime is fact of Season 3 and not to be doubted. It is his resurrection that promises the ultimate defeat of the Decepticons, and the return of the Golden Age of Cybertron, in Season 4’s finale, “Rebirth.”

Slick: So, you really like Transformers then, huh? How about that new Transformers: Armada show they run on Cartoon Network after He-Man on Frid-

OP: It eats ****.

Slick: Oh.

OP: Now excuse me, I’ve got to go out and fight the villainous Decepticons, for they are likely out right now, plundering Earth’s precious energy resources to make Energon Cubes, which they will ship to Shockwave via the Space Bridge. This is all part of their quest to conquer Cybertron, and then… THE UNIVERSE!

Orion Pax, Charon’s new (and God, we all hope temporary) replacement dashes off in order to protect innocent humans from the clutches of Megatron, Starscream, Soundwave and the rest of the Decepticons.

Slick: Nutso.

AJ: Silly bitch.

I AM EVIL ORION PAX! (NGPW Post)

BB: Hey there fans, we’re ringside and you’re watching our show that no one ever talks about, it’s called “Crappy Darkmatch Saturday.”

Money: Right. If you’re watching this, you must really love the undercard and clip shows of what happened on other shows!

BB: But since all these feds in wrassle do broadcast 24 hours a day, what do you expect?

Money: Really. And say, did you see what happened to Jailbait at the mall?

BB: I know. Will someone come to save that pretty little lady or what?

Money: Save her? We don’t even know who took he-

“We Care A Lot” by Faith No More hits the sound system as a video flashes on the big screen.

BB: What in the-

A man wearing a purple and black vest, with a 1980s TRANSFORMERS Decepticon Logo Symbol on it, steps out onto the ramp and heads down to the ring.

Money: My Lord! It’s 1999-2000 iRWF and CBF Cyberslam Superstar – Orion Pax!

BB: How do you know that?

Money: Because a few years back, whenever I misbehaved I was tied down and forced to watch Cyberslam Indy fed posts.

BB: I see.

Pax slides into the ring arrogantly, and looks at all the fans.

Orion Pax: ALL HAIL THE DECEPTICONS, ALL HAIL STARSCREAM!!!

He sticks his arms into the air, and gets a round of boos that often goes to cocky young jobber nobodies who step into the ring.

OP: It is I, Orion Pax, that gave the ether rag treatment to Jailbait. She is now in my clutches. She is locked in a cage. Why? Because it is October 19, 2002. Yes, this is the third anniversary of my coming. On October 19, 1999… I entered the world of wrestling as a foolish Autobot – but now look at me. Look at my power with the Decepticons. ULTIMATE POWER, HAHAHAHAHA!

Now the audience doesn’t boo. They’re just plain confused.

OP: WHAT IS THIS?! A ringpost?! YES! YES! I can use this ringpost to generate precious Energon Cubes. Then I will get people high off of energon cubes, just like Rumble got high off of energon cubes in that one episode. Yet I shall only get people in high in order to distract them and steal rocket fuel, so that the mighty Decepticons can have a new shuttle to fly back to Cybertron, and destroy those accursed Autobots once and for all! HAHAHAHA!

BB: Crazy.

Money: Totally insane.

BB: I bet he doesn’t even want to have sex with Jailbait.

Money: He’s got to be crazy then.

OP: Puny flesh creatures, all heed my warning. I will SUCK this earth dry, I tell you! No single hydroelectric dam shall go un-plundered! No rich ruby mine shall not be striken! No offshore oil rig will be unattacked by the Decepticons. For the Decepticons can fly, which makes them much more cool than the Autobots, who suck. Look! Their logo is even much cooler!

He points to the logo on his shirt as if to say, “cool… see?”

OP: Now, to leave you puny humanoids and plunder the world. Hahahaha… ORION PAX – TRANSFORM AND RETREAT!

He can’t transform. He’s just a crazy guy. But he makes that crazy Transformers noise with his mouth. You can make it too. Just try.

OP: Kshh-kuu-kuu-kuu-kshhh!

Or something like that, it is very hard to spell. Orion Pax pretends to be a jet and “flies” out of the ring by holding his arms out like a 6-year-old playing airplane.

BB: What the hell was that?

Money: Geez, I hope that idiot is gone in a few days and Jailbait is back to have sex with tons of guys, or else things will be INCREDIBLY LAME.