Okay, this one will need a bit of intro, as it is set in late 2005, when the last time Dr. A was previously seen was July 2002. After the above “Second Death of Dr. A”, the character disappeared and I had no intention on bringing him back. But in June 2004 I decided to bring him back and “retool” him. Give him a new picture, attitude, etc. I’m usually pretty good at saving my first/last/important posts in feds where I do something, but I’ve searched all over my computer and it looks like I didn’t save anything from the 2004 comeback. It’s a shame, because I don’t have a record of how I began with this “new” Dr. Abortion. So, with nothing happening there, we skip to

Dr. A and the Quest for More Money
November 1? 2005

A few days ago…

Dr. Abortion: Say what now?

Accountant: You heard me! You’re going to have to file for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy.

Dr. Abortion: Where did all my money go? DID YOU SWINDLE IT?

Accountant: I assume you spent it all on drugs and whores.

Dr. Abortion: PLEASE… I’ve been off of drugs for some time now, don’t insult my decent reputation.

Accountant: And let’s not forget the literally HUNDREDS of lawsuits that have been filed against you in your life.

Dr. Abortion: This is such crap, man. What’s going to happen to all my stuff?

Accountant: All of your assets are to be taken by the people you are in debt to. And you’ll have to generate a source of income to pay a certain percentage of the debt back.

Dr. Abortion: WHAT? You mean I have to get a job? Ugh, that’s totally queer.

Today…

A flash video entrance video plays on the large UWF screen, whatever it’s named… probably the Buffytron or something stupid like that… this is an indication that I am a huge star and better than you. When you have an entrance video, it by default means that you are more talented.

JR: Good Lord… who’s music is that?

Divinity: I’m not sure… derp dee derp. I’m stupid!

I sell commentators well. It’s a certain skill you develop with over 6 years of experience dating back to October 20, 1999 in Cyberslam’s iUIWA federation.

JR: Wait… wait a minute! That looks like it’s Dr. Abortion – famed star of the iUIWA and CRF in Cyberslam… and wrassle star in SHOW from back when SHOW was a National… as well as having stints in HCW, NGPW and CWA!

Divinity: Right… along with that stint where he merged with Jailbait and became Dr. Jbortion… but we’ll consider that to be non-canonical and never mention it again or sell that it ever happened.

Dr. Abortion, who is a huge star that is awesome and cool as well as being awesome and a huge cool star, slides through the ring and grabs the microphone away from the ring announcer, who is feeble and weak and all girly and stuff.

Dr. Abortion: Thank you very much Kiera Maxwell. You are indeed a true lady and it is an honor to meet you.

He then kicks her in the womb and she doubles over in pain.

Dr. Abortion: GLEETINGS, SONSOBITCHES. My name is Dr. Abortion. There are several terms used to describe individuals such as myself. “Legend.” “God.” “Celebrity.” “Mythical.” But perhaps the most accurate word to describe is… broke. That’s right. I’m ****ing broke as ****. I know… I know what you’re all thinking. “Dr. Abortion… how can that be so? You’re such a huge and famous star and we all love you! You must have made millions through your stints in the many feds you have been in.” Well yes… yes I did. But I used to have a drug problem you see. I was addicted to illicit chemicals such as steroids and pain killers. As a doctor, I was able to prescribe them to myself. That blew a lot of cash. But I also had many lawsuits against me, even from people who were formerly my friends and valets. This has left me all alone… a sad, pathetic, broke shell of a man.

Audience: Awwww!

Audiences always say “awwww” when they hear of sorrow stories. They can indeed sympathize with this poor individual, who is down on his luck.

Dr. Abortion: - SHUT UP!

He jumps over the ropes, pulls a woman out of the audience… and kicks her right in her womb.

Audience: BOOOOOOOOO!

There, Dr. Abortion just reminded him that he is not only a heel, but also a huge dick (private detective). He then goes back into the ring.

Dr. Abortion: I have therefore come to this ****hole to seek money. Yeah, I guess I could try to go somewhere good that pays more… but when I shopped around all the other commissioners were all like, “you’re a nuisance,” “you have no work ethic,” “you’re a has-been,” “you kicked my wife in the womb the last time you were here,” “you gave my daughter roofies and tried to teabag her in the bathroom.” Gosh, talk about a bunch of sour grapes! Can’t they just let bygones be bygones? Anyway… Breach’s standards are low enough for me… and therefore I shall be making my money here. I suggest you all bow to my glorious and heavenly might and just forfeit all of your matches to me. It will save you the embarrassment of, like, losing and stuff. Jerks.

He takes the mic and then slams it down to the mat floor, shattering it to bits and sending a bit flying into Kiera’s eye.

Kiera Maxwell: OW!

Dr. Abortion: Shut up.

He kicks her in the womb again. Because he is a highly complex and sophisticated personality with 6 years of character development behind him which has led to said complexities, which are quite complex. 1

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