I am the Goddamn Best, by Dr. Abortion

 

Dr. Abortion sits in his locker room. He is all alone. Waiting. Ready for his promo. The SHOW Graphics Department has just finished their promotional banner for an upcoming card. It debuts here…

 

Dr. A:  Hello there. Diagnosis time, Chevalier.

 

…What's that in your eye? Why, if I’m not mistaken it looks like fear.

 

…You can think of any excuse you want for my victory over you for the Dedication title. And I’m not just talking kafabe. Look beyond the Frenchman. Look at yourself. But breaking character isn’t how the Physician on a Mission operates. I break spirits. I break will. I break your faith in a sense of decency in mankind.

 

…It is fear in your eye. Because I beat you. And I will beat you again, and have the Dedication Title around my waste for yet another month. And the reason why is because I am better than you. When it is Dr. Abortion’s time to step up, he does.

 

…Think of the Bar Room Brawl. Think of the greatest matches from it. Think of the greatest champions. Think of those lists you have made, Chevalier. Think about your list of the all time greatest “slammers,” or “wrasslers,” or “wrestlers.” Whatever they may be. Every name on one of those lists, I am better than.

 

…Legend… it’s a synonym for “myth.” Why? Because legends are myths. One time a man in ancient Greece probably killed a snake. The story was told over and over again. The snake got larger, more fierce. The snake turned into a beast. The slayer turned into a demigod, a hero. By the time the story had been told a thousand times it was Hercules slaying the Hydra… or maybe it was Perseus slaying Medusa.

 

…Names like Cometmeeker, Zipomatic, Coolbreeze, Chaos, Vigilante, Ebola, Cabo, Vismajor, Disease, Lancepink, Sarcasm, and, yes, even ‘Chevalier’ are thrown out using the word legend. There are others. I could beat any one of them, hands down, no questions asked. I saw a few of them play in my day. I was not impressed. By any of them. All overrated. All inferior to me. These names are supposed to mean something. But these are the guys that played when no one played. When there was no competition. People think things were better back in the old days, because when stupid people like you look back you remember the good and forget the bad.

 

…Minds have a way of making the frustrations of the past seem like smiles. I do it myself. I think back at a time and say, “ah, that was so awesome – there will never be a time like that again.” But that time wasn’t so great. I just think it was.

 

…Like I said, I am better than any of those names. And if any of those names wanted to take me on, I would allow it, I would crush them. No questions.

 

...Chevalier, you look at someone like Holyevil and see him as a good foe. He isn’t. You overrate him. I am better. The man would probably say so himself, heh, if he were still alive. Last month, you and I fought each other for the Dedication Title. I won. Did I win because you underestimated me? Maybe. Everyone does. Did I win because I took the situation to my advantage? Quite certainly, I always do. Did I win because I am better?

 

…Yes. And this is what most people have a hard time understanding. I am the greatest to ever play the game. That’s not self-indulgence. That’s not pride. That’s not arrogance. That’s the honest to God truth. My flaw was “not being around in the good old days.” My flaw was being a rookie in October of 1999. I rose above everyone I was a rookie with. I became more important than all my contemporaries.

 

…Who the hell is Bunyip? Who the hell is Mystikal? Who the hell are Fati and Triple C? What on God’s Earth is a Swampking or a Shua? Nobody knows. Nobody cares. They are just names of the contemporaries of my beginnings. Names of men I stepped on to get to the top.

 

…I saw Cometmeeker in the CRF. Not impressive. He was embarrassingly bad. Some sort of “I’m suing the Barn for stealing my stable name” angle. He was half-active, half-hearted and fully incompetent. He let a man with 3 months experience be better than him. And I was green back then too. I can look back and see that back then I was only half the man I am now, and didn’t quite <I> get </I> the game yet. But I was still better than Cometmeeker. I saw Lancepink. The man wasn’t smart enough to keep himself from being suspended twice a week. The man wasn’t all that good, extraordinary or even interesting. I watched the CWFe. I saw the Stickler and Offensive. I saw them crumble and fall. I saw the fact that these two people were called “elite” to be a joke. I saw every man who made it to the CFL. I also saw that I was better than them. The CFL was a hype machine. Not a talent machine. I point to Exhibit ‘A’, Toy Soldier. Exhibit ‘B’, Purple Haze. Stuman is just to easy to even mention. And a man named Mark, a man in this fed, he too was supposed to be great. But look at him. Can you honestly say he is better than me? Look at his buddy Daos. You think Daos deserves more respect than me?

 

…Which beckons another name – Chevalier. You couldn’t even beat Holyevil to get to me again. He beat you. You don’t even truly deserve a chance at my title. You couldn’t beat Al Bradd. Does the mention of the name annoy you? I’m sure it does. I’m superior to you, Chevy. Your name, like so many others, comes from experience in years. It comes from quantity, not quality.

 

…For quality, Dr. Abortion is the best there ever was, and no man will ever be better. Just look at you Chevalier. Your “goodness” is so skin-deep. Your righteousness, honor and dignity is an outward appearance. Inside you are angry, bitter, jealous – the only thing that keeps it back is your desperate, pathetic want to be loved. You just have to be cheered and respected – that’s your flaw.

 

…I will abort your career when we meet again for the Dedication Title. I’m just the Doc from DC, the Maniacal Medic, the Practical Practitioner, and the Physician on a Mission.

 

…And I own you. I hope it bothers you at night.

 

…That’s all. No big end. I kill babies.

 

 

 

FOLLOW UP, WRITTEN BY CHEVALIER…

 

The promotional department finishes some last minute details on the second half of their "December Disorder: Dr. Abortion vs Chevalier II" promo. It airs now!

The scene is black and white. A camera pans over the SHOW Studio arena crowd and focuses on Chevalier with his arms crossed standing at his Skybox window. The camera comes in for an extreme close up of the left side of the Legend's face. The Skybox can be vaguely seen in the back ground. The audio kicks in and...

Chevalier: I am not here to talk about diagnosis. I am here to talk about the cure for a numbers of ills.

Me.

Doc, you would like that to be fear in my eyes. But alas, even with you hoping beyond hope it is still the confidence I bring into every battle.

I look at myself everyday in the mirror. I KNOW I am still doing the right thing after all these years. You think you are the first with a modicum of skill to try and break me? My will... my spirit? Others have tried harder and failed all the same. I know the decency that exists in the hearts of all good men. I also know the silent desperation that exists in the hearts of ne'er-do-wells I dispatch with time and time again. Where have they all gone? THEIR spirits have been broken by the strength of my virtue.

But it is not fear that fills my heart, it is focus. I did take you too lightly. You crawled your way to victory with weapons and help. Surly you don't believe it would have even been a match without such help. Remember how you fell to me in November. When it was a level playing field you were no match for THE CHAMP!

Oh and Doc, I do think about those lists. I think about the names I crushed on my way to victory. I do remember the best out there. I also remember how you couldn't take it for a long while and disappeared off the wrassling map. I still stood tall. I have been under siege every day of my career going on three years now. The barbarians have never truly broken down the gates. I have repelled the attacks more times than I can count now. You will never know what it is to be me.

But the names... oh the names. You perhaps caught a brief snap shot of a few of them near the end or trying to make a tired return to greatness. They weren't myths to me, they were opponents. I fought the best there was and always came back for more. I do not look back with rose colored glasses. I look back with respect for some and contempt for others. You may be too young to remember them in their prime, but I do. But time wore them away. Injuries.... burn out .... regrets... the "Legends" fell by the wayside. But not me, I am more than just a muscular handsome man. This honor bound warrior hears the call of a higher power. I fight on even after defeat. I will always fight on.

Oh Holyevil, if you could have only known the foe that I once did. HE would have defeated you if you were his opponent last week. No questions about that. He was determined and focused. I... I clearly was concerned with other matters. But in death I give my worthy opponent his props. You see Doc people will always key up for me. I am the man who out lasted all my contemporaries. Why? Because I am that good. I am that righteous. I am that just! I am the most well known man in sports entertainment. No one stirs the blood for battle like me.

But your ignorance of the past aside. You have some skill and are beginning to believe your own press clippings. I like that. I did take you too lightly. The depth you would go to I haven't seen in some time... since before your time to be sure.

I won't make the same mistake twice.

You can talk about my past defeats. I find it amusing that you bring up Al's name. It's like a frightened peasant trying to ward off the evil eye. You're making such a feeble attempt at the past... which you have little clue of... betrays your feelings for this match. You are the one afraid. You are the one that knows the luck in which you claimed the title.

You see Doc, I am not the one who needs to be loved. I do appreciate the cheers of the fans. I do delight in their applause for my righteous work. But "need"? No. I am a righteous man in a sea of heels. Look around Doc. I am the only one that stands up for what is right. You? You feast and profit from the ills of society. My goodness is far more than skin deep. If it was I would have broke a long time ago. Again... you have no clue what it is to be me. I am the ultimate outsider in the grand scheme of things.

You have beaten once. With everything that went on in November it was the last thing on my mind. After all I did defeat the only SHOWmen of the week in Mike Gold at the PPV. But soon we will settle unfinished business and I will not look past you a second time. Doc, I am better than you.

And I can prove it.

Fade...

 

RETORT, by Dr. Abortion.

Dr. Abortion is in the I3TA, possibly to soon be renamed, locker room. No black and white, no fancy hype effects. Baby Bubba is with him this time. He holds the Dedication Title on his shoulder as Dr. A’s official Dedication-Title Carrying Lackey.

Dr. A: Chevs. What confidence did you bring to our last battle?

None.

It was arrogance. You, admittedly, took me too lightly. You thought you were better. You were not. Justify it by any means that puts a smile on your face. Say than a million men before have tried to break your will, break your spirit, break you. Say that they all have failed. Well, you know what Jean Claude? I am not a million other people. I am just one. One in a million. The one in the million that is better than the rest. The one in the million who can and did beat you. Please, tell me others have tried and others have failed. But I am not others. I am Dr. Abortion, and with this Dedication Title under my ownership, it appears as if I have already won. Come here…

Dr. A grabs Baby Bubba and pulls him forward. Bubba points to the Dedication title and kind of half-smiles.

Bubba: I don’t know if I want to be in this doc. I mean, a serious, not-funny promo. I could have swore I would have come in the room to find a comical situation like you and Ms. C getti-

Dr. A convers his mouth and shoves him to the back again.

Dr. A: You find it, “amusing” that I bring up the name of Al Bradd. Well my friend, I find it amusing that you act with such horror when the name is mentioned. Just look at your little biography of your history that you turned in to the SHOW office for employment. You desperately attempt to justify yourself; you desperately try to prove yourself better than Al Bradd, in some way. You say that he finally stepped up from his months of inactivity. Then you say that you, the better man, honored your word and left the CBF. But you were not the better man. The Balance of Power did not lean in your favor. You lost, he was better. Yet see how you take his “inactivity” as a defense. Yes. Mention that. Make yourself feel better… let that be the thing that lets you feel in your heart that you are the better man. Tell me I know nothing of the past, Chevy. But that past was my past too – the Doc from DC was around then. The Doc from DC was a spectator; he got a ticket and watched the show. It was better than sitting around on my ass in the CRF. The fact is, you underestimated him. You underestimate me.

You underestimate everyone, this is your problem. You think you are better when you are not. And you tell me that I “disappeared off the wrestling map” because I could not stand the heat, while you “stood tall.” Chevy, you know nothing about me. You said I have no clue what it is to be you. The opposite is true. You don’t know why I was gone, but I had my reasons. Fear, shame, destitution – these were not my reasons. Will my reasons be explained one day? Maybe. Not that you would care or want to know, in your feeble mind you think you’ve already figured me out… I am scared… I am afraid… I am the frightened peasant trying to ward off the evil eye.

If only I knew the foe of Holyevil like you did, you say. Well guess what? Hard to admit as it may be, that man is the man who got me my job. That man was the man that got me in CSlam. That man got me the break, he taught me a few things; that man is indirectly responsible for everything that has happened to the Doc from DC. I know that man better than anyone else. And I know that I am better than him. I grew beyond his training. I developed on my own. I had my own style, my own motivations. The apprentice rose above the master because he had more heart, more desire. Holyevil could never defeat me. You could never defeat me.

But… oh… I guess your mind was elsewhere in November. Michael Gold… that’s it. You had to concentrate on “more important things.” Its time to reevaluate your priorities, revaluate your career. You say that January is a month you may have to take off, a break to relax or such. I can give you that break early. I can make the break last longer. I can even give you a better parking spot with one of those nifty blue wheelchair symbols on it.

Excuse me Canadian Kid, I mean WHEELCHAIR.

Bubba nods his head.

Dr. A: You pose with your nifty black and white promos, Air Pierre, but just like last time – I will win. You think that if you question my ability and honor, I will have to prove that I can win without cheating. You are trying to get me to slip, to make a mistake by making me reevaluate my manhood. It will not happen. I will cheat to win. The referee will not see it. I will be the Dedication Champ again.

C’est la vie. Get used to it.

 

…Continued from about 8 Chevalier posts in a row, by Chevalier.

IP Freely concludes his interview with Chevalier from the Knights' Skybox.

IP Freely: I take it you heard Dr. Abortion's response to your earlier comments?

Chevalier: Oui, I did.

IP Freely: And? You certainly don't agree with him! Do you?

Chevalier: Not at all IP. I knew the ties between Doc and Holyevil since a kidnapping scheme of HE's well over a year ago. Was he better than Doc? Oui, he was. We'll never see them meet in the ring again but I know the answer. Did I look past Doc? To a degree. After all you have to remember all that was going on at the time. Was it arrogance? No, it was priorities. Doc didn't rate that high on my list of priorities with Barrister and Geno still at large.

IP Freely: Well he did beat you Chevs. Certainly that must dwell on your mind.

Chevalier: IP, you win some, you lose some. If I dwelled on every loss I could never move forward. I've been in more epic matches than Doc could ever dream of. Yeah... I lost to Al Bradd, but I defeated Dark Knight. Yeah, HE beat me, but I swept three tough opponents to win the Bar Room Brawl. Doc can talk about being this and being that, but to me he ALWAYS be just another foe. Nothing more, nothing less. He has to talk himself up and talk himself up.... I don't need to stroke my own ego like he does. He can talk and talk.... but the bottom line is he'll have to back it up IN THE RING!

IP Freely: Are you concerned about Doc saying he'll cheat and the ref won't see it?

Chevalier: HAHAHAHHAHHAHHAA! Come on IP! He HAS TO cheat! I expect him to cheat. He's even admitted he's not as good as me by admitting he needs to do such things. He knows he might even try to get by for while without them, but when push comes to shove he KNOWS that's the only chance he ever has to win.

IP Freely: Do you have any idea why Doc was gone for the time he was?

Chevalier: He said I had no clue, but I suspect that's just a cover. He needed the time off I'm sure. But the time for talking will be over soon. We'll meet in the ring and he can whine about how undeserving I am. But battle will judge us both. The first round went to him and his foul ways. But in the end there can be only justice.

There will be justice for Dr. Abortion.

 

 

Two Birds. One Flash, by Dr. Abortion

 

Dr. Abortion and Ms. C are walking down the hallway. There is a sense of determination in his eyes. Recently, Neoprne has attacked his Dedication Title-Holding Lackee and run off with the doc’s belt… again. God the creativity of some is overwhelming.

 

Dr. A: Why don’t we go down this way?

 

Ms. C:  Moron. Didn’t you see the net? It was as clear as day. Neo and that chic were right on the other side. They didn’t see us walk by because they’re stupid.

 

Dr. A: I see. So what are we doing then?

 

Ms. C:  We’re going around the back way. Through the narrow corridor. Then we’ll come up on their side. They’ll have nowhere to run and-

 

Suddenly the two run into IP Freely, which is a stupid name that questions all of our intelligence. He has a cameraman with him.

 

IP: Ah, excuse me, excuse me, Dr. Abortion. I’m glad I ran into you. I just had the pleasure of speaking with Chevalier and-

 

 Dr. A: Shut up.

 

 IP: I… uhh… but… err… okay.

 

Ms. C: No. Stay. Answer his questions, stupid as they may be doc. You know you need more TV time.

 

Dr. A: Why not, my stellar face is why people tune in anyway.

 

IP: So, doc… it seems Chevalier has caught you in a trap of your own words. By admitting you need to cheat to beat him, you admit you are not as good as-

 

The doc snatches the mic.

 

Dr. A: That’s not a question, cockface. But yeah… I heard the bovine’s comments. Let me tell you something, CHEVS, because I said I cheat to win does not mean that you are better than me. I never admitted that you were better than me. Like always, you hear what you want to hear.

 

…You have a certain advantage over me in certain areas. Some stupid, fancy moves they taught you back in that goddamn primitive land of Gaul. Leg Sweeps and Side Slams. Pffft. But the doc from DC has advantages over you. The doc is smarter. The doc is more aware of his surroundings. The doc is more aware of what the ref is doing. The doc is more aware of the tricks of the mind. I hold one finger up in the air.

 

The doc holds a finger in the air. IP immediately looks at it.

 

Dr. A:  See… look. You’re looking at it. You got distracted by this movement here. So much you weren’t even paying attention to my other hand.

 

IP looks down at the hand holding the mic. His middle finger is extended and pointing at IP.

 

IP:  Hey!

 

Dr. A: Chevs knows a lot of gibberish. Chevs knows some “techniques.” But the doc knows techniques too. Techniques with chairs, pretty ladies at ringside, slight of hand, run-ins. Who is to judge? Who is to say who is BETTER? Who is Chevalier to say that I admitted he was better than I? Look who won the last match. Who’s techniques paid off? Was it the cow’s? Or was it mine? It was mine. I won. That seems to make my techniques more valuable assets than his.

 

…He can talk all he wants, bringing up the same points. He keeps talking about the people in the past he beat, and how much better they were than I. Well look at this. Chevs beat them. I beat Chevs. Logic = I am better than them. Eh? Bring up your names. Say that dead bastard Holyevil’s name again, who cares. Worm food. You say he’s better than me. You don’t know me. Say, “Dark Knight.” Ooo… you beat Dark Knight. What an accomplishment! Dark Knight friggin blew. Don’t start that, “you weren’t round, you never saw him” crap again. I was around when DK was around. I saw him. He sucked. Sucked like Max Entropy. He couldn’t keep up with me. He couldn’t follow a plotline. He couldn’t figure a damn thing out. And the fact that you praise someone like that as a worthy opponent shows just how much you don’t understand about talent.

 

…You’re looking at talent now, and it kills babies…

 

 

 

Chevalier continues from the ring, by Chevalier.

Fans the time draws nearer! A week from today by most accounts Dr. Abortion and I will meet in the ring and his defeat will be one of the most spectacular this fed has seen in a very long time. I heard what the Doc had to say to me in regards to his needing to cheat. I mean after all SO many people need to cheat against me to win it doesn't make his tactics all that difficult nor unique by any means. Any two bit hood can swing a chair! I mean look at our TSOB champ who had to beat women with lead pipes just to make the finals. But me, I am a weapon in and of myself. My training gives me an arsenal of moves that are beyond the rather limited grasp of the Doc.

But at least Doc is on skill rather than throwing names up on his own. He responds now to my words, not I to his. He knows if just one of his illegal tools is denied him he will fall and fall hard at my hands. Without them he's just Hellspawn in a surgical mask. So let him talk about how using weapons somehow equals skill. Perhaps he can lie to himself enough so that even he will believe that cock and bull story.

You see fans I am a better student of the sport.

I am a better wrassler.

I am a better man!

Doc should drink up what little time he has to talk it up and enjoy being the Dedication Title holder. His first defense of the title will be his last.

 

How about 4 more in a row, you fat cow, By Dr. Abortion.

 

No, not you SPX.

 

Dr. Abortion stand in his locker room, giving another promo on his soon-to-be opponent, later in the month.

 

Dr. A: Shut Up Chevalier. Shut the hell up. My skills… not comparable to your skills?

 

Really?

 

Who won the Dedication Title from you, you stupid French miscarriage?

 

Me. I won the match because I was better. Say what you want. Who won the match? Who won the match? Who won the match? Does it matter how? No. The ends… not the means… are what lives on in history. And what you did was one of the most sit-down pathetic, no-show pussy jobs ever in history. You did the total and complete job to me for the Dedication title, heavy Chevy.

 

You did. And that’s why I am the champ. Look again… look at my effort… then look at your effort. It was a crush. A kill. You’ve always been a cow, but I turned you into a cow with hoof and mouth disease… and you got sent to the slaughter house.

 

And look at you. You’re praising ‘SPK.’ That’s why you are a total douche-bag, lardy. Because you think that that untalented waste of a sperm that should have died is worth a crap. He’s one of your boys, huh? The outcasts. The group of people that no one can stand due to their total pompous, self-loving stupidity.

 

You’ve never been a good guy, you piece of crap. You’ve always thought you were, and you always SAY the fans cheer you. But fans don’t like an arrogant, self-loving, pompous nutheads like you. That’s why you look at SPK and see potential, yet claim how I have none. That proves just how blind you are to the truth. Lets take a poll… who likes you? Nobody. You know, if we went around the back and asked all the good guys anywhere else about another good guy… the good guys stick with the good guys. But nobody sticks with you. Nobody likes you. Nobody respects you. Name someone in this fed who does. Nature Boy doesn’t count. He’s your new boy toy. SPK doesn’t count – he’s a scrotal tube.

 

And the promo on all the new kids… the Doc from DC made it a few days ago. You’re covering repeated ground, son. But then again – you’re just a Dr. A mark. You wish you were half the talent I was. You wished you had gained half the respect and admiration I have when I’ve been in this game significantly less than you. More people like the Physician on a Mission than like you, more people respect me. Nobody calls me a fat spamming cow.

 

But this argument will be resolved once again when I beat you once again , then, as the “better man” you claim to be - it is your duty to shut up, bow to me and admit that I am better than you. I’d question your sexual preferences if I knew the commish wouldn’t slap a big fine on me… but let me just tell you this… I was talking to Holyevil before he died… *pssst*… Undertow had it “tucked,” if you know what I mean.

 

I kill babies. You’re not a baby, I’ll make an exception.

 

How ‘bout them apples? And no… an apple a day doesn’t keep me away.

 

 

 

 

The Ultimate Outsider, by Chevalier

 

IP Freely concludes his interview with Chevalier from a food drive in Longbeach.

IP Freely: Doc was fired up on the mic from his locker room Chevs. He said you jobbed!

Chevalier: Hehheheheheh! Oh, I will say Doc has been making me laugh lately. His last cut just shows me he's getting worried about our impending battle. I have a thick skin IP, his low words aren't anything I haven't seen a thousand times before.

Then again Doc was never very original.

IP Freely: But how do you counter his jobbing claims?

Chevalier: Come on IP! You saw the match. Weapons everywhere and one of my own countrymen was paid off in the fight. It wouldn't have taken all that effort if I laid down for him. But I will say it wasn't my best effort with everything that was going on at the time. But providence has dictated that we meet again. There will be a chance to right the wrong that happened in our last meeting.

IP Freely: Well everyone is looking forward to the match. What about his claims that no one respects you?

Chevalier: Look around the SHOW and other feds IP. How many people do you see standing up for what is right? VERY VERY few! Do you think I want the respect of ne'er-do-wells like Dr. Abortion? People talk about being outsiders to the community...lone wolves on a mission. Hogwash! Being a face with pride is the ultimate outsider in the ranks of wrassling. I chose my lot long ago. I'm happy with who I am and where I am in my career. Doc still feels he has to prove things. He should know there isn't a shadow of self doubt in me even with his earlier low victory. The man talks to hear himself talk at this point. I would be surprised if he even believed his own words.

IP Freely: So you feel you'll defeat Doc when you next meet?

Chevalier: God willing I will. If it stays a clean match I have him beat in a big way. Even Doc admitted he needed weapons and help to win. If I focus on keeping it a clean match I will stand victorious and any doubts over our previous battle will be washed away. I may not end up with Doc's respect.

But I will end up with his title.

Now if you will excuse me I have to get back to the drive.

IP Freely: Of course Chevs. Thank you as always for the time.

Chevalier: *smile* My pleasure.

Fade...

BACK.