Following the Thrilling Matchup, Friday Washdown ends. In the back, Wrasslers take off their gear, hit the showers, and get ready to head back to their hotel rooms.
But before some of them leave, the SHOW Studios interns
run around. They have a camera crew follow them, and hope to get some sound
bites and video segments about various wrasslers’ feelings on the Main Event.
The collective footage will be edited, spliced together and run as a time
filler for next Tuesday’s Card, or whenever they get around to it.
Intern: Oh, excuse me, Mr.
Canadian Kid, sir… do you have any opinions on the end of the match?
CK: My match? Well, it
was great, especially when…
Intern: No, I mean the main
event.
CK: Well, my favorite
part of the main event’s end was when I heard this fan yelling something about
SPX eating pie. I must say, that SPX is sure one plump man. I mean, he truly
does have a weight problem, and most likely adores pie, as the fan so astutely
points out.
Intern: Anything on Dr.
Abortion’s upsetting win?
CK: Why would he be
upset if he won?
Intern: Uhmm… nevermind.
Camera cuts.
Intern: Excuse me, excuse
me… Mr. Return! Mr. Return… I was just talking with your Allstar buddy CK. I
know you hate Dr. Abortion and have feuded with him bitterly… but you also hate
Chevalier too! Anything to say about the match?
Intern: Return?
The intern suddenly realizes something… he’s not talking to Return, but instead, sticking the microphone near the face of a Teddy Bear.
Intern: Strange. I could
have sworn that was-
Camera Cuts.
Intern: Hello Satan’s Pimp.
Or should I call you SPX?
SPXL: Call me later. I’m
about to take a shower right now.
Intern: Okay Later, why a
shower? You didn’t even wrassle tonight.
SPXL gets a little annoyed.
Intern: Hehe, but what I
mean was… Oh God! Is that blood?!
SPXL: No, just a ketchup
stain. I was just having dinner. Again. Heh… you know, with my new muscular
build I can-
Intern: Any thoughts on the
Dr. Abortion versus Chevalier match? Dr. Abortion retained the title. Chevalier
is your tag partner and friend now. He was set to leave the SHOW at the end of
the month… everyone was expecting Chevy to get the title.
SPXL: Well, I actually
wasn’t watching the match. I was taking a bit of a nap. Hardcore Black porn and
Doritos can really get a man tired. Now excuse me, I’ve got to hit the showers…
Fan: Hey Fatty! Looking
for pie in the shower you fat fatty?
He runs out of the locker room.
SPXL: I hate that guy.
Camera Cuts.
Intern: Hello, I’m standing
here with one of the SHOW’s new stars, Stan.
Satan: Actually, its
“Satan”… lord of darkness, destroyer of souls… such and such.
Intern: Sorry. Anything to
say about Dr. Abortion’s win?
Satan: Yes. This is an
excellent day for evil. I’m glad that a man who murders fetuses can finally get
some deserved respect around here. I think I’ll give Dr. Abortion a dead baby
wrapped in a bow as a gift. It is Christmas time you know.
Intern: Why would Satan
celebrate Christmas?
Satan: Oh shut up.
Camera Cuts.
Intern: Hi Helen Keller. We
don’t see much from you around here anymore these days but-
Helen Keller: WHAT?! Is that supposed to be some kind of a joke?! Don’t SEE
much from me anymore?
Intern: Oh. I’m sorry. I
didn’t realize… I… uh… I apologize.
Helen Keller: Making fun of the blind, deaf and mute isn’t funny. Just because
I don’t have eyesight doesn’t mean you get to rub it in.
Intern: I’m deeply sor-
hey… if you’re mute and deaf too, how can you hear and talk to me?
Helen: Umm… Magic Brail.
Intern: Now I came to ask
you if you saw- err… I meant heard abo- damn! I mean, you know about Dr. A’s
victory over Chevalier, right?
Helen: Yes. I know. I
don’t like that Dr. A. He is not a nice guy. He always makes fun and treats me
bad. Plus he held that Return Retirement Party on the same day as my Tea Party
and no one showed up. Jerk. I wanted him to lose.
Camera Cuts.
Intern: Hello Killall, I’m
here to ask you what you thought about Dr. Abortion’s victory over Chevalier,
to retain the Dedication Title.
Killall: WHAT?
Inactive! NO I AM NOT! I am “cool.”
*Does finger thingie*
Intern: I never said
anything about that. I was talking about the Dedication Match.
Killall: Oh. Sorry.
Now lets see… hrmmm… well, Dr. Abortion never made a flash video for me when I
asked him to, so I don’t like him. So, I’d have to say that instead of him
winning the match, I should have.
Intern: But you didn’t
fight him. It was Chevalier.
Killall: Damn you and
your mind games, man!!! Don’t speak to me in riddles!
Camera Cuts.
Intern: Hi, I’m with the
commissioner of the SHOW right now, Bez. …Bez, what are your thoughts on the
final match?
Bez: Well, I think it
was great for TV and SHOW ratings, which have fallen since losing National
Status. I think the addition of Drew Carey and Al Racino put an interesting
twist on it. It was a solid, long match with implications. I think both
wrasslers did a great job and-
Intern: No, no… I don’t
want your thoughts about the big picture, just what did you think about the
end. Dr. Abortion and how he won…
Bez: Well, really, I’m not supposed to show
any favor or opinion leaning towards anyone, so I can’t really say.
Camera Cuts.
Intern: Hey there, I’m with
the new Tag Champions, Nature Boy and Mystery Man X, I’d like to ask you two-
A tired and weak Dr. Abortion rushes up with the Dedication Title on his shoulder.
Dr. A: Oh no you don’t!
He throws the mic on the floor and pushes the intern away.
Intern: HEY! What's that
all abo-
Dr. A: No talking to the
people who kicked me out of the Tag Team TSOB. That was mine, MINE!
Intern: Can I talk to you
then?
Dr. A: No. Turn that
camera off… really… NOW!
He lunges at the cameraman.
Footage Ends.
Really. No more.