Harry: That’s the second time Tony. SECOND. I haven’t seen the doc flee like that once.

 

Tony: There’s nothing unethical about gaining your strength back. There is, however, something unethical about having a man distract the ref so that he can’t see a tap out.

 

Harry: The doc never told Bubba to distract the ref, and Bubba never even distracted him at all… he just stood there. Al Racino distracted himself! There is no one to blame but-

 

Drew: Guys, lets not start up that argument again.

 

Tony: Well, Chevs can't seem to maintain his offense recently. For every move, the doc has some sort of counter.

 

Harry: Exactly. Chevalier is old! He's not worthy of being at this level of competition any longer. Let him retire with the rest of the old guys! See… Chevy is barely keeping up with the doc, and he came into this match fresh. The doc on the other hand, he had to fight for the tag titles!

 

Tony: Say what you will… but Chevalier seems to always find a way to come back in the match.

 

Harry: He didn’t find a way the last Dedication Title Match. That’s why the doc is the champ.

 

Chevalier tries to reenter the ring. But the doc keeps kicking at him.

 

Eventually, the kick goes too far out and Chevalier grabs a good hold of the Doc’s boot. Pulling it forward, the doc falls on his baby-killing butt.

 

Tony: Chevalier is back in the ring now. The sitting doc is a sitting duck as Chevalier comes from above. Chevalier’s fingers now intertwine around the doc’s chin and he pulls back… Chin Lock by Chevalier!

 

Harry: Okay. Maybe you were right about that, “always finding a way to come back thing.” You see… that’s why I don’t place money on these things.

 

Drew: I’ll bet someone. I’m rich. And You would not believe how many women a nerd like me gets from being rich, one time I… wait… again that is likely a story I shall save for off camera.

 

Tony: Dr. A is shaking back and forth, what's he doing? He uses every bit of muscle to roll over! He’s now atop of Chevy!

 

Drew: Its like one of those Death Rolls that crocodiles do! Excuse me, I watch a lot of that Animal Planet.

 

Chevy’s stomach is to the mat. The doc sits on his back and hooks up with a chin lock of his own.

 

Tony: The Doc is pulling Chevy’s head back. Camel Clutch! That’s one of Dr. Abortion’s signature submission moves right there… next to his Elevated Crab Termination.

 

Harry: That move is the “Abortion Contortion!”

 

Drew: Actually, it looks like a Steiner Recliner to me.

 

Same thing. Pffft.

 

Tony: No way is Chevalier giving up. No way at all. Dr. Abortion may be great at submission, but the only way a submission move will beat Chevy is if he passes out from the pain.

 

Harry: What about the doc, huh?

 

Tony: Dr. A would tap out if the wind blew him too hard.

 

The doc refuses to let go. Chevalier refuses to submit. Is he ready to pass out? Not any time soon. Dr. A lets go.

 

Angry, weary and desperate, Dr. A turns to the ref.

 

Dr. A: *gasp*… Dude, you rocked in that Dick Tracey movie as Big Boy Caprice.

 

Al: I’m Al Racino. Not Pacino! You’re on thin ice, buddy.

 

Dr. A: Didn’t you used to wrestle here?

 

Al: Now you’re thinking about Barrister.

 

Tony: Dr. Abortion is not stopping his assault. He’s to the lower half of Chevalier now. Looks like he’s putting on a Leg Grapevine.

 

Harry: Your powerbombs… big power moves… throw them out the window. This match between Chevalier and Dr. Abortion has come down to wrestling. Pure and simple. Look at this submission battle.

 

Tony: You’re right Harry. But the sadistic pain the doc seems to derive from harming his victims. It’s not right.

 

Harry: Tell me the last time the doc did a low blow? Tell me the last illegal maneuver he made? Sure he attacked from behind once or twice when he could use the situation to his advantage. But he did nothing outside of the rules of wrassling.

 

Drew: It’s a shame there have been no groin shots. That’s what we have all come to know and love about this sport!

 

Tony: And now Dr. Abortion picks Chevalier up. He swings around to the backside. Full Nelson… he’s pushing on Chevy’s neck. Hold it… elbow by Chevalier. Again… another to the sternum of the doc. Dr. Abortion releases and stumbles backwards into the ropes. Chevalier is waiting for him. Now Chevy does the runaround and hooks on a Full Nelson of his own. Dr. Abortion is felling everything he has just been giving. But now he’s learning from the master.

 

Dr. Abortion sees no other option then to have his own feet fall from under him. By doing so he tips the two forward and Chevalier goes flying over him. Dr. A gets a hold of the legs and places himself on top… pushing and pinning Chevalier.

 

Tony: Rollup… here is a pin… Chevalier gets a shoulder up at two!

 

Harry: Look at that… see how close the doc came to beating Chevalier?

 

Tony: The three count is all that matters.

 

Drew: Say, what happened to this promised interference that is supposed to happen in any Dr. Abortion match?

 

Tony: No signs of Whitelight or Ms. Contraceptive yet… or of a return of Bubba. But then again, if you could tell the moment it was going to happen it would never be a surprise.

 

Harry: No, no. Those options are all too obvious. It has to be someone else. HEY! Wait! Right in front of us… Al Racino!

 

Tony: Huh?

 

Harry: It’s so obvious! Al Racino lost his job. He’s bitter. He’s angry. What better way to send a big message to the SHOW than to put Dr. Abortion over Chevalier! Brilliant!

 

Drew: Wait… you’re saying the ref is going to help Dr. Abortion?!

 

Harry: Of course. I mean, “Chevalier’s Body Guard” in the match. That is so obvious a way to set up for a swerve. Unless…

 

Tony: Unless what?

 

Harry: Unless its Drew here!!!

 

Drew: Me? I don’t know Dr. Abortion.

 

Harry: But what about its effect as a publicity stunt. They did it with David Arquette.

 

Drew: Oh God, did you just compare me to David Arquette?

 

Harry: I apologize. I take it back.

 

Tony: You’re talking nonsense Harry.

 

Harry: Why include special guest referees or special guest announcers unless one or the other was going to do something? Perhaps they introduced both because if only one was added it would be too obvious… so now with two we don’t know which one is going to turn.

 

Tony: I apologize for Harry’s comments.

 

Drew: That’s okay. Maybe I am going to turn. Hehe.

 

Tony: …

 

Back in the ring, Chevalier has had control over the doc for some time as the announcers blabbered away. Chevalier has applied a half crab with an armlock to the doc, who manages to struggle free and get back to his feet.

 

Tony: Dr. Abortion is back up, but Chevalier quickly is able to grab his arm and put a wristlock on him. He drives the doc’s arm across his knees for an Armbreaker. But the doc isn’t ready to go down without a fight… their two arms hook again and the doc pulls Chevs over… Armdrag!

 

Harry: Dr. Abortion just can’t have a good match without a minimum of three Armdrags in it!

 

Tony: Chevalier is up… the doc puts a bearhug on him… Belly to Belly suplex! He stays on top for the pin! …And the ref can’t even get down to count fast enough before Chevalier gets a shoulder up. But how much fight is left in both of these men?

 

Dr. A picks up Chevalier again and puts him in a waistlock.

 

Tony: The lift and the bridge… German Suplex by Dr. Abortion. He doesn’t let go… he’s going for the rolling German Suplex. He lifts Chevalier again… Chevy breaks free of the waistlock. A slap to the chest. Another. The two exchange slaps back and forth… they’ll both be red after the fight. Chevalier grabs the doc’s waste… Overhead Belly to Belly! Right over the ropes!

 

Harry: Agh! Chevalier just threw Dr. Abortion out of the ring with that Overhead!

 

The doc lay by the barrier. A few fans reach down to touch the wrassler, as they always do. Those filthy, filthy people. The doc will have to shower well tonight.

 

Tony: Dr. A stumbles to his feet, dazed and confused. Wait. And now he’s no longer on his feet.

 

Dr. Abortion collapses. Al Racino begins counting to ten.

 

Drew: Wait… does Chevalier win the title if the Doc gets counted out?

 

Tony: No. It’s a standard, Dedication match. Dr. Abortion retains on disqualifications and count-outs.

 

Harry: WHAT?! Did someone tell the doc this? What is he thinking? Why is he even fighting this match? He should have come into the ring with a chair… hit Chevy on the head with it… been disqualified and retained his title!

 

Tony: I have no idea.

 

Continued…