Dr. A: Rescued from the Andes!! (burp)  

Dr. Abortion, former DC free-clinic doctor, now… CANNIBAL.

*ahem* Wade was shot, Ms. C fell off a cliff, and the doc eats away at the arm of his midget Roe… both of them trapped in the snowy Andes Mountains in South America.

Its just like that movie ‘Alive.’

Dr. A: *smack*smack*chew*chew* “Mmm, food… food… it tastes so good. I mean, I know its uncooked, frozen midget… but it tastes darn good when you’re starved.”

Something suddenly pulsates in his head. A headache begins… his drugs are wearing off. He has been shooting up more and more to avoid the pain of reality, and all the death around him.

I know that that SOUNDS illegal, and flashboard policies say not to do illegal things… but you see, Dr. A is a licensed medic. So its all okay… or so he thinks.

Dr. A: “My God! My God! This is horrible?! What am I doing?! This tastes disgusting… this isn’t food, its my best friend from John Hopkins.”

Suddenly Dr. A’s stomach starts to growl.

Dr. A: “Ugh… okay, maybe it is food.”

Dr. A reaches down to take another bite. It is just 10 minutes since he began to eat his good friend.

Yet the doc is cut off… he hears a noise… a Loud noise.

Over a ridge in the mountain shoots up a RESCUE HELICOPTER.

Dr. A: “Yes! Yes! I am not going to die here! Hahaha…”

The copter spots the mess from above, they can see the plane wreckage that Dr. A and Roe could not get to.

A rope suddenly shoots down, and a man along with it.

Dr. A: “YES! YES! Hahaha, that’s why I am the baby Killer!” (as opposed to Vince McMahon, the baby-maker)

Dr. A passes out in all of the excitement. He falls right to sleep like a baby.

Hours Later, Dr. Abortion wakes up on the Helicopter…

Dr. A: “Huh? What… where am I?”

Rescue Crew member 1: “Senior, we saw a plane disappear on the Radar. We came to search for it and we found you.”

Dr. A: “What country are you all from?”

Crew Member 2: “We are all from Venezuela… fortunately we all speak English due to the fact that your powerful nation puts unfair influences on our poor people, including setting up unfair economic policies favoring European nations, paying us bare-bottom cash for our rich oil deposits, setting up sweat shops… and of course, by sending military forces throughout Latin America to influence third world nations such as ourselves. That is why Latin America hates you.”

Dr. A: “Oh yeah… of course. I did a report on Venezuela in the third grade.”

Crew Member 3: “It’s a shame what you did to your friend. You ate him alive and killed him.”

Dr. A: “WHAT?! No way… I just nibbled on him a little. Besides, I think he was dead anyway.”

CM1: “Nope… that’s not what the evidence says. The chew marks are not post-mortem. By the looks of it, your friend passed out, you started eating him alive. In turn, he began to bleed to death. Don’t feel bad… he probably didn’t feel anything?”

Dr. A: “NOO!!! Your lying. That’s not true. I didn’t eat my friend!!”

CM2: “Oh, haha. Oh yes it is… the funny thing is that you would have only had to have waited 10 minutes longer, then we would have picked you up and saved you both. He’d be alive if you just waited 10 minutes before you started to eat him alive.”

Dr. A: “AGH! SHUT UP! SHUP UP!”

Dr. A braces his head, as the drugs finally wear off for good. He now totally comprehends reality, and what he did.

Dr. A: “No. What have I done?!”

CM3: “Ah, don’t worry about it, senior. It happens all the time here in the Andes, at least 4 or 5 times a week. People are always eating each other. Its not even illegal any more.”

Dr. A: “*SNIFF* “Roe… Wade… Ms. C… all gone.”

CM1: “Hey, that guy was named Roe… looks like if you would have waited 10 minutes not only would you have been alive… but you would have been a millionaire… CHECK THIS OUT!”

The crew member passes the will to his buddies. They all have a good laugh, seeing that Roe was set to inherit millions, had Dr. A not eaten him and stuff.

Dr. A: “Where are you taking me?!”

CM2: “Ah, just back to America. We’ll drop you off and spend a few days committing industrial sabotage on the nation which promotes the deforestation of our nation in order for paper to wrap McDonalds hamburgers with.”

CM3: “Oh, sorry... are we getting too political? We’ll shut up now.”

Dr. A: “This copter can fly to America?”

CM1: “Sure. It gets good gas mileage.”

The camera zooms off to outside of the copter, as it flies into sunset, Dr. A is returning to America, with three less people then he came with.

*** In memory of Jermain Roe ***

*The CRF staff would like to remind you that it does not agree with cannibalism or eating any other human beings in plot lines. Dr. A is on his own with this one.