Safe Touchdown in Peru  

(Read all the text said by the characters with a Spanish accident… the post will be funnier then, trust me)

An airplane lands on a grassy airfield outside of the suburbs of Lima, Peru... a town called ‘Ciudad del pene.’

After a few minutes, the door opens… and out walks Dr. Abortion, Jermain Roe and Ms. Contraceptive. They carry the body of the late Stanton Wade inside of a coffin… err… refrigerator.

They are suddenly greeted by dozens of… FANS?!?!

Dr. A: “Hey… what is this?! Why are all these Peruvians charging up on us?”

Ms. C: “Wow, I think you have some supporters in this country. Good for you doc… you don’t in the USA.”

Dr. A: “Silence.”

Roe: “Will these people get out of the way? I am trying to bury a good old friend here. PLEASE MOVE.”

The three try to go through the crowd… they spot a suspicious looking man, who fades away. Suddenly a man walks up to them, he carries himself with great dignity.

Alberto Fujimori: “Hello there, I am Alberto Fujimori. I have come to meet you on behalf of my people. I am President of this Nation.”

Dr. A: “HAHAHAHA… you think we’re going to fall for that one, Fujisaki? This is PERU… not JAPAN. Why would the people of PERU have a Japanese Leader? Hahahaha.”

Ms. C: “Yeah- that’s just stupid to think.”

Fujimori: “No… but I am. The people of Peru love your CRF wrestling show. A certain slammer of the CRF is almost a God here in this nation. We came to greet you and to ask a favor.”

Dr. A: “Well, yes… yes… I am a God, kind of. I mean I know the Incas would be proud to have me as the next great Holy Character and…”

Fujimori: “…could you bring us autographs of Mystikal… give us anything to do with Mystikal! PLEASE!”

Suddenly the crowd goes nuts on the mentioning of the name.

Peruvian Man: “Ooo! Oo! What’s it like working with Mystikal?!”

Dr. A: “Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute… this country likes MYSTIKAL? That’s your hero?”

Fujimori: “Yes, for is he not a hero in your land too? Please… let us do something for the great Mystikal.”

Roe: “These Guys are nuts.”

Ms. C: “Hey- look at that guy over there… he has a MYSTIKAL Shirt. Didn’t Mystikal say he wanted a shirt from Peru?”

Dr. A: “Yeah, but… uhh… okay M’am. EXCUSE ME… SIR… Mystikal said he would like your shirt.”

The man suddenly rips his shirt off and throws it.

Man: “I… I cannot believe it… in a few days the great Mystikal will be wearing the shirt that I wore! Our sweat will mix and we will be brothers! I will be a GOD!!!”

The crowd starts to raise the man in the air in celebration.

Roe: “Look, could you all get out of the way- we need to bury a man!”

Fujimori: “Really? A man is dead… that is horrible. I know nothing about this, for we watch the CRF episodes sent to this country on Tape Delay. They are about two month old by the time we see them. Please tell us… how is the Battery Barn doing now in the CRF?”

Dr. A: “Err… fine… just fine… and I’m the frickin’ Ultimate Champ. Now get out of our ways. We have to get to the estate of Juan Aleman Wade in Lima. Can we be taken?”

Fujimori: “Oh, but of course sir… we have a fabulous red convertible that we will loan you for travel.”

Ms. C: “Finally… we get to ride in Style!”

Fujimori: “No… wait. I forgot- that is in the shop... Silly me! You must take the backup… A Silver 1989 Ford Taurus Station Wagon.”

Dr. A: “DAMN.”

Ms. C: “Uhh… shouldn’t you guys all be speaking Spanish or something?”

The crew heads over to the car while Roe drags the body in the Refrigerator. They are handed a map to the estate of Mr. Juan Aleman Wade, Peruvian Drug Lord.

…ELSEWHERE, a man is at a payphone…

Suspicious man at Telephone: “Ey! Work you stupid phone. Beueno.”

Operator: “Thank you for the call… we are now transferring your message to the United States of America…”

The phone rings 3 times… then picks up.

Voice: “Hello?”

Suspicion Man: “Senior Kastronis… the plane arrived… it did not fall down in the Andy Mountains like you predicted! They are here alive!”

John Kastronis, murderous estate executor: “DAMN YOU CARTOLINA!- YOU FOOL! Kill them!”

Néstor Cerpa Cartolina, leader of the Peruvian Túpac Amaru Revolutionary Movement: “But there is a huge crowd.”

Kastronis: “MUST I DO EVERYTHING MYSELF? Aghh… get me a plane ticket from Dullas to Lima, Peru. I’ll be there and ready to take them out.”

Cartolina: “Yes sir… these men must die… right away.”

Executor Kastronis Slams the phone down.

Kastronis: “That money will me mine… Mwahahahaha… the fortunes of Stanton Wade belong to me!!!!!”