Copyright 2000, Susan S. McCrackin  Reprinted with permission of the author.

Janeway dove to the deck, firing as she rolled, scrambled to regain her footing. She managed to get another shot off and hit her target, fighting to maneuver her body to her left, firing to her right. Suddenly, her feet slipped out from under her and she twisted as she fell, but not before the spinning disk caught her a glancing blow off her right shoulder.

"Game."

She glared up at the figure standing over her, feet spaced apart, "That was a lucky shot."

"It was a perfect shot." 

A hand came down, and Janeway looked at it for a moment before reaching up to grab it, using it to pull herself off the floor. "Well, your Velocity game has certainly improved."

Seven of Nine just looked at her, but did not respond.

"So," said Janeway, "I guess that was five out of five." She grabbed a towel, wiped her face and smiled at the woman in front of her, "I remember a time when you referred to me as a frustrating opponent." When she received only a puzzled look in return, she sighed, hiding her sad expression behind the towel.

It had been two months since Seven’s implants had been replaced by the Borg. The Captain was starting to think that most of Seven’s memories that had been repressed in the process were lost. Seven had remembered some things, but nothing significant. Most of what she remembered related to her work in astrometrics. 

She had yet to recover any memories of her family. They were almost as alien to her today as they had been two months ago. It was painful to watch the Doctor and Kathryn B’Elanna attempt to interact with her. Seven was there physically, but it was obvious she had no feelings for either of them. It did not stop them from trying.

The Doctor often tried to get her to spend time with him on the holodeck, working to recreate their times there, hoping to rekindle memories of their early days together. So far, it had not worked. But the Doctor refused to give up. 

Neither did Kathryn B’Elanna. She was constantly working to get close to her mother. Janeway knew from Ketaria that the child was still afraid to reach out to try to touch her mother’s mind, but she clung to her physically. Unfortunately, her constant need was having the opposite affect on Seven. While Seven felt a responsibility to her child and tried to be there to take care of her, Kathryn B’Elanna’s clinging to her only drove her farther away emotionally.

Not, thought Janeway, that it took much to drive Seven away emotionally. 

She leaned against the wall, working to catch her breath, noticing that Seven was breathing fairly normally. She was stronger than she had been in a long time. That, at least was good.

"Tell me, Seven," she took a deep breath, "did I push you even a little bit this time?"

"You were a worthy opponent."

"That’s all?"

Seven cut her eyes sideways, "It took…more effort to win today."

Janeway grinned. Little by little, she could see Seven’s humanity starting to bubble to the surface. That was the first time in a week that Seven had admitted anything other than an easy win.

"Good. I would hate for you to get bored playing with me."

She thought she saw a slight smile appear on Seven’s face. Acting as if she did not notice it, she said, "Let’s head for the sonic showers and catch a late lunch in the mess hall. I’m starved." 

She turned and led the way out of the holodeck, aware that Seven had not refused her lunch invitation. That, too, was the first time in a week that had happened. Maybe there was hope yet.

The Doctor looked up to see B’Elanna enter into the sickbay, bent over and making her way painfully to the closest biobed.

"What did you do?" He moved quickly to help her.

"I was trying to move something in engineering. I twisted my back." She leaned her elbows heavily on the biobed, unable to crawl up on it. "Boy, does it hurt."

He quickly administered a dose of medicine with a hypospray, "This is a mild pain medication. Give it a second and then we will get you on the bed."

After a moment, she indicated the medication was working and he helped her crawl up on the biobed and started his scans.

"Severe muscle strain." He gave his terse diagnosis. "Can you lie on your stomach?" She slowly rolled over, groaning as she did so, and he started treating her back. "Exactly what were you trying to do?"

"I was trying to move a new plasma conduit into place and I must have twisted wrong when I did it. I felt something pull, and then I couldn’t stand up straight. I didn’t think I was ever going to get here."

"Well, you strained these muscles pretty badly. But, I think this will help." He concentrated on the strained area, "You will need to come in a couple times a day for the next few days for me to treat you, but you should recover from this without any problems." He stopped his treatment and checked her with his medical tricorder, frowning, "You might also plan some time for me to give you a massage or two over the next couple of days."

She grinned, "I think I could manage to do that. As long as that is an order."

He grinned back, "Consider it an order."

"Yes, Doctor."

He treated her a few more minutes, then checked her with his tricorder again, "Okay, how does that feel?"

She gingerly sat up, careful not to move too quickly or in the wrong way, testing her back, "Oh, much better, Doctor. Thank you."

"You are welcome, B’Elanna," he moved in front of her, continuing to scan her. "Actually, I am glad you came in. You are late on your monthly check up." When she groaned, he continued, "You are starting to be as bad as the Captain at dodging me for your exam. Now, sit there. This will only take a minute."

"Doctor, I really don’t have time…"

"Pulse is normal."

"…the Captain is pushing this ship at maximum warp…"

"Blood pressure normal."

"…and it is taking all my time to keep this ship together…"

"Heartbeat is normal."

"…and moving…"

"I’m finished."

"…toward the Alpha…finished?"

"Finished."

"Really?"

He looked at her, "Really. You may go now."

She slid off the biobed, carefully moving her back, testing it to make certain it did not hurt, "Great! Thanks, Doctor. I’ll check back in with you tomorrow."

"Good. But two things first, B’Elanna."

She had already started to move out of the sickbay and turned to look at him, "Okay."

"First, I want you to take these tonight. It will help keep your muscles relaxed when you sleep," he handed her a packet with medicine in it, "and second, no lifting."

"Yes, sir." She turned again for the doors, then stopped and looked at him, "No lifting? But I have to be able to lift things."

"No lifting."

"How much no lifting?"

"No lifting anything over about ten or fifteen pounds."

"You’re kidding!"

"No, I’m not."

"How long?"

He frowned and studied his tricorder, "Oh, I’d say about eight months."

"Eight months!" She looked at him in shock. 

"Eight months."

"That’s ridiculous. It’s only a strained back."

He was grinning at her. Then, he cocked an eyebrow at her. She stood there, confused a moment, then her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped.

"Congratulations, B’Elanna. You’re pregnant." He opened his arms out to her.

She slapped her hands to her mouth, then rushed into his arms, grabbing him around the waist. "Are you sure?"

He kissed the top of her head, "Scans don’t lie. You are pregnant."

She pulled back to look him in the face, "I can’t believe it. I’m really pregnant?"

He nodded at her, "Yes. You are really pregnant."

"Tell me again."

He laughed, "B’Elanna Torres Paris, you are pregnant."

"Oh, Doctor. Thank you!"

"I didn’t have a thing to do with it."

She jerked back, "I have to tell Tom!"

"Do me a favor," the Doctor couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face.

"What?"

"When you tell Tom, make sure he’s sitting down."

He still had a grin on his face as he walked toward their living quarters. It was going to be wonderful having another baby on board. He was excited for Tom and B’Elanna, remembering when he and Seven were expecting Kathryn B’Elanna. He paused, just outside of the door to their quarters, thinking about that time. The smile slowly disappeared from his face and he wondered if, knowing what he knew now, he would have made a different decision over two years ago when Kahkar and Ketaria made their offer. But he only had that thought for a moment.

Doing anything else meant that Kathryn B’Elanna would not part of his life. Nothing was worth giving her up. And, he knew, somewhere deep inside, Seven felt the same way. Or would, one day.

He took a deep breath, forced a smile back on his face, and walked into his home.

"Daddy’s home."

She came flying toward him. "Dadadadadadadada!"

He caught her under the arms and lifted her high into the air, causing her to squeal with excitement. They twirled in the center of the room, with him holding her over his head, at arm’s length.

"How’s my little girl today?" He pulled her to him in a bear hug, "Did you and Flotter have a good time?"

She started talking to him in a flurry of words, most of which he could not understand, but he could pick out enough words to know that they had played follow the leader in Flotter’s forest. Laughing, he walked over to the sofa and sat down, looking at Seven, seated in the rocker, as he did so.

She was watching them both carefully. He thought he could see something…different in her eyes. Maybe a softness that had not been there before. It lasted only a moment and then, it was gone. But it had been something. He was sure of that. He quickly glanced away in an effort not to make her feel uncomfortable, settling Kathryn B’Elanna on his knees, facing him and holding her hands in his, bouncing her. She was giggling.

"High, Dada."

He tightened his grip on her hands and used one knee to raise her higher, throwing her into the air and off-balance before catching her and righting her. She screamed in delight.

"Do g’in."

They played for a few minutes, then, he lifted her to him in a hug.

"Daddy loves you, little girl."

She grabbed him around his neck and grunted as she squeezed him. He laughed at her and then put her on the floor when she wiggled to get down, immediately heading for the toys she had been playing with. He watched her for a few minutes, his hands on his knees, before turning his attention to her mother.

"How was your day, Seven?"

She raised her chin and looked in his direction, "It was adequate."

"Good."

There was a pause, then she asked, "And how was your day?"

The question surprised him. It was the first time she had continued a conversation with him, much less expressed any interest in him. He gave her a quick smile, "It was a good day. Actually, it was a wonderful day." He looked at her expectantly, but when there wasn’t a response, he continued, "B’Elanna came to see me today." She just looked at him. He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and said, "B’Elanna’s pregnant."

He was not certain what he expected, but there was no visible response. "She was really excited." Still nothing. He took a breath and decided to chance it, "It made me remember when you were pregnant with Kathryn B’Elanna." This time, he waited.

She quickly looked away from him. He could feel her quickened pulse and respiration. He lowered his head and turned away from her, focusing on Kathryn B’Elanna. She stopped playing and looked up at him, an odd expression on her face. She got up and walked to him and patted him on his knee, "Up, Dada." He reached down and lifted her and she grabbed him in a hug. He knew she was trying to comfort him. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him.

Seven watched the two of them carefully. He loved the child. She could see that. She could almost…feel it. How was that possible? He was a hologram. And why did she keep reminding herself of that? She closed her eyes and put her hand to her forehead, feeling a dull throbbing start.

"Are you okay?"

She looked up at him, slightly startled, "What?"

"I asked if you were okay."

His voice was concerned. But it was also warm, compassionate. Loving. She closed her eyes again, taking a moment to answer, "Yes. I am…okay. Do not worry about me." Her voice was harsher than she meant for it to be. She saw the look that came across his face; then saw as he quickly recovered and gave her a smile.

"Okay, Seven." He worked to pull back his hurt and allowed himself to concentrate on his daughter. She was patting his face and making cooing sounds. Suddenly, he heard Seven say something to him and he turned his head in her direction. "Excuse me?"

She raised her head, jutting her chin at him, "I said, tell me."

He looked at her, confused, "Tell you what?"

"Tell me about when I was…pregnant with Kathryn B’Elanna."

For a moment, he stared at her. He was not certain he had heard her correctly. To make certain, he repeated her words, "Tell you about when you were pregnant with Kathryn B’Elanna."

She nodded slightly.

He took a deep breath, "Okay. Let’s see." He settled back into the couch, putting his daughter in his lap, nestled in the crook of his arm, positioned so she could look at her mother. He thought for a moment, then said, "It was a wonderful time, Seven. Kahkar told you it was difficult for you physically because of your implants?"

She nodded again.

"Well, despite that and the fact you felt absolutely wretched most of the time," he gave her a sympathetic smile, "you were blissfully happy. You smiled all the time. Even the days that were the worst for you, if anyone asked how you were doing, you would smile and tell them you were doing just fine. You would often lie here on this sofa and put your feet in my lap, and I would rub your ankles and your feet." He gave her a small laugh, "You would take your walks around Voyager and your ankles would be swollen when you got back. I would rub them for you to make you feel better."

"I liked that?"

"You liked it a lot. It became a special time for us each night. I would tell you all about my day in sickbay. I would also tell you about the gossip going around the ship."

"Gossip? I enjoyed listening to gossip?"

"I don’t know that you enjoyed the gossip, but it was hard for you to get out much. Getting news about people on the ship was entertaining for you."

"I was not useful?"

"Oh, you were useful. You found ways to accomplish tasks from here." He chuckled, "You straightened out Neelix’s recipe files. The crew really appreciated the fact that it took him a while to find his favorite recipes."

While he talked, he felt Kathryn B’Elanna move out of his lap and make her way slowly toward her mother. He helped her slide off the sofa and watched as she walked up to Seven and put one hand on her mother’s knee, tentatively looking up at her. He smiled when we saw Seven reach down and lift her into her lap. Kathryn B’Elanna immediately cuddled close to her mother and went still, giving him a big smile. He glanced down to gather his thoughts.

"My favorite time of the day was when we would go to bed. You would lie there and I would put my hand on your stomach and feel Kathryn B’Elanna move. Those were happy times for both of us, Seven. I would go to sleep almost every night with my hand on your stomach."

She gave him a puzzled looked, "You can sleep?"

"Yes." He put his hand to his forehead, "I forgot you did not remember that. Yes, Kahkar wrote sleep subroutines for me. He did it so I could sleep beside you at night." He grinned at her, "I even snore."

She frowned, "You snore?"

"Not a big snore. I have a soft, low snore. You used to say it lulled you to sleep."

She gave him a strange look, and he knew she was getting uncomfortable with the conversation, so he backed off, "It was a happy time for both of us, Seven. And then Kathryn B’Elanna was born. Holding her for the first time as a father was magical for me." He looked at his child in her mother’s lap. "I did not realize it was possible to love her or you as much as I did at that moment."

She stared at him, and he did not waiver under her gaze. Once again, he saw something in her eyes, but it was gone before he could figure out what it was. But that didn’t matter. It had been there. He had seen it. He would settle for that at this moment.

Tom walked into his living quarters, "Something smells delicious! I thought we were going to eat in the mess hall tonight."

She was just putting the last dish on the table, "I just decided it would be nicer to eat in tonight." She walked up to him, wrapping her arms around him, "I hope you don’t mind."

"Mind?" He kissed her lightly on the lips, "Why would I mind? This is great and whatever you cooked smells wonderful."

"Come on and eat while it’s hot." She took his hand and led him to the table, lighting the candle on the table, then ordering lights down to low.

Tom looked up at her, surprised, "Lights down. Candle lit. What’s up?"

"I just wanted to spend special time with you." She slid into her chair and placed her napkin on her lap, "Is that okay?"

He picked up his own napkin and shook it out, spreading it across his legs, "Oh, I am not complaining. This is a real treat."

"Well, enjoy it tonight," she grinned at him, "but don’t get used to it!"

They laughed and she started passing him the bowls of food. They spent the next hour enjoying their meal and each other’s company. Finally, B’Elanna pushed back her chair and stood, "Why don’t you go stretch out on the sofa, and I’ll clean up."

"You don’t want me to do it?" He asked, amused. "You remember our arrangement? One cooks, the other cleans?"

"Not tonight. This was my idea, and I get to change the rules – for tonight only!"

"Okay. I won’t complain."

He walked over and stretched out on the sofa, ordering the computer to turn on soft music as he did so. She grinned at him and quickly cleared the table before walking over and sitting on the sofa next to him. His eyes were closed and she knew he had already dozed off.

"Tired?"

He opened his eyes and smiled at her, "A little."

"Too tired to visit a little more?"

"Never."

She had him make room for her on the couch and folded herself next to him. "I didn’t tell you I hurt my back today, did I?"

"No." His voice was concerned, and he twisted onto his side so he could look at her. "What happened?"

She also turned on her side to face him. They were lying close, their faces inches apart, "I twisted my back trying to install a plasma conduit."

"Are you okay?"

"I’m fine. The Doctor treated me. Once I hobbled to sickbay, that is."

"That’s good. Are you sore?"

"A little. He gave me some medicine and ordered me in for a couple of massages."

"Oh, how awful for you." He was grinning at her, "Maybe I can help you with a massage or two myself." He reached his arm around her and slowly started rubbing her back.

"That would be nice," she smiled at him, a bit suggestively.

He moved his head forward and kissed her softly. She returned it, and he pulled her closer to him and shifted so that he moved her under him slightly. He tightened his arms around her.

After a moment, she pulled back slightly, breaking their kiss, "Oh, there was something else."

He frowned at her, "What? No…strenuous activities?"

"No, not that." She smiled at him, "No lifting."

"What?"

"The Doctor said no lifting."

"Okay." His look was somewhere between amused and confused.

"Yes. He told me not to lift anything heavy."

He kissed her on the nose, trying to recapture the mood, "Well, that makes sense." He moved to kiss her on the mouth again.

She turned her head, slightly, "Yes. No lifting for eight months."

"Well, I hope you take his advice," he sought her lips, nibbling at them for a second, then covering them in a kiss. Then, he pulled back, "What? Eight months? That’s strange."

She pulled him back to her, this time initiating her own kiss. Tom gave himself into it. Then, she broke it and moved her head to nibble at his ear, whispering in it as she did, "Not when you stop to think about it."

He moved quickly to pull her down on the sofa and fully under him, then pressed his lips to hers in a passionate kiss. Suddenly, he raised his head, looking into her eyes, "Stop to think about what?"

She just smiled at him. His eyes narrowed as he allowed their conversation to process. Then, his eyes went wide with surprise and he quickly moved off of her, sliding off the couch and onto his knees.

"You aren’t telling me….?"

She reached out to wrap her arms around his neck, "Actually, Tom Paris, that is exactly what I am telling you."

The air went out of him and he sat down on his heels. "You aren’t kidding?"

"No."

"You’re pre-pre-preg…."

"The word is pregnant. And the answer is yes." She gave him a broad smile.

"Baby?"

"That is what it usually means when one is pregnant."

He just looked at her. Then, his face softened and his eyes filled with love. For the briefest of moments, she felt the same feeling she had experienced when she and Ketaria first entered into the special place, and she had felt his love for her. The feeling filled her body and she closed her eyes. She had never been more certain of their love. She felt his arms go around her, and she opened her eyes to look into his eyes.

"Oh, B’Elanna. Oh." He kissed her. When he broke away, he said, "I love you so much. A baby." Then, he stopped.

She looked at him and saw tears. She reached up and wiped away one as it trickled down his cheek. She looked through her own tears and smiled at him. He stretched himself out carefully next to her, and they held each other close.

The Doctor came out of Kathryn B’Elanna’s bedroom, "She is finally asleep." He stood uncomfortably for a moment, "Can I get you anything?"

"No. I do not require anything at this time."

He glanced around, "Well, I guess it’s time to go to bed."

"Yes." She stood, "I have turned down the bed in the…other bedroom for you."

He gave her a strange look, "What?"

"It is the night for me to regenerate in my alcove." She looked at him uncomfortably, "Since you are able to sleep, I thought you might prefer to sleep in your own bed tonight."

He felt encouraged and disappointed at the same time. "Thank you, Seven. That was a thoughtful thing to do."

She cut her eyes away from him and took a deep breath. Then, she said, "I will go now." She walked in front of him and started for the door. He fell into step with her to see her to the door, unconsciously reaching out to take her arm. She immediately pulled away, her breath quickening. He stopped.

"I…I…" she stumbled over her words, then recovered. "I hope you sleep well." She turned and quickly left the room.

He stood there, dejected. Then, he spoke out loud, "No. Tonight was good. Tonight was better. I will not be unhappy about what did not happen. I will be thrilled for what did happen." He shook his clenched fists in the air, emphatically. He walked into his bedroom, looking at the bed with the covers pulled back, waiting for him. He allowed himself a smile. It was a baby step but it was a step.

He was following the drones, watching their every move. They carried Seven on a litter between them, her body still, her face pale. They walked through the corridors of the cube, Seven’s body being bounced by the movement of the drones. He was afraid they would drop her off the litter. He had wanted to carry her, but they had not allowed it. 

Why weren’t they hurrying? Didn’t they know she was dying?

Finally, they entered a small room and lifted her roughly to the table, dropping her slightly as they did. He gritted his teeth and moved forward to clasp his hand to her ankle. One of the drones was moving toward him, hand and extension reaching out to push him away. He pushed back. Then, the other drone approached. He prepared for a fight, his hand still on Seven’s ankle.

Then, the thing walked in. With the briefest of commands, the drones left. He looked at the thing standing before him, knowing, for the first time, it was possible to feel absolute hate and absolute love at the same time. He spread his feet and steeled himself, grabbed tighter to Seven’s ankle and put his free hand on his phaser. 

One false move, and I will kill her. You will not have her again. 

He did not speak, but the thing looked into his eyes and knew.

He heard the thing speak to the drone to the side and watched as it approached and began. What used to be an arm descended, and the work began.

He watched. He saw her cut open. He saw her body handled roughly, indifferently. He saw the face he loved twisted from side to side. He saw pieces that had been her jerked from her body and dropped to the floor. He saw pieces that were not her become her. He saw her bruised and torn and battered, then the bruises, the open wounds healed as if they had never happened.

He watched as her life was saved, and her soul was lost.

He tried to save her humanity through the fragile hold he had on her ankle. He sent everything that was him through that contact, giving her something, anything to hold on to. But he knew it was not enough. He was not enough for her. He knew then, he never would be.

He watched as the drone turned, going to a shelf holding pieces of Borg technology. He watched as the drone attached an object to the end of what used to be an arm and approached this person whom he loved more than his own life. He watched as the drone leveled its arm and extended it toward her head, a drill-like object starting to spin.

Harry Kim woke up screaming.