Copyright 2001, Susan S. McCrackin  Reprinted with permission of the author.

Kathryn B’Elanna lay in her bed, squeezing her Flotter doll to her. Aunt Katryn was mad at her. She didn’t understand why Aunt Katryn was mad. She asked before she fixed. She didn’t do anything wrong. 

She reached out with her mind, knowing Dada was asleep in his bed. Mama, Bala and Keta were gone. She couldn’t find them. She reached out farther, hunting for Aunt Katryn. As soon as she touched her mind, she knew Aunt Katryn was madder at her. Aunt Katryn was having bad dreams, and Kathryn B’Elanna was being a bad girl in them. 

She sat up, then crawled down from her bed and walked into her living area. She looked at Dada’s door for a moment before walking up to the door leading to the corridor. When it failed to open, she touched the door and concentrated. It slid open, she walked out of her home.

Kathryn Janeway was shifting from side to side in her bed. As her dream intensified, she fought to find a way to wake herself up. Everywhere she looked, she saw destruction. In the center of that destruction was the child. The child’s face morphed into the queen’s, and she felt the battle she was fighting was already out of her control. Finally, she managed to get her eyes open and stared at the ceiling of her quarters, trying to calm her breathing. She was not certain she understood what the dreams meant, but she knew she could not spend another day taking care of the child. She had to sort out her feelings about that child before she spent any more time alone with her.

Satisfied with her decision, she closed her eyes and rolled over onto her left side, attempting to settle back into sleep. Suddenly, she felt the presence of another person in the room. Puzzled, she opened her eyes to see two bright eyes staring back at her.

Kathryn Janeway screamed.

Jerking herself up in the bed, she backed away from the eyes, yelling for the computer to turn the lights on. Even as she did, she heard a frightened voice start to cry. Gathering her senses, she looked down beside her bed and saw Kathryn B’Elanna, now sitting in the floor, sobbing with huge tears running down her face.

"Kathryn B’Elanna! What in the world are you doing here?" Her voice was shaking with anger and fear. She got out of her bed and looked down at the child who only cried harder. Reluctantly, she reached down and lifted her onto the bed, "How did you get in here? Why are you in here?" She could hear how angry she sounded, but she could not stop herself.

"Kathryn…uhhh…uhhh...B’Elanna...uhhhh…not bad." The child was sobbing and her words were coming out in gasps, air sucked in between them.

"What?"

"Me…uhhh…not touch. Me not fix things…uhhh...anymore. Me not bad." 

Kathryn stood watching tears pour down the child’s face, her body shaking with her tears and her hands clasped around her Flotter, holding it tightly to her. When she looked up, Kathryn could see the anguish in her face. She stood, indecisive a moment, then moved to sit down next to the child, reaching tentatively to pull her close.

But Kathryn B’Elanna pulled away from her and lay on the bed, shaking her head as she did, "Kathryn B’Elanna not bad. Kathryn B’Elanna a good girl."

Kathryn put her hand to her mouth, realizing the child knew how she felt about her. Before she could say anything, Kathryn B’Elanna spoke to her again.

"Me not fix until you say okay." She started sobbing hard again, "Me not fix again." She started to hiccup with her tears, "Me not (hiccup) fix again (hiccup)."

Kathryn’s eyes closed at the child’s words. Kathryn B’Elanna was obviously upset that she thought the child was bad. And, she thought it was because she had fixed things. Finally, she reached to put her hand on the child’s chin and lifted her head, "No, Kathryn B’Elanna, you are not a bad girl." Big, blue wet eyes stared at her and she felt her heart melting at the site. She pulled her into an embrace and hugged her tightly, "You are a good little girl. I’m sorry I upset you." She felt Kathryn B’Elanna slowly relax in her lap, "Oh, little girl, you just scare me so badly, and I don’t understand why." She started rocking back and forth on the bed, working to calm her. She reached up to brush the blonde hair back from her face, having to pull at stray strands that had stuck to her wet cheeks. "Chakotay was right. I had more to fear from your mother, and I was never afraid of her. Why am I so afraid of you?" 

Kathryn B’Elanna looked up at her, not fully understanding what Kathryn was saying to her, but feeling her confusion. Hesitantly, she said, "Aunt Katryn."

"What?"

"Me not fix things again. Kathryn B’Elanna be good." Her voice was shaking with sobs.

Janeway let out a deep breath, shaking her head as she did. She leaned down, kissing the child on her head, "Oh, Kathryn B’Elanna. You already are a good girl." She started rocking again, her mind lost in thought, "You are already are a good girl."

B’Elanna leaned back against Lonely Light. The Eightfour had lowered herself to the floor behind B’Elanna to give her something to rest against. Seven had fallen into a fitful sleep in B’Elanna’s arms.

"Lonely Light?" B’Elanna reached out with her mind.

"Yes."

"It is getting darker."

"Yes."

"She is losing the battle."

"She is giving in."

B’Elanna stayed quiet. Lonely Light was right. After seeing what she had seen, she could almost understand why. But something was not right. She had seen Seven fight harder against lesser things. While her experience in the brig had been awful, she knew in her heart that was not what was sending her to the darkness.

"Lonely Light."

"Yes."

"There is much more than what we have seen." The Eightfour stayed quiet and B’Elanna knew she was right. "Do you know what it is?" She felt the slight movement behind her.

"I do not ‘know,’ but I receive feelings from her. What happened to her is…." B’Elanna felt the Eightfour struggle for a way to express herself. "…like a picture of what troubles her."

B’Elanna stayed quiet for a moment, thinking. Finally, she said, "Are you trying to say it is symbolic?"

"Yes, it is…symbolic."

"So, what happened there is not causing Seven to seek this darkness, but is representative of what is?"

"Yes." B’Elanna felt the Eightfour shift slightly behind her. "It started the darkness, but it does not cause it."

B’Elanna sighed, looking down at the still figure in her arms. She smiled when she looked at the face, seeing stray hairs stuck to damp cheeks. B’Elanna wanted to push Seven’s hair away from her face, but was afraid doing so would wake her. She looked at the face and thought about Kathryn B’Elanna. They were so much alike. Kathryn B’Elanna looked more like her mother every single day. There had to be a way to make certain that Kathryn B’Elanna’s mother stayed a part of her life. There had to be a way.

"Lonely Light?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have any idea of what we can do?"

"We can do nothing. It is up to Seven."

She looked down at the sleeping face, "That’s what I was afraid you would say."

Harry was walking Supala back to Kahkar’s living quarters, holding her hand. "I had fun tonight."

"So did I."

He smiled over at her, "I hope you will go on another date with me."

She nodded her head, "I would like that."

He stopped her just short of the door, not wanting it to open up before he was ready for it to do so. He reached down to take her other hand in his and held them both tightly to his chest, "It was a perfect evening, Supala. Thank you."

"You’re welcome," she hesitated, then added, "and thank you."

"It was my pleasure." He lifted her hands to his face and kissed the back of one. Slowly, he leaned his head toward her, but stopped when he felt her freeze. Smiling, he kissed the back of her hand again and pulled his head back, "Would you like to do something tomorrow night?"

"Alone?"

"Yes, alone," he laughed. "Or, if it would make you feel more comfortable, we can keep Tom company. He might be ready for a distraction after spending all of this time with Miral while B’Elanna is gone."

She frowned, "You don’t think they will be back by then?"

He shrugged, "Who knows? Tom didn’t seem to know when they would be back."

"Are you worried about them?"

He heard it in the tone of his voice, "Sure I am. But I trust Ketaria and B’Elanna."

She dropped her head, "What about Seven?"

His eyes narrowed. Finally, he dipped at his knees to lower himself to catch her eyes, forcing her to look at him, "Seven who?"

She jerked her head up at him in surprise, "What?"

"Supala, I am worried about all of them. I am concerned for their safety. I want all three to return to Voyager. I care about Seven. I have ever since I have known her, and I probably will for the rest of my life. But I am not in love with her any more. If I was, I would not be standing here with you." He took both of her hands in one of his and lifted his other to cup under her chin, "This is where I want to be. I know that. I hope you know that, also."

She looked into his eyes, and he leaned forward again, his lips gently touching hers. Suddenly, the door opened, and Kahkar’s voice filled the corridor.

"Hello. Did you two have a good time?"

Harry jumped back, still gripping Supala’s hands tightly in his, "Yes, sir! I mean, yes, Kahkar, we had a good time."

"Would you like to come in? You have been out here for quite a while."

"No sir. I need to return to Voyager."

"Very good. Supala?" He turned aside to allow her into the room, "Goodnight, Harry. I guess we will be seeing you soon."

"Yes, sir. Goodnight, Supala. Thank you again." Nodding to her, he quickly turned and left.

As soon as Supala walked into the living quarters, she turned to look up at him. He started laughing immediately, "Are you mad at me?"

"I should be." She sighed, then rushed into his open arms. "You enjoyed that."

"Yes, I did. That is exactly what Ketaria’s father did to me. I am sorry, but I could not resist." He leaned down to kiss the top of her head, "So, did you have a good time?"

"I had a wonderful time!" She followed him as he moved toward the sofa, "We had champagne and danced and had a wonderful meal."

"Were you nervous?"

"Very!" She ducked under his arm as he lifted it over her head. She allowed him to pull her tightly to him. "I don’t think I have ever been so nervous, but he was wonderful." She slipped her arm around him, "He did everything possible to make me feel comfortable…and special."

"That, my dear, is because you are." He kissed her forehead, then lowered his head to rest on her head, "Because you are."

The computer sounded softly, "The Doctor is awake."

"Janeway to the Doctor." She spoke soft and low.

The response was somewhat sleepy and muffled, "The Doctor here."

"I’m sorry I woke you, Doctor, the computer told me you were awake."

"Mostly awake. Is there a problem?"

"No. I just wanted to tell you that Kathryn B’Elanna is with me."

"What?"

She could hear he had come fully awake. Laughing lightly, she continued, "She is okay, Doctor. Don’t worry about her."

"How did she get there?"

"I think she walked. Please, don’t worry. She is still sleeping. I’ll feed her breakfast and bring her by later."

"Are you sure?"

"I am certain, Doctor. I’ll tell you more about our night together later."

"Okay."

She could hear the uncertainty in his voice, "Thank you, Doctor. We will see you soon. Kathryn out."

She turned her head to look down at the sleeping figure curled up on the bed beside her. Kathryn B’Elanna was on her side, clutching her Flotter to her. Kathryn stretched out beside her, propping her head on her elbow, sipping her coffee. Grimacing, she looked down into the cup, wishing the replicator would just once give her a steaming cup of hot coffee in the morning.

Swallowing, she saw the child move in the bed, slowly roll onto her back and open her eyes.

"Good morning, Kathryn B’Elanna." The eyes settled on her, slightly puzzled. She smiled down at her, "Did you sleep okay?"

Kathryn B’Elanna smiled, "Aunt Katryn." She looked around the room, "I sleep here?"

"Yes, you slept with me last night."

"Oh." A worried look came into her face.

"Do not worry about anything, Kathryn B’Elanna. It was all right. And your daddy knows you are here." When Kathryn B’Elanna looked around the room, Kathryn asked, "Are you hungry?"

She stopped to think about the question, a serious look coming over her face as she did. It was all Kathryn could do not to laugh out loud at her. She really did look just like her mother. Finally, she raised her head and nodded.

"Okay. Let’s see if we can get you something to eat." She helped the child out of the bed and moved to the replicator, "Let’s see. How would you like some pancakes this morning?"

Kathryn B’Elanna nodded enthusiastically, "Pancakes good. Yes." 

While Janeway ordered the pancakes, Kathryn B’Elanna walked around the quarters, careful not to touch anything. Janeway noted that she kept her hands close to her body. As soon as the pancakes were prepared, she ordered herself a fresh cup of coffee, continuing to watch KB. For the first time, she noticed that the child moved a lot like her mother, except she was not as rigid. Kathryn B’Elanna was quite feminine in her movements and very graceful. Biting her bottom lip, she realized that she was probably seeing a person much like Annika Hansen had been before the Borg.

"Okay, Kathryn B’Elanna, breakfast is ready." She lifted the child onto a chair and pulled the plate to her. "Do you need for me to cut your pancakes?"

"I can do." Kathryn B’Elanna picked up the fork and worked at her pancakes.

"Do you want some syrup?"

The blue eyes gave her a serious look. She held up her hand, her thumb and index finger held close together, "A little bit. Mama says too much sweet not good."

Smiling, Kathryn poured a little syrup over the pancakes, "Is that enough or," she gave the child a conspiratorial look and held her fingers a little wider than Kathryn B’Elanna’s, "would you like a little more?" 

Kathryn B’Elanna looked at her fingers a little uncertainly, then smiled, "A little more."

"Good." She poured more syrup, then sat at her plate and poured syrup over hers. Picking up her own fork, she started eating, realizing she was enjoying herself.

Seven of Nine was drifting, not asleep, but not awake. There were arms wrapped around her body, but they were not the Doctor’s arms. She could not figure out whose arms they were, but the touch was soft and gentle, the feeling of being held comforting. There was strength and protection in the arms, and she was not certain she wanted to leave them. As she drifted, she looked up into the face of a woman she did not recognize.

The woman had soft features and light hair. Seven realized the woman was smiling at her, and she saw that the lips were moving, but she could not make out the sounds. Even so, she could feel the love in the words. Then, the woman turned and walked away, going deeper into the darkness. Seven started to follow her, but the arms around her held her back. 

B’Elanna watched Seven’s face, knowing she was dreaming. She felt her start to thrash slightly, but she did not release the grip she had on her. Something inside of her told her not to let go.

Seven saw the woman disappear into the darkness, but heard the voice calling to her. She struggled harder, trying to follow the woman.

The thrashing increased, but B’Elanna leaned over, hugging Seven tightly to her. Whispering to her that it would be okay, she started rocking back and forth, working to comfort Seven.

Seven could no longer see the woman. She could no longer hear the voice calling her. She had lost her. She had lost her. She started to cry.

B’Elanna felt Seven’s body start to shake, and she realized Seven was crying in her sleep. She increased her rocking, continuing to whisper in her ear. After a few minutes, she heard Seven mumble. Concentrating, she listened hard, trying to understand what Seven had said. She finally made out a word, and her face tightened in pain. Then, she heard Seven mumble it again.

"Mommy."

The Doctor was sitting on the end of his bed. He had been sitting still for the last hour, concentrating. Something was wrong. He could feel it.

He looked down at his hands, trying to figure out what he was feeling and why. He touched one hand to the other, then raised his hands to his face, rubbing his cheeks with the palms of his hands. Something was wrong with Seven.

She was leaving him. She wasn’t coming back.

He dropped his head, shaking it. He looked up, searching for something, anything to hold onto, to connect them. He reached back, grabbed her pillow and held it close to his body.

Hold on, Seven. Feel me close to you. Hold on and come home. You have to come home to me.

Seven’s eyes opened and she looked up, focusing slowly on B’Elanna’s face above her. She glanced around, confusion setting in when she realized B’Elanna was holding her. She pushed away, quickly moving back to lean against the wall of the corridor.

B’Elanna smiled at her, "Good morning, Seven."

Lonely Light stood and moved to face her, the huge head nodding in greeting.

"How long did I sleep?"

B’Elanna shrugged, "A few hours."

Seven lifted her chin and looked down the corridor. B’Elanna glanced in the direction of her look, noticing that the darkness was even closer. She watched as Seven stood, moving to the center of the corridor. Seven’s image blurred, then cleared again and B’Elanna saw she was once again wearing the outfit she had gotten from Motalli’s people. She noticed that Seven was limping badly as she moved forward, her left arm cradled in her right. B’Elanna stood, her body stiff and slow to respond, and started to follow. 

The Doctor was moving slowly around the sickbay, nervously putting instruments and equipment away. He knew he was trying to distract himself since nothing in the sickbay was out of place. He allowed his eyes to roam around the room, sighing when he thought about how little he had to do in this room anymore.

Seven really was the only person he had had to treat in a long time, and she only needed regular checkups because of her cybernetic implants. It wasn’t that he was sorry, but he did miss being a doctor.

Dr. Hansen, Family Physician.

Well, there always To’mas. He did check him frequently, but he had the sense B’Elanna brought him by as much to give him a reason to be a doctor as anything else. To’mas was a healthy little boy and, while B’Elanna was a dotting mother, she did not panic over sniffles and coughs. Still, she managed to bring him into the sickbay at least once a week for him to get checked out.

It was a good thing he enjoyed fixing things around Voyager. And so did his daughter. He laughed when he thought about her, wondering where she was. Kathryn should be bringing her any minute. He sighed. He would be really glad to hold her this morning.

When the doors opened, he looked up expectantly, a smile coming to his face that quickly dissolved into a surprised look. 

"Good morning, Doctor."

"Harry!" He picked up his medical tricorder, "Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

Harry grinned at him, "I thought you turned that off."

"I did. It’s just that it felt like a comfortable response this morning."

Harry saw the look in the Doctor’s face. Pausing, he said, "I’m sure they will be home soon, Doc."

The Doctor gave him a nervous half smile, moving his head in a slight nod. "So," he held up the tricorder, "what seems to be the problem?"

Harry shook his head, "No problem." He moved to the console, resting his arm on it, "I just came by to thank you."

"Thank me?"

Harry looked down at the console, hesitating, "For, uh, for helping Supala prepare for our date."

The Doctor quickly looked away, busying himself with a diagnostic scan. "You had a date with Supala?"

Harry grinned at him, "You know I did, Doctor."

The tone of his voice stopped the Doctor’s work, and he reluctantly looked up at Harry, "How did you know?"

"Let’s just say that some of her…social skills had your mark."

He gave Harry a weak smile, "I promised her I wouldn’t tell."

"Well, you didn’t. I told you." 

"So," he gave Harry a curious look, "how did it go?"

"It went great, Doctor. You are an excellent teacher. She was a wonderful date."

"I am certain you were also."

"Well," Harry laughed, "if I was, it was because she made it so easy." He rubbed his finger across the top of the console, "I just want you to know how much I appreciate your interest. I know Supala did also."

The Doctor did not respond, but nodded at him.

Harry spoke, his tone tentative, "Doctor, I want you to know I really care for Supala. I hope…something will come of our relationship. I appreciate the help you gave her." He took a breath, "I know you did what you did for Supala, but, by doing so, you also helped me. Thank you for that." 

The Doctor looked at him, then slowly nodded his head, "You’re welcome, Harry."

"Doctor," Harry lifted his head, "I’m sorry for everything that happened….."

The Doctor shook his head, "No. Don’t apologize. You were there at an important time for Seven. I am grateful for that. The rest…just happened. I certainly understand how you could have fallen in love with her. I guess I would have been surprised if you hadn’t." He laughed and walked up to put his hand on Harry’s shoulder, "I appreciate that you feel it important to talk to me. I care about Supala, and I hope to be a part of your lives. I would hate for any tension between you and me to cause a problem with that."

Harry looked up at him, smiling, "I don’t think that will be a problem, Doc."

They heard the doors open and turned to see Kathryn walk in, holding hands with Kathryn B’Elanna. The child was talking, telling Kathryn about Flotter catching a huge fish, waving her free hand enthusiastically. Kathryn was smiling in delight at the story. 

Suddenly, Kathryn B’Elanna saw her father, "Dada!" She pulled out of Kathryn’s hand and ran for her father.

"Good morning, sweetheart." He scooped her up in a huge hug. After giving her a big kiss, he pulled back to look at her, "How in the world did you end up with your Aunt Kathryn last night?"

Kathryn started to laugh, "I woke up and there she was." When the Doctor gave her a puzzled look, she just shook her head, "We had a good night together, Doctor. You don’t need to worry about anything."

He looked at his daughter and started combing her hair with her fingers, "Goodness, your hair needs brushing. I should take you back home and get you cleaned up."

Kathryn looked over at Harry, "Doctor, it seems you are busy here. Why don’t I take her back to your quarters and get her cleaned up?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I’m sure." She reached for Kathryn B’Elanna, taking her from her father, "Then, if it is all right with you, we will go ahead and see about getting our work done. We have a lot to do today."

The Doctor’s eyes narrowed as he watched her face while she talked. After a moment, he said, "Certainly." His eyes moved to his daughter, "You be good, sweetheart. I’ll see you tonight."

"Yes, sir." Her words were emphatic.

They laughed and Kathryn turned to leave the sickbay. Kathryn B’Elanna waved at her father as they walked out the door.

Harry was watching the Doctor’s face carefully, "What?"

"Excuse me?"

"What was that all about?"

He stared at the door, thinking. Finally, he just shook his head, "Nothing, Harry." He turned to give him a smile, "Nothing at all."

Her leg was hurting. So was her arm. It was all she could do to lift her leg and move it, much less put her weight on it. Every step sent a jarring pain through her body. 

She could hear his voice in her head. 

"You are mine, Seven of Nine."

She closed her eyes, working to shut herself off from his voice. She could not find that small part of herself that would hide her from him. That part of herself was ahead of her in the darkness. It was no longer deep inside of her mind. She had to get to that place. She could not stand this any longer. There was no peace inside of her anymore. There was too much pain in this. There was no peace. 

Her implants were aching. She lifted her hand to the ocular implant over her eye, rubbing the skin around it, noting that it was sore as if it had been bruised. Then, she felt them. New implants were appearing on her face.

His voice got louder in her head.

The darkness was only a few feet ahead.

Seven’s limping was getting worse. Her walk had slowed and her movement was becoming more tentative. It was obvious that she was experiencing growing pain. Figures were coming in and out of the darkness, and B’Elanna realized she did not recognize most of the figures she was seeing. 

Suddenly, Seven stopped. B’Elanna and Lonely Light stopped and waited.

"My thoughts are your thoughts."

Seven spoke the words slowly, the hate in her voice apparent.

B’Elanna glanced over at Lonely Light to see if she understood what Seven was talking about. The expression on the face of the Eightfour caused her to look back at Seven.

Seven was standing with her arms held tightly by her sides as if they were manacled again. Her feet were spaced apart the exact distance of the leg restraints she had worn. But she was not manacled. Her head dropped, and she spoke again, "My thoughts are your thoughts."

As B’Elanna watched, Borg-like attachments appeared on Seven’s head, encasing it completely. Glancing down at Seven’s body, she was relieved to see that the Borg attachments had not appeared there. Then, she realized Seven was speaking again.

"Soon, we will be together. My thoughts are your thoughts."

B’Elanna heard Lonely Light’s voice in her head, "She is bringing the darkness."

Looking up, B’Elanna saw the darkness moving closer.