Copyright 2001, Susan S. McCrackin  Reprinted with permission of the author.

B’Elanna laid To’mas down in his crib and covered him. She looked up and gave Tom a grin, "He really is a good sleeper. Wish I could sleep like that."

He walked up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders, "He sleeps like his dad."

She leaned against him, laughing, "Yes, he does. I’m glad he took after you in that department."

He felt her go still under his hands. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, "And I’m glad he took after you in that other department."

She looked up at him over her shoulder, "Really?"

"Absolutely."

She turned in his arms, "It doesn’t bother you?"

"No," he shook his head at her, "it never has. I love you. I love every part of you. I love the Klingon in you. And I love the Klingon in our son." He leaned down to kiss her forehead, "How could I not love it? It is the part of you that keeps things so…interesting." He leaned down to kiss her lips, tightening his grip on her shoulders as he did.

Wincing, she pulled back, "Ouch."

He grimaced, "I’m sorry. I forgot." He patted her gently on the shoulder, "Did I hurt you?"

"No." She shook her head. When he gave her a questioning look, she nodded, "A little." She saw the look in his eyes and quickly added, "But only a little."

He tightened his lips and looked over her head at his sleeping son, then put his hand on her back, "Let’s go out." Pushing her gently, he guided her toward the door and to the sofa in their living area. As she sat, he sat down beside her and pulled her closer to him. "Do you want to talk about what really happened?"

"I told you what happened."

"Really?"

"I told you, Seven…accidentally knocked me down."

"Right."

He gave her a look, and she sighed, "You really do know me, don’t you?"

"I know you are not telling me everything."

She leaned against him, "It wasn’t an accident."

"I didn’t think it was."

"I touched her."

"And she hit you?"

"Yes." She paused, "I should have known better."

"Yes, you should have." He tightened his arm around her, "But you thought you could reach her. You thought you could help her."

She nodded her head.

"But you couldn’t reach her."

She shook her head.

"B’Elanna?"

She looked up at him.

"You can’t give up on her. She needs you."

"What?"

"She needs a friend. I think you might be the best friend she has right now."

"She has Ketaria and Kahkar. And the Doctor. And Kathryn."

"Ketaria and Kahkar are her surrogate parents. The Doctor is her husband. And Kathryn, well, I’m not sure whether Kathryn is a parent, a mentor, or what, but she is not her friend. At least, not the kind of friend Seven needs." He wrapped his other arm around her and leaned his head on top of hers, "A friend is someone who is just there for you. A friend is someone who loves you regardless. Real friends don’t want anything from you but to be there for you." He laughed, "And when they knock you down and hurt you, a real friend says knock me down again if you have to. I’m still your friend." He pulled away and moved so he could look her in the face, "What Seven needs from you is to know that she can knock you down again, and you will still be there for her."

She cocked her head at him, "That is a frightening thought."

"Imagine where Seven is right now."

She curled up, tight against him. "I am scared for her. And for Kathryn B’Elanna. What Seven is going through is negatively affecting her."

"That’s pretty obvious."

"I wish I could do something for both of them."

"The best thing you can do is continue to be a friend to Seven and continue to love KB. They both need you, but in different ways."

She sighed, "Isn’t it funny how life takes you down different paths. I always thought I would be alone. Now, I am married, have a child and, if that weren’t enough, I find myself babysitting two Borgs – one who is trying to lose herself and another who is powerful beyond belief." She looked at her son’s bedroom door, "And, I am having to babysit a ship that is trying to crumble around us." She sat up straight, holding her husband’s hand, "And that ship needs my attention right this minute." She gave him a quick kiss on the lips, "So, I’d better head for engineering. I’m late. I imagine Kathryn and Chakotay are already waiting on me."

He reluctantly let her hand go, "I’ll stay here and play house-father until Miral comes."

She laughed, "You love it."

He laughed with her, "Yes, I do. I don’t mind it, at all."

She gave a quick glance to the bedroom door, "I hate to leave him again. I was gone from him practically all night."

He stood, pulling her up with him and started walking her to the doors, "He understood. And I was with him. We did okay. Besides, your friend and your daughter needed you."

"My daughter." She looked up at him, "It is so strange to hear you say that."

"Well, it’s the truth, isn’t it?"

She bit the side of her mouth, "It feels like the truth."

"I think it was the truth the first time Seven put KB in your arms in the mess hall."

"When she asked if I would mind if she named her Kathryn B’Elanna." She leaned against him for a moment, "You know, Tom, even at that moment, it felt as if Seven had…given her to me." She fell silent, thinking, "I wonder if Seven felt that, one day, she would not be here to raise her daughter?"

He put his hand under her chin lifting her head toward his, "B’Elanna, don’t borrow trouble. Besides, you and everyone else on this ship are going to do everything possible to help Seven work through this. And to take care of KB. Now," he turned her around and pushed her gently towards the door, "You go to work, and I will stay here and play house-father. Have a good day, darling."

She laughed at him, waving goodbye to him. As soon as the doors closed, he looked around their living quarters a moment before moving forward to start cleaning up before his mother-in-law could arrive.

Kahkar’s eyes were boring into him. Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying not to let his discomfort show. But he forced himself not to waver under Kahkar’s intense scrutiny.

"I assure you, Kahkar, my intentions toward Supala are honorable."

Kahkar did not blink, "You realize you are older than Supala. And," he paused as if searching for the right words, "much more experienced. She has never had a relationship with anyone. She may be very vulnerable."

"I realize that." He swallowed and added, "Sir."

Kahkar sighed and dropped his head, "Harry, you must understand, I feel very protective of her. She is like my own child. I do not want to see her hurt."

"It is not my intention to hurt her. I have developed very deep feelings for her." Harry scratched at the side of his face, "I don’t honestly know if I…love her, but I would like to…explore a relationship with her."

"You realize she thinks she is in love with you."

"Yes, sir, I do."

"But you do not love her?"

Harry looked away, taking his time to answer, "To be honest, I really do not know how I feel. I have special feelings for her. I will admit that some of those feelings grew out of the experiences we had when we were looking for Seven. I have been worried that our relationship was forced as a result of that. It’s one reason I haven’t pursued a relationship with Supala. I have had to sort out my feelings for Seven." He looked up at Kahkar, "You know I was in love with her?"

"Was?"

Harry nodded, "Yes, was. Well, probably still am, to a certain extent. Probably always will have some kind of love for her, but I accept that it is not and never will be reciprocated. And, I think I have moved past that. Kahkar, I know that you are worried that my feelings for Supala are a reaction to realizing that Seven does not love me. I, too, was worried about that. I have spent a lot of time thinking about it. That is probably the main reason I have not…pursued things with Supala. I wanted to make certain that the feelings I was having for Supala were honest." He took a deep breath, "I care very much for her as a person. I have learned that I like her a lot, and I enjoy being with her. When we are apart, she is always in a part of my mind. When we get together, I feel as if I am walking on air. Everything is better when we are sharing it. We’ve spent a lot of time together, but we haven’t really had an official date." He looked down at his hands, "I wouldn’t date her until I was more certain of why I wanted to date her. Or if." He looked back up at Kahkar, his look firm, "I do care for her, Kahkar. I care about her in a very special way. I think it would be very easy for me to fall in love with her." He laughed, "Maybe I already have. I don’t know. But, I want to find out. With your permission, I would like to pursue a relationship with her."

Kahkar looked at him a long time. Then, he leaned back in his chair, "Young man, part of me would like to kill you right now." He quickly laughed as Harry’s eyes widened, "You are about to take my little girl away from me."

"No…."

"Harry, I know. I understand. I can still remember the look in Ketaria’s father’s eyes when I told him I was interested in his daughter. For the first time, I understand what the look meant; I thought he was going to kill me." Kahkar shook his head at the memory, "And he had me pretty frightened. Ketaria’s father was a large man. He dwarfed me."

Harry’s looked at Kahkar, imagining how big the man must have been. Then, he immediately thought about Ketaria and wondered how she could be so petit with a father so large. 

Kahkar did not notice Harry’s reaction. He worked to bring himself back to the present and stood. Harry immediately stood with him. Kahkar extended his hand, "You have my permission, son. And my blessing. I know you will treat her honorably, and I sincerely hope things work to the good for both of you. Know I will be here if you need to talk to me. At this point, I accept you as my own, and that will continue regardless of what transpires between you and Supala. I will carry good thoughts for both of you and pray that the God of Science and Truth will look kindly on the two of you as you take this journey together."

"Thank you, sir." Harry found he was blinking back tears at Kahkar’s words. "I will not disappoint you."

Kahkar smiled at him, "You will not, Harry." He slapped the younger man on the back, "Actually, I think I might have to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"Yes. Supala will find a wonderful way to celebrate this relationship, and I suspect she will find that way by creating something in the kitchen. My mouth is watering just thinking about it!"

The Doctor looked up as Ketaria walked into the sickbay. He stood and waited for her to speak.

"She is all right."

He breathed a sigh of relief, "I was starting to get worried."

"She was fishing with Flotter."

He nodded, "Her new best friend."

"He is totally non-threatening to her, Doctor. Their "friendship" makes a certain sense when you think about it. He is a safety valve for her. She can go to him for love and acceptance and not be endangered by him."

"And she can’t turn to me for love."

"Doctor…."

"I know. Believe me, I know. I am fully cognizant of the reaction people have to experiences like Seven had. Think about everything that happened to her. I don’t even know how she survived as well as she did." He moved around the console toward her, "But, she will not let me touch her. She cannot even bear for us to lie close together when we sleep."

"Doctor, you know that is a reaction and not how she feels about you."

"I know, Ketaria. I would even sleep in Kathryn B’Elanna’s room, but she does not want to be alone. She wants me near, but she cannot stand for me to touch her." He rubbed his hand over his head, "It is so confusing. And painful. I hurt for her. There has to be something we can do."

"There is something."

"What?"

"The Sage has come to me offering help. There is an Eightfour who has volunteered to go through a catharsis with Seven."

"Catharsis?"

Ketaria nodded, "I have to be honest with you, I do not fully understand what that means, but the Eightfours are very concerned about her. They feel this is something she must do."

He gave her a serious look, "And you?"

She hesitated, then gave him a firm look, "I believe her."

He saw the look in her face, "Okay. So, what do we do?"

"We have to talk Seven into it."

"She is not going to want to do it?"

"No, I don’t think she will."

"I don’t think so either." He looked over Ketaria’s head, "It would mean she would have to give up control, give herself over to this Eightfour."

Ketaria just nodded her head.

"The last thing Seven wants to do right now is give up any control of herself to anyone else."

"Yes."

"Ketaria, is this catharsis dangerous?"

"It can be."

"But The Sage believes it is important."

"She believes it is absolutely important." She hesitated, "For Kathryn B’Elanna as well as for Seven."

He gave it a moment of thought, "Yes. I think she is right." He moved from her and started walking around his sickbay. After a moment, he went to the console, keyed in a command and watched the screen intently. Ketaria watched him, giving him time to do whatever it was he was doing. Finally, the Doctor rested his hand on the top of the console and looked up toward the far end of the sickbay. He looked back down at the screen and started to speak, "Even though Seven will not let me touch her, she does allow me to check her with the tricorder. I have monitored her brain function." He motioned her over to the console and pointed out results on the screen, "Over the last month, her brain patterns have been changing. This part of her brain," he pointed out a spot on the screen, "has been growing more and more active. When we first entered fluidic space, she told me about hiding from Alta Ro’bara by going to the smallest part of her brain and walling herself in there. Just out of curiosity, I compared her medical records and found that this part of her brain had indeed grown stronger and larger. I have watched this part of her brain become dominant. I am afraid we will lose her to that very protected part of herself where she has learned to hide." He fell silent again, "She was still in Flotter’s Forest?"

"Yes."

Without speaking, he moved and started walking toward the doors. She did not ask him where he was going.

He finally found her sitting on a log in the deepest part of the forest.

"Hello, Seven."

She jumped.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you."

"I did not hear you."

He nodded, but did not move toward her.

"What do you want?" She was eyeing him suspiciously.

"I want to talk to you." He pointed to a spot on the opposite end of the log. "May I?"

She nodded to him, but he noticed she still moved as far away from where he sat as she could. Watching him carefully, she waited.

He gave her a smile, "Seven, I am going to come right to the point. The Sage has offered you help. I think you should talk to her and seriously consider accepting her offer."

"No."

"Seven, you do not even know what help she has offered."

"No."

"Seven, I cannot make you do anything. You are an individual, and you have the right to make your own decisions. But you are also a mother, and you cannot afford to make a decision without considering your daughter. What you are going through right now is hard for you. It is also hard on our daughter. If only you were involved, I would not be here right now. I would respect your right to go through this experience by yourself, in the way you feel you need to. But we have a daughter, and I have to make certain she is considered in this process. 

"Seven, you do not owe me anything, but you do owe your daughter a certain amount of consideration. Talk to the Sage. Hear her out. Do it for Kathryn B’Elanna if you can’t do it for anyone else."

She lowered her eyes, and he watched as she struggled with her emotions. He saw her glimpse up at him, and he saw the longing in her eyes.

He asked, "Would you like for me to come…closer?"

He waited, and he finally saw her look up and give him an almost imperceptible nod of her head. He stood and walked a couple of steps forward and paused, waiting. Then, he stepped a little closer. He moved toward her until her saw her almost involuntarily pull back. He stopped and slowly sat down. He could not help but notice the distance between them and smiled inwardly that they were closer on this log then she allowed him to sleep next to her in their bed. 

He kept his body relaxed and spoke to her, "Seven, I love you. I know you know that, and I also know that, right now, you cannot allow yourself to feel it. I am okay with that. I understand. Nothing that is happening between us can change the way I feel about you. Nothing will change it. I want to make certain you believe that."

He waited until she nodded at him.

"Good. Now." He shifted slightly on the log, "Seven, please talk to The Sage. Do it for yourself. Do it for your daughter."

She did not look at him. She stared at a tree in the distance. After what seemed an eternity, she turned her head toward him, "I will comply."

It was such a Borg response. 

He forced himself to smile at her, "Thank you, Seven. I will tell Ketaria."

They fell silent. He was about to stand when she spoke.

"Doctor."

He heard the tremor in her voice. "Yes, Seven?"

"I…do…love you." She could not look at him.

He looked at the side of her face, for the first time in a long time noticing the pale remains of the scar. "I know you do, Seven. I love you, too."

She nodded her head, falling silent again. He waited, sensing there was more. When she spoke, it was a whisper, "I want so much to be in your arms right now." For the first time in a month, she allowed her eyes to show him the pain she was feeling, "But I cannot."

"I know, Seven. I understand."

She gave a small laugh, "You understand. I wish I did."

"That is why you must talk to The Sage."

She took a deep breath and lifted her chin. Without saying another word, she nodded her head.

They continued to sit on the log, neither speaking, but each taking a certain amount of comfort in the presence of the other.

The Sage walked in, followed by a smaller, younger Eightfour. Seven stood as far away from them as she possibly could. The Sage stopped in the middle of the room and gracefully lowered herself to the floor. The smaller Eightfour immediately did the same, sitting behind the elder. Ketaria sat close to The Sage and invited the Doctor to sit opposite her. Seven stayed standing at the far end of the room.

"In deference to the Doctor, I will facilitate communication between all of us." Ketaria looked to The Sage for approval. 

The huge head bowed, and the eyes narrowed to slits.

Ketaria started to speak, "Thank you for coming here with your offer of help. Seven has agreed to hear you out." She stayed quiet for a moment, then repeated the words given her by The Sage, "Seven of Nine, we offer you our assistance. There is a journey of our people called The Catharsis. It can be a dangerous journey. Those who have been damaged in their lives are invited to make this journey in order to heal. There is one among us who has volunteered to walk this journey with you. She will be your guide.

"Ketaria and I will guard you and your companion during this time.

"Seven of Nine, you are encouraged to accept our assistance. You are close to the sector of emptiness. You are in danger of losing yourself to it. We can help you find your way back."

Seven stared at the eyes that were locked on her. She stood, silent and unyielding, her face showing the stress of the situation. Slowly, she started to shake her head.

The Sage turned her head to the Eightfour behind her, and the younger one stood, moving around the room toward Seven. Seven’s body tightened, and she backed away from the Eightfour’s approach. The Eightfour stopped, and Ketaria started speaking for her.

"Seven of Nine. I am known as…." Ketaria stumbled and the head swung toward her. Ketaria concentrated. Finally, she smiled and continued, "Lonely Light. I would walk with you on your journey."

Seven waited, then turned to Ketaria with a questioning look. When Ketaria shook her head, indicating there were no more words, Seven turned back to look at the Eightfour, "Why?"

The face crinkled, and Ketaria spoke, "I do this for the child."

"Explain."

"I lost a parent. I do not wish for the child to experience that loss." The head swung in the direction of the Doctor, "Not again and not permanently."

Seven blinked, and the Doctor saw her body start to shake. He saw Seven’s eyes lock on his face, and saw her start to bite her top lip. He stood and started for her. She put up her hand, stopping him and shaking her head, "No." Her voice was a whisper, "Please, please, please..please…."

He stopped and backed up as her voice trailed off in a softer and softer whisper. He watched as she fought for control, pressing her back into the wall behind her. The Sage stood, and the Doctor knew immediately she was attempting to communicate directly with Seven. He watched as his wife’s eyes squinted shut, trying to block out the thoughts. Then, he heard Ketaria speak again.

"As you wish, Seven of Nine. We do not mean to intrude. We offer you help. We do not force it. The journey would be in your control. It would be your choice. Lonely Light is willing to take on human form in order to converse with you. We encourage you to consider doing this for your child, if you cannot do this for yourself."

She backed up and the younger Eightfour moved to stand beside her. Ketaria stood and repeated her thoughts, "We go now. You can let us know what you decide." The Eightfours turned to leave. They were almost to the door when Seven spoke.

"What is the journey?"

The Doctor looked quickly at Ketaria, seeing that she was concentrating on The Sage. After a moment, she spoke, "We would leave Voyager. We would go to an isolated area of our space in a bioship. The ship will be tied to your thoughts, and you control the path you walk."

"What would I be doing?"

"Whatever you decide to do."

"And if I do nothing."

"It is your choice."

"If I go, when will I be able to come back?"

"When you want to."

"Why would I need a guide?"

"You might not. Lonely Light has only offered to go with you to provide you with assistance if you want it."

"Is it really dangerous?"

"It can be."

"Why?"

"It depends on what you want to find out, and the journey you chose to take."

Seven frowned, then looked away. When she spoke again, her voice was almost a whisper, "Is it dangerous for Lonely Light to accompany me?"

"It can be."

Seven turned her gaze toward the younger Eightfour, "Why would you put yourself at risk?"

Lonely Light stepped toward her, "I have already told you, I do this for the child."

Seven watched the eyes as she heard the Eightfour’s words repeated by Ketaria. The eyes held her intense stare, and Seven saw a light in her mind, alone in an empty space. Lifting her chin, she suddenly realized her mind was opening to the Eightfour, and she felt Lonely Light stand close in her mind, waiting for an invitation. Seven hesitated, then gave her a slight shake of her head and felt her withdraw immediately. She dropped her head and focused on the floor before speaking, "I will give you my answer tomorrow."

The Sage nodded her head, turned and walked out. Lonely Light followed her, stopping at the door to look at Seven one last time before leaving the quarters.

The Doctor and Ketaria stood, waiting.

Seven concentrated on the wall of the other side of the room. Finally, she said, "I must regenerate tonight."

"Of course," the Doctor said, "would you like for me to accompany you to the cargo bay?"

After a long moment, she shook her head, "No, it is almost Kathryn B’Elanna’s bedtime. You should go get her from B’Elanna."

"Certainly."

"Seven," Ketaria turned toward her, "I could go get Kathryn B’Elanna."

"No. Thank you."

The Doctor smiled at her, "Would you like for me to bring her by to say good night?"

She frowned, "No. Please tell her I said good night."

"I will."

Giving them a glance, she quickly walked around the sofa and out of the living quarters. The Doctor looked to Ketaria, and she gave him a shrug.

"It’s up to her now, Doctor."

"Bala."

B’Elanna groaned as she slowly woke up. Her eyes started to move around when she heard it again.

"Bala."

She came awake immediately, then stilled her mind, opening it to KB, "Hello, sweetheart. Is something wrong?"

"Come with me."

She concentrated and felt herself slip into their special place immediately. As soon as she saw KB, the child started moving.

"Where are we going?"

"See Mama."

"Is your Mama okay?" She was suddenly worried.

"Come. Hurry."

She concentrated on following, relieved when they entered the cargo bay, and she could see Seven regenerating in her alcove.

"KB, your mother is regenerating. She is okay."

Kathryn B’Elanna gave her a look, her face contorting in concentration, "Go, Bala."

"What?"

Suddenly, she realized she was standing at the fringes of Seven’s mind and she looked up, a horror coming over her face. She quickly turned back to KB, but could not see the child. Before she could say anything, she heard her in her mind, "Keta says Kathryn B’Elanna not see Mama’s mind. Bala help."

B’Elanna turned back, watching as Seven’s nightmare unfolded before her. She made herself watch, not letting herself think about what she was seeing. She listened to Seven’s screams without hearing them. She shared Seven’s pain without feeling it. When it was over, she stood and watched the person who was left, knowing the darkness was closing in on her. She slowly backed away.

"KB."

"Bala."

The child came into view, and B’Elanna saw the expression on her face. Without speaking, they returned to awareness. B’Elanna eyes opened immediately. She lay in her bed, thinking.

An hour later, she shook her husband, "Tom. Wake up. I need to talk to you."