Copyright 2001, Susan S. McCrackin  Reprinted with permission of the author.

Kathryn B’Elanna sat in front of her, talking. Well, not talking exactly; fussing was more like it. Ketaria was listening to her go on about her Aunt Claudia. 

"She not like Flotter. She can’t do hair. She puts ribbon in." Kathryn B’Elanna looked at her with disgust on her face, "I don’t like ribbon. And," she added emphatically, "she lets crust stay on bread!" The child sat quietly for a moment, "Dada took crust off bread."

Ketaria did not know whether to laugh or cry. The child missed her parents so much, but she was trying hard. They had visited every night, and Ketaria had spent most of each night reassuring her that they would soon be coming for her. She knew now, they could no longer afford to wait. Kathryn B’Elanna needed them, and she needed them now. 

They had been trying to arrange safe passage for B’Elanna and her family. Kahkar finally thought he had the details of their safe departure from the space station worked out. As soon as the Paris family was safe, they would get Kathryn B’Elanna and leave the Alpha Quadrant.

While she listened to Kathryn B’Elanna, she thought about Kahkar’s concern that he had still not heard from Kathryn Janeway. Kahkar was uncertain why the Captain had not tried to contact them. She knew he was worried about her, also.

But they were more worried about Kathryn B’Elanna. Ketaria knew she would not tolerate staying with her Aunt Claudia much longer. From everything Kathryn B’Elanna told her, the woman was trying hard, but she obviously did not know much about children. Suddenly, she caught something Kathryn B’Elanna was saying and she forced herself to listen to the child.

"…and she said Mama bad!"

"What did you say, Kathryn B’Elanna?"

"She said Mama bad. Dada not real, and Mama not good to love him."

Ketaria had to fight for control. She forced herself to smile at the child squatting in front of her, "Kathryn B’Elanna, your Aunt Claudia just does not understand. Don’t be mad at her. Now, I need to tell you that Kahkar and I are coming for you very soon. You need to go back and sleep. I want you to rest and be ready." 

Kathryn B’Elanna looked at her, tears in her eyes, "Keta?"

"What, sweetheart?"

"Mama not bad?"

"No, honey."

"Dada real?"

"Yes." She wasn’t even certain the child truly understood what the words meant. She knew, however, that Kathryn B’Elanna understood they did not have positive meanings.

Kathryn B’Elanna looked away, "Come soon?"

"Yes, Kathryn B’Elanna, Kahkar and I are coming soon. We need for you to be a good girl and wait on us. We are coming to get you."

She stood, nodding her head as she did, "Wait. Kaykay do. Kathryn B’Elanna not do."

"You are such a good girl, Kathryn B’Elanna." Ketaria kneeled down, "I love you very much, sweetheart." She felt the child reach out to touch her mind and felt the love that came from her. She reached out with her own mind to envelop the child, holding her as close to her mind as she could. Finally, they separated and Kathryn B’Elanna prepared to return to her Aunt Claudia. Before she left, she turned to face Ketaria.

"Miss Mama and Dada."

I know you do, sweetheart." Ketaria fought her own emotions, "So do I."

She waited a long time after Kathryn B’Elanna left. Then she turned to go back to her own ship, thinking about her husband as she did.

Kahkar had been tirelessly working out the details of his plan. He had thrown himself into the rescue of Kathryn B’Elanna as soon as they had found out about Seven’s death. She knew he was using the plan as a distraction. He had refused to talk to her about Seven’s loss, but she knew he was grieving deeply. She could feel the pain and the anger that he carried around with him.

Plus, he was concerned for the child. She was working hard to do exactly what she was told to do, but they both knew she was not allowing herself to feel the loss of her parents. It was almost beyond her that a child as young as Kathryn B’Elanna was could deal with such a loss in the way she had, but at some point, they both knew the feelings were going to come crashing down, and they wanted her with them when that happened.

And they wanted B’Elanna there. It would be important to the child to have B’Elanna in her life again. B’Elanna would be able to help Kathryn B’Elanna cope with the loss of her mother. Ketaria had been in contact with B’Elanna as often as they felt it was safe, and everyone was preparing for their departure from the space station.

The only thing that they could not plan for was Supala. Her disappearance was something neither of them could understand, but they could no longer afford to wait on her. They would have to move forward with their plans and hope that she would reappear in time to be rescued with B’Elanna. B’Elanna had told them that she had left with Harry and Neelix, and no one had heard anything from them. But then, of course, B’Elanna had not been in contact with the Captain. 

So many things left unknown. Ketaria returned to awareness, her stomach tight with anxiety. She quickly left her small meditation room and hurried to Kahkar’s lab.

When she walked in, she saw him standing behind his console, briefly looking off at nothing. She immediately saw the tears on his cheeks. She stopped and waited.

He slowly looked at her, bowed his head for a moment and quickly wiped at his face. She watched as he took a deep breath, his large shoulders rising and spreading widely as he did, and she knew that he was preparing himself. 

"It is time, Ketaria."

She nodded her head, "I know, Kahkar."

"This is going to be so difficult."

"Yes, it will be."

"I don’t know how we will find the words……" His voice choked off.

"We will find the words. You must go ahead. It is past time."

He looked down at his console, "I cannot help but wonder if this is the right thing to do."

"Kahkar," she crossed to him and gently embraced him, "this is the right thing to do, and you know it is. It is what you prepared for. Do it now."

She squeezed him tightly, then slowly slid away from him and took her place. Kahkar reached down into his pocket and took out the small device. He fingered it tenderly before placing it on the console. Looking at his wife one more time, he turned his attention to his console and started to work. 

After a few minutes, Kahkar glanced up at his wife and nodded. She gave him a brave smile and waited. Suddenly, the Doctor materialized in front of them.

He gave them a worried smile, "Were you able to determine what Kathryn B’Elanna has done to my program?" His eyes started to move around the room and Ketaria saw a deep confusion come into them. She watched his head swivel as he looked around the lab. "Wait a minute. How did I get here? What’s going on?" Then, he gave them an amused smile, "Well, I have obviously been offline for a little while. Exactly what have I missed?" His smile slowly disappeared as he saw the faces of the two people in front of him. "What’s wrong?"

Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay, and Tuvok and his family slowly walked from the docking bridge onto Voyager. Admiral Paris stopped at the end of the docking bridge.

"I will wait here for you."

"You are invited to join us," Janeway said.

"No, I think it more appropriate that you do this on your own. This should be a private time for all of you."

"Thank you." She nodded, then turned, leading the people with her into Voyager and shut the docking bay door behind them. 

As soon as the doors closed, they moved without speaking until they reached cargo bay two. As they entered, Janeway realized she was unnerved by the silence in the room. Seven’s alcove was dark, and she looked at it sadly before nodding to Chakotay. When he quickly moved to activate the alcove in preparation, Janeway walked to the console. She looked to Tuvok who checked his scans carefully before using his eyes to indicate it was safe to proceed. Quickly, she removed a small data node from her pocket and slipped it into its place in the console. Her fingers working nimbly over the controls, she sent the subspace message and breathed a sigh of relief. Without saying anything, she turned, and they all focused on the now functioning alcove.

Chakotay took the small wreath of flowers and placed it on the floor of the alcove. Then, he kneeled before it, spreading his small blanket. Tuvok joined him, preparing his lamp. Together, they started the memorial service for Seven of Nine.

Neelix knocked lightly at the door, and Harry quickly opened it for him.

"Were you successful?"

Neelix gave him a big grin, "Yes, I think so. I finally had someone approach me who recognized me as someone on the ship with ‘that Borg,’ as they called her."

"And?"

"And, I think they were testing me to see where my loyalties lay."

"And?"

"And I tested them to see where theirs were."

Harry gritted his teeth in frustration, "Neelix!"

"I’m sorry, Harry. I’m just excited. I think we finally have connected with the Borg sympathizers!"

"Tell me everything."

"Well, I was sitting at this bar. I was having a wonderful drink. I think it was called…"

"Neelix!"

"Sorry. Anyway, I was having a drink," he saw the impatience in Harry’s eyes and quickly continued with the story, "and this man approached me and struck up a conversation. He recognized me and wanted to find out about my experiences on Voyager. He asked a lot of questions about Seven and the Borg. He asked how I felt about what had happened to her."

"And?"

"And I told him that she had been a good friend of mine, and that I missed her a lot. I also told him I was very upset and mad at what had happened to her. He reacted very positively to what I said. I could tell."

"So, did he say anything?"

"No, but he wants me to go with him tonight."

"Where?"

"He didn’t say."

"That’s it?" Harry was disgusted.

"No, it wasn’t what he said. It was how he acted. It was the look in his face. He is one of them, I know it."

Harry looked at Neelix, wanting to be excited but afraid to allow himself to do so. They had had so many close calls. He was starting to think they were never going to connect with the people he knew could tell them something about Seven.

Even after all these weeks, his gut feeling that she was alive had not left him. It had grown stronger. He was more certain than ever that she was alive, and that the Borg sympathizers knew it. He had watched and listened to the newscasts about the destruction of the transport vessel. The Federation had claimed that the anti-Borg faction had somehow planted explosives in the ship and destroyed it, killing all people on board. The anti-Borgs had angrily denied the claim, countering that the Federation had blown up the ship themselves. The Borg sympathizers were very vocal in their arguments that both sides had worked together to kill a human being who was not guilty of anything. It had turned into a political nightmare for the leadership. Harry could not help but feel a sense of satisfaction over what had happened.

He looked at the two people in the room and sighed, "I guess we’ll just have to wait for the meeting to find out if we have connected. I suggest we all get some rest."

Neelix nodded and gratefully moved to stretch out on the sofa. He had spent most nights prowling bars and meeting places, hoping to be approached by people who would recognize him. His unusual appearance and easily recognizable face was both a blessing and a curse. He had met more of the anti-Borg factions than pro-Borg factions. The anti-Borg meetings had usually been unpleasant. He was exhausted, so it did not take him long to drift into sleep.

Harry looked at Supala, "I’m going to try to sleep also." 

She watched as he moved to the small bed on the other side of the room. Before he had reached it, she left the living area for the only bedroom in the small apartment. Without turning on the light, she closed the door behind her and moved easily in the dark room to get into her bed. She sat in the middle of it, her legs crossed. Slowly, she lowered her head and concentrated. 

She was getting close. She could feel it.

Seven stood in the small mess hall, looking out of the tiny viewing window. By watching the stars as they moved past the window, she could gauge the speed of the ship. They had slowed. Hopefully, that meant they were getting close to their destination.

She should be feeling excitement. But, she felt nothing. She could not afford to let herself feel anything.

The door opened behind her, and she turned to see the smiling figure approach her. "Good morning, Seven," Lane greet her. "Did you regenerate well last night?"

"Yes."

"Good. I’m glad the regeneration unit we rigged for you is working."

"It is adequate."

"Great." He had grown used to her clipped responses. He was glad she was not wearing the headband today. It made it easier to see her face. For a reason he couldn’t understand, the headband unnerved him. When she wore that, she really seemed to become another person. It was almost as if the headband and the cloth that surrounded her head hiding most of her face also allowed her to hide herself from the people around her. Still, it was a good disguise.

That, and the haircut. It was still taking him a while to get used to her dark brown hair. It was so short and rough-cut. But the worst thing was the blackness of her eyes. He had not had the courage to ask her how she had done that. He suspected contacts of some kind. If they weren’t contacts, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

"How’s your leg today? Is the regeneration helping that?"

"Yes. It is continuing to improve."

"I’m glad. I know that brace must be uncomfortable."

She glanced down, and he could tell she had forgotten about the brace. She looked up at him, "No, it is quite comfortable. It is helping me."

"Oh." He moved to get a cup of coffee from the replicator. "Have you had breakfast yet?"

"No."

"Well, then, would you join me?"

She considered a moment, then nodded.

"Wonderful. What would you like to eat?"

"I do not care."

"Okay. I’ll surprise you." He turned and ordered two breakfasts, taking care to make certain Seven’s was highly nutritious. He knew that Motalli carefully watched what she ate. She certainly didn’t. She didn’t seem to focus on anything but the mission in front of them. Motalli was concerned about her, and he had to agree with him.

He took the trays to the table, and they sat to share breakfast. "So," he said, "what do you have planned today?"

"I will run the scanners and plot an escape route that will ensure our safety."

"Good. I’m sure you will do a great job." He grinned at her, "I’ll bet it will be perfect."

She gave him a blank stare, then a small smile, "I will try for it to be."

He laughed but did not respond. Her smile had been an unusual reward. It was the first smile he had seen from her since they had started their mission. He tried not to let her see his uneasiness. This was supposed to have been a short mission. They had planned to have their people ready to rescue Kathryn B’Elanna at the play area and escape. But their operatives had gotten a message to them that plans had changed. Dr. Zimmerman had filed suit for custody, and Claudia Hansen had had to appear in court the day they had planned to rescue Kathryn B’Elanna. They had all expected Seven to be upset, but the news had seemed to comfort her instead. She had simply looked at them and responded that it was good that someone still cared for her child. Then, she had left to regenerate while they continued to work with their operatives to determine the next step of the plan.

He finished his meal and pushed back his tray, "Well, I guess it is time for me to report to duty. We have a lot to do today."

"Yes," she responded.

He picked up the trays and took them to the recycler. "I’ll see you later, Seven. Have a good day."

She nodded at him, not even noticing when he left. After looking out of the window one more time, she left for the small lab where she regenerated and worked. Once inside, she closed the door behind her and activated the security lock. She did not want to be interrupted while she worked. Activating her console, she started.

Soon, she realized she was having trouble concentrating. It was almost as if someone was with her. She had had this feeling for the last couple of days and nothing she could do could shake it. It wasn’t him. She had felt him trying to find his way into her thoughts, but she had guarded herself from him. She worked hard at controlling her emotions and her thoughts and was confident she had successfully turned them off from anyone trying to reach inside her mind. This took a lot of effort and was exhausting, but it was important that he not know she was still alive. She had to be dead to him to give them the time they needed to rescue her daughter.

She scrunched her shoulder and rolled her head from side to side, trying to stretch the muscles in her neck. Then, she tightened her mind and started to work.

Suddenly, she felt it. It was small at first, then became stronger. She grabbed to the console and listened to the voice in her mind, too surprised to do anything else.

"Seven."

She held back any response.

"Seven. I know you can hear me. Don’t be afraid. I’m here to help."

"Who….?"

"No. Don’t think names. You know who this is. I am a friend. You know I am here to help."

She settled herself, fighting for control. She did know who it was, and she worked hard not to give face or thought to the person behind the voice. "How?"

"It doesn’t matter. You only need to know you are not alone. We can’t talk right now, but now that we have connected, we will stay in touch. Have faith, Seven, and trust. We will talk again."

"I will be waiting."

There was a moment of silence. Then, the voice came again, "It was good to talk to you, Seven."

"You, also."

"Bye."

The voice was gone. Seven gripped the edges of the console and fought to calm herself.

In the small, dark room, Supala grabbed her head and fell back onto her bed. She was exhausted. And her head hurt.

Chakotay and Tuvok pushed themselves up and moved to stand beside Janeway. They stayed silent, then Janeway moved forward and symbolically powered down the alcove. She put her hand out to touch it and bowed her head, closing her eyes tightly. Finally, she took a deep breath and stepped back. Without speaking to her companions, she stepped down from the alcove and led the way out of the now darkened cargo bay.

They moved silently until they came to the sickbay. Janeway’s eyes immediately saw the shingle hanging from the wall of the corridor, near the sickbay door.

Dr. Hansen, Family Physician.

She felt the tears spring to her eyes, and she did not try to fight them. The doors slid open as they walked in. She realized they paused as they entered, each expecting the Doctor to materialize in front of them asking about their medical emergency. She looked to Tuvok as he once again scanned the room. When he nodded at her, she moved to the console, activated it and started her search.

His program really was gone. There weren’t even any of Meloka’s files remaining. The entire holographic program had been entirely scrubbed from Voyager’s system. She shook her head at the people in the room. There was no hope for a recovery of any kind.

They moved as a group toward his office, and Chakotay placed a small wreath on his chair. Once again, he and Tuvok led the memorial service, this time for the Doctor.

Finally, they left for the Doctor’s and Seven’s private quarters. By mutual agreement, they did not enter. Janeway did not think she would be able to handle doing so at this time. They simply placed the last wreath on the door, and Janeway entered a security lock command on the door, symbolically sealing their home. 

Backing away, she looked at her companions, "Thank you."

They simply nodded at her.

Glancing around, she gave them a smile, "Would you all accompany me to the bridge?"

"Of course, Captain," Chakotay gave her a sympathetic look, "I think we would be honored."

Tuvok did not speak, but she saw his approval in his eyes. She turned, walking the path she had walked so many times, it now feeling both warmly familiar and oddly alien. She appreciated the silence of the others in the turbolift, not certain how she would feel when the doors open.

But, when they did and she strode out onto her bridge, taking her place in its center, she knew that what she was here for was right. She allowed her eyes to move slowly around the bridge, seeing the blinking lights of the still and silent ship. She turned in a circle, not seeing her companions, but only seeing her ship.

Her ship.

This was her ship. With her was part of her crew. She had other crew who needed to be with her, and a child who was part of her family. Her eyes settled on Chakotay and Tuvok, and she knew immediately what they were feeling. They were all in agreement. She could see it in their eyes and in the eyes of Tuvok’s family. 

Stronger, more determined and more certain of what they were about to do, the group left the bridge of Voyager, following its Captain.

B’Elanna was finishing packing their few belongings. Tom was helping her, and Miral was watching To’mas to allow them to work without interruption. It would soon be time for all of them to leave.

They had finally gotten permission to leave the space station. Their travel plans called for them to travel with Miral to her home. She would send the Captain a message just before they left. She could not see her to tell her because the Captain would immediately know the truth.

They weren’t going to Miral’s home. They would start in that direction, then, as soon as they could confirm they were not being tracked, they would rendezvous with Kahkar’s ship. Once they were safely on board, they were going for Kathryn B’Elanna. She didn’t know exactly what Kahkar had planned, but she knew she trusted him. That was all she needed to know.

The approval for their request to leave had come quickly and had taken them by surprise. They never expected the request to be processed so fast, and they found themselves unprepared. They had started packing immediately, and she was glad she and Ketaria had planned to communicate the very night their approval had come through. Ketaria had been as surprised as she had been. They both felt that the person who had threatened To’mas was behind the approval. It was obvious it was that person’s desire for B’Elanna to be totally out of the picture, and they were going to do their best to make that happen.

Their transportation had been arranged, and they would soon be leaving. She pulled the PADD from her pocket and read her message to Captain Janeway one more time. It hurt her to think about the emotional turmoil their leaving would bring her, but it could not be helped. To’mas and Kathryn B’Elanna were her priority. She just hoped that she would have the opportunity to make things right with the Captain one day, but she could not allow herself to be distracted by that desire right now. She had to stay focused, and she had to keep her mind quiet. A lot depended on her.

The computer announced a visitor. She looked at Tom, and he grinned at her.

"I’ll go make certain To’mas and Miral are ready." He turned to leave for the bedroom.

She quickly moved to open the door, and stood shocked at the visitor.

"Hello, B’Elanna. May I come in?"

She stared at Janeway, not certain what to say. As the Captain shifted uncomfortably in front of her, she finally found her voice, "Of course." She moved to allow her to enter.

Janeway walked in, her eyes showing her surprise at the packed bags. She turned to look at B’Elanna, a concerned look coming over her face, "Are you going somewhere?"

B’Elanna fought for her mental and emotional control, struggling to find the right words. She quickly understood the less she said, the better. "Yes."

"Oh." The Captain seemed uncertain, "May I ask where you are going?"

"We are going to spend time with my mother."

"Oh." Janeway’s face took on a look of sadness.

"I was going to send you a message."

"Oh." Janeway suddenly realized she was being painfully redundant. She gave herself a moment, then said, "I was hoping we could spend some time together. I have barely seen To’mas."

"Yes, well,…uh, I’m sorry, but we will be leaving as soon as our ride is here."

"Oh." She grimaced. She was doing it again. She really was not certain what to say. B’Elanna’s coldness and distance surprised her. She searched for a way to open the conversation, "Are you well, B’Elanna?"

She glanced away, "No, not really. I, uh, have been having problems. There were complications from some of my injuries. Mother felt that it would be best if we went to her home so my family could assist in caring for me and To’mas."

"I had no idea."

"Well, we haven’t really told many people about it."

"I would have been glad to help had I known."

B’Elanna quickly looked down, not wanting to look her Captain in the eyes. Lying to her was so hard, and she could tell that her words were causing the Captain pain. Still, she had no other choice. "There was just so much going on, and I knew you were…distracted. Besides, Mother was here."

"Yes. I’m sure her being here has been a big help to you."

B’Elanna heard it in her voice immediately. It surprised her. Janeway was jealous, but she was struggling not to show it. She closed her eyes, using all of the tools Ketaria had taught her to control herself. This was all so overwhelming for her. Plus, it was almost time for their pilot to arrive. She had to get Janeway out of the quarters and soon.

"Captain, I’m sorry, but we really do need to get ready. It is almost time for us to leave."

"Oh. Certainly. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hold you up." She glanced around the room, "But, I really was hoping to see To’mas."

"Captain…."

Janeway interrupted her, "B’Elanna, please. I’ve only seen him a few times. I promise not to take up much of your time."

She was starting to panic. She had to find a way to get the Captain to leave. With a heavy heart, she was starting to realize there was only going to be one way.

"No, I’m sorry. I can’t allow that."

"What?"

"I don’t want you to see him."

"B’Elanna?"

"No, please leave, Captain."

"I don’t understand."

"No, you don’t, do you?"

"No, I don’t." The Captain moved closer to her, her look confused and hurt.

"You never have understood," B’Elanna was allowing all of her anger to come out, hating herself even as she did it. "You have always thought everything I did was to honor Starfleet. You have always thought all of my efforts were to get Voyager home. It was never about Starfleet or Voyager. It was always about you. All I ever wanted was to make you proud, and all you ever thought about was getting back to the Alpha Quadrant. Look at what that cost us.

"And it was even more so for Seven. You were her focus. Everything she ever did was to make you proud. To gain your approval. And it cost her her life.

"No, Captain. You can’t see my son. And, you will never see me again. Tom and I are leaving. We are taking our son, and we are leaving. And now, I am asking you to leave, also." She stood, angry, her body shaking. She could see what her words had done to her Captain, and a part of her wanted to die. 

Janeway lowered her head, nodding, "I know, B’Elanna. Believe it or not, I know. You will never know how much I have thought about that since we got back." She raised her head to look into B’Elanna’s eyes, "If it gives you any comfort, I agree with you, and I carry that knowledge with me through every minute of the day."

She turned to leave, and B’Elanna had to force herself not to run after her, to beg her forgiveness and tell her everything. She made herself watch as the Captain walked toward the door. As she approached, the door opened, and B’Elanna caught her breath to see the pilot standing, hand raised to signal his presence. 

Janeway stopped and stared. All three people froze in their positions. Finally, Janeway slowly turned in her direction, and their eyes locked. After an eternity, Janeway spoke, her voice strange, "B’Elanna, I hope one day, you will find it in your heart to forgive me." She hesitated, then continued, her words coming out slowly, "Please know, I understand." 

Then, she turned and left, brushing quickly past the pilot still standing at the door. 

The pilot walked in, and the door closed behind him. B’Elanna collapsed in the closest chair, her body shaking with sobs and exhaustion. After a few minutes, she looked at the man standing in front of her. Her voice breaking, she said, "Let’s get out of here." 

Otoro nodded his head, and started gathering bags.