Admiral Kathryn Janeway disliked travelling on public transport. She understood where this hate came from, the delays, the shabby seats, the lack of discipline, but most of all, the lack of control. It all felt wrong.   She stood up and stretched, gazing sidelong through the windows of the shuttle bus. Standing was not allowed, but what the hell, let one of them dare complain. The bus was full, crammed with life forms from a various home worlds, all looking individual, but also all looking cramped and uncomfortable. She’d had to book last minute and was lucky to get a seat, looking downwards she concluded that it wasn’t much of a seat. 

“No standing Admiral, please.”  Janeway glared at the young co-pilot who smiled back nervously.  “I’m sorry Admiral.”

“It’s quite alright, how long?”

“Err, ETA 50 minutes. I’m sorry about the delay Admiral.”  She hated being ‘fussed’ even more than being ignored. Now, there were no in-between, people either knew her or they didn’t care. She was ‘Janeway of Voyager,’ a title she’d been stuck with since they returned.  Sitting back, Janeway sighed, the return journey was slowly becoming worse than the outward trip, which had been absolute hell. There were only a few people she’d willingly make this kind of sacrifice for, one of those had asked her. He had never requested her help before, even though she would have given it gladly. 

She looked up startled, the co-pilot had come over and was leering towards her.  “I’m sorry Admiral, err, make that another 60 minutes, we’ve got docking problems.”  She looked away and out towards the view of stars. She understood problems…real problems. 

“Doctor, it’s good to see you again.” Janeway had fallen into a hug from the EMH, she wasn’t sure who had started it, but it felt nice and special …. these days the Doctor never outwardly showed affection.

“Thank you for coming. I’m sorry about all this.” He let go and looked away awkwardly.“ You’ve always been a friend to Seven Admiral. She needs that.” 

Janeway noticed as he shot a worried look upstairs.  “You want me to go say hello Doctor?” She followed his look.

“I think she’s regenerating, I’m not sure.” He now looked at his feet, “she’s hardly said two words to me since we argued three days ago. I thought you might be able to reach her.”

Janeway gave him one of her best comfort smiles, “don’t worry Doctor, it can’t be all that bad.” She waited patiently for him invite her out of his hallway. She only had a small shoulder bag with essentials, (she figured she could replicate anything else) but it was starting to get heavy.

The Doctor seemed rooted, he stared at the door as though momentary considering escape. “ She…” his frame seemed to sink, “she knows about an infatuation I used to have for her and know she thinks I’m still in love.”

“You had a crush on Seven, really Doctor!” She laughed as his face turned another colour. “ I suspected as much.”
He lifted his right eyebrow, knitted his hands firmly behind his back and smiled shyly.  “But of course you’re over it now?” Janeway raised her eyebrows.

The look he gave her could have melted dialithium. “Of course! But she doesn’t think so…now she hates me.”

“She hasn’t gone, she’s still here, isn’t that a good sign?” Janeway placed a hand on his shoulder, “Now, are you going to invite me in Doctor, because if were staying here”, she pointed to the bare wooden floor, “ I’d like a cushion to sit on.”

He managed a smile, it stretched through the walk into his apartment, and “I suppose you want coffee.”

“Goes without saying.”

“You’re staying of course, I prepared the spare room and I’ve found a coffee filter,” he spun around walking backwards, “ and against my medical judgement, I brought some real coffee…with caffeine.”

“Now you’re talking.”

“Good afternoon Admiral.” They both looked upwards startled, the Doctor tried to turn back and almost fell over an armchair.”

“Seven, you’re awake.” He spluttered.

“I have not regenerated since yesterday,” as Seven began to descend, little Katherine ran past, taking two steps at a time. 

“Admol Jane!” little Kathryn flew into her arms as Janeway giggled, she loved that nickname. “It’s Admol Jane Doctor!” Janeway tried to hold still as Kathryn jumped about in excitement shouting, “Admol Jane, Admol Jane!”

It had been a long evening of short conversations, cold looks and diplomacy. Janeway was used to socialising in a strained atmosphere, but even her key role in the recent peace negotiations with Romulas had been less difficult than sitting with both Seven and the Doctor. 

The pleasure of playing with little Kathryn had made it more bearable. The child was so wonderfully open, full of joy and happiness…so different from her parents. Janeway vividly remembered Kathryn’s father, she had worked with him on several occasions, and sometimes she still came across him on Starfleet business. He was a Federation diplomat, but also a famous collector of beautiful things. He was young, talented, ambitious and ruthless. She had liked him at first, Chakotay had not, the Doctor had hated him. Of course she had been wrong, the man had been the opening chapter in a dire series of mistakes Seven had made; at least two failed relationships and as many affairs. Seven just couldn’t quite get to grips with love. 

It was late, little Kathryn had been put to bed and the adults sat on the balcony, overlooking the busy harbour with its boats and clear water. There was a sunset and Janeway had been amazed at its brilliance, coupled with the beautiful view, she knew Chakotay would love this place. The Doctor and Seven seemed not to notice, he stared at the ground and she at the table, and occasionally they exchanged hurt looks.

Janeway sighed, “You know, it’s obvious to me that you both care about each other. Why don’t you let this go.”

“Some care more than others Admiral.”

“Yes I do care Seven, it hurts me to loose your friendship,” he looked at Janeway. “At least I’m making an effort. And I want it made clear that I’m not some love sick, drooling puppy.” He pushed his chin up, “I was over that long ago.”

“How long ago Doctor, how many years did you secretly fantasize about sex with me?”  The Doctors jaw dropped and he pulled back.

“Seven shut up, Doctor sit down!” Janeway looked from hologram to Borg and thought carefully. She had been invited here to mend a friendship, a very long and deep friendship, but it was going to be difficult. She knew from training that the main aim of a successful negotiation is to understand the desires of both parties and reach a compromise. However, that was her problem, she had no idea what either of her friends wanted. It was clear that they both wanted something, that they were both hiding something, but they seemed unwilling to openly admit anything. 

Actually, when she thought about it, Janeway could probably guess what the Doctor wanted. Not that he was obvious, but because Seven had always been his Achilles heel. Despite everything, he had never stopped caring for Seven. He had spent time in building emotional barriers to distance himself from human relationships, but Seven had always blatantly walked right through them. Basically he didn’t want to be hurt and certainly not by Seven. Seven’s motives however, were unreadable. Not even her face held a clue to what she was feeling. Janeway needed to do a little probing, needed to get Seven alone, she looked around for inspiration.

“Ice cream,” she mumbled, this caught the attention of them both. There was a bar that sold fresh homemade ice cream opposite, she could clearly see the sign from where they sat. “Get some ice cream Doctor.”
He looked oddly at her and then turned towards the replicator. Janeway grabbed his shoulder, “No! No, I want homemade ice cream, from that bar… what does it say…peppermint chocolate.”

The Doctor sighed, looked downwards towards the small bar, “How long do you think it’ll take me to get this fresh ice cream?”

“At least ten minutes.”  He seemed on the point of asking Seven something, but shook his head in resignation and slowly moved away. Both Janeway and Seven sat in silence until his figure emerged from the shadows below and began to move across the busy street.

Seven turned her attention to the older women, “you wish to speak with me alone, so you have created a diversion for the Doctor.

Janeway smiled, “no points for the obvious.”

“Please proceed Admiral.”

“Seven, why haven’t you packed your bags and just walked away?”

Seven looked shocked, “you advise me to do so?”

“No, I asked why you haven’t done it already, you’re behaving like you want to, so what’s stopping you?”

“I also value my friendship with the Doctor, I have no desire to abandon it.” 

Janeway wasn’t convinced, there was more to it. Seven showed no signs of wanting reconciliation, she wanted punishment. Her stabbing remarks and cold attitude were aimed with that purpose in mind. A bluff needed to be called.  “It’s not working Seven, go.” She shook her head, “The two of you need a cooling off period. I think the best thing would be for you to come home with me.”

Seven starred silently at her hands, Janeway watched as she spent almost a minute struggling inwardly, until finally she turned her sharp blue eyes upwards.

“No, I will not leave, not until he tells me the truth, admits fault and apologises.”

“For what? Falling in love, that’s not a crime … as you well know.”

“He was wrong in this, he had no right to keep silent.”

“Seven, he’s not hurt you, not caused you any harm.” 

“He has, he kept silent and allowed me to be hurt.”

Janeway sat back, she was getting closer to the truth, she just needed to push a little more. “OK, so you think he messed things up for you, but do you honestly think he is capable of maliciously hurting you? Even I know he would never do that, not physically or emotionally. What you’re suggesting is that he deliberately gave you bad counselling?”

“No, I have always been apt at failing in relationships independently.” She looked out towards the ice cream bar, “all that could have been avoided, had he stated his intentions aboard Voyager.”

Janeway’s gaze followed Seven’s as she let those words sink in. So that was the problem, Seven was blaming him for all those failed relationships on the avoidance principal. Had she been in a relationship with the Doctor from the outset, all the pain over the years might have been avoided. Seven had a valid point, she felt cheated and wanted an explanation. If they been a confirmed couple, both of them would have been a lot happier. Seven’s numerous failed relationships would never have hurt her, the Doctor might have been a hell of lot more sociable, but they would have also been different. Failure and rejection had bought pain but also maturity and understanding to them, especially the Doctor. Returning home had cost him dearly, he no longer had the protection of his ‘family’ aboard Voyager, he had been forced to find his own path through the Federation and it hadn’t been easy. Janeway smiled sadly, he was not the same hologram that had spent hours happily lecturing them on holo-photography, or singing opera, with such simple, open enthusiasm. This man was totally different, he now guarded his emotions, his arrogance had vanished and left vulnerability, and this he was careful to hide with indifference. His personality had changed, he had depths, moods, deeper feelings…but he seldom smiled and never sang.
 
“Look Seven, you can’t hold the Doctor responsible for,” she struggled for the right word, “for your destiny.”

Seven wasn’t listening, “It should have been different. We’ve always shared our thoughts, I would have understood had he told me.”
“And that’s what friends do, share things, but sometimes people find it difficult to reveal personal things.”  Seven shot her a sceptical look, “The Doctor was very enthusiastic in regards to communication.”

“No, I mean love, it’s different, it frightens people.”

“The Doctor had no fear in expressing his love for Denara Pell.”

“Well no, but they weren’t close friends first, or he might not have felt responsible for her, or then again, she probably made the first move. I don’t know. Sometimes it feels ‘right,’ sometimes things seem wrong.” She smiled ruefully as she thought of her own past with Chakotay.  “Voyager wasn’t the right place to start a relationship. The pressure of work, the fear of failure, the closeness of everyone and everything. Janeway shook her head and twisted herself in her chair, “say you both started something years ago, it might have worked … but it could have easily failed. You learnt more about relationships from experience Seven, because they went wrong. Now you’ve got that experience, you can use it, at least your relationship with the Doctor hasn’t contributed to that.”

“But I’ve always looked to the Doctor as an example. His advice and his teachings were important. His influence effected my choice of personality in a potential mate. All his characteristics have been the template to judge every relationship.” She shook her head, “And I’ve found every relationship wanting.”

Janeway smiled, so that was were all of her intelligent, arrogant and opinionated lovers came from. “And now you realise that you could’ve had the real thing all along…do you love him?”

Seven looked uncomfortable, she was never good at talking about feelings. “It has never before occurred to me to analyse my relationship with him, as it has always been consistent.”

“That’s not an answer Seven.”

Seven was looking out towards the harbour, her eyes seemed to catch a sea bird and follow it for a moment before she let them settle on Janeway. “ Yes I love him, I always have. However, those feelings have been an extension of our friendship. I was shocked at first, when I suspected the Doctor of being physically attracted to me, it left odd…strange. I was resentful that he had been dishonest with me, it was uncharacteristic of him. Afterwards,  I thought it though logically, customised myself to the possibility of deepening our friendship,” she now looked downward as though in shame. “Now I believe I should like to expand our relationship sexually.”

Janeway fell silent and tried not to let her mouth fall open. She had opened ‘a can of worms’, as her father would say. What advice should she give? Seduce him tonight Seven? Give him time? Leave now? She didn’t want to openly admit to Seven, but she was frightened for them both. They both deserved something wonderful to happen in their lives … this could work beautifully… or be disastrous.  “Then, if that’s how you feel Seven, you both need to talk.”

“No, he was correct when he stated he no longer desires me. He thinks only of protecting himself from emotional pain, I am his friend, he would allow nothing more.” She looked angry again, “He has now withdrawn that opportunity.”

“Well, friendship’s a start. And if you don’t mind me saying so, you’re not exactly behaving like his friend.” Seven looked away as Janeway continued, “Forgive him Seven, or at least try not to hurt him anymore. You have friendship and who knows where that could lead. I know you can find a way to get though to him, you always have, just give it time, and there’s still plenty of time, you’re only 36, that’s nothing compared to, well compared to me.”

As though on que, the Doctors voice shouted from below, “Ready to eat?”

“Get it here before it melts,” Janeway replied.  They both sat in silence and listened to the shuffling noises that preceded the Doctors arrival. He eventually burst onto the balcony, his arms full of containers.

“One peppermint chocolate for the Admiral, one garner ripple and dudu fruit for little Kathryn, I’ll put it on stasis for tomorrow,” he placed the tub carefully to one side. “And one vanilla, walnut and toffee,” he pushed the tub in Seven’s direction without looking. 
Seven grasped the container and stared. For a moment she said nothing, her face looked distant. Then she turned, “I remember, it was one of our last days in the Delta Quadrant.”

He was clearing away the packaging, his back facing her. “You practically ate the replicators out that night.”

“You prescribed ice-cream as a cure for depression.”

He glanced over his shoulder, “I did not, I suggested joining Naomi Wildeman as an alternative to moaping around my sick-bay moaning about Starfleet.” He turned to Janeway, “Naomi was eating ice-cream in the mess-hall with Neelix. I sent Seven down, next thing she’s back in my sickbay complaining of sickness. Apparently a sudden fondness for a particular flavour,” he pointed to the tub in Seven’s hands, “and Neelix couldn’t stop her eating, she almost went though a months rations in an hour and was extremely ill afterwards.”  Seven took a mouthful, closed her eyes and then placed the tub carefully down. She turned to the Doctor and held out her hand.  He looked carefully at Seven’s hand, then sideways at Janeway, who nodded encouragement. Eventually he gently placed his own hand against hers.”

“Friends?” Janeway stated triumphantly.

There was a slight, but noticeable hesitation before they finally looked at each other. “FRIENDS” they said in unison and shook hands.

“Good.” Janeway gave them both one last worried look before she picked up her spoon and began eating. It was a start, they were both far from resolving their problems, but at least they were talking.

“Admiral, Admiral!” Janeway was startled, her eyes quickly focused on her own reflection, also registering the reflection of the young co-pilot behind her, she turned sharply. 

“Yes!”

“Sorry to disturb you Admiral, but we’ve docked.” He was smirking again.

Janeway peered through the shuttle bus at the view ahead and then around at the empty seats. She was getting older, loosing her sharpness, or may-be she was just tried. She closed her eyes, breathed sharply and then deliberately sat further back, “ Thank you Mr…” she opened one eye and peered at his badge, “Mr Lloyd, I’ll let you know when I’m ready to leave, in the meantime could you let the base commander Chakotay know I’ve arrived.”

“Yes Ma'am.”

‘I’m home again,’ Janeway thought with a smile.

To Be Continued...