He looked around for an appropriate solid object, there where several options, the Vulcan meditation lamp presented itself as the most suitable. It felt good, it’s fragile realness, the sudden violence and to hear the shatter of it’s impact with the wall, accompanied by the word ‘shit’ for emphasis.    
 
Instinctively his eyes darted upstairs, it was unlikely that Seven was resting yet, but the possibility of disturbing Kathryn was unforgivable. His auditory circuits failed to register any disturbance, then his eyes finally rested on the sofa, and he threw himself into it with resignation, mumbling another ‘shit’ before he buried his head with his arms.  What had they done? Everything was destroyed between them. This was more…more than loosing an old acquaintance, it was like having part of his program torn out.
Why did she affect him still? Even now, his whole existence was rooted to her welfare. He had been fooled into thinking he no longer wanted her, his love for her had been long overshadowed by so many other dramatic events, it had seemed to pale. Now he felt it colour again. 

He had been blind, more so than Seven, she had simply never seen his feelings, he had stopped looking…..until tonight.

“Seven! How nice,” his program, suddenly brighter, projected a look of pleasant surprise. “Come in. Look at that rain, you’ll get wet”. He stooped to relieve her of the heavy bags.
 
“Irrelevant, we are already wet.” She snatched the bags away from him and coldly moved past, pushing something against his legs.
 
The Doctor’s smile plummeted. He stared at the now closed door, only moving when he felt a gentle pressure against his knees.  “Hello Kathryn”, he bent down and recaptured a smile, removing the small child from his legs to his lips. “Little Pumpkin, did you miss me?”  She nodded and he pushed away the wet hair from her bright face. She suddenly hugged him fiercely.

“Mummy’s been crying” she whispered.

“Well it’s all right now”, he carried her into the main room.

Seven glared at him as they entered, she now stood by the window, looking out, clearly upset, but waiting.  “It is late Doctor, Kathryn will require rest.”  Katherine was hugging harder, her eyes closed.

The Doctor paused, his program processing information, analyzing his next move. Normally he was unaware of this, but at times he felt helpless, so many possible actions and reactions.

“Little Kathryn”, he slowly and gently detached himself , then smiled into her blue eyes, “How about I take you to the yellow room, with the fish... you can sleep in the big bed?” She nodded, but then reattached herself to his neck. 
 
He hugged back for a moment, while sadness overwhelmed him, Seven had turned her back to them. “Give me ten minutes Seven.”   It had been longer, the Doctor had waited until Kathryn was asleep, perhaps out of concern, probably because of cowardice. He placed a kiss on her head and steeled himself,  Seven was still waiting downstairs, pacing the room.

“Seven ... you look upset,” it was pathetic, but all he could think of.  

“Kathryn is asleep?”  There was guilt in her eyes, but she held her chin high. “I am not neglectful Doctor. For Kathryn's own emotional development, it is best she not witness my present mood. It may disturb her.” 

“It’s disturbing me Seven, wha....”

“YOUR emotional welfare is of no interest, Your motives are, why have you done this to me!”
His mouth fell open, how could he give an answer to that.  She waited.

He folded his arms and looked away “What have I done.” 

“You have consistently interfered when your services were not required. You lead me to believe your friend Hardwick was trustworthy, he was not. You have lied to me. I have been mislead and deceived.”

“You’re not making any sense  Seven!” There was no need to shout, but he still found it difficult to control his emotional subroutines.

“Kathryn is asleep.”

“I know, I’m sorry” he hissed. “What have I done?”

“You should have warned me about Hardwick. When he left this morning, he indicated that you were aware of his motives, infact you had encouraged him to end the relationship.”

“Hardwick walked out?”

“At your request.”

“Good, you’re better off without him.”

“That was not your concern.”

“You said it yourself, he was  ‘untrustworthy’.”

“So you assisted him in leaving me.”

“Of course not!”   He thought back to his last meeting with Hardwick. Hardwick was Seven’s most recent romance, the third since she divorced Little Kathryn’s father.  Hardwick was a 'brilliant' marine biologist with seventeen individual qualifications, and an ego to match. He had desperately needed information about the Delta quadrant, the man would have slept with a Trillion mud worm to get one-step closer. Hardwick had originally shadowed the Doctor, asking persistent questions, so the Doctor had selfishly pushed him in the direction of Seven. Seven had naïvely mistook the Doctor’s motives and had interpreted the introduction as romantic, she had treated their first meeting like a blind date. Hardwick couldn’t believe his luck and had smugly thanked the Doctor for his ‘services.’ It was a sordid affair. A total disaster for Seven. All Hardwick wanted was information, the sex had been treated as an extra. The Doctor could see what was happening, had seen Seven hurt before and should have acted sooner, but Seven seemed contented. Eventually he had attempted to talk with Hardwick, but the man accused him of being envious, saying he wanted her for himself.
 “I might have mentioned to him that it was better for everyone if he left, took the next ship to his precious Delta Quadrant and lost himself ... but that was three months ago Seven.”

“If you were suspicious of his character, why not inform me?”

The Doctor struggled to keep pace with her.  “You were besotted Seven,” he threw his arms into the air, “who am I to make character judgements.”

“You recommended him as a romantic partner, I trusted your judgement.”

“I wanted you to help his research, you chose to sleep with him,’ he was determined she didn’t send all the blame his way, ‘... and I never lied to you, nor did I deceive you.”

“You initiated the relationship out of self pity!”

“What!”

“You have feelings for me, which you chose to hide. Allowing me to fail with unsuitable relationships would ensure my continued friendship and protect those feelings.”

“That’s just not true Seven.”

“Hardwick told me. Are you in love with me, do you deny it?”

“You believe Hardwick?

“Do you deny it?”

He was confused, he’d never expected her to ask like this. In the old days he’d spent hours preparing and rehearsing confessions of love, but this shocked him.  “No,” he couldn't even look at her.

“So it is true” she was clearly hurt as her voice shook. An awful cloak of blackness, full of fear, embarrassment and shame, came between them. The Doctor lifted his eyes, somewhere in his program a distant thought was processed ‘I’ve said it at last.’
Seven stepped back and looked at him oddly, “ You where my best friend Doctor… a reliable friend, I no longer consider you such.”

“I’m sorry Seven,” he moved forward, tried to reach out.

“Don’t touch me” She pushed his hand away with her right arm and placed a blow to his head with her left. The Doctor couldn't be hurt physically, but the shock had knocked him to the wall. He hadn’t recovered before she hit him again, striking at him blindly. He grabbed her wrists, shifted position, pushing her against the wall.

“Seven, stop it!”

Her eyes were wet, but her voice was firm and full of venom, “Why have you done this to me? This ‘friendship’ has been a deception, I allowed you to become close to me, to advise me,” she seemed to be recalling shared memories, but with a new look of horror. “I allowed you to comfort me.... to hold me. You encouraged that trust to feed your own lust.” She became aware of his closeness with a look of disgust. “I do not want this.”
 
He snatched his hands away from her wrists and let them fall to his sides. Again, his program paused, processing information, analyzing his next move. “I’m sorry Seven, please!”  She treated his plea with a look of contempt.

“You wish me to forgive you, to allow our friendship to continue, when you still desire me physically,” she suddenly smiled darkly, mocking him. “Is this what you want? ” She pulled his hand upwards and placed it roughly against her breast, “is this how you would use my trust.” He pulled the hand away, as though burnt.

“Don’t do this.” 

 But it’s what you want, is it not? ”

“No, not like that.” He deliberately looked into her eyes, without shifting and forced himself to be open, get the truth right, everything had become so twisted. His program struggled to keep pace with his emotions. “I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy. Whoever it was with ... all the times, when you where with others, I was happy for you. Yes I loved you, but  not in some sordid warped way, I’m innocent of this Seven.” She looked away at those last words, refused to meet his eyes, he went on nevertheless. 
“I tried to protect you, but I never interfered. And I never meant for you to fall for Hardwick but when you did, I kept away.” She brought her arms up to cover her face as he continued. “Whatever Hardwick said about me wanting you to be hurt, to protect my love, just isn't true. I know I’ve lost you as a friend, but I want you to understand, I never abused that friendship. I promise Seven.”

“You wish me to trust you again ... after this.”

“ No, but I want you to know that this was not deliberate Seven,” he genitally pushed an arm away from her face, then lifted her chin to look at him. “ Friend or not, I will always be here....  for you and little Kathryn.” He let his hand fall again, not wanting her to misunderstand his need to touch. They were both exhausted, both hurt, both angry. Seven attempted to walk away, but fell back against the wall. She said nothing, only shook her head. He wondered whether this was an indication of denial, a reaction to his touch, or simply a symptom of frustration. For over three minutes she didn’t speak or look and he began to feel the new force field between them strengthen. He suddenly felt awkward and for the first time, became aware of violating her personal space. He pulled away and stood looking out the window, as she had done. The room was now silent
 
Eventually she spoke, “I need time ... I need to understand this.” She had attempted to mask her voice in emotional detachment, but she sounded tired. Pushing away from the wall she moved to a small monitor that constantly scanned the ‘yellow’ room upstairs, she seemed to stare at it for some time, then she glanced at one of the bags now forgotten, “I need a room to regenerate.” She pulled the bag to her, indicating it held her portable regenerator, but without turning his head, he moved his arm to sweep the whole upstairs. “Take your pick Seven.” She moved away, alone.

Sitting alone on the sofa, he thought over how it could have been different, all the things he should have said. He pulled his arms tighter around his head as he recalled all the things she had said. He had acted emotionally, allowed her to see weakness, allowed himself to become hurt. Amendments should have been made to his programme to ensure this would not happen again, feeling pain again. He had suffered enough. Perhaps it would have been better to just wipe out his emotional sub-routines and have done with it. 
 
“Computer, play program 2-3-2, track 7, volume at 3 ” Soft music filled the room, accompanied by the scent of wild flowers. Once again he fell into the sofa, buried his head, closed his eyes and tried not to think about Seven.

To Be Continued...