Whisper Not

Oh, kids, Doc Nagel is flummoxed.

I'm sure you've seen TV ads for high-tech gizmos featuring taglines that are conspiratorily whispered. The first I noticed was the Sega Dreamcast ad that said "[sotto voce] It's thinking!"

Ewuhwuwuhuhuh!!! Get that thing away from me!

But that's the problem: why would anyone think a creepy whisper would sell something? If I was considering buying some allegedly crypto-satanic unfathomable thingamajig, practically the worst thing a marketing bastard could do to instill in me that reverie called "consumer confidence" would be to stage-whisper in my ear!

Other recent ads have offered us various sweet nothings about what video games or cars we should buy, what e-commerce sites we should visit, even what food we should eat. I have thought a bit about this, and come up with a few possible motivations for this new trend. Now I'm offering visitors to this page a chance to vote for their favorite!

Since I posted this review, I have received numerous responses to the survey. Thus far, it looks like this (numbers rounded down):

Sexy: 11%

Makes consumers gullible: 11%

Ad agency stupidity: 11%

Scaring consumers: 5%

Hypnosis: 41%

Conspiracy: 29% (but I think this number was the result of a plot).

Add your own opinion. You could be part of a marketing miracle!

Why whispering is presumed to sell:

It's just plain sexy!
Difficulty hearing advertising claim makes consumers more gullible.
Advertising agencies are not bright enough to come up with innovative slogans.
Loud whispers scare the beejeezus out of consumers, making them ripe for sales pitch.
Quiet voiceover obscures possibly legally-binding claim about product capability.
Calming voice hypnotizes viewers, making them susceptible to suggestions to buy useless products.
Bizarre, pointless ad campaigns are evidence of twisted government plot to cover alien invasion.

After selecting one of the above options and clicking on the circle to mark your ballot, please submit your vote by clicking on the button below:

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