The Cave
Fine Dining and Entertainment
Welcome.
You have chosen philosophy's only 5-Star, Fully Accredited, AAA-Approved restaurant. We hope your stay with us is enjoyable. If there is anything we can do to make your dining experience more pleasant, please do not hesitate to inform the Management.
We like to think that the experience at The Cave is one that you will treasure long after you have left. Dining, we feel, is a process of first eating, or interpreting your food through the mouth into the digestive tract. The next step is that of actually digesting the food, gaining an understanding of the food qua food, or food in itself. With each morsel the process continues. (The writing of that which has been interpreted, being forever distorted, is something you do on the way out of the restaurant in the appropriately marked rooms. Although some say that the actual meaning of the food that is digested is eternally deferred, the state still requires all food establishments to maintain functional water-closets in the event that the deferral should stop.)
But don't take our word for it. World-renowned dining critics have ranked The Cave among the "best dining experiences, probably the best dining experience there ever was." Others, such as Martin Heidegger, say that The Cave "represents the fourfold in the onefold. Much like a jug of wine, the gods have surely filled this place with fine cooks, great food, and a reasonable price." Hans-Georg Gadamer commented that The Cave "represents the fourfold in the onefold. Much like a jug of wine, the gods have surely filled this place with fine cooks, great food, and a reasonable price." Karl Marx has said, "It was good. I really liked the Nihilist Vegetable. But only the bourgeoisie can afford it. Lucky for me, Fred picked up the tab."
If you have any questions or comments, please write them on your napkin and our doorman, Mr. Richard Rorty, will be glad to reflect upon it, naturally.
We have done all we can to make this a pleasurable experience. Now it is up to you to make your "Ordre du discours."
Menu
Appetizers
1. Potatoes
| Tractatus: We make it. We make it with our hands and our soils and our pots. We make it for others. We make it to be eaten. We try to make it to be eaten by others such that it makes others who eat that which we make to be eaten pleased to have eaten that which we make. Then again, no. |
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| Zeitgeist: Old-world style potatoes cooked with fatback for six-and-a-half hours at a temperature of 261 degrees in Leipzig. |
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| Lebenswelt: Share this delight before your meal: sliced spuds fried in almond oil, served with a grain of salt. |
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2. Chips
| German Idealism: Potato chips and Ranch dressing. |
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| Metaethics: Tortilla chips with choice of mild, medium, or charged sauce. |
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| Telos: Corn chips at the peak of perfection topped with melted Cheezwhiz |
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3. Soups
| Dialectical: Don't object to this moment of pure bliss. |
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| Nihilist Vegetable: Garden fresh select overripe veggies with cholesterol-free egg noodles, whipped into a frenzy. |
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| Sun Tzu: Deceptively good hot Chinese style blood and guts wonderment |
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Side Orders
1. Vegetables
| Will to Power: Refried beans in a bed of succulent lettuce. |
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| Pragmatism: A ground avocado flavored with onions, lemon, salt, pepper and our savory seasonings, served with your choice of lettuce or tortilla chips. |
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| Pragmaticism: A ground avocado flavored with onions, lemon, salt, pepper and our savory seasonings, served with your choice of lettuce or tortilla chips. |
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2. Salads
| Angst: Chopped cabbage with a flavorful vinagrette. |
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| Alienation: A wonderful salad of cooked artichokes, Brussels sprouts, eggplant, zucchini, and lima beans. |
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| Ergo sum: A salad for the calorie-conscious, with light French dressing. |
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3. Miscellany
| Empirical skepticism: A quiche for the straw man. |
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| Intersubjectivity: Rolled in toasted oats and deep fried. |
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| Angel Hair: With Aquinas sauce. |
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Entrees
1. Beef
| Kierkegaard over Toast: Our answer to shit on a shingle. Chipped Soren, burned black, boiled, dropped (twice) and flung into a sticky gravy, dished onto two pieces of raw toast. |
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| Veal Logos: Medallions of veal, broiled in butter with herbs and shallots. For the discerning meat lover. |
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| Category: Cooked to your specifications - | |
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2. Fish
| Leviathan: Broiled with cilantro, parsley, and a dash of cheyenne. |
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| Stanley: Whitefish, brought up in a Puritan school, cooked with Yankee seasonings, served on a Currier and Ives decorative plate before 8 pm only. Special care is taken to ensure that only White Anglos have handled your serving. Served with white bread and milk. A cultured dish. |
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| Filet of Saussure: Fried whalemeat served synchronously as it is ordered. |
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3. Fowl
| Henri Bergson: In wine sauce, with green peppers and |
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| Rawls in Gravy: Breaded fried Rawls with sawmill gravy. |
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| Matrix: Filet of chicken, seasoned with garlic, tarragon and sage, dredged in stale bread crumbs, for a special taste you'll find familiar. |
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Desserts
1. Frozen
| Eidos: Home made in six flavors: strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, cherry, chocolate chip, and rocky road. |
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| Episteme: Orange, lime and rainbow - low cholesterol. |
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| Freedom (in season): A sliced banana covered in Eidos, with syrup, nuts, cherries, and served with a smile. |
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2. Pastries
| Apophantic logic: A flaming confection for the perfect, moving end to your meal. |
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| Flux: A light confection, with cream and sugar and some berries, not for the dieting type, fresh and light as air. |
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| $1.75 | $3.25 | |
| Nothingness: |
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3. Cakes
| Metaphysics: The cake baked upside-down! |
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| Ontology: Dark chocolate cake with a creamy topping of nuts and cocoanut. |
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| Intentionality: Put this wonderful thing in front of you and you'll fall for its light airy texture and rich vanilla icing. |
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Beverages
| Wines | Glass | Carafe |
| Chateau Foucault | $2.50 | $2.75 |
| Syllogism | $2.10 | $0.50 |
| Sein und Zeit | $3.00 | $12.00 |
| Prolegomena | $2.95 | $8.95 |
| Principia Ethica | $0.55 | $1.95 |
| Merleau-Ponty | $1.75 | $4.75 |
| La Volonte de Savoir | $2.75 | $9.25 |
| L'Ecriture et la Difference | $4.00 | $12.50 |
| Lebensentausserung | $2.75 | $4.95 |
| Beer | Stein | Pitcher |
| Domestics | ||
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$1.00 | $4.95 |
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$1.00 | $4.95 |
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$2.75 | $2.75 |
| Imports | ||
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$1.75 | $6.00 |
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$1.75 | $6.95 |
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$1.25 | $3.88 |
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$0.95 | $2.95 |
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$1.95 | $7.75 |
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$1.25 | $4.95 |
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$1.50 | $6.75 |
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$2.00 | $7.00 |
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$2.75 | $8.25 |
Non-Alcoholic
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$0.85 |
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$2.00 |
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$0.75 |
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$0.50 |
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$0.79 |
Entertainment
In addition to providing fine food, we at The Cave also seek to make your dining experience both unique and fulfilling by offering a full line of entertainment for you to enjoy during your well prepared, exquisite meal.
MONDAY: Mondays are anything but blue at The Cave. We feature fine jazz by T. W. Adorno and the Dialectical Jazz Quintet. This fine group of players has entertained the dignitaries of the Continent, and we have booked them every Monday night - for you! Cover: $2.00
TUESDAY: For those of our clientele that prefer a more modern touch, we present the band Will to Truth. A uniquely modern mix of pop, dance, mild blues, and good ol' R-n-R! Be sure to bring your dancing shoes, for you will want to dance the night away to the sounds of Will to Truth. (no cover)
WEDNESDAY: Open Mike Walzer Night (closed)
THURSDAY: We haven't forgotten the ladies! Thursday is Ladies' Night! But this is no ordinary Ladies' Night - au contraire! Entertainment will be provided by Andrea Dworkin, singing "I Am Woman," Betty Friedan in her hit Broadway one-person play The Act That Has No Name, and various other feminists, including Helene Cixous speaking French. Gin and Tonics are only one dollar and Bloody Mary's are fifty cents. (Men: no cover; ladies: $3.00)
FRIDAY: If you're tired of music, want a change of pace, or have had dreams of being onstage yourself, Friday is your night! The Cave proudly presents Amateur Night, hosted by none other than the old philosopher himself, Karl Marx. A fun evening of laughs, jokes, and general merriment. On special nights, Karl may spin his favorite yarn -- and we all know how funny it is!
SATURDAY: Early in the evening (until 10:00 pm) enjoy the relaxing sounds of
easy-listening, played by one of Europe's most famous nightclub deejays, Baruch
"Spin"-oza. In the late hours, hold on to whatever is near, as we
presented the Bertrand Russell Travelling Fantasy Show. You'll see Ludwig
Wittgenstein jump out of a cake, wearing nothing but a sweater! See Jacques Derrida
meticulously find the one strand that holds the entire sweater together, and
Watch Ayn Rand - well - watch Ayn Rand! Definitely adult entertainment! (No
cover)
SUNDAY: Sundays are special, after all, God created them for the express purpose of rest. So instead of staying home watching the late football game, why not join us for "I and Thou Night." Martin Buber is your host for a wholesome evening of relating to each other authentically as subjects. Wear your hats! Martin will award a door prize for the man and woman with the best hat.