In a series of debates between Democratic and Republican candidates, the public has been given the opportunity to see the various distinctions between the party standard-bearers on policy issues. In the most recent debate, the candidates discussed foreign policy with an emphasis on the Middle East.

Speaking first, Texas Governor George W. Bush spoke well of the Clinton Administration's efforts to curb violence and promote peace between Israel and the Palestinians. Vice President Al Gore concurred, adding that as President he would make stopping the violence "the number one priority."

Regarding Kosovo and Yugoslavia, Gore defended the Administration's intervention as needed to stop ethnic cleansing and to keep promises to allies in NATO. Bush also claimed that troop deployments in the Baltics were warranted for "our national interests."

The candidates also agreed on the long-standing American policy of not intervening in Africa. "Well, to hell with them," Bush said. Not to be outdone, Gore responded, "Rwanda? $#%@^ 'em."

Moderator Jim Lehrer seemed surprised by this outburst and reminded both candidates that the debate was being broadcast live on national television. "I would expect the American people are more interested in hearing what differences distinguish the two of you," Lehrer said. He added, "They can always hear that kind of talk on HBO."

Speaking out of turn, Governor Bush replied angrily to Lehrer's scolding, warning the NewsHour host that "I could just jump over this desk and pound your ass if you don't watch your step." Gore again upped the ante, telling Lehrer, "Jim, as I've said many times in the past, dating from my time representing Tennessee in the United States Senate, I am easily capable of ripping your $%#@ off and shoving it up your %$^."

Turning to domestic policy, Lehrer asked both candidates to state their positions on spending priorities, noting that in the last debate Gore had accused Bush of offering a disproportionately large tax break to the very rich. "Lemme tell you, Jim," Bush responded, "I wasn't going to mention this - did you know Tipper Gore is nothing but a bow-legged slut?"

Lehrer interrupted quickly. "Governor Bush, I think the two of you should really be addressing the questions and issues here."

"You want to know my spending priorities?" an irritated Bush responded. "I'll tell you my spending priorities. My top priority is closing Tipper Gore's legs!"

"You wouldn't have any trouble doing that," Gore interjected. "Tipper loves a real man, not a &^%$-less little twit."

Lehrer attempted to regain control of the debate by posing a new question - a tactic he repeated throughout the 90-minute exchange. "Turning to gun control now; Vice-President Gore, what is your policy on gun control laws? What would you do as President?"

"Never mind gun control, Jim," Gore replied. "Let's talk about $%&% control. I've got it; my opponent doesn't. Ask anybody! Ask Michelle Miller of Wenosha, Wisconsin. My opponent ^&%$-ed her, she said it was over in 30 seconds. I ^&%$-ed her, she begged me to stop, then she begged me to never stop. Now I'm not saying my opponent is incapable of satisfying a woman. Michelle Miller is, but I'm not."

At that point Bush stood up quickly, knocking his chair over behind him. Pulling at his pants' zipper, Bush shouted, "Come on! Let's just see who's got a bigger trouser snake! You &$*&!"

Again Lehrer interrupted the candidates with another question. "Turning to defense policy, Governor Bush, you have said you would spend part of the budget surplus to rebuild military readiness. What specifically would you spend the money on?"

Bush answered by claiming that military morale had declined during the Clinton Administration. Bush blamed the morale problem on the Administration's "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding homosexuals in military service. Instead, Bush said, his policy would improve morale "by requiring f- gays in the military to wear pink uniforms with feather boas at all times. That way the real men in our armed forces would know whom they should assault or whom they can rape without reprisal." Bush concluded that "this would give a big boost" to morale.

Gore disagreed, noting that "my opponent really seems to like talking about &^(^#&@-ers. If I were a voter, I would wonder why he's so interested in &^(^#&@-ers and &^(^#&@-ing in the military. Could he be a &^(^#&@-er as well?"

Lehrer attempted to turn the discussion to a new issue. "This brings up the question of your policies towards gay and lesbian marriage. Both of you supported the defense of marriage act. Can you explain why?"

Gore explained, "Well I don't know about Mr. &^(^#&@-er over there, but for my own sake it's obvious that marriage is sacred and that &^(^#&@-ers are an abomination."

Bush replied to the question and to Gore: "If you call me a &^(^#&@-er one more time..."

Gore interrupted, "What'll you do, &^(^#&@-er? Will you $%#@ my %$#&? That's what &^(^#&@-ers do, isn't it? Gosh, I'm glad I'm not a &^(^#&@-er. I'd miss getting all that ^%#@&* on the campaign trail."

The Election will be held November 7.