From wire reports -- On Monday, presumed GOP Presidential nominee George W. Bush announced his plan to permit Americans to invest their Social Security fund in the stock market. In response, all-but-final Democratic Presidential nominee Al Gore charged that Bush's plan was risky and dangerous. (See Gore Slams Bush on Social Security).
Tuesday, Bush revealed another plan. "Al Gore says risk it's too danger the stock market to put to invest," Bush said. "If he's afraid of risk or he's not sure then what it is - you can't be afraid of economic success. And Al Gore is afraid."
Bush explained that under his new plan, there is no risk because there is no initial investment cost. "You taxpayer won't there is nothing to lose. You put nothing down."
Bush claimed that the secret to this financial wizardry is simple. Under the plan, the Social Security system would be replaced with what Bush called "Personal Financial Freedom," or PerFF. Attaining PerFF involves finding good deals on the real estate market - repossessed homes, homes in need of repairs, and so on - and then selling them at considerable profit. But the best part of PerFF is how easy it is to get started. Investors would be able to secure short-term loans to buy properties without making a downpayment. After selling the same properties for double or triple the purchase price, as the Bush plan estimates, investors would make a large profit, "maybe 700, 800 percent" according to Bush.
"Think about your town," Bush said. "There's always 20, 30 repos waiting to be scooped up. Our large immigrant population is always they're they get kicked out they're evicted because where they come from they're not used to our system where people pay for their homes. They're not used to it, that's all. It's not that they're dumb or stupid or lazy, they just don't understand our system. And that way you can earn huge profits!"
The new Bush plan is based on the investment strategy of prominent public speaker Tom "Too Tall" Morten. Bush reportedly attended Morten's seminar, "Achieving Personal Financial Freedom - Don't Be Afraid of Economic Success!" last Saturday in Memphis. Bush aides say he was impressed with Morten's real estate acumen as well as the refreshments. "He's never had nachos before," according to one aide.
Asked why this financial strategy had never been widely used, given its simplicity and guaranteed results, Bush said, "You can't be afraid of economic success."
Al Gore, hearing of the plan, claimed there were "huge, gaping, abyssal holes" in it. Speaking in Boston to the American Association of Licensed Podiatrists, Gore criticized Bush's plan as "incredibly stupid." Gore claimed that Bush's figures don't add up. "How can you make 700% on dumps like that? He's clearly forgetting how much damage an immigrant family can do to a home in the three to six months it takes to evict."
The Gore campaign also claimed that Tom "Too Tall" Morten does not actually employ the real estate investment plan he pitches in his seminars. They claim Morten's chief source of income is giving public talks, including "Achieving Personal Fulfillment," "Achieving Educational Success," and "Achieving Mental Health."
Gore also announced his own plan to reform Social Security, with the more modest aim of guaranteeing that the current system will remain solvent after baby boomers have retired. In Gore's plan, the Social Security fund would be augmented by the circulation of a letter from one baby-boomer household to the next. The letter would instruct each recipient to mail a dollar bill to the previous sender, then make 10 copies of the letter and mail them to 10 friends. As the letter circulated, Gore claimed, "everyone will multiply their investment ten times - that's a 1000% profit! Hah! Let Bush top that!"
In response to claims that Gore's plan amounted to a pyramid scheme, Gore aides retorted: "Sure, if PYRAMID stands for Public Investment Return and Monetary Income Distribution. Everybody wants more monetary income. Nobody wants to be a slumlord, except George W. Bush."
The election is November 7.