Putting Your Prose on a Diet: Revised Sentences
Putting Your Prose on a Diet

Meaningless Modifiers and Empty Phrases

For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity
generally depends on certain factors that are really more
psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect.

**American industrial productivity depends more on psychology than on technology.

In my opinion, we should file the appropriate papers in the
event that we are unable to meet the deadline.

**We should file the appropriate paper if we are unable to meet the deadline.

Replace Phrases With Single Words There has been an increase in the number of universities
offering adult education courses due to the fact that more
adults are seeking additional education.

**More universities are offering adult education courses because
more adults are seeking additional education (even better: "because
of an increase in demand")

Academese/Jargon

For years the indigenous body politic of South Africa
attempted to negotiate legal enfranchisement without result.

**For years the native population of South Africa negotiated in vain
for the right to vote.

When our progenitors reach their silver-haired and golden
years, we frequently ensepulcher them in homes for senescent
beings as if they were already among the deceased.

**When our parents become old, we frequently bury them in
old-age homes as if they were already dead.

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