Pairing(s): Nick/Justin. (no surprise here =P)

Disclaimer: People are not mine. Story is not real.

Warning(s): Crossover. Angst. M/M relationship. Language.

Rating(s): PG-13

Summary: Read and find out. (I suck at these)

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“J?” Cameron called out as he walked back into their bedroom and headed over to the closet.

Looking back over his shoulder at the bed, “Hey, didn’t mean to wake you,” he said. “Go back to sleep.” He shivered a little at the coolness of the room.

Cameron blinked sleepily a few times before pushing herself up into a seated position, looking at him for a few moments. “I’m going to miss you,” she said, her face taking up a frown.

Justin felt his chest tighten as he took in a deep breath. Looking back into the closest, his hands on his hips he said, “I’m gonna miss you too. But I won’t be gone long… just this weekend. I’ll be home before you know it, promise.” He grabbed a pair of jeans and a Harley Davidson vintage Tee before walking over to his dresser and rummaging through it for a fresh pair of boxers. Within moments he pulled on his boxers, removed his towel from around his waist, put on his jeans as well as his shirt. He then walked over to the bed and sat down beside her on the edge.

“I love you,” Justin said looking deep into her pale blue eyes, meaning it from the bottom of his heart. “Besides you’ve got Lucy coming over later today and then Drew’s coming tomorrow night… you won’t have time to miss me.” He smiled at her before leaning over and pressing a kiss to her forehead and then to her lips.

She smiled at him. “Maybe so, but still… I’m going to miss you.”

Justin nodded his head fighting off the sigh that was threatening to come out. He got up and headed over to his closet again, taking out a duffle bag and filling it with clothes for the weekend.

“It’s just us guys this weekend and you got your girl thing that you women do…” Justin trailed off wondering which t-shirt’s he should pack…the baby blue one or the dark blue one? He then grabbed them both and stuffed them in the duffle.

Cameron eyed her boyfriend curiously. “How come you’re packing your best clothes if you’re only seeing your guys?” She asked.

Justin swallowed hard not wanting to and hating to lie to her. He gave her his Timberlake smirk that not even she could resist and waggled his brows. “You know me, gotta look good at all times.” And when she laughed and called him a dork he turned back around, his back to her, and frowned. Once everything was packed and he had what he needed, he put on his shoes and kissed Cameron. “Go back to sleep, it’s still early,” he told her as he got up and headed out of the room and out of their house and over to his car and then drove out of LA towards Las Vegas. All the while he was lost in thought and by the time he’d reached his hotel his mind had already been made up and his plan was set in action. There was no turning back now this was it. He had to do it now or he’ll never be able to do it later.

He met Jace, Joe, Chris, and Lance for a late lunch later that day. He made sure they were out in public and that the paparazzo’s got good shots of them knowing that all this would be in the papers soon. But halfway through dinner he faked being a bit nauseous and after assuring everyone that all he needed was to rest up a bit after his long drive they let him go but not before he made promises to see them bright and early the next morning for breakfast. When that was said and done he snuck up to his room, changed out of his clothes, grabbed a trucker hat, pulled it low on his head, and headed up to the fifteenth floor of Hyatt. His whole being was full of nervous nerves.

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Knocking on the familiar door Justin shoved his hands in his pockets and waited. This routine of theirs has lasted for nearly six years, ever since Justin was 19 but it’s going to change tonight. He knocked again but this time tried the door handle. When it gave way he pushed it open and entered the darkened room. He felt his heart beat quicken when he took in the candle light and the sweet scent of vanilla. ‘Don’t do this to me,’ he mentally begged feeling his resolve dropping. He had to stay strong. ‘I have to.’

Walking further into the room his eyes rested on the form lying peacefully on the bed… sleeping. Justin clenched his jaw tight to keep from letting the smile that was threatening to form on his face away. No, he wasn’t going to let this scene get to him.

He walked away from the bed and turned on all the lights and blew out all the candles. He grabbed the clothes from the duffle bag and threw them on top of the sleeping angel. He watched with hard eyes as the body stirred and those sleepy blue eyes flutter open, disoriented at first before recognition filled them.

“Hey,” said the husky sleep filled voice. “You made it,” he paused as he looked around. “Sorry… I guess I fell asleep waiting for you.”

“Nick…” Justin said his voice hard and stone cold. “Put your clothes on.”

Nick titled his head to the side, frowning at the tone Justin used. “Why?” He asked propping himself up on his elbows with innocent curiosity in his eyes before mischief made it’s way in. “I thought you liked me like this…” He gestured down his naked form that lay spread atop the silk sheets.

Justin tried his hardest to not look down but it was rather tempting. He knew what he would find and knew what he would do if he did look but that was something that can’t happen.

“We need to talk,” Justin said and then in an almost pleading voice, “Please,” he added.

Nick watched Justin for a long time before realizing he was being serious. He quickly put on the clothes that Justin threw on top of him and was sitting on the edge of the bed motioning for Justin to sit next to him.

“Is everything alright? Are you okay? Did something happen? What’s wrong?” Nick questioned, worried and concerned. “What do you want to talk about?”

Justin wished Nick didn’t do that. He just shook his head and took a step back.

“I really shouldn’t be here,” he said, finally. “You know that, and I know that. This needs to stop Nick…”

Nick’s eyes immediately turned dark. “Justin…” He said, obvious that he was holding in his temper. “We’ve talked about this… so many times. I thought we agreed that as long as no one knows about this,” he gestured to the both of them, indicating their relationship, “about us that everything’s alright.” But in truth it was Justin who wanted this and Nick felt that he had no choice but to agree if he still wanted to be with Justin. Even if it killed him to see the man he loves with someone else and only having the opportunity to see him a handful of times each year.

“I know,” Justin said feeling tears prick his eyes. “But I just can’t, not anymore. And it doesn’t matter if no one else knows Nick, don’t you get that? It matters because I know… and it’s killing me.”

Nick gritted his teeth, sitting up straight as a board now. “It’s killing me too, you know. You’re not the only one in this relationship with feelings Justin. Damn it, it was your idea to keep us a secret, and it was your idea that we get cover girlfriends. I went along with it to make you happy, aren’t you happy?” He swallowed the brick in his throat but it did no good. A bigger one seemed to have taken its place and he was fighting so hard to be strong and not breakdown in front of Justin like he had so many other times when he had Pleaded and begged that they would work in the end, that all they needed was a little effort and faith in this.

“Nick,” Justin said looking him in the eyes now. “I can’t do this anymore. I hate having to lie to the world-”

“Then don’t lie… tell them. What are you so afraid of? The world is pretty much open and nicer to the idea of homosexuality. -”

“Well I’m bi!” Justin reminded.

Nick amended. “Right, sorry. Well, they’ll be even nicer and hey, you’ll get an even bigger fan base. Are you afraid of losing your career and your fan base? I don’t think you should be… you have NOTHING to worry about, everyone loves you no matter what, J. ”

“I hate having to lie to Cameron,” Justin finished his original train of thought and that seemed to have shut Nick’s mouth pretty quickly. He watched as Nick’s nostrils flared as he stood up and glared at Justin before turning around and storming to the window. “I made promises to her, promises I need to keep.”

“You promised,” Nick started, his voice all devoid of any emotion as he looked out of the window.

Justin felt the room get cold, felt the hair on his arms and the back of his neck stand. He took a few steps towards Nick but stopped when Nick spoke up again.

“You promised ME that there wouldn’t be anyone else… that there wasn’t any need for someone else.”

Justin gulped but was prepared to answer this question because he knew Nick too well to know that he would ask this. “That was before I met Cameron,” he answered. He watched Nick’s stiff back and wished Nick would look at him so he could tell what’s going through the blonde’s head. “She’s loves me Nick, truly. With all her heart and soul and mind and body. And she trusts me completely and I feel like an ass for lying to her every time that I come to see you.”

Nick turned around slowly, his mind running a million miles per second. “And what? I don’t love you?” He asked. “You think I wouldn’t give up everything to be with you? That I wouldn’t sacrifice everything to make you happy? You don’t think that I haven’t already done all that?” He slowly turned around and looked at Justin, his guards up.

Justin sighed. “It’s different,” he said.

“How the fuck is it different, Justin?” Nick asked, anger rising. “How the fuck is me giving everything up and giving you everything any different?”

“She makes me feel normal,” Justin said, eyes begging for Nick to understand. “She makes me feel complete.”

Nick stared at Justin dumbfounded, hurt and pain bubbling inside of him. There were so many things he wanted to say to that, so many things he needed to say but nothing was coming out. He could see the determination in Justin’s eyes and knew that no matter what he said, what he argued, he would lose. This was a battle that he lost long before he even put his armor on.

“You’ve made up your mind.” It wasn’t question but rather a statement of fact.

Justin nodded his head.

“She deserves better than how I’ve been treating her, Nick. She’s understanding and has been so good to me. She can give me everything I’ve always dreamt about and things that I still dream of.”

Nick took in a painfully shaky breath and locked his eyes with the door. “Very well then,” he said fighting to stay strong and hold onto the last bit of his dignity and pride. “You know the way out.”

“Nick…” Justin began. “Don’t be like that. Please, we can still be friends, I want us to be friends.”

Nick turned disbelieving eyes to Justin, now convinced that Justin had lost his mind.

Justin winced and took a step back. He nodded his head and quietly turned around to leave.

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He paused at the door hand on the handle; he had to give it another try. He couldn’t let things end like this. He knew that in this business there’s always that chance that they will see each other number of times. Looking back over his shoulder he saw that Nick had turned back to the window again. There was a reason for everything; Justin strongly believed in that. Destiny and fate were also something he believed in and though destiny is something that you control, fate is not. Fate, he knew definitely had something stored for the both of them and he needed Nick to know this.

“Fate, it has a place and time, Nick,” he whispered in the eerily quite room. “But this is not our place nor our time. I want you to be happy. I truly do. I love you too much and this is why we have to end this. I don’t want to hurt you but you left me no choice.” And as much as it killed him to say this he went on, “You’ll find someone, someone who’s perfect for you. Someone you will give you everything you need, sacrifice everything like you did… for me, and you’ll see. You’ll be able to get on with your life, you will. And you’ll be happy, more happier that I could ever make you.” Taking in a deep breath he opened the door and walked out into the hallway, letting the door close softly behind him. The soft click of the door closing was too loud in the otherwise quite hallway. It had the sound of finality, though he knew the ending would be far from happy. Something about this reminded him of a movie he watched a long time ago in Germany, Dr. Zhivago, dubbed horribly in English but he understood perfectly what was happening. He remembered crying and being depressed for a few days and vaguely wondered if that’s how he was going to be now that he experienced something close to it. He took a step away from the door before turning around and looking at it for one last time. He closed his eyes tight and flinched when he heard glass shattering on the other side of the closed door, Nick’s voice crying out in anguish and pain. Justin couldn’t bare that sound and fought every urge in his body that demanded he run inside and make sure Nick was okay, to take him in his arms and tell him that he was sorry and that he would take everything back, that he loves him.

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He rested his hand flat on the door, as if he could feel Nick that way. The door was cold to the touch but Justin withdrew his hand back instantly, almost as if it had burned him. Holding on to his hand he began to step away from the door, slowly walking backwards to the elevators. His mind was back on Cameron, the one he was doing all this for.

“Another time, Nick, another day. I promise you… we can be together, I know it,” he whispered to no one. “I’m sorry that I can’t stay with you even though I want to but my mind’s made up and it’s the best option we have. It’s for the best, you’ll see.” He pressed the down button and waited for the elevator. When it came he got on and went down to his floor. Besides, it’s too late now. He said what he came here to say, he did what he had to do. He can’t turn back now.

Cameron, he thought to himself, at home, in their house, missing him, loving him, trusted him, and being everything he could ever ask for and more. ‘She’s good to me,’ he continued to think as the doors opened on his floor and he headed into his room. ‘I’m doing the right thing. I am. I’m blessed to have Cameron in my life and I’m going to do the right thing, she deserves that and more. Hell, she deserves better than how I’ve been treating her all this time.’

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The next morning during breakfast Justin felt a bit nauseous but not wanting to bring too much attention to himself he took a bite of his bacon, immediately regretting it when he nearly threw it up. Feeling bad about ditching them the night before Justin opted to suck it up and stay put. Pushing his plate away he joined in on the conversations and avoided looking at anyone’s plate or anyone eating their food. When breakfast was over they parted ways, Justin heading back up to his room not feeling like himself. Between crying and sniffling, between lost in memories and thinking about the perfect life, between wishing for things to have occurred differently from what really happened, between feeling lost and empty, between feeling his heart breaking and his whole body in a numb state as he stared at the wall in the dark, there hadn’t been much room for sleep the night before. Now he was paying for it. Every muscle in his body ached, his bones were shaking in his skin, his eyes stung, and he was having a hard time comprehending anything that was happening around him.

Upon entering his room he dropped his key card, cell, and wallet onto the dresser. Rubbing the back of his neck he turned around and froze in place when he saw a very kempt, healthy, fresh, and all together Nick sitting on the couch watching him with a casual expression on his face. As if last night didn’t happen at all.

Justin’s heart began to beat faster as panic rose inside of him. What was Nick doing here? Did he not understand Justin’s words last night? Why does he look so calm?

“Hey,” Nick spoke, voice soft, a small smile decorating his beautiful face.

Justin was appalled that Nick looked well rested and he gritted his teeth, his arms falling to his sides.

“Hi?” He got out, his voice raw with emotions. But he had to remind himself, that he did proposition that they still remain friends. Maybe Nick changed his mind?

“I promise,” Nick began as he stood up and stepped closer to Justin. “That I will leave you alone, that you wouldn’t have to deal with me ever again. I just need you to do something for me, one last thing, please?”

Justin felt a knife cut into him at those words and he desperately wanted to refute Nick’s request but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “What?” he asked.

Nick took in another step closer so that they were almost nose-to-nose now. Tilting his head to side he pressed their lips together in the most softest and gentlest kisses that Justin’s ever had or been given. By the time Nick pulled back Justin’s felt like his skeleton had somehow melted, his legs were about to give up under his weight. How dare Nick do this to him? It was like the first time all over again. He just wanted to wrap his arms around Nick and let him hold him, take care of him, and do whatever he wanted with him.

“Did you feel anything?”

Justin’s eyes opened as he was brought back to reality and he swallowed down the brick in his throat. Not trusting his voice, he shook his head in the negative.

“Say it,” Nick slightly demanded.

Justin shook his head again. Why was Nick doing this to him?

“Say it Justin,” Nick repeated, “Did you feel anything when I kissed you?”

“NO!” Justin yelled out. “NO!”

Something flashed in Nick’s eyes but it disappeared before Justin even had the chance to double check on what it was.

“Do you love me?” Nick asked, his voice soft yet his eyes bore into Justin’s, searching.

Justin tried to look away; he didn’t want Nick to know the truth. He couldn’t. Not now. Not after he’d made his mind up, not after he began the process of letting go and moving on. But he found that he couldn’t look away. Nick’s eyes held his captive and wouldn’t let go. Those blue eyes that once looked at him with love and desire, pride and admiration, with amusement and happiness, were now looking at him without emotion. They were guarded and Justin hated it.

“No,” Justin said finally looking down, his voice lower, barely a whisper. It was just a gush of wind that vaguely made a semblance of the word ‘no.’ This was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do and every second of it made him wish he were dying. He could feel the warmth of Nick’s hand that rested on his hips; he could feel it spreading through out his cold body. He wanted to melt into the man in front of him, wanted Nick to warm him up like he used to, in ways that no one else ever could and probably never could.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Nick asked, not having heard him but only saw Justin’s lips take on the form of ‘o.’

Justin sighed and looked away. “No,” he said a bit louder, gulping. “I don’t love you.”

“Look me in the eye and say it,” Nick demanded again, his voice cracking a bit as tears welled up in his eyes. Justin fought off the flinch of pain he felt when Nick gripped his hips.

Justin took in a deep shaky breath and looked directly into Nick’s eyes, showing no emotions what so ever. ‘I do, Nick. I do. I do love you. So much. More than you know. Please don’t cry, please. I don’t think I could handle it. I love you, Nick.’ “I don’t love you,” he lied. ‘I’m sorry, really I am but it’s all for the best.’ He tried to convince himself. ‘It was all for the best.’ But he wasn’t sure if he believed that anymore. But he couldn’t let Nick see into him like this. He couldn’t let Nick read him when he felt obligated to be the man Cameron wanted him to be. He loves her, and his hands were tied to hers. He wasn’t going to let go of her to be with someone, to be with Nick, who couldn’t give him everything that he wanted without a price to pay in the long run. He couldn’t continue their hidden relationship any longer because his heart wasn’t free and it wouldn’t let him be happy and live freely without the guilt weighing heavily upon him every time he looked at Cameron and into her trusting, loving eyes. It just wasn’t meant to be and he honestly believed that by breaking things off with Nick, he would be free and happy again.

Nick paled, taking in a step back, and took in a sharp breath. He looked like he’d been punched in the gut with a boulder. Justin blinked. Nick quickly recovered and was his fresh self in no time, completely guarded.

“She doesn’t love you like I do,” Nick’s voice was calm and steady although his eyes had clouded over, a sure sign that everything under the exterior was chaos. “And she never will. You think that you’re doing the right thing by breaking things off with me but you’re doing it with the wrong person. She doesn’t deserve better, at all. You’re too good for her, and will always be. You’re making a mistake here. She will never give up everything like I would have for you. I can give you everything that you need, want, and desire, and so much more only if you’ll let me. It’s not too late, please. Tell me you need me… that you love me, and be honest. I’ll make you happy, I will. If you love me tell me, you won’t regret it. If you don’t love me, look me in the eyes, again, and tell me that you don’t. And I will walk away. I will leave you alone. I will move on,” his voice faltered but he repeated it a bit firmer, “I will move on. There‘s no turning back from this point.” He paused as he swallowed and took that one step closer to Justin so that they were nose-to-nose again. “You think she won’t leave you for the next attractive young man that comes her way? You think she’ll wait forever for you to be ready to start a family with her? Do you really believe she’s as loyal to you as you think she is? Come on Justin, you can’t be that stupid.” Nick’s eyes were softer now as they looked into Justin’s. “This is your last chance Justin Timberlake, the absolute last chance.”

“Shut the fuck up Nick,” Justin hissed, anger rising inside of him. How dare Nick accuse Cameron and then call him stupid? “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about you fucking idiot. What the hell do you know about love, you can’t even manage a proper relationship for more than a few months! Who the hell could want you? You‘re too insecure and too gullible, too immature.” He had no idea where all this was coming from and to his horror he couldn’t figure out just how to stop the words from tumbling out. No. No. No. Don’t believe it, Nick. I don’t think like that. I don’t mean it.

Nick’s eyes slightly narrowed and his nostrils flared. “Do you or do you not love me?”

Justin didn’t say anything. He just walked past Nick, grabbed his duffle bag that he packed last night when he couldn’t sleep, and stood in front of Nick. Looking him dead square in the eyes he said, “Good bye Nick, I do…not… love you.” He didn’t want Nick to turn around and walk away from him. He wouldn’t be able to handle it if Nick did that. That’s why he had grabbed his things, told Nick the lie of not loving him, and turned around. As he headed out of the room, right before the door closed behind him he heard Nick call out a ‘good bye.’

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He didn’t shed a single tear as he left Las Vegas and drove back home to Los Angeles, back to Cameron. He felt alone and empty inside, numb and dead all at the same time. Why had he been so keen on breaking things up with Nick in the first place? He began doubting himself but soon remembered that he had a reputation to maintain, an image to live up to. There were many people out there that could face shame and ridicule if they found out that he was in love with another man, especially Nick Carter. What would his mother say and do… her son, bisexual? Justin couldn’t even bring himself to rethink the possibilities again. It was safer to be with Cameron. Much more safer plus he felt that he could trust her because she trusted him. And now he was doing the right thing, he was making things right. He didn’t have to lie to her anymore, just himself.

As soon as he parked the car in his driveway he got out and headed into the house. Everything was dark and no one seemed to be home. He smiled to himself thinking that this was perfect; he could surprise Cameron when she comes home. Wanting to put his things away he headed upstairs to his room, happy with the plan he had but that happiness was short lived. The noises coming from their closed bedroom door sounded peculiar and as he pushed the door open and saw the origin of the noises… his world crashed around him. His mind recalled the last few things Nick had told him and he couldn’t help but wonder if Nick had known about this, about Cameron. Nick. Nick was all he could think about now. ‘Yes, Nick, I am that stupid,’ he thought to himself as he turned away from the door and headed out of the house with no particular place in mind.

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THE END

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Authors Note: The song/lyrics, The Hardest Thing, belong to and are performed by 98*.