"Mornin' birthday boy," Brian said as he took a sip of his coffee. "Breakfast, will be in a few minutes." He opened the lid to the waffle toaster and removed the done waffles before pouring in the last bit of batter.

Nick smiled wide when Brian called him the birthday boy. "When everybody coming over?" he asked bouncing a little with excitement. It wasn't every day that somebody turned four years old and he planned to have a great day.

"In a few hours," Brian replied as he went about getting the syrup. "Around noon, I think." He then grabbed a glass and poured some orange juice for Nick.

Nick looked at the clock on the microwave and pouted. "But that's a LONG time!" he whined.

Brian pouted too. "I know, buddy but they need to get up and get dressed and get you your presents and drive over here..." Brian trailed off as he started to get the last batch of waffles from the toaster and put them on a plate.

At the mention of presents Nick beamed even more. "Ohh yeah...I wonder if they got me that cool car set that I wanted!" he said bouncing in his seat once again.

Brian laughed and shook his head at how happy Nick was. "We'll see," he said. "In a matter of hours."

"Can't we just call ‘em now and then they can come sooner?" Nick asked with pleading blue eyes. "I'm ready." he said and then giggled looking down at his t-shirt and boxers.

Brian chuckled. "You eat up," he said as he handed Nick his breakfast. "And they are getting here as soon as they can... and that's at noon."

Nick let out an overly dramatic sigh as he started to dig into his waffles. No matter how old he was he was still very good at making a huge ass mess with his food

Brian sat opposite of Nick and started to eat his own breakfast. He'd gotten up real early that day and had set up the back yard for a barbeque as well as for a pool party and he was kind of tired now especially with the busy schedule they had with the new album and rehearsals.

"Is Justin gunna come?" Nick asked after a few minutes. He had missed his friend so much over the last few months. Justin had been going to UCLA and hadn't been able to be on tour with them for a while and Nick had missed his friend.

Brian thought about it for a second, he honestly didn't know. He'd called Justin and had told him about the party and Justin had said that he'd have to see just how his schedule would be. "I think so, I'm not sure," he said as he started on the next waffle.

"Okay," Nick said softly, not really hungry anymore. He really wanted Justin there at his party since he hadn't see him in like two months. They had talked on the phone a few times but it wasn't the same.

Brian sighed as he watched Nick push his plate away. Ever since Justin had been preoccupied with college Nick seemed to be pouting a lot more... and the same goes for AJ. He just hoped that Justin could at least drop by for an hour or so.

"Can I go watch TV?" Nick asked, not really wanting to eat anymore. He had actually been in a good little depression the last few months too. He had been so used to having Justin around almost 24-7 that he wasn't used to not having him around.

Brian nodded his head knowing that letting Nick take his mind off of Justin by watching TV would be the best thing for all of them. "Okay."

Nick smiled as he got up and took his plate over to the sink. After scraping his left over food into the garbage he put his plate in the sink and ran water in it. He then walked into the family room and started watching some morning time show on the Disney Channel.

"Hello, Hello!" AJ called as he walked in the front door of the house. He knew it was early but he had a feeling that everybody would be up already. He knew how excited Nick got on his birthday...and he knew how into parties Brian got so he would be up getting ready at the ass crack of dawn.

Brian smiled as he heard AJ's voice floating into the kitchen. He finished the last morsels of food before getting up and walking out to the living room. "Hey you," he greeted. "Breakfast?"

"No thanks, I'm not really very hungry." AJ said with a smile as he looked around the house that was already decorated. "Looks like the birthday party fair went to work." He laughed.

Brian laughed. "You know me, I go all out," he said before walking back into the kitchen to clean up things. "You're early..." He called out.

"I just wanted to come by and see if you needed any help. I can go if you don't want me." AJ said in a playful pouty sad tone as he walked back towards the door with his head down.

"No, no," Brian called out and then threw the towel he used to wipe his hands on at AJ's head and laughed. "Weirdo. Hey, do you know if Justin's coming today?"

AJ shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know I haven't talked to him for like a week." He said obviously sounding really upset about this fact. He had Justin had been dating for almost two years now and things were really beginning to fall apart.

Brian sighed, understanding the tone of AJ's voice. He knew how much not seeing Justin had been upsetting AJ and how worried he had been. "I think he's going to come," he said after a few seconds of thinking about it. "He always comes to anything that deals with Nick or with us... if it's important, ya know?... He's coming." And that was that.

"He didn't come for my birthday," AJ pointed out and then shook his head. "But enough about that...is the birthday boy awake?"

Brian nodded his head slowly. "But you were in Florida and he couldn't make it but he DID send you that care basket thing," he pointed out. "But yah, he's awake and pouting in the living room."

"Pouting...on his birthday?" AJ asked, getting a worried look on his face. Nick had been acting really weird for a while now and this just seemed even weirder. Normally the boy would be bouncing around the room.

"He's in the same boat as you," Brian said sighing, referring to Nick who was just like AJ in regards to missing Justin.

Nick turned to AJ and smiled. "You wana watch with me?" he asked pointing at the TV. He really liked AJ, and AJ had been spending a lot of time around their house lately and he was totally okay with that.

AJ smiled and nodded as he sat down on the couch. "Sure thing but then I gotta help daddy with the rest of your party stuff," he said hoping to get the boy to smile more and get excited.

"Actually," Brian said as he walked in to the living room and flopped down on the other side of Nick. "Everything's already set up... just waiting for noon to arrive."

Just then the doorbell rang and Brian did NOT want to get up again. He pouted and turned to look at AJ with a sweet smile and fluttering of eyelashes.

AJ rolled his eyes as he got up, heading to the door mumbling something about bossy blondes. He was beyond shocked to open the door and find none other then his boyfriend standing there.

Justin was leaning against the doorframe, looking... dead. He had bags under his eyes and he hadn't shaved in what looked to be a few weeks. He'd been so busy with his double major in management business and theater; even though he's a freshman in college, as well as being on the college basketball team... he was beyond exhausted. "Hey..." He said standing up straight and clearing his throat. He smiled wide as AJ stood there looking at him with shock.

"Wow, didn't actually expect you to make it," AJ said as he moved out of the way so Justin could come in. "And early at that."

Justin sighed as he ran his hand through his hair, which was now brown and about an inch long. He cringed at the way AJ had just greeted him. "Um, yah, I'm here," he said chuckling as he stepped into the house.

AJ sighed before pulling Justin in for a hug. He was pissed, but he wasn't going to pass up a hugging moment since he hadn't seen his boyfriend since November.

Justin could feel himself getting lost in the hug as he nearly melted into AJ's arms. "I've missed you so much," he said as he wrapped his arms around AJ's waist and held him close. He kissed his shoulder before whispering, "Love you so much..."

"I love you too," AJ whispered back and it was true. He still loved Justin...but sometimes he wasn't so sure if he was still IN love with Justin. It just seemed like life was pulling them in totally different directions and it was totally screwing with their relationship.

Justin pulled back a little and smiled, but that smile didn't reach his eyes. There was sadness in their blue depths and the only thing that could account for that is for what his gut feelings were telling him about him and AJ. Things have been so screwed up lately and he felt them drifting a part but he was holding on tight, not wanting to let go of the man... the first man he'd done almost everything with... the man he'd spend the last two years with. He leaned in for a kiss needing some kind of assurance. Something.

AJ kissed Justin back for maybe two seconds before he pulled away and looked down at his lap. He didn't feel like kissing Justin...he needed answers. He had left numerous messages for his younger boyfriend...and none of them had been answered. He knew he was busy but hell so was AJ. The least he could have done was sent an e-mail or something to even show he was still alive.

Justin frowned when AJ pulled back and he didn't bother to hide the hurt that surfaced. He noticed the confusion on AJ's face and sighed. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I promise I won't let us go this long without seeing each other," he apologized. He'd missed AJ like crazy and that's also another one of the reasons that he looked like... hell. Whenever he got some spare time, he'd called AJ but the other man had always had to run to some place for some interview or another or he was in rehearsals. And whenever ever AJ had called him it was during his class or when he had basketball practice and when he was passed out on his couch with exhaustion. He'd barely had any time to see his parents, even though he was still living with them. "I promise."

"You said that the last time," AJ said with a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. "I just don't get it. I mean every time you leave messages with me I at least call you back to at least say 'hi'."

Justin sighed as he pulled back from AJ completely and looked into his eyes. "Yes but when I do call you back you've always been in a rush... and I call you the second that I have any free time or when my free time had just started. It's always been you, first."

"Whatever," AJ said not wanting to get into this now. This was Nick's birthday and Nick didn't need them fighting on his special day. That seemed like all they did lately anyway was fight and it had been that way for a good three months now. "I think there is a birthday boy that would love to see you."

Justin stood there, in the foyer, alone, for a few minutes staring at the path that AJ had just used to walk away from him. He didn't know what else to do and there was just too much pressure from so many different areas in his life and now this... he was so close to breaking down and losing it. One of the reasons he'd shown up early that day was because he wanted... no, he NEEDED to talk to AJ. He needed advice on what to do but the other man just shrugged him away. He fought back the tears, AJ was right. It was Nick's birthday and that's the important thing at the moment. He composed himself before shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans and shyly walked into the living room. He stood by the entrance not sure just what kind of greeting he'd get from Nick.

Brian gave a questioning look at AJ when he saw the other man walk into the living room, obviously sad but now he looked...exhausted. But as AJ kept quiet he shrugged it off only to gasp when he saw Justin lean against the entrance a few minutes later. "Holy..." Brian trailed off, taking in Justin's appearance.

This caused Nick to turn his attention away from the TV and over to where Brian was looking. His blue eyes got wide and then blinked a few times as if trying to make sure they weren't tricking him and that Justin really wasn't there. "Justin?" he asked, part of him not sure that was who that was anyway because he looked so different.

Justin pressed his lips together and slowly nodded his head. "Hey Nicky," he greeted. "It's me."

Nick smiled big as he jumped up and rushed over to Justin giving him the biggest hug in the whole wide world. He then blushed a little when he realized he was still only in his boxers and they had guests over. Then again he was kinda happy about that because he could show them off. It had Scooby Doo on it and they were his favorite boxers...a present his grandma and grandpa Littrell got him for Christmas. Everybody had just been so proud of him for finally after over a year of trying...finally got the potty training thing down almost all the way. He smiled at Justin. "You came early...I'm not even dressed yet." he laughed.

Justin let out a breath of relief that he hadn't realized he was holding in. He hugged Nick back just as tight and even going as far as lifting him up a few inches. "I know but I've missed you so much and I just had to see you," he said, which was true also. If it wasn't AJ that he was hung up on ... it was Nick. "And I've seen you with lesser clothes on... and since it's your birthday... I don't really care if you're just wearing boxers." Justin smiled. "Those are awesome boxers, by the way."

Nick smiled wide as he looked down at his boxers totally proud of them. "Grandpa and Grandma got them for me for Christmas."

"Yeah and he makes Brian wash them like every other day because he almost wont wear anything else." AJ added in laughing.

Justin looked over at AJ quickly before looking back over to Nick. He smiled as he shook his head. "You're gonna wear those boxers till its hanging by a thread, aren't you?"

Nick giggled and nodded his head, "You bet."

Justin chuckled and took in a deep breath. "What have I missed since the last time we talked?" He questioned. Whenever he couldn't get a hold of AJ during his free time he'd called Nick and they would have spent a few minutes to maybe a few hours just talking and catching up on everything the other was missing out on. Now, the last time Justin had talked to Nick was about two weeks ago.

Brian remained silent as he turned the TV off and sat there listening to Justin and Nick talk. He was really worried about Justin. Over the duration of the last two years Brian had grown to really like Justin not only as a person but as a friend and... almost like a son. He knew from what Lynne and Paul would tell him when they would visit Nick or when he and Nick would go over to their house... about all the things that were on Justin's plate. It's funny how they've actually seen more of Justin's parents that they had of Justin but Brian was glad that Lynne and Paul have been visiting Nick... much like they had before Nick's stroke.

Nick shrugged his shoulders, not much had been happening in the last few weeks. They had been home for the last two weeks so nothing major had been going on. "Nothing much...kinda boring here."

Justin laughed at that and then walked into the room, taking a seat on the lazy boy. "Hey Brian," he said smiling. "You went all out with the decorations. It's looking great."

Brian nodded his head and smiled back at Justin but there was also concern and worry etched on his face. "Thanks," he said and paused for a few seconds. "Do you want to go up and shave or something? Maybe get a few hours nap 'cause YOU look like you're hanging on by a thread..." Brian leaned forward and placed a comforting hand on Justin's knee.

Justin thought about that for a minute before slowly nodding his head. "Yea to the shaving bit... but no to the nap," he said the latter with a frown. He hadn't been able to sleep much the past few days and yes, he really needed it but he would hold on just for Nick. With that he got up and headed over to the stairs. "I'll be back in a few."

"I wana come too!" Nick called running up the stairs with Justin. He wasn't going to let Justin out of his sight now that he was here.

Justin walked into Nick's room and then to his dresser. They decided to just have some of Justin's things in Nick's room a few months ago because whenever Justin would come over he would end up having to stay in Nick's room because Nick wouldn't have it any other way. "Wow, you're going to be four... getting older..." Justin said smiling once he grabbed his shaving kit and looked at Nick before walking into the bathroom.

AJ sighed as he flopped down onto the couch as Justin and Nick walked out of the room. He was close to breaking down in tears.

Brian turned his attention to AJ when he heard him sigh. "What's wrong?" He questioned. He thought AJ would have been thrilled that Justin was here but AJ's behavior was saying otherwise.

"I don't know..." AJ liked and then shook his head. "Actually I do know...everything is wrong."

Brian frowned as he got up and went to go sit besides AJ. "What? What's wrong?"

"Mine and Justin's relationship is all screwed up. We never talk anymore and I don't know if I can deal with this anymore. I mean every time we do talk we're fighting like crazy," AJ said looking at Brian with sad brown eyes.

Brian took in a deep breath not knowing just how to help the other man but he knew that he should tell him what his take on things were. "Well, he's busy and you're busy. I mean, you both did get into this relationship knowing full well the consequences of having this relationship. You being a backstreet boy and always on tour... him being a normal student and having to study to get a real job... It's bound to like get in the way," he said. "I mean, you guys did last this long... which is unlike you or him... He's here now and I honestly think he's here mainly for you."

"I know we're all busy but at least I try to get in contact with him at last twice a week. If he ever calls me and I miss it I call him back the same day...he hasn't called me in over a week!" AJ exclaimed resting his head in his hands. He knew he was probably being childish but he felt like he was putting more into making this relationship work and Justin was beginning to just give up on it.

"You do know the course load he's taking right... and the basket ball thing he's doing?" Brian questioned. "Heck, he's doing a double major and I'm amazed that he's talked to you and hung out with us as mush as he had. I wouldn't have been able to handle all this..." Brian looked over at AJ. He wasn't trying to make AJ sound immature but he just wanted to make sure that AJ knew about Justin. "Lynne and Paul have seen more of us... Nick and I... than they had of Justin. They even said that every time he had some free time he'd be trying to get to you or Nick or something... I'm sure there's a good reason why he's been the way he has."

AJ looked up at Brian before he stood up. He didn't need Brian telling him this shit. "I'm going to go out and grab Nick's present from my car," Was all he said before walking out of the room. He wanted to leave before he blew up at Brian.

Brian sighed as he watched AJ leave. He was just trying to be helpful as well as be a mediator for both AJ and Justin. What was he supposed to do, tell AJ to just give up on their relationship... AJ's first serious longer lasting relationship? No. AJ really needed to place himself in Justin's shoes and try to understand things through the younger man's perspective. He got up and decided to just go to the back yard and make sure everything was still okay.

Nick giggled as he followed Justin into the bathroom. "I'm a big boy now." He said as he took a seat on the closed toilet seat. He then took a good look at Justin. "Why do you look like that?" he asked, not liking the way Justin looked...but didn't really know how to explain what he meant to Justin.

Justin took out the shaving cream and his electric shaver. "Why do I look like what?" He questioned as he threw some water on his face. A part of him wanted to clog the sink and dunk his head in it and drown.

"All hairy," Nick answered as he watched Justin getting all his shaving stuff out. "The only time daddy looks like that is if he's sick...are you sick?"

Justin shook his head before applying the cream to his face. "No buddy, I'm not sick. I've just been really busy with college that I didn't have anytime to take do things like shave... or sleep," he responded as he turned the shaver on and began to shave.

"That isn't good...cuz you could get sick." Nick said with worried eyes. "Daddy always says if you don't get enough sleep...then you're gunna get sick."

"Daddy's probably right," Justin said as he finished one side of his face and now moving to the other side. "But I can't do anything about it. I have classes morning till evening from Monday through Friday and in the evenings I usually have basket ball practice as well as on the weekends. No Justin time or no sleep time..." He then added sadly, "No AJ time... no Nick time... and no parent's time." He really started to feel over whelmed and he just wanted to go into a hole and cry either that or just die. He missed everyone and he hated not being able to see those that he loves on a daily basis.

"It's okay...I understand," Nick answered even though he didn't seem happy about it. He just didn't want to make Justin feel worse to know that he had missed him so much lately and how sad he had been feeling.

Once he was done with the shaving he washed and then wiped his face. He cleaned his things and put them back in the bag. With a heavy sigh he looked over at Nick and smiled. "This better?" He questioned.

Nick smiled too and nodded his head. "Much better...now you look like Justin." With that said he got up and headed back into this room and over to his closet. "What should me wear today?" he asked, forgetting that he was supposed to say *I* instead of *me*. Brian had been trying to get him to work on his grammar lately but sometimes he found himself going back to how he used to talk when he wasn't really thinking about it.

Justin raised his eyebrow. He was very well aware of Brian teaching Nick grammar especially when they had been talking on the phone and he could hear Brian in the background correcting Nick's grammar. He walked over to the bed and sat down on it. "Me?"

Nick looked at Justin confused, "No what am I going to wear...not you," he said giggling a little.

Justin smiled as he shook his head. Maybe the lack of sleep was causing some kind of hearing impairment. "I knew that but I thought you said 'me' instead of 'I' but whatever," he said and then titled his head to the side to get a view of Nick's clothes. "How about that yellow t-shirt and those dark blue faded jeans?" He pointed at the clothes he was referring to.

Nick looked at the clothes Justin was talking about and nodded his head. "Okay," he then pulled the clothes out and laid them on the bed before going to his dresser to get underwear and socks out.

Justin watched Nick go about getting ready with a smile on his face. Nick was growing up fast and he regretted not being there to watch him. "...so sorry..." He mumbled out not even realizing he said anything...out loud.

"Huh?" Nick asked as he pulled his shirt over his head and then put the yellow t-shirt on. He was sure he had heard Justin say something, but wasn't sure what it was.

Justin snapped his head up. "'Huh?' What?" He questioned.

Nick giggled as he pulled his boxers down, doing a little hopping dance when they got kinda stuck on his feet. One thing he hadn't quite mastered yet was the idea of modesty. No matter where he was he still left the bathroom door open whenever he went, it just hadn't clicked yet that he needed to do that kind of stuff by himself. "You're being funny." he laughed.

Justin had shifted his gaze from Nick to the wall of stuffed animals when Nick started to change into another pair of boxers. He had no clue at what exactly he said that was so funny but he just shrugged his shoulders. "Okay..."

Once he had his jeans on Nick sat down on the bed to put on his socks. "You say something to me...then when I ask you what...you say what too," he giggled, thinking that made total sense.

Oh. Justin wrinkled his forehead. He wasn't sure if THAT made any sense. "Yah, well," he said and left it at that since he didn't know how to end it.

"Are you and Uncle AJ mad at each other?" Nick asked after a few seconds of silence and fighting with his socks.

Justin shook his head. "I don't know Nick. With everything that's been going on and our busy schedules.. it's putting a strain on our relationship." He'd been thinking a lot about his relationship with AJ and analyzing his feelings for the older man.

"Uncle AJ is really sad a lot," Nick said as he looked at Justin a little. "You look sad too." He put on his best smile, "Why dontcha just kiss and make up," he said making a face at the kissing thing. He would NEVER kiss anybody that was all too gross.

Justin laughed at the face Nick made before taking a deep breath. "Only if things worked out that well... so easily. If life were simple..." Justin said and then added, "You won't be making that face in a few more years."

"Uh huh..me NEVER kissin’ anybody...that is just nasty," Nick said still making the face. "Uncle Kevin and Uncle Howie always do it...it's icky." He then thought about something, "Why doesn't daddy gots somebody to kiss?"

Justin looked at Nick and thought about it for a few minutes. "He did have someone but then you came along and he decided to devote his time to you than to someone else..."

Nick's face scrunched up at that. "But I'm a big boy now...I can take care of myself. Daddy needs somebody too...right?" he asked trying to figure out if he was right. Every adult he knew had somebody else so in his mind that meant daddy did too.

"Yah," Justin said. "Daddy needs someone, too." Justin couldn't help but think back to two years ago and about the way he had gotten jealous over AJ and Brian and then thought about the circumstances now and how AJ and Brian had gotten really close or so it seemed. Hmmm. Brian's had enough time to get over losing his lover and.... He shook his head to clear his head. His head was starting to ache again and his eyes started to involuntarily water. He grabbed the sides of his head and put pressure hoping the pain would go away.

Nick looked at Justin with worried eyes before he got up and went into the bathroom. Finding a washcloth he wet it with cold water and brought it back into his bedroom and gave it to Justin. "Put dat on your head...daddy says it makes your head feel better...It always helps me."

Justin blindly reached out and took the towel. "Thanks," he mumbled but he knew he needed Advil or Tylenol or something. He blinked his eyes trying to somewhat alleviate the burn in them. "Um, let's just get back down stairs. I need Tylenol."

"Okay," Nick said with a sigh as they headed out of the room. He really wanted his fun Justin back not this sad, tired and worn out Justin.

AJ was outside still smoking a cigarette and just trying to clear his mind. He knew they needed to keep their heads on their shoulders for today since this was Nick's day. All the boy needed was to have his best friend and 'uncle' fighting at his party.

When Justin got downstairs he was disappointed to see that AJ and Brian weren't there. "Hey Nick," he said still grabbing his head and blinking. "Um, I'm gonna go home and say hi or something to my parents and grab your present and come back, okay?" He had crashed at Josh's place last night, Josh, who was someone who was in his statistics class as well as on the basket ball team, after a gruesome practice with the coach.

Nick pouted a little but nodded his head, he had been looking forward to having time to play a lot with his friend even before the party had started. "Okay...see ya later den."

Justin nodded as he walked to the main door and opened it. He immediately closed his eyes and groaned at the blaring bright light he was greeted with. It wasn't this bright when he had arrived, at least he didn't think it was. The smell of cigarettes hit his senses and he started to cough as well as get nauseous. He hated cigarettes and wondered who the fuck would be smoking so goddamn much this early in the flipping morning. He walked further on to the porch and finally but slowly opened his eyes, blinking to adjust to the light. He brought his hand up to his face to shade his eyes and he looked around the area. He noticed someone in the corner and looked at that person. His heart sunk as he saw AJ sitting there and smoking. He let his eyes linger on the cigarette for a few moments before bringing his emotionless gaze back to AJ's eyes. When did HE start smoking? Without saying anything he shook his head and climbed down the stairs so that he could walk home. He stumbled over his feet a little but he managed to not fall on his face.

AJ saw Justin walking out of the house and got angry. Was he really not planning on staying for Nick's birthday and just dropped by to say 'Hi'? When he saw Justin looking at him...or more like at his cigarette he sighed. When Justin started to walk a little faster AJ got up and started to follow him.

Justin felt someone following him but knew it was AJ. He wasn't in any mood to deal with anything, at least not until he'd taken something to alleviate the headache, so, he ignored him and kept on walking. About ten minutes later he found himself in front of his house. He patted himself for the keys and when he found them he opened the door and walked inside. He left the door open incase AJ wanted to come in or something. He walked into the kitchen and smiled as he saw his mom sitting at the table sipping her coffee. He greeted his mom by kissing her on the cheek and giving her a hug. He ignored the way she looked at him at first shocked, at the way he looked probably, and then worried, for the reasons why he looked the way he did. He walked over to the drawer where he knew his mom kept some headache relieving pills. Taking a glass of water he swallowed the Excedrin tablet. "I'm just gonna grab Nick's present and head back over to his place," he said before walking out of the kitchen and up to his room.

AJ bypassed the kitchen and went right up to Justin's room so by the time Justin got upstairs he was already sitting on Justin's bed waiting for him. He knew they needed to talk but when they were at Brian and Nick's place it wasn't the place or the time.

Justin gasped as he entered the room. He hadn't expected AJ to be sitting on his bed and that caught him off guard. "When did you start smoking?" He questioned quietly before taking a sip of the water he had brought up with him. He walked over to the closet and picked up a Scooby doo print wrapped present and placed it in a big bag. He really hoped Nick liked this present. He knew how much Nick wanted that remote control car set but he ended up getting the remote control airplane, feeling bad since Nick hadn't been able to get on the Boeing two years ago. There were also some other little knick-knacks that he'd bought through out the year when they reminded him of Nick or knew that Nick would like them. They were placed in the bag along with the present.

"Like a year ago," AJ replied as he watched Justin walk around the room getting Nick's present ready. It was true he had started smoking...or well really starting smoking a year ago. He had done it every once and a while since he was a kid but he had really gotten into it more recently...mostly to dull the pain of how crazy his personal life had gotten. Professionally things were crazy but that was how things were supposed to be.

Justin frowned. "It's bad for you. Why did you start?" He questioned, a part of him knew that one of the reasons was because of him but another part of him was just plain curious.

AJ simply shrugged his shoulders. "I've been doing it off and on since I was like sixteen...I just started doing it more lately...just because." He didn't really want to say it was because of Justin because he knew that wasn't totally the case.

Justin gulped. "Because of...me," he said quietly. It wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact. He didn't think it would hurt this much knowing or being told it was him, not that AJ had actually said it but it was implied. He wasn't good enough for AJ and Justin knew this. He knows this now. He loves the older man but he isn't sure if this relationship was healthy for either of them. He's been thinking A LOT about this moment... the right time to say these words... He didn't like the current situation and the way things are at the moment but he knew it had to be said now before things get worse. "I'm not good for you... but I love you so much. Maybe we shouldn't continue this..." He trailed off looking down at the floor.

AJ actually felt tears come to his eyes. He wanted so badly to tell Justin he wasn't right, but he knew that would be lying to both of them since they both knew he was. "I love you too," he whispered as he got up and walked over to Justin and pulled him into a hug. "I don't want to let you go...but at the same time...I know we're both suffering. I mean you don't need the pressure of me added on top of all the other stuff you gotta do."

Justin shook his head and swallowed the lump in his throat. "But you shouldn't have been a pressure in the first place... you're my boyfriend and... no. I should have been able to make more time but I couldn't and I'm sorry for that. I really am. I'm sorry I was such a horrible boyfriend," he said really meaning it. He felt like he'd screwed everything up. Maybe he shouldn't have taken a double major... maybe he should have just gone to a community college or a performing arts school. Everything would have been perfect between him and AJ then. He didn't let go of AJ though.

"I haven't been the perfect boyfriend either," AJ whispered, now really hating the fact that his clothes smelled like smoke as well as his breath, but he knew there was nothing he could do about it now.

Justin sighed as he pulled back a little and stared into AJ's eyes. Sure his head was still throbbing and the smell of cigarettes was still making him nauseous, he didn't care. "I love you Age," he said as he leaned down and kissed him, thoroughly, wanting and needing to show the other man what words can't explain. He ignored the disgusting taste of cigarettes and mentally sighed when he couldn't taste AJ anymore, just the stupid cigs. "Do you think we'll make it as friends? Because I still want to be friends. I don't want to lose you entirely... no. I still need you in my life though not as a lover but as a friend... a best friend... maybe?" He sounded so lost and so childlike, desperate, even to his own ears. "Please."

"There is no way we're ever going to not be friends. I mean hell I don't think Nicky will let us be anything but," AJ said with a small smile as he looked into Justin's tired eyes. "Baby...are things really THIS bad at school?" he asked, reaching up to touch the bags under his eyes. He knew he probably shouldn't be calling Justin 'baby' anymore but he couldn't seem to stop himself.

Justin smiled a little and before he could stop himself he nuzzled his face in to the groove of AJ's neck, nodding his head. "Classes from morning till evening, then practice. By the time I'm home it's night and I have homework and papers to write. I basically live off of starbucks..." He kissed his neck before lifting his head back up and looking into AJ's eyes. He bit his bottom lip wondering if they could be together one last time... intimately... so they could remember all the good that was them... think back to the first time. Sure his mom was downstairs but his room has a lock and he knew his mom wouldn't come upstairs anytime soon. "Age..."

AJ knew the look in Justin's eyes well, he had seen that look so many times over the last two years...that was Justin's 'I wana sleep with you' look and every time he had it, it made AJ weak in the knees. "Your mom..." he whispered, knowing Justin would never have sex in the house with his parents there. It had drove AJ nuts many times when he had NEEDED his boyfriend but Justin would have nothing of having sex with his parents around.

"There's a lock on the door and as long as we're quiet... what she doesn't know won't scar her for life," Justin said chuckling because that was what AJ had always said every time they were in his room.

AJ laughed and nodded his head, "You sure you can be quiet baby?" he asked with a small smirk on his face but there was so much love in his eyes too that it was almost hard to take the smirk seriously.

"I will have to be," Justin responded as he brought his hands down to the bottom of AJ's shirt and then under it, resting them on warm skin of his sides. "What do you say?"

AJ wasn't so sure this was a good idea, he knew if he was this close to Justin again that he would become even more attached but his heart nor his body would let him say no. Without anymore words being said he leaned over and started placing kisses all over Justin's neck, not wanting to kiss his lips since he knew Justin hated how he tasted right now and that was killing him.

Justin stifled the moans that were threatening to escape him by biting down on his lower lip. He pulled back just enough so that he could reach behind him and put the lock on the door. Once that was done he gently pushed AJ backwards to the bed, causing for the older man to fall on it, on his back. He looked down at AJ and took in every single detail that was the older man to memory.

AJ looked up at Justin with so much love, lust and sadness in his eyes. He hated knowing this was their last time together...but it was something that needed to be done. He swallowed hard and stifled a moan at the intent way Justin was staring at him with similar emotions in his eyes.

"You're so beautiful," Justin breathed out and he toed his shoes off and then took his socks off, not breaking his gaze from AJ. He then took off AJ's shoes and socks off as well. He could never get over the fact of how sensuous and delicious AJ looked and it baffled him that AJ thought Justin was crazy for even thinking that. But Justin had ignored it and instead of saying it he had opted to show the older man what the words couldn't convince him, every single time.

Like always, AJ dropped his gaze from Justin's when Justin came out with the compliments. He didn't think he was gorgeous or beautiful or pretty or anything like that. He thought he was too skinny, his voice was too gravely and he quiet frankly hated almost everything about himself.

"Don't," Justin said as he watched AJ's gaze lower. "Don't do that now... not now. You need... you have to believe me when I say it because it's the absolute truth. Heck, if not me then listen to all those girls and some guys that tell you or scream it out almost every night at the concerts... those letters they write to you... those signs. Everything that you don't like about yourself is what makes all those girls cream their panties. It's what made me love you... " He quickly got out of his clothes before helping AJ out of his clothes. Once they were both as naked as the day they were born he crawled up the length of AJ's body, placing kisses all the way up. If one thing he was going to accomplish at the ending of their relationship was to get AJ to believe that he was beautiful. That was his mission, that and to show him no matter what he would always be a part of his life.

"I'm not sure the image of girls creaming their panties is one that I want right now." AJ laughed huskily. Sure, it probably wasn't the reaction that Justin wanted but in AJ's own way it was him showing that he had been listening to what Justin was saying and it was going into his head. He groaned when he felt the familiar body pressing against his. "How did we wait almost three months...to do this?" he whispered.

Justin looked away sadly before fixing his gaze on AJ's eyes. How did they wait so long with out this? He knew the answer and that hurt him more than anything. "I don't know... busy, maybe?" It was more like... he was too busy and that he was a fuck up.

AJ nodded his head, and for some reason he felt like he should say something else. "I wasn't with anybody else...even when we were apart." He knew with his reputation that it was probably at the back of Justin's mind that he was. AJ was a very sexual person and to go almost three months without sex was practically unheard of...but he had done it.

Justin nodded his head slowly, he hadn't either. Just him, his left hand, and memories of AJ. He leaned down and started off a passionate yet heated kiss.

AJ kissed Justin back for a second before he pulled his head and mouth away. He didn't move away from Justin just let his head move to the side. "My breath stinks," he whispered.

"Yeah," Justin said point blank but he smiled. "I want to kiss you and I can ignore the taste of cigarettes considering this is our..." Justin didn't bother to finish that sentence off. There was no need. They both knew the ending of it.

AJ didn't say anything else just moved his head back and brought Justin back into the passionate kiss. His hands moved up to hold the back of Justin's head and neck, never, ever wanting the kiss to end...even though it would.

Justin kissed AJ back with all the love he had for him before the need for air became too much and the throbbing ache in his dick demanded it get some attention. He pulled back and reached into the nightstand drawer. He pulled out a condom and the bottle of lube before sitting back on his knees. He pumped his dick a few times before rolling the condom on and preparing AJ's entrance with lubed fingers; one, two, and three fingers later, when AJ started to push back on them, he knew he was ready.

"Please baby," AJ begged, he was beyond ready to have Justin inside of him. He had been wanting this since he had last seen Justin around Thanksgiving time. He thrust his hips up a few times to try and show Justin how much he really needed him.

Justin didn't waste any time. He soon positioned himself at AJ's pucker, legs brought up over his shoulders, Justin's hand firmly grasping his waist, before slowly making his way inside the tight heat of AJ's body.

AJ bit down on his lips so hard that he was sure there would be blood by the end of their lovemaking. Neither of them were ever very quiet in bed so this was going to be torture having to be so quiet. The second Justin was all the way inside he thrust his hips up wanting Justin to move.

Justin brought his hand up to AJ's face and smoothed away the wrinkles of concentration on his forehead before leaning down and capturing his mouth to start them off on another emotion filled kiss. He started to move slowly, in and out of AJ, knowing that it would drive AJ absolutely wild but that's how they've always done it. Justin would start of slow and then get AJ all antsy before giving it to him like he demanded to have it.

AJ moaned and groaned into the kiss for a few minutes before he had to pull back for air. He needed so badly to have them speed up, but what he needed even more was to be able to make as much noise as he needed to. He hated having to hold himself back.

Justin looked at AJ's face and chuckled at the frustration he saw etched there. He reached for the remote control for his stereo and turned it on, the volume loud but not enough to have the neighbors complain or for his mom to bang on his door to turn it off. But perfect to cover up the noise that they would be making. He straightened his back and adjusted himself a bit before pulling almost all the way out and slamming back into AJ, hard, right into his spot.

There was NO way AJ could keep from crying out with the way Justin hit his spot like that. "JUSTIN!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Fuck!"

Justin couldn't help himself as he leaned down and started sucking on AJ's neck, right on his spot, right on his vein. He knew that would drive AJ totally crazy causing him to writhe beneath him. Whenever AJ had done it he was mesmerized by the way his body moved and Justin wanted to see it again, wanted to feel it. He continued to move in and out of AJ, each thrust faster and harder than the previous, hitting his spot every single time, if AJ's grunts were anything to go by. "Hmm, so good. So beautiful... love you."

"Oh god...shit," AJ grunted as his hips thrust up to match each of Justin's hard, fast downward thrusts. He could feel himself so close to his orgasm and he hadn't even touched himself yet. Justin could do that, make him cum without even having either of them touch him.

Justin quickened his pace, if that was possible. He could feel himself nearing his orgasm as he bent his head down, bottom lip captured between his teeth, a look of concentration and of pleasure on his face as one of his hands got a hold on AJ's throbbing organ and began to jerk him off in time with his thrusts.

Once Justin touched him, there was no way AJ was going to be able to hold out. With a few more hits to his spot he was screaming at the top of his lungs and cumming in long strong spurts between their bodies, his walls clamping down hard on Justin's dick.

"Aw damn," Justin cried out as AJ's anal walls clenched... clamped tightly around him, pulling his orgasm right out of him. He didn't stop moving in and out of AJ, hitting his spot each time, as his orgasm washed through him nor did he stop pumping AJ's dick until it went limp in his hand. Spent from his orgasm he collapsed on top of AJ not caring about the mess between them. He rested the side of his head, his ear, right over AJ's heart so he could hear as the thumping evened out and his breathing to labor.

"Justin...honey are you okay?" Lynn called from the hallway outside the door. Her son had been acting weird since he had just came home and now he was blasting music even with having a headache. "Why is the music up so loud?"

AJ groaned, not wanting to move at all even though Lynn was talking to them....or well to Justin. Part of him didn’t care if Lynn knew what they were doing. Hell she had known they were together since after the first month they were a couple...she knew they had sex even gave them lectures about being safe and all that shit.

Justin groaned but didn't even bother to get up. He was very content at the moment. "I'm fine mom," he called out to her. "I just needed something to take my mind off of things that's all. Everything's fine!" He didn't necessarily lie... so it was okay for him to tell his mom because he knew she could tell when he would lie but this wasn't one. Lynne would believe him and walk away, at least he hoped so.

Just then AJ couldn't help it and without warning let out a loud sneeze, one that didn't sound anything like Justin. He looked up at Justin sheepishly hoping Lynn had walked away by that point.

Of course Lynn hadn't and she looked at her son's door for a second before laughing to herself. "Bless you Alex," she giggled before walking down the hall to her own bedroom.

Justin groaned as he buried his face in AJ's neck, his face heating up and turning beet read. "You're something else," he said, his voice muffled. "But I love you... so it's all good."

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to sneeze." AJ whispered as he snuggled into Justin's arms a little more so scared to let go knowing this was the last time they would ever be like that.

"Don't apologize, it's okay," Justin responded. "It's not like she didn't know about us or anything..." He started to laugh into AJ's neck, his body shaking with it.

AJ laughed a little too but soon tears were coming to his eyes instead of the laughter. He got a little overly emotional after sex, so this break up stuff happening at the same time didn't really work too good. He turned his head to the side again hoping Justin wouldn't notice.

But it was too late since Justin felt something wet slide down his cheek from where it was still hiding in AJ's neck. He picked his head up a little, just enough so that he could look at AJ's face. He frowned when he saw the tears. "Baby... what's wrong?" He reached his hand up and turned his face so that he was looking at him before leaning up and kissing the tear stained cheeks. "Don't cry..." He pulled back and started to wipe the tears away. "Baby, please."

"Why couldn't we have met under different circumstances?" AJ whispered, looking up at Justin like a lost little boy. Justin was one of the only people AJ let his guard down enough to see this side of him. Normally he had walls built up so high that he never let anybody in.

Justin thought about that for a minute but didn't understand just why AJ would be asking him that now. "Um, because you love to entertain people... you're a Backstreet Boy... that was inevitable. I can't picture you doing anything else other than being on stage. Only if you could see through my eyes, how I see you when you're up there, on stage, singing and dancing. It's an amazing sight.... And I'm... I was a friend of another Backstreet Boy but because of him... we got together. If the circumstances were different... we never would have," he said. "Met"

AJ sniffled and nodded his head, he so desperately wanted to stop crying because he hated doing it. "I know… I just wish it would have been different...cuz then we wouldn't have to end."

"I know baby, I know," Justin whispered, his heart hurting as well. "But I'm always going to be there for you... with you. I need you to know that. Just because we're not together as boyfriends anymore doesn't mean we can't hang out or... flirt," he laughed, "or whatever. I know it's going to take a while for us to get used to this being friends deal but I know together we can do it..." He then thought about something, a small spark of hope, maybe they didn't have to end it. He quickly shook his head. No, they did. He knew it had to be done because things were just going to get a lot worse when the guys went on tour again if he and AJ were still together. "I will always... ALWAYS love you." He leaned down and kissed him.

AJ kissed Justin back and groaned, he was going to miss this kissing stuff. That made him think of something Justin said as he pulled back. "You said flirting...does that mean we get to be friends with benefits?" he asked with the normal AJ smirk. Sure, he knew that wouldn't work if they had other boyfriends...but right now they didn't. In his mind that would give them time to still have each other in a way...but not feel obligated and pressured to make sure they had all this free time for each other.

Justin chuckled as he nodded his head. "Not what I had in mind but we could do that as long as we're both... you know... single... yah," he said. "I actually thought like... well, I really like it when you call me 'baby' and all that other stuff and I didn't want to stop hearing you call me that... and I like the way we pick on each other and like... flirt with one another," he sighed. "I just don't want THAT to ever end... you know?" He paused. "But I like the whole friends with benefits thing, too."

AJ thought for a second, not sure he would be able to do this anyway but he wanted to ask and make sure Justin knew for his own point of view too. "And we can be seeing other people and stuff too..."

"Uh, yah..." Justin said.

"This is a little weird to be talking about while you're still inside of me," AJ laughed uneasily. He hated having to do this at all but he knew it was for the best.

Justin chuckled as he nodded his head. He quickly pushed himself up on his hand and withdrew from inside of AJ frowning at the loss of heat. He stood up and was about to take the condom off when he heard his cell phone ring. He groaned as he bent down and picked his pants up and took his cell phone out. Checking the caller ID to see 'Scott R' displayed. He flipped his phone open and said, "Hey man, how's it going?" Justin smiled at AJ before walking into the bathroom and removing the condom before wrapping it in a tissue and throwing it out. He wet a washcloth and cleaned his chest off before wetting another one and walking into the bedroom to clean AJ off.

"Who is that?" AJ asked softly, just wondering who was on the phone. It felt a little weird to have Justin talking on the phone while cleaning him up but he wasn't going to tell Justin not to...he wasn't his boyfriend anymore.

"Hey J...what's up?" Scott asked from the other end of the phone. He hadn't talked to his friend in a little over a week and decided it was time for a call.

Justin mouthed out 'Scott' to AJ as he finished wiping all the cum off of his chest and dick. "Hey man, um, just about to go to Nick's birthday party," he said blushing. It wasn't like this was the first time Scott was calling him right after he and AJ had sex. Hell, it wasn't the first time Scott called while he and AJ were intimate though during those times he didn't answer the phone. But now he didn't have to worry about AJ being upset or jealous since they weren't boyfriends anymore. "What are you up to?" He walked over to the closet and looked for something nice to wear. He still had just a tiny bit of headache left but it wasn't as bad as it was earlier.

AJ took a deep breath as he stood up and then pulled on his boxers and jeans. Then he went about looking for his shirt and wasn't able to find it. "What the fuck?" he said out loud as he looked all around, not realizing it had gotten kicked under the bed at some point.

"Not much, but I wanted to call and tell you the good news...plus we haven't talked in a while," Scott said with a huge smile on his face even though Justin couldn't see it. He also didn't say what the 'big surprise' was, wanting to make Justin wonder and ask.

Justin could literally hear the smile on Scott's face and he couldn't help but smile. "Good news? What good news?" He then looked over at AJ wondering what was wrong. He covered the mouth piece and asked, "What's wrong, babe?"

"Have you seen my shirt?" AJ asked as he sat back down on the bed.

"You know how I told you the last time we talked that I was working with another radio station trying to get a job there...but I wouldn't tell you where?" Scott asked, still trying to keep Justin somewhat in the dark.

"Yeah..." Justin said trailing off as he put his boxers and dark blue faded jeans on before walking over to help AJ look for his shirt. "Is it in New York? You've always talked about wanting to work in New York... Z100 or some shit like that..." He looked under the bed and smirked. Grabbing the shirt he stood up and tapped AJ on the shoulder before waving it in front of him.

AJ shook out of the daze he was in and smiled. He then got his shoes on and stood up. Not wanting to interrupt Justin's conversation he grabbed his pack of smokes out of his pocket and waved them at Justin to show what he was going to do and then headed out of the room.

"Actually no...this happens to be 102.7 KIIS FM...in LA," Scott said slowly, wondering if Justin would even realize what this meant.

Justin sighed but nodded his head as he watched AJ walk out of his room to go smoke. He sat on his bed as he put his socks and sneakers on. Then what Scott said re-played in his head. LA. 102.7. In LA. "LA? You fucking got a job in LA?" Justin excitedly screamed into the phone knowing that it was probably loud even for his neighbors to hear. "Holy crap! That's awesome... that means you're moving to LA, right?"

"Well if I'm working in LA, it would be easier to actually live there too." Scott laughed, smiling big at Justin's reaction. He hoped his friend would be happy for him.

Justin laughed into the phone. "Oh man, this is so cool. Have you gotten a place yet? When are you coming? Where are you staying if you already got a place? You know what this means? We get to hang out," Justin rambled out but paused after his latter comment. He frowned realizing he wouldn't be able to hang out with Scott all that much, even if he did it would probably be about the same amount of time he had with AJ.

"I still have to finish up some stuff here in Seattle, but I'm supposed to be transferring by the end of February or early March." Scott explained still smiling like crazy. He was excited to be able to be close to his friend too...even if they wouldn’t get to spend too much time together at least it would be more then if he was still living in Seattle.

"Dude, that's awesome, man," Justin said as he got up and walked over to his closet to pick out a shirt. He ended up taking a button down, short sleeved, bluish-gray shirt. He looked at the time and frowned. "I'm sorry but I have to cut this short... I gotta get to Nick's place," he said as he put some cologne on and then his chain.

"Sure thing dude, call me again when you get the chance," Scott said as he sat down on his bed in his apartment.

"Alright, probably tonight or something. It's Friday and I don't have anything to do this weekend, which is oddly surprising," Justin said and then sighed. "Bye Scott." He then grabbed his wallet and put his cell phone in his jeans before grabbing Nick's present filled bag and walked out of his room. He knocked on his parent's door and peaked his head in. He saw his mom taking a nap and smiled a little before writing her a note saying that he was at Nick's for the party. He then walked out of the house, making sure to lock everything. He saw AJ sitting on the steps just finishing his cigarette. "I wish you wouldn't smoke," he said.

AJ looked up at Justin and put out his cigarette. "I won't do it around you," was all he could say because he didn't really have any desire to quit and if the person didn't want to quit then it was beyond impossible to do so. "You ready to go?"

Justin sighed, not at all happy that AJ wanted to continue smoking even though it would ruin his heart. "Yah, I am," he said walking down the steps and onto the sidewalk.

"What did you get Nicky?" AJ asked, trying to make small talk so he didn't think too much about what was really happening.

"Oh, um," Justin said looking down at the bag in his hand. "A remote control airplane and other little things I thought he would like." He looked over at AJ and wondered why he was really quiet. "Is everything alright?"

AJ nodded his head, "Yeah...I got him those Thomas the Tank Engine trains they hadn't been able to find to add to his collection," he said, some-what ignoring Justin's question...or well just answering it with the 'yeah.'

Justin nodded his head and after a few seconds of silence he said, "Um, Scott's moving to LA next month or the month after." He watched AJ from the corner of his eye.

AJ put the best smile on his face that he could. "That's really cool...I'm glad he's getting out of Seattle...he hasn't been happy there for a while." All the guys had gotten rather close to Scott since they met him...and even AJ had really grown to like the guy when he realized he wasn't a threat. He knew Justin did like him more then a friend though and it made his heart hurt a little knowing already that soon enough Justin would probably go to Scott.

Justin took in a deep breath. He knew AJ wasn't all that thrilled with the idea of Scott moving here even though all the guys, including Nick, had gotten to know him better. AJ still had that jealous bit in him but maybe now he didn't have to worry. They weren't dating and as AJ had said they get to see other people too, so why would AJ be jealous.

"Justin...It's just going to take some time to get used to this I guess." AJ admitted, stopping on the sidewalk to look at Justin. "We both know this is the best thing to do...but that doesn't mean it isn't hard ya know. You know I love Scott...and I am very happy that he's moving down to LA so you guys can be closer together. He's your friend and you guys need to be able to hang out...hell it will probably do you a world of good to have a good friend close to you...but as weird as it seems to say this...but it's making me sad because I'm not really allowed to be jealous." He sighed, and looked down at his feet. "I'm probably not making any sense."

Justin stopped as he turned around to look at AJ. "I know," Justin said. "I know it's going to be tough but hey, I'm not looking to jump into a relationship just yet especially with Scott because he's a good friend and I don't wanna ruin any chances or anything with him. It's going to take me a while to get used to," he waved his hand between him and AJ, "us not being a...us. We're still... friends with benefits... right?" Justin then laughed at what he said. They're trying to get over the other and it'll take a while but they still want to be friends with benefits till the other gets a boyfriend. "You know what I mean... "

"Yeah," AJ said with a smile as they started walking again, this time until they got to Brian and Nick's house. "Still doesn't look like anybody else is here., he said as they walked up the front walk. He had already brought the presents inside earlier so he didn't have to get them out now.

"Yah," Justin said they walked inside and into the living room. "Where is everybody?" He called out.