Summary: Nick is struggling to make it day by day. Justin is trying to survive stardom. They both live two very different lives, but when they meet on a cold winters night a friendship begins. Will there be more then friendship? Do opposites really attract?

Paring: Justin/Nick (Timbernick)

Rating: PG-13 and Up

Warning: This is slash, meaning there will be male/male sexual relations mentioned in the story. Also, this story should also get a HET warning for those of you that don't like HET content. There are other couples in this story other then Justin and Nick and a few of them happen to be male/female couples. If you don't want to read chapters with explicit HET content then go ahead and scroll down to read the EDITED chapters.

Authors Note: I am really grateful to have a great friend writing this story with me. How we have it worked out is that I write whatever Nick says, and my good friend Kris writes all of Justin's lines. If this is confusing, or if you have any questions about the format feel free to e-mail me and I'll try and help clear anything up.

Status: Incomplete

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Nick lifted one of the cardboard boxes into the air and groaned. "Jesus Kel, what in the world do you have in this thing?"

"I don't know. Just stop whining and carry it inside."

"Just stop whining and carry it inside." Nick mocked in a little voice as he carried the box inside the house.

"Justin's gonna be here soon," Kelly reminded Nick as she followed him through the front door. "Don't make me tell him you've been acting up."

Nick smirked. "Oh, maybe he'll spank me." He teased.

Eddie groaned and made a face. "Please spare me the details of you guy's sex life."

"What? WHO'S sex life?" Manny piped up as he dropped a box in the open living area.

"Nick and Justin's," Eddie said to his brother.

Manny widened his eyes. "You can tell ME the details."

Nick snorted as he too dropped the box down in the living area. "You'll just have to continue to use your imagination."

"He's just saying that because there isn't anything to tell." Marty teased as he walked into the house.

Kelly laughed and rolled her eyes as she headed out to Eddie's truck to get another box. She paused in thought before she reached for a box full of some of her clothes.

Nick glared at Marty. "Oh, you did NOT just say that." He said as he lunged at Marty.

"Yikes." Marty screeched as he ran towards the front door with Nick on his heels.

Kelly turned toward the guys coming into the yard. "Where's Ed?"

Both guys pointed towards the house as they started chasing each other around the front lawn area, acting like five year olds.

Kelly rolled her eyes again, and called to Manny when he stepped out onto the porch...headed for the cars. "Where's your brother?"

"I'm right here." Eddie said as he walked out behind Manny.

"Oh...hey," Kelly started...looking at Eddie. "Ya know...we never decided which bedroom is whose."

"You're right..." Eddie started before he was almost tackled by Marty and Nick. "What the hell?" He said shaking his head and then got a confused look on his face. "What did you ask me again?"

Kelly chuckled. "Go away!" she scolded Nick and Marty...then turned back to Eddie. "I said we need to pick rooms."

"You pick any one you want to. This is the house you picked out. You saw it first so you should get first pick." Eddie said as he walked up behind Kelly and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Who knows how much time we'll spend in our own rooms anyway?" He whispered in her ear.

"Manny! Get your boyfriend to leave me alone!" Nick screamed running to hide behind Manny.

"He's not my boyfriend," Manny called back...still diligently moving boxes.

Kelly turned in Eddie's arms to look at him. "OK...let's make a deal, then. Since I'm a girl...and like baths and need a big bathroom...I'll take the smaller room with the master bath...and you can have the bigger room. Not to mention the room with the master bath is the one connected to the laundry room...so I won't keep you awake while I'm washing your clothes all hours of the night."

Eddie smiled and nodded. "Okay it's a deal...and you're washing my clothes?"

Kelly laughed and shrugged. "I don't know...I just assumed."

"Nuh uh...Marty don't!" Nick said shaking his head as he backed up against the fence. Marty had the garden hose in his hand and was coming after him.

Eddie looked away from Kelly and over to Nick and Marty. "Would you two just quit it...sheesh." He laughed.

Kelly chuckled as she slipped away from Eddie, and grabbed a box from the back of his truck.

Marty didn't listen to Eddie though and soon Nick was soaking wet and screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Well, you're staying outside now." Eddie said with a groan as he followed Kelly inside with a box of his own.

"Children," Kelly mumbled as she walked by the playful guys.

"How does Justin put up with him?" Eddie laughed as he and Kelly walked down the hallway to their bedrooms to put the boxes away.

"Who knows?" Kelly called as she headed the opposite direction of Eddie toward her own room.

Nick glared at Marty as he walked awkwardly to sit on the steps a pout on his face. "You got me all wet."

Marty giggled and nodded his head. "I did, and you deserved it."

Manny stepped up behind Nick and Marty. "What the hell did you two do?"

"He got my all wet with the hose." Nick said pointing at Marty.

"He pulled my pants down." Marty said pointing at Nick.

Manny rolled his eyes and went back to work.

Eddie set the box down in his room and then headed back out to go get some more of the boxes they had brought over in that trip.

"I wonder where Justin is." Nick said looking down at his watch seeing it was close to two in the afternoon.

"At Grammy rehearsal, I thought," Manny said as he passed by Nick with another box.

Nick nodded his head. "Yeah, but he said he was going to try and be here by the early afternoon. I mean he had been up and gone since around eight this morning."

"Yeah...but those things can take forever, and he has no control over it. Trust me," Kelly interjected as she trotted down the steps past Nick.

"Yeah..." Nick said with a sigh as he got up and stripped his shirt off to try and ring it out.

Eddie glanced at Nick as he headed after Kelly to get another box from the back of his truck...wondering what had gotten into the other man all of a sudden.

Kelly also noticed Nick's change in mood, as she skipped on picking up another box, and walked over to him, instead. "What's goin on, hun?"

Nick gave Kelly a small smile and shrugged. "Nothing, I'm okay."

"I don't believe you."

"I just feel like even though Justin is home that we're still an ocean apart." Nick said honestly as he tried to put his still damp shirt on over his head again.

Kelly shrugged her shoulders a bit. "I know, babe...but that's just cuz it's a really big week for him. I mean...it's the Grammy's...and not only is he performing solo...but he's nominated for a bunch of them. He's never won one...not even with the guys. I mean...this is music's highest honor."

Nick smiled and nodded his head. "I know that...and I'm really proud of him and happy for him." He sighed and ran a hand through his wet hair. "Guess I'm being selfish once again."

Kelly shook her head. "I don't necessarily think you're being selfish. I just think it's new to you...and it's not easy to get used to."

"Yeah I guess...but I need to buck up before Justin notices." Nick said as he gave up on trying to get his wet shirt back on and threw it onto the steps.

Kelly nodded. "Good idea," she said...then laughed. "I'll get you a dry one from Ed."

Nick giggled. "You mean you don't like to see me shirtless?" He teased as he looked down at his wet shorts.

Kelly laughed again as she headed into the house. "I never said that."

"And don't worry about it, I'll just drive home and get changed." Nick said as he headed for the car he had driven over.

Kelly turned around in the doorway. "You don't have to..."

Nick shrugged. "I want to be able to help you and I'm soaking wet, more then just my shirt."

Kelly shrugged, too. "Well...it's up to you."

"I'll be back in a few minutes." Nick said with a smile as he climbed into the truck after putting a blanket that was in the back down on the seat so he wouldn't get the leather seats wet. Once he was safe inside he let the tears fall from his eyes. Taking a deep breath he turned the car on and drove out of the drive way and back onto the road.

Eddie came back out of the house to get another box. "Where is he going?"

"Home to change," Kelly answered...her eyes following Nick's car along the long drive and out to the main road.

"Ah..." Eddie said as he headed back towards his truck.

"Is he okay?" Marty asked Kelly, feeling something wasn't right.

Kelly shook her head as she turned to Marty. "I don't think so. He's upset again that Justin's so busy."

Marty sighed and shrugged. "But that's his job."

"*I* know this...and YOU know this..."

"I think there is something else that is going on with him." Marty said softly.

"He hasn't been acting right since I've been home."

"But he won't say anything."

"Then maybe one of us should. Cuz, I can tell by just looking at him that he's hanging on by a thread. He's going to explode if he keeps shit bottled up inside."

Kelly shrugged. "I know...but it's not like we can force him to talk."

Marty nodded his head. "There is one person that he'll listen to though."

"Justin?"

Marty simply nodded his head. "If Nick isn't back when Justin gets here today...we've gotta talk to him about it. I know it seems like we're stepping over bounds and stuff, but we would feel worse if Nick does something stupid."

"That's true..." Kelly said thoughtfully.

"So we'll talk to him."

Kelly shook her head slowly. "He might not wanna hear it, though...even from Justin. I mean...it seems like he's in total denial that something's even wrong."

"We've gotta try something though." Marty said softly. "We owe him that much to be a friend...and friends sometimes say stuff even if you don't want to hear it."

Kelly sighed. "You're right."

"Not we just have to wait until J shows up." Marty said as he picked up another box.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three hours later all the boxes were brought in from the various pick up trucks and everybody was sitting on the floor of the living room drinking ice tea. "Now you guys just have to figure out what to do about furniture and unpacking all this stuff." Marty said after taking a sip of his tea.

"I think we're going to go look for some furniture tomorrow," Kelly said thoughtfully as she looked around the open living room and kitchen area.

"We kinda need to, cuz this place is pretty bare." Eddie laughed as he too looked around the room.

Kelly nodded. "It is...but we'll make it look good."

Once Eddie was done looking around the room he noticed something for the first time. He had been so busy before that he hadn't noticed. "Where's Nick?"

"He's been gone for a long time," Manny observed.

Marty bit his lower lip, more then a little worried about the other man. "He went home to change clothes...that was what...three or so hours ago."

Kelly sighed. "We should call him."

"I'm sure he's okay." Eddie said as he took a long sip of his tea.

Kelly got up and went to get her phone off the counter. "I'LL call him," she said as she opened her phone and dialed Nick's cell phone.

Nick was in the family room with the music up so loud he couldn't hear the phone ringing. He was trying so hard to get his mind to shut off and stop thinking of all the crazy and bad things that were going through it. He didn't think it was working, and giving him a headache instead, but he didn't have the energy to do anything else.

Kelly flipped her phone closed and put it back on the counter. "He's not answering."

"That's a little weird..." Eddie admitted.

"It is." Marty agreed, more worried then he had been before.

Kelly took a deep, frustrated breath. "This is getting ridiculous," she said as she grabbed Eddie's keys. "Can I take your truck?"

Eddie nodded his head. "Sure, go ahead."

"I'll be back when I get back," Kelly said on her way out the door.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Eddie asked, ready to get up off the floor.

"No need for you to deal with it, too," Kelly called over her shoulder. She couldn't help it...she was getting aggravated by Nick's moodiness...and his neediness...his wallowing in self-pity...and his constant state of depression. She felt bad because he was her friend and she loved him, but she was just about at the 'enough is enough' point.

"Okay." Eddie said, a little worried for Kelly now too but he was going to let her deal with this on her own.

Manny sighed as he watched Kelly leave, "Poor girl. She needs to stop stressing her self with bullshit."

Marty nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, but it might not be bullshit."

Manny shrugged. "Guess I wouldn't know."

Meanwhile back at home Nick was lying in the family room with the music still blaring but his hands were over his ears and tears were streaming down his face. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't get the bad images out of his head or the negative voice of his father and William to go away.

Kelly made it back to Justin's house, and parked the truck in the driveway. She let herself in, and almost went deaf from the blaring music. "What the fuck..." she mumbled as she made her way into the family room.

Nick had no idea anybody else was in the house. He just stayed in place dressed in the clothes he had came home to change out of.

Kelly walked over to the stereo and turned it off...her head already pounding from the loud music.

Now the only noise in the room was Nick's crying. He knew Kelly was in the room but he didn't say anything.

Kelly took a deep breath...trying to calm herself and stop herself from flipping out, "what's going on, Nick?"

"It won’t stop." Nick whispered, sounding like he was losing his mind.

"What won't stop?"

"The memories," Nick said turning onto his back to look up at the ceiling. "They wont stop Kel...I've tried...but they wont go away."

Kelly sighed as she sat in a chair. "You need help, Nick," she said calmly.

Nick sniffled and nodded his head as he tried to wipe the tears away. "I...I just don't want Justin to know." He whispered as new tears fell from his eyes.

"What are you talking about? Justin's the one person you HAVE to tell."

"He would hate me...I would just make things so much harder and worse for him. He's already got so much shit to deal with he doesn’t' need mind too."

"Don't be silly, Nick. I know that Justin wants to know what's going on with you...and wants to help."

Nick bit his lower lip as he looked at Kelly. "You really think so?" He asked sounding so lost and defeated.

Kelly nodded. "I KNOW so. He just..."

Nick looked up at Kelly with his big blue eyes. "He just what?" He asked softly.

Kelly took a deep breath. "I think he needs you to understand him better, Nick."

"What do you mean?"

"As many times as you've talked about it with him, I STILL don't think you understand him...and his career...and the fact that he can't be HERE all the time."

Nick sighed, moving away from Kelly a little bit. He hated this topic, mostly because he knew it was still a problem. Yes, he did understand Justin couldn't be around him twenty four seven...but there was still a part of him that couldn't let it go for some reason.

Kelly sighed as she headed in the direction of her room. "Call your boyfriend. He left you two messages while you had the music jacked up," she said before disappearing down the hall.

Nick looked down the hall after Kelly, and sighed. He never meant to make her upset at him. Taking a deep breath he picked up the phone and dialed Justin's number.

Justin pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. "Yeah...?"

"You called me..." Nick said softly, hoping that Justin couldn't tell he had been crying and was worked up.

"Like...five times. Where the hell are you?" Justin asked as he sat on the front steps.

"I'm at home." Nick replied. "Where are you?"

"At Ed's...where I was supposed to meet you."

Nick bit his lower lip. "I came home to change clothes, Marty got me all wet."

"They said you've been gone for hours."

"I have been." Nick admitted with a sigh.

"Doesn't take that long to change clothes," Justin said quickly.

Nick had no idea how he was supposed to explain what had happened. He hadn't even really had a chance to explain it to Kelly. The 'episode' he had just had, really had nothing to do with Justin being gone, even though it would have been nice to have him around. It was mostly that sometimes memories get triggered in his mind and there isn't anything he can do to stop them. "I...I just needed a break, so I stayed here."

"Well ya could have let someone know."

"I know, I'm sorry," Nick said as he flopped back on the couch again. "I didn't mean to worry anybody."

"Well you did..." Justin said honestly. "...especially by not answering your phone."

Nick took a deep breath as he thought about what Kelly said. "Can you come home...I need to talk to you." He said hoping he didn't worry Justin too much but enough to know that he was serious and it just wasn't because he wanted to see him for no reason.

"What's wrong?"

"It will be easier to talk about in person."

Justin sighed. "Aight...I'll be on my way in a few," he said before hanging up the phone, and going to say goodbye to Marty and Ed.

Nick hung up the phone on his end and suck back against the couch even more. He was so scared to talk to Justin, but he knew it was what he had to do.

A few minutes later, Kelly breezed through the living room on her way to the front door. "I'm going back to the house."

"Kel, wait." Nick said, hopping off the couch. "I'm sorry...I know you're only trying to help me...and I know you've been trying to do that the last few weeks even when I haven't been acting like myself and I'm sorry."

Kelly took a deep breath. "I'm not the one you need to apologize to."

Nick nodded his head. "I know...and I'm trying to work on that."

"Good," Kelly said...then opened the door and stepped outside. She turned back to Nick before closing the door. "I'm here if you need me...either of you...so just call."

"Thank you." Nick said with a small smile before shutting the door behind her and heading into the kitchen, really needing a bottle of water.

Justin was deep in thought as he drove home...wondering what on earth was going on with Nick.

Once he got his bottle of water, Nick sat down at the bar and tried to go over ways to explain to Justin what he was feeling without sounding like a baby or insane.

Justin parked in the garage, and then went into the house through the kitchen. "Hey," he said when he saw Nick sitting at the counter.

Nick looked up and gave Justin a small smile. "Hi...sorry if I like made you stop doing something important."

Justin shrugged as he put his keys on the counter. "Not really."

"Okay...good." Nick said as he looked down at his hands that were pealing off the paper on his water bottle, a sure sign that he was a nervous wreck.

"So what's goin on?" Justin asked as he leaned against the counter.

Nick took a deep breath and looked up at Justin. "I'm having a really hard time...I've been trying hard to not let it show but I'm falling apart inside and I can't stop it. All the events of what have happened the last month have brought back weird events from my own life. Kelly losing the baby was the start of it. But the last straw was my dad coming back. All the walls I put up around myself all the feelings and memories I've tried to keep in the back of my mind are all back and...And it's really starting to mess with me."

Justin swallowed hard as he digested everything. "OK...so...what do we need to do to deal with this?" he asked calmly.

"I don't know." Nick answered honestly. "I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Because I didn't want to cause any problems...but today Kelly made me see that I can't do it by myself...and I guess I haven't been so good at hiding it as I thought I have." He looked down at his lap. "I'm sure you know I haven't been sleeping well. I have the worst nightmares...that's why I've been moving to go sleep in my own bed the last week or so. I didn't want to wake you up."

Justin took a deep breath. "Keeping it to yourself isn't helping you at all."

"I know." Nick said softly as he tried to keep himself from crying again. He felt like an emotional mess and the fact that he hadn't slept much lately didn't help. "I think Kelly thinks I'm just being dumb and clingy again though. Which, maybe I am...I don't know."

Justin reached up to rub a hand over his growing curls. "Honestly...you are...but now I can see why...kinda."

"I'm not meaning to be." Nick said, looking up at Justin. "I don't know what's wrong with me...I just freak when I'm not around you." He closed his eyes as tears pooled at the bottom of them. "I'm just weird or something. I don't do it on purpose...honest."

Justin took another deep breath. He knew he needed to get to the bottom of this. "Is it because you're afraid...that I'll like...cheat on you, or sumthin?"

Nick shook his head. "No...I don't think you would cheat on me. I know you aren't like that." He licked his lips. "I think it's just still the fact that every person I've loved has left me. But I don't know that's just stupid. All I know is that if I'm really stressed already and I need reassurance that everything is going to be okay...and you aren't here that my chest gets really tight and it's almost like I can't breath." He made a face. "Okay, I really am a freak...that is insane."

"It's not...it's just...you need to get over that, Nick...cuz like I've told you, I'm not always gonna be here."

"And I know that...I believe you." Nick bit his lower lip again. "I think I need to like...ya know...see somebody." He whispered, looking down, for some reason really embarrassed about that.

Justin nodded right away. "I think that's an excellent idea."

Nick looked up and giggled a little. "You just want to get things figured out so you don't have a crazy boyfriend." He teased.

Justin shook his head. "That's not true. Counseling's a good thing. That's why Kel and I are goin."

"True." Nick said with a nod. "I really should have done it years ago...I just never had the time or the money or anything to do it. But I do actually want to sleep sometime soon because waking up all sweating and crying is getting old."

Justin nodded again. "And ya know...I think you should consider a psychiatrist instead of just a regular counselor."

"Yeah," Nick agreed, already feeling a huge weight lifted off his shoulders from admitting that. He then looked at Justin again before getting up and pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry if I've been a pain in the ass or something."

Justin shook his head. "I don't look at it like that."

Nick giggled a little. "Well, I have been something if Kelly even yelled at me."

Justin shrugged. "It's just cuz we don't get it cuz you're not telling us."

"I'm just not used to having people I can talk to. Everybody I know has betrayed my trust in one way or another."

"That's not gonna happen with us," Justin said softly...referring to himself and his small group of close-knit friends.

"Good." Nick mumbled against Justin's shoulder as he held him tightly.

"If they think you need medication...is that gonna be OK?"

Nick sighed and nodded his head. "I just want to feel like myself again. I don't want to feel like I'm some weirdo that is hearing things in his head because I have memories floating around left and right and it gets so bad sometimes I just have to break down and cry, which is what happened when I came home tonight. Kelly found me with the music up so loud that it was shaking the house because it was the only way I could get the memories to go away." He said with tears in his eyes as he retold what happened.

Justin nodded his understanding. "And Nick...just know that when I'm away from you...even if it's for a long time...I'm never even THINKING of anyone but you...OK?"

"I hope you are thinking of other people, baby." Nick said pulling back so he was looking in Justin's eyes. "I'm not the only important person in your life."

"No...You know what I meant, thinking of people...like THAT."

Nick giggled a little. "Well, I would sure hope not...cuz I would have to kick your ass."

Justin chuckled. "You wouldn't."

"I would so if you were out fooling around on me." Nick said with the best serious look on his face as he could manage.

"Well...I wouldn't...so..."

"Good." Nick said softly before he leaned in and pressed his lips to Justin's. It had been a long time since he had really kissed the other man. Either

Justin had been sick or Nick had actually been in a rather depressed mood and hadn't really wanted to.

Justin smiled into the kiss, and then pulled back to whisper, "I love you."

"I love you too." Nick said with a big smile of his own. "Can we maybe go upstairs..." He asked, with a slight blush to his cheeks, hoping Justin would get his drift. It had been too long.

Justin raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

Nick's response was another kiss to Justin's lips, this one a little deeper then the other one.

Justin laughed...catching the hint. "Oh no...No ya don't. I believe you owe Kelly and Eddie about four hours of your time...and MY ass hasn't been there all day...so..."

Nick tried putting on his best pout, and looking at Justin with puppy dog eyes.

Justin widened his eyes...standing his ground. "No!"

Nick gave Justin a playful glare. "No fair. It's only like six in the evening they will be there until late, Eddie said so. So, an hour without us won’t hurt them." He said continuing to pout.

Justin laughed and backed away. "No. Suck it up and wait. Now let's go."

"Exactly...suck...sounds good to me." Nick giggled as he grabbed Justin through his pants as he walked past to throw his empty water bottle in the recycling box.

"Bastard," Justin mumbled as he grabbed his keys and headed back into the garage.

Nick followed Justin into the garage and there was no way he could stop himself. He pushed Justin against the car and kissed him hard, automatically grinding his hips against the younger man. Normally he wasn't this aggressive because he had been scared Justin would freak, but now that they were sharing their love for each other and had fooled around quite a bit he was pretty safe.

Justin groaned into the kiss...enjoying it for a short while before bracing his hands on Nick's chest and pushing him away with a laugh. "Cut that shit out."

Nick wasn't going to do it, with a smirk on his face he sunk to his knees, undoing Justin's pants as he went.

"No, no, no..." Justin said quickly...moving Nick's hands from his pants and pulling him up. "Nicky...please..."

"But why," Nick whispered.

"Because..." Justin kissed Nick's lips quickly. "...our friends need us...and I promised. So...tonight...OK?"

Nick took a deep breath and nodded his head. "You're right...I'm sorry." He said blushing a little at how carried away he had gotten.

Justin chuckled. "It's OK."

Nick walked around the car and got into the passenger seat without thinking about if Justin wanted them to take separate cars.

Justin climbed into the car and buckled up. "Horny muthafucker," he mumbled with a chuckle.

Nick laughed, shaking his head. "We haven't done anything like that since before I left to come home. That was like two weeks ago." He pointed out "I don't find that being too weird." He laughed.

Justin laughed and shook his head. "I guess that's true."

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Nick looked around the room that was now full of boxes. "You sure you don't want us to stay and help you sort through them?" He asked Kelly, feeling bad that they were leaving the place such a mess, even though there wasn't much else they could do.

Kelly shook her head. "No...This is fine. We need to get some furniture before we can actually put the stuff away."

Eddie nodded. "Yeah, since we don't really have any place to put it in."

Kelly took a quick look around the living area. "Where'd Justin go?"

Nick looked around too and shrugged. "I dunno maybe he got lost behind that big pile of boxes." He giggled.

Kelly laughed. "Justin...?" she called loudly enough to be heard throughout the apartment.

Marty came walking into the room with his cell phone to his ear, "Do you gotta yell?" He laughed.

"I'm in the damn bathroom!" Justin called at almost the same time.

Eddie snorted and then couldn't help but bust up laughing.

Nick giggled too before standing up from where he was sitting on the floor and going to throw his water bottle away.

"Musta been the Mexican takeout," Kelly said with a laugh.

"Eww, Kelly!" Marty whined as he hung up his phone. "Be a lady for once." He laughed.

Eddie and Nick just laughed, shaking their heads.

"I am ALWAYS a lady...thankyouverymuch."

Nick shifted from foot to foot. He was ready to go home now and relax and knew that Kelly and Eddie probably wanted their house to themselves a bit too. "Come on Justin." He said, but not loud enough for Justin to hear it.

Kelly chuckled as she walked over to stand beside Eddie. "Give the guy a break. Maybe he's sick."

Nick bit his lower lip before walking down the hall towards the bathroom. He HAD been in there a long time. "Babe...you okay?"

Eddie wrapped an arm around Kelly and giggled. "You are mean."

Kelly shrugged. "I'm not being mean, it's true."

"I'm fine," Justin called back to Nick from where he was sitting on the toilet seat cover, "Just not feelin too great."

Nick got a concerned pout on his face. "Can I come in?" Sure, he wanted to give Justin his privacy but he also wanted to make sure he was okay.

"I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay." Nick said simply as he backed away from the door and headed back into the main room.

"Is he OK?" Kelly asked...leaning into Eddie a bit.

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "He says he doesn't feel so hot...but he's okay I'm sure."

Eddie nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure he's fine." He said, for some reason feeling like he should reassure Nick.

Justin came out a minute later. "Sorry I went MIA."

Eddie shrugged. "No problem man, we were just wrapping things up getting ready to call it a night I think."

Nick automatically went to Justin's side, putting a gentle had on the small of his back.

"My stomach was bothering me...thought I was gonna puke."

"That's why you don't eat three of those huge burritos." Marty laughed.

"Come on, let's go home and you can go to sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning." Nick suggested, rubbing Justin's back.

Justin nodded. "Yeah...I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Yeah, go home; get outa here." Eddie teased. "You have both been a huge help."

"I can drive." Nick said as he let his hand move to Justin's pocket to get his keys.

Justin nodded. "OK...and we can help any time, ya know."

"We know," Kelly assured Justin...moving to hug her friend.

Once Nick had the keys he moved away so Kelly and Justin could hug goodbye.

Eddie gave Justin a friendly pat on the back and said goodbye before heading into the kitchen with Marty to talk about putting up shelves.

Kelly hugged Nick, too, and then sent the two on their way out to the car.

Nick unlocked the doors and then opened Justin's door for him with a smile.

"Thanks," Justin said with a smile as he climbed into the car and slouched down into his seat.

After shutting Justin's door he walked around to the driver's side and then started the car up heading home. Once they were driving for a few minutes, Nick let his right hand go off the steering wheel and move to rub Justin's stomach as he drove.

Justin chuckled and looked over at Nick. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to help make you feel better," Nick said point blank.

Justin laughed again. "You know that puts me to sleep," he said lazily.

Nick laughed too and removed his hand and put them both on the steering wheel. "Don't need you to fall asleep yet since we're already almost home."

Justin closed his eyes, anyway. "I'll sleep in the car."

"Okay." Nick said with a shrug as he just continued to drive quietly.

Justin opened his eyes and looked over at Nick. "You OK?"

Nick nodded his head. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

Nick smiled but didn't look at Justin since he didn't want to kill them. "Yeah, I'm sure. I just didn't want to bother you."

"You're no bother."

"You were trying to sleep...so I was being quiet. You don't feel good." Nick replied.

Justin shrugged his shoulders a bit. "Probably part of...whatever I've been sick with."

"That doesn't make it any less yucky. I think having your stomach hurt is the worst thing. I hate throwing up." Nick said making a face.

"Yeah...it sucks."

At the next stop light, Nick looked over at Justin as his right hand moved to rest on his thigh giving it a comforting squeeze. "I'm sorry you feel shitty, baby."

"Thanks...but I'll be OK."

"I hope so." Nick laughed as he started driving again. This time he didn't really saying anything else until they got home. Once there he parked the car in the garage again and shut the door behind them. "Here we are home sweet home."

"Yay," Justin said unenthusiastically, and then laughed as he climbed out of the car.

"Then you can stay out here while *I* go inside." Nick laughed as he too got out and headed into the house.

Justin laughed as he climbed out of the car and followed Nick. "I'm comin."

"Good, cuz this huge house gets lonely." Nick said as he walked into the kitchen smiling as Benny greeted them. "Hey there Mr. what in the world are YOU doing out."

The cat just meowed and went walking around the kitchen.

"Who let him out?" Justin asked with a bit of a pout.

"I don't know but I'll put him back." Nick said going over to pick Benny up.

Justin smiled as he closed the kitchen door, and then went to the cupboard to look for some Pepto Bismol.

Nick came back down about a minute later without the cat. He then walked over to where Justin was looking through the cupboards. "I think I left it upstairs in my bathroom." He said, figuring he knew that Justin was looking for.

Justin closed the cabinet. "The Pepto?"

Nick nodded his head. "Yeah, I was using it and forgot to put it back down here."

Justin nodded, "Oh...alright."

"Want me to go get it?" Nick asked as his hands moved up to rub Justin's shoulders.

Justin shook his head. "I'll get it when we go up."

Nick nodded his head. "You wana go up now...I mean you aren't feeling good."

Justin nodded. "I'm just gonna get some milk, first," he said...walking to the fridge. "Sometimes it helps."

"Just not after you've been drinking," Nick said making a face as if talking from experience.

Justin laughed, "Maybe not."

"Believe me it's nasty."

"Well I'm not gonna try it," Justin said with a laugh...leaning back against the counter to drink his milk.

Nick leaned back against the center island and watched Justin drink his milk with a smile on his face.

Justin stopped his glass half way to his mouth. "What?"

"Nothing," Nick giggled.

"Come on...what?"

Nick shook his head and laughed again. "Really, it's nothing I was just looking at my extremely hot boyfriend. Is that a crime?"

Justin smirked, "Not at all."

"Good." Nick giggled as he crossed his feet at the ankles and watched Justin some more.

"You're makin me feel like some kinda freak show."

Nick laughed and shook his head. "Sorry...wasn't meaning to do that." He said moving away from the counter and walking over to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

"So...are you feeling better than you were earlier?"

"Yeah, it just helps knowing that people know now, ya know." Nick said with a smile before he put the bottle to his lips and took a long drink.

Justin nodded in agreement, "Yeah."

"Are you feeling any better?" Nick asked softly, feeling bad that Justin still wasn't feeling 100 percent from when he had been sick before.

Justin shrugged, and then went to put his empty glass of milk away. "I still feel kinda nasty...but oh well."

"You want me to run you a bath...so you can relax?" Nick suggested before taking another drink.

Justin shook his head. "No, thanks...I'll be alright."

Nick nodded and laughed. "Are we gunna stay standing in the kitchen all night?"

Justin shook his head. "Nah...We can go to bed. It's been a long day."

"Sounds like a plan." Nick said with a smile as he headed for the stairs.

Justin followed close behind Nick...letting out a long yawn as he climbed the stairs.

Nick laughed as they got up the stairs and headed down to Justin's room. "You're a sleepy boy." He said with a smile.

"Can you blame me? I haven't had decent rest in forever."

Nick shook his head. "No, I don't blame you." He wasn't going to mention how he hadn't really either.

"And with all the work I've been doing..."

"You have every right to be tired." Nick said as he headed into the bathroom.

Justin flopped onto his bed to wait for Nick to get done with the bathroom.

Nick brushed his teeth and used the toilet before coming out of the bathroom a few minutes later. "It's all yours."

"Thanks," Justin said...not making a move

Nick stripped his shirt off as he watched Justin still lying there. "Did you get stuck?" He giggled.

Justin chuckled. "No...I'll move in a minute."

"Okay." Nick smiled as he took his jean shorts off and threw them along with his t-shirt into the laundry hamper before climbing onto the bed.

Justin sighed quietly, then got up and finally made his way into the bathroom.

Nick watched Justin walk into the bathroom and flopped down onto his side of the bed with a sigh. He then lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling, just thinking about all that had happened in the last few hours.

Justin returned a short while later wearing a pair of pajama pants. "Thanks for helping out today," he said as he lay down.

Nick turned his head to the side and shrugged. "I was happy to help. I like it when I can be a part of stuff, makes me feel like one of the group."

"Well...you are."

Nick smiled a little as he reached hand out to run it through Justin's short curls. "I'm glad."

"Just...start treating them more like your friends...ya know...I mean...by being honest with them. You can trust them."

"I know." Nick said with a sigh. "I'm trying."

"I wouldn't be so close to people I couldn't trust...I learned that the hard way."

Nick nodded his head as his hand continued to run through Justin's hair. "I know, baby."

"Ok...just making sure."

"Now go to sleep, so you can feel better in the morning." Nick said gently.

Justin shrugged. "I don't have to sleep yet...we can talk."

Nick smiled a little. "Okay, what do you wana talk about?"

"Anything you want."

"How did Grammy practice go?"

"It was fine...nothing too exciting."

Nick giggled a little. "But you ARE excited about going though right?"

"Yeah...of course...especially cuz I'm nominated."

"I know, that is so cool," Nick said with a big smile. "My boyfriend the Grammy Nominee."

Justin smiled. "Yeah...I'm just trying not to get too excited about it."

"It's still a huge honor to be nominated even if you don't win. So I'm sure it's okay to be a little excited." Nick giggled as he turned on his side and propped his head up on his elbow to look down at Justin. Scooting over a little he draped his leg over Justin's.

"I know. I just try not to get my hopes up."

"Yeah," Nick said with a nod of his head. "That's always best."

"Plus I need to be concentrating on my performance."

"I know you'll do fine." Nick said with a smile. "What song did you say you were doing again?"

"Senorita."

"Right," Nick giggled before he started to sing the song, just being a goof.

Justin laughed. "Stop...I heard it enough times today."

Nick laughed and started to sing 'And she said (take me now)' instead.

"Perv..."

"Hey now it's YOUR song...not mine." Nick pointed out.

"It's about dancing."

Nick nodded his head. "Right...so why did you call ME a perv...I was just singing the song." He giggled.

"But you meant OTHER things by it."

"How do you know that?" Nick asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I just know."

"I'm not always thinking like that." Nick said with a playful pout.

"Hmm...well...most of the time."

Nick tried to think of a come back for that but couldn't think of one so instead he just stuck his tongue out at Justin.

Justin laughed, "Exactly."

"But you fell in love with how I am, so you must love me even if I am slightly perverted."

"You mean extremely perverted?"

"I am not!" Nick exclaimed with a pout on his face. "If I was extremely perverted I would be like all over you right now or something."

"Well you wanna be..."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do."

Once again Nick didn't know what to say so he playfully stuck his tongue out again.

"Damn, I'm good."

"Yes and mean," Nick said with a pout as he turned to lie on his back again.

Justin chuckled. "OK, OK...I'll make it up to you. We can make out for a little while."

Nick shook his head. "No...Cuz you don't want to. You make it seem like it's a chore or something. Not something you want to do."

"Of course I want to."

"Then show me." Nick said, trying not to smile.

Justin smirked. "You want it...you come and get it."

Nick groaned and moved so he was in his side again and back with his leg draped over Justin's. "Why do *I* always have to do all the work?" He teased.

Justin laughed quietly. "Cuz I said so."

Nick raised an eyebrow. "Oh is that so...and who died and made you king of the bed?"

"My bed...I'm the king."

"Why did I know you were going to say that?" Nick laughed. "You're so predictable."

"At least I'm consistent."

Nick rolled his eyes and laughed. "Change is good sometimes though." He said before placing a soft kiss to Justin's lips.

"Nah...I'm pretty content."

"Glad that at least I'M part of the constant," Nick mumbled against Justin's lips as he placed feathery butterfly kisses there.

"Of course."

Nick didn't respond to that with words just used this time to place an actual kiss to Justin's lips.

Justin closed his eyes and fell into Nick's kiss. It felt good to be close with him like that.

Nick closed his own eyes and kissed Justin back even more when he felt the other man respond. There was still that part of him that expected Justin to pull away in disgust even though it had been Justin who had told him to kiss him.

Justin spread his legs as they kissed...allowing Nick to settle over him more comfortably.

Nick felt Justin move around a little like he was giving him wordless permission to move onto him more. Nick did just that as he deepened the kiss a little more by sliding his tongue out of his own mouth to lick around Justin's lips asking for entrance.

Justin gave Nick that entrance immediately...bringing his hands up into Nick's hair as he sucked gently on his probing tongue.

A low moan escaped Nick's throat as he kissed Justin back passionately now. He loved kissing his boyfriend and it had been a long time since they had done this. His own hands moved to run through Justin's hair as he kissed him back.

Justin groaned quietly...stopping the kiss briefly to softly bite on Nick's lower lip.

Nick moaned softly again, loving the mixed feelings of Justin's hands in his hair and the nibbling on his lip.

One of Justin's hands trailed to the back of Nick's neck as he went back to kissing him passionately.

Nick fell back into the kiss quickly as his own hands moved down to rest on Justin's shoulders as he moved so he was fully on top of him.

Justin pulled back to get some air, and looked into Nick's eyes as he slid his hands down to his ass.

Nick swallowed hard and groaned as he too tried to catch his breath looking into Justin's eyes. He was sure his eyes clouded over the second Justin touched his ass. Just that one touch had him on fire.

Justin laughed quietly, "Feel good, Nicky?"

Nick bit his lower lip and blushed a little before nodding his head. "You know what touching my ass does to me."

"Yeah I do."

"Then you're being naughty." Nick giggled.

"So sue me."

Nick laughed. "Why would I do that for?"

"My houses...my cars...my money..." Justin teased playfully.

"My Justin."

Justin cocked an eyebrow.

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "I've gotta have something."

Justin laughed and rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

"Okay..." Nick mumbled against Justin's lips as he leaned in for another kiss.

Justin immediately deepened the kiss…turning it hard and needy.

Nick closed his eyes tightly as he kissed Justin back just as hard and needy, his hands running up and down Justin's bare sides.

Justin fisted his hands into Nick's hair as he kissed the older man feverishly.

A loud moan escaped Nick's lips as his tongue moved quickly around Justin's mouth trying to taste each inch...every spot of the mouth he loved so much.

Justin slid his hands back down to Nick's ass...and under the thin material of his boxers.

The noise that escaped Nick's mouth next sounded more like a whimper as he felt his body reacting to the kiss and Justin's touch.

Justin laughed into the kiss. "I like it when you do that...make those noises."

"Good...cuz it just happens." Nick laughed too before picking the kiss back up again.

Justin broke the kiss to laugh again. "Get naked."

Nick raised an eyebrow, "Just me?"

Justin laughed again. "Sure...why not?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders as he wiggled around on top of Justin as he removed his boxers.

Justin smiled as he watched him, "Very obedient."

Nick blushed a little, wondering if maybe he was being TOO obedient.

"I like it."

"I'm sure you do." Nick giggled, letting out a sigh of relief he didn't know he had been holding.

"You're so beautiful."

The blush was back on Nick's face again. "Thank you." He whispered.

"I love you naked."

Nick giggled a little. "Yeah, well I figured as much since you asked me to get naked."

"I wanna touch you...I wanna make you cum..."

Nick looked at Justin with heavy lidded eyes. "Okay..." He whispered.

Justin smiled. "Are you sure it's OK?"

"Yeah," Nick said with a smile of his own.

Justin carefully rolled them so that they were both on their sides, then immediately reached his hand down to Nick's dick.

Nick's eyes closed right away when Justin touched him, his mouth opening a little.

Justin chuckled and kissed Nick's chin...letting his lips linger there to take soft nibbles as he started stroking his boyfriend's cock.

Nick let Justin stroke him for a few minutes but then reached down to pull his hand away. He didn't want to get off alone. He also wanted more. Sure, he was scared to death to say anything but he knew he needed to. If Justin got mad...then he got mad. "Make love to me." He whispered, looking Justin in the eyes with all the love he could muster.

Justin's timid eyes immediately locked on Nick's. He had no idea how to respond to that.

Nick reached a gentle hand up to run it through Justin's hair...trying to show him that it was okay. He knew that idea probably scared the younger man...and it scared him too but for some reason it just seemed right.

Justin swallowed hard, and then just shook his head.

Nick felt his stomach drop and he tried not to look disappointed as he nodded his head.

"You know I love you, Nick..." Justin said softly. "...but...that's a step I'm not ready for. I thought you knew that."

Nick thought about what Justin was saying and nodded his head again. "You're right...I do." He took a deep shaky breath. "I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry."

"But you're disappointed."

Nick shook his head and gave Justin a small smile. "Maybe a little...but you know I don't want you doing something you aren't ready for."

Justin nodded and rolled over onto his back.

"Are you okay?" Nick asked as he rolled onto his stomach. He was concerned that he had made Justin feel weird about himself.

"Yeah...I'm cool, just tired."

"Then go to sleep babe."

Justin just nodded...looking up at the ceiling.

Nick studied Justin for a second. "Are you sure you're just tired. You've got that far away look you get when something is bothering you."

Justin shrugged. "I'm OK...just...a lot on my mind."

"You wana talk about it?" Nick asked softly. "You told me that keeping stuff inside isn't healthy...and I'm here to listen."

"It's just...I'm sick of being sick...I'm nervous about Sunday...I'm still upset over the whole Kelly thing...and now...I disappointed you again."

Nick felt really bad now. "Honey...you didn't disappoint me I'll get over it." He said softly, trying to deal with the thing that HE had control over. Justin being sick...and nervous and dealing with mourning for his child wasn't something he really had any control over.

"But I still feel like shit about it."

Nick leaned up and gave Justin a gentle kiss on the lips. "I know you love me and that is all that matters. Sex isn't needed for me to know that. You show me every day that you love me."

"But it's not enough. If it was you wouldn't keep asking."

"I've only asked twice. The first time was a freak thing...I don't know why I said it." Nick said softly. "I didn't think I was saying it too much."

Justin thought about it for a second. "Well...maybe your not...but I feel as though you hint it in other ways."

"Oh." Nick said softly. "I didn't know I was doing that."

Justin sighed. "Maybe you're not...maybe it's just me being crazy."

"When do you think I'm doing that?" Nick asked curiously, really wanting to know so he could stop doing it.

"I don't know. I can't pinpoint anything. I just feel like I'm saying no and disappointing you a lot."

"You aren't." Nick said with a smile. "I just have to keep reminding myself you're not a horny freak like me." He teased.

"Believe it or not, it's hard for me to say no to you...cuz of how it makes you feel."

That made Nick's eyes go wide. It also, made him wonder if half the times they had done anything together...if Justin really wanted to do it. That thought just made his stomach flip flop.

"But at the same time..." Justin went on. "...I'm a firm believer that I shouldn't have to do anything I don't want to do to hold on to someone."

"You're right you shouldn't...and you don't."

"I know."

"Have you ever...you know done something because you thought you had to." Nick asked softly, feeling really bad, "With me?"

Justin immediately shook his head. "Never; no offense...but I wouldn't do that...for anybody. Not anymore."

Nick let out a sigh of relief and his body visibly relaxed. "Thank God...I would have felt awful if you would have done that."

"I won't. I can't."

"Good." Nick said with a smile.

"I'm sorry, though. I don't mean to be a tease."

Nick smiled and shook his head. "No...I just wanted something that wasn't right. I should have just stuck with what I had instead of trying to get something else."

"Yeah...ya know what they...don't expect a mile when given an inch...or sumthin like that."

Nick giggled and nodded. "Yeah you're right. I'm sorry, baby."

Justin took long deep breath that came out as a yawn. "It's OK."

Nick giggled. "Let's go to bed." He said getting up off the bed to get some PJ pants to put on. Starting to think he was a real idiot for turning down that hand job.

Justin rolled over onto his side and hugged a pillow under his head. "Could you turn up the AC a bit before you come back? It's warm in here." He thought he might be a bit feverish...but he didn't want to tell Nick that.

Nick raised an eyebrow. He was actually kind of cold, which is why he was going to put pants on. "Sure, babe," He said once he was dressed. Before he got into bed he walked to the thermostat and turned on the AC.

"Thanks," Justin said through a yawn as he closed his eyes.

Nick snuggled up to Justin a little and felt the heat radiating off of him. Sighing he closed his eyes, contemplating if he should go into his own room again that night so Justin could get his sleep and not worry about him tossing and turning or waking up screaming.

Justin settled into his pillows...getting comfortable as Nick got into bed with him.

"Night baby," Nick said softly as he looked at the back of Justin's head.

"Hmm...g'night."

Nick waited a few minutes until he thought Justin was asleep before he slowly got out of bed.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Justin reached over to smack his alarm off, and groaned as he stretched out his lean body on the bed. He turned his head to look over at Nick, and was surprised to see that he wasn't there. Taking a long deep breath, he got out of bed to go and take a shower...figuring that Nick was already up.

Nick was finally fast asleep in his room. He hadn't had the best of nights and had finally fallen asleep dream free just an hour or two ago.

Justin took a long, hot shower, and then dressed in some jeans and a vintage t-shirt before putting on some sneakers and heading out of his room. On his way down the hall, he just happened to glance through Nick's open bedroom door, and stopped walking when he saw the older man asleep in his bed.

Nick had no idea that Justin was watching him as he continued to sleep in his bed, his face facing the door, the dried tearstains still on his cheeks.

Justin walked into Nick's room and over to the bed, and carefully sat on the edge. Looking down at Nick's peaceful face, he reached a hand up to gently run his fingers through his boyfriend's spiky hair.

Nick blinked his eyes open and focused on his boyfriends face. He didn't say anything though, just looked at Justin.

"Hey," Justin said quietly...his blue eyes on Nick's.

Nick tried to say hi but his voice was so hoarse, so he had to clear it before the word would finally come out. "Hey."

"What are you doing in here?"

"Sleeping," Nick answered, trying to act dumb.

"Last I remember...you were sleeping with me. Why'd you move?"

Nick bit his lower lip, not sure how to answer that question.

"Why'd you leave me?" Justin asked again...his voice calm as he continued to rake his fingers through Nick's hair.

Nick took a deep breath. "You had such a busy day yesterday...and are going to have one today...I wanted you to have a good nights sleep."

"You think I don't sleep well when you're in my bed?"

"You wouldn't...right now."

"Why not?"

"Cuz of the dreams I have...I don't sleep well...and I know I would keep you up."

"You wouldn't even sleep well...with me?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders; he had been too scared to even try sleeping with Justin that much since he had been back in the states.

Justin nodded as he took a deep breath. "OK."

Nick pouted as he felt tears come to his eyes. He was just so confused. He wanted things to be okay again. He wanted his brother out of the hospital and he wanted to feel like himself...because he was scared he was going to lose Justin if he stayed like this. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

Justin shrugged. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You need to do what feels right."

"I don't know what feels right anymore." Nick whispered again.

Justin nodded slowly...taking another deep breath. "Maybe...you need to take some time to think about that."

Nick looked up at Justin with scared blue eyes. He wasn't sure he liked the sound of that at all. "What do you mean?" He asked softly.

Justin moved his gaze to where his hand rested on Nick's head. "I don't know...I think you need to figure out what's right for you...and...get some help doing it if you need to?"

Nick nodded. He agreed with Justin that he needed to get help. There was too much stuff going on in his head to deal with on his own and that was definitely obvious. "I know I do...but Justin...being with you isn't one of the things I'm confused about."

"And I didn't suggest that it is."

"I know." Nick smiled a little. "I just wanted you to know that."

Justin smiled back at him. "OK...but I DO know that."

"Good...cuz it takes a lot more than bad dreams and depression to make me not wanna be with you." Nick said with a little bit of a bigger smile.

Justin chuckled. "I hope so."

"I love you." Nick whispered, looking up into Justin's eyes.

"I know you do. I love you, too."

"You better." Nick teased with a smile on his face.

Justin rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Nick turned his head to glance at the clock and tried hard not to sigh and feel sad. "You've got to go soon."

"Yeah...tell me about it."

Nick bit his lower lip. "Can I come with you?" He asked softly. "I won't get in your way I promise."

Justin took a deep breath. "I don't think that's a good idea, Nick. Heads will turn...ya know? This isn't one of my shows where I can have whoever I want around. This is the Grammy's...and there's already enough going around about me after the Super Bowl."

Nick swallowed hard and nodded his head, telling himself over and over again in his head not to get sad or upset. "Your right...makes total sense." He said in a voice that he hoped sounded normal.

Justin sighed. "I know it's not the answer you wanted to hear..."

"It was the answer I was expecting." Nick answered honestly with a sigh of his own.

"I'm sorry."

Nick shrugged. "No big deal." He said knowing that Justin would know he was lying though.

"It IS a big deal," Justin said...getting up and heading out of the room. He'd once again disappointed Nick, and it was starting to make him feel like shit. He could never be what Nick wanted him to be...or give him the kind of relationship he wanted.

Nick's eyes went wide as Justin walked out of the room. He quickly got up too and followed after him. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have said anything...please don't be mad at me." He said, feeling like he had in the beginning of their relationship when he was apologizing all the time...thinking he was always doing things wrong or saying the wrong thing.

"I'm not mad," Justin said...continuing toward the stairs. And he wasn't...he just felt bad...as per usual.

"Then why the hell did you just get up and walk away like that?" Nick exclaimed, still following after Justin.

"I'm just frustrated, Nick. I'll get over it."

Nick took a deep breath and stopped walking after him. "Then maybe I should just leave. You can't continue to be frustrated like this all the time...because of me."

Justin stopped at the top of the stairs to turn and look at Nick. "And YOU can't continue being disappointed and getting upset every time I can't be the perfect public boyfriend, Nick. We talked about this...and you KNEW what you were getting yourself into."

"Did I ever say I wanted to come with you...as your boyfriend?" Nick exclaimed. "You bring Trace to things all the time...do people fucking look at you and think you are gay? NO... I never said anything...and it's been a LONG time since I've wanted to be with you out in public...I thought you knew I understood that now. And I DO know what I got myself into...but I'm sorry if I'm being human and feeling sad about being turned down for something." He said, actually getting angry...something he rarely ever did...but his nerves were so frazzled that he couldn't help it. He was practically shaking by this point.

Justin kept a straight face the entire time Nick was yelling at him, even though he couldn't believe it was happening. "I have to go," he said in a whisper...heading down the stairs, and holding in the potentially hurtful things he wanted to say.

Nick watched with wide eyes as Justin left...he could not believe he had just yelled like that. Part of him wanted to run after Justin and apologize up and down but he knew that this time he needed to stand his ground. He wasn't going to be the sissy in the relationship and break down and cry every time something went wrong...especially when he really felt what he said.

Justin grabbed his wallet and his keys, and then stormed out into the garage to get into his car. He could feel his face heating up as he pulled out of the driveway. Since day one he'd been trying to make their relationship as normal as he possibly could given his status, but it was never enough for Nick. Nick always felt like he was being left out or left behind...and that just wasn't the case.

Nick took a deep breath as he headed down the stairs. Walking into the kitchen he sat down at the counter and truly thought about what had just happened. He knew he loved Justin more then anything...and he knew Justin didn't do any of this on purpose. So now the problem was he didn't know how to get it into his own head...how to make it more okay to be the superstar's boyfriend.

-=-=-=-=-=-

After sitting and thinking for a good hour, Nick knew he needed to talk to somebody. Looking at the clock he hoped that Kelly would be awake. Getting up he walked down the hall to Kelly's bedroom door and knocked on it.

Kelly was still sound asleep in her bed, and didn't respond to the knock.

When Kelly didn't answer, Nick quietly opened the door and sighed when he saw she was still asleep. He really didn't want to bother her...especially what he had put her through the day before...but he needed to talk to somebody. Walking over to the bed and sat down and gently shook her. "Kel..."

Kelly groaned as she hugged her pillow closer. "Fuck off, Ed" she mumbled. "I did it enough times last night."

Nick raised an eyebrow...not sure he wanted to know what in the world she was talking about. "It's Nick...not Eddie."

Kelly opened an eye, and then groaned as she stretched out on the bed. "Hi."

"Sorry to bother you." Nick said softly, feeling bad...since he couldn't remember when Kelly got home the night before.

"S'OK, hun," Kelly said...relaxing on her back. "What's up?"

Nick bit his lower lip. "Justin and I had a fight...a big one."

Kelly narrowed her sleepy eyes. "What?"

Sighing, Nick nodded his head, "Yeah."

"About what?" Kelly asked...sitting up against her pillows. "What happened?"

"I asked him if I could come to the Grammy rehearsal." Nick started. "I didn't say as his boyfriend...just asked if I could go. He said no of course...like I really expected him to...So naturally I felt left down. So, then of course Justin felt really shitty because he feels like he is always letting me down."

Kelly nodded her understanding. "Well...first of all...why'd you even ask if you knew what the answer was gonna be? That was just setting yourself up for disappointment."

"I don't know." Nick admitted with a sigh. "I know I do this shit to myself...I guess I just think maybe things will be different or something. I know it's my fault."

Kelly took a deep breath. "Nick...trust me...it's not that Justin doesn't want you with him at these events. I thought you two have had this discussion before..."

"We have." Nick said with a nod. "I understand he can't come out to the public. I understand he's can't be with me twenty-four seven. I know he loves me." He sighed shaking his head. "I don't know WHAT the problem is but I still feel sad and left out. He's got this whole other life and I'm not a part of it. What got me mad today though was the fact that he was upset at me for getting upset. I can't help that I'm human and get sad at things...even when I know there is nothing he or myself can do about it."

"Everyone gets sad, Nick," Kelly agreed. "But...it seems like you just keep setting yourself up for it. Focus on what you can and do have for a change."

Nick bit his lower lip as he thought about that. "Lately...I'm not really sure what that is." He said looking down at his lap.

Kelly widened her eyes. "What are you saying? That there's nothing good about your relationship with Justin?"

Nick shook his head quickly, closing his eyes. He didn't feel like he could say anything right today. "No...But when you never see somebody...or when you do and they are passed out tired or sick...it's really hard I guess. But that hasn't all been his fault either, we've just been like on two different planets lately and it's been hard to have them actually come together."

"So then...if you know he can't help it...why do you make him feel so bad about it?" Kelly asked softly.

"I didn't mean to make him feel bad." Nick exclaimed loudly and then blushed bright red when he realized he had yelled at her. "I told him it didn't matter that I couldn't come...he was the one that got all upset and left the room."

"He can tell by your tone, Nick," Kelly said calmly.

Nick ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. "I don't know how I'm supposed to share what I feel...so I don't get everything cooped up inside me again...but then not tell or show some how to Justin how I feel about things."

Kelly sighed quietly. "He's talked to me about it, Nick. He feels like he's always letting you down because you're always sad and down...and he doesn't know what to do."

"It's not his fault that I'm sad and down all the time." Nick admitted in a whisper, looking down at his lap again.

"Then...why? Cuz he feels like it is."

"I've been on medication for depression since I was a kid." Nick whispered, still not looking up. "But it's no excuse...he just doesn't need to feel like that...I will talk to him."

"He doesn't know?"

Nick shook his head. "Nobody knows...you're the first person I've told since I left my house."

Kelly took a deep breath as she ran a hand through her hair "Wow..."

"Which is why...I probably act kinda funky sometimes," Nick whispered, still not looking up. "Plus I haven't been on my meds for years either. So if I get really stressed out it gets worse."

"I think you should see someone," Kelly said quietly. "It seems to me like you need to be back on those meds."

"I know I do." Nick whispered finally looking up at Kelly. "He's going to hate me won't he...for not telling him?"

Kelly shook her head. "No."

Nick sniffled and nodded his head. "Yes, he will...I wasn't being truthful with him."

"I know J, Nick...and I know he'll understand. He's gonna be upset...but he'll understand."

"Do you think he'll still love me...want to be with me even when he knows?"

"Why wouldn't he? It doesn't make you a freak."

"I feel like it sometimes." Nick admitted sadly.

"Don't say that, Nick. You're far from a freak."

Nick stood up and smiled at Kelly. "Sorry I woke you up...I think I'm going to call Justin and apologize for yelling at him."

"Nick...?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't call him. Give him some time to do his thing and cool down...and talk to him when he gets home."

Nick sighed and nodded. The idea of not having things figured out between them right away made him really anxious but he would try. "Okay."

"Trust me. I know him. He needs time. You both do, really."

"I know." Nick ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I'll go see my brother or something."

Kelly smiled. "Tell him I said hi."

Nick nodded. "I will." And with that he walked out of the room.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Nick glanced at the clock and sighed. It was after ten and he still had yet to hear from Justin. He knew he had told Kelly he wouldn't call...and that he would wait until Justin came home...but he was worried now. Sighing, again he picked up the phone and dialed Justin's number.

Justin reached into his pocket for his vibrating cell phone, and sighed as he flipped it open. He knew it was Nick. "Hello...?"

"Hi." Nick said softly, not sure what else to say.

Justin lifted his beer bottle up to his mouth and took a long sip before he responded. "Hey."

Nick took a deep breath. "You coming home?" He asked, wondering if the fight they had this morning had messed things up so badly Justin wouldn't come home.

"Probably later," Justin answered...looking down at the bottle as his thumb picked at the label.

"Oh...okay." Nick answered back, looking out the window in the living room into the dark night.

"What are ya doin?" Justin asked in a lazy voice.

"Sitting in the dark, thinking." Nick said softly. He wasn't in the best of moods and it showed. "What are you doing?"

Justin sighed...not knowing if he wanted to deal with Nick's mood, "Hanging out."

"I'm glad you're having fun." Nick replied with a sigh of his own. What he wanted was for Justin to come home so he could apologize and they could talk.

"I never said I was having fun," Justin said...then hiccupped quickly before sipping his beer again.

Nick groaned when he finally realized what was going on. "Shit...you're drunk...or on your way there."

"I'm not drunk."

Nick put a hand to his head and rubbed at it. The headache he had earlier coming back full force. "Why don't you just come home so we can talk? I've been waiting...I've been worried."

"Nuthin to worry about...I'm fine, Nick."

"I know that now cuz I called you." Nick said trying not to get mad...it wouldn't help things.

"I'll be home later," Justin said...well aware that he probably shouldn't even be driving home.

"No I'm coming to get you." Nick said in a voice that showed he meant business. "Tell me where you are."

"I'm not ready to come home yet, Nick," Justin said...reaching up to scratch the sparse beard on his chin.

Nick gritted his teeth together. "I'm not worth drowning your sorrows over. This is your house you shouldn't have to be some place else to be mad...I'll leave."

Justin sighed loudly. "Jesus Christ, Nick...enough with the feeling sorry for yourself, OK?" Justin blurted out...the alcohol finally bringing to the surface what he'd been scared to say for fear of upsetting Nick. "Every damn thing I do...isn't because I'm mad at you...or trying to hurt you. If I wanted you to fucking leave...I'd tell you."

Nick's eyes went wide. "You don't understand a damn thing Justin...so don't even fucking start..."

"Fucking...whatever, Nick, I don't understand a fucking thing cuz you don't TELL me a fucking thing. What the hell do you expect?"

"You're right." Nick answered back in a voice that didn't show the same harshness that it had a second ago.

Justin sighed...not wanting to make things worse. "I'll be home later," he said again.

"Okay....love you." Nick whispered, wanting Justin to know even though things weren't great between them right now that he still loved him.

"You too," Justin said simply before hanging up the phone.

Sighing, Nick hung up the phone before making his way upstairs to Justin's room where he lied down on the bed fully clothed and tried to rest and relax until Justin came home.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Justin finally came into the house just before four in the morning...after passing out for a while and sleeping off some of the alcohol he'd consumed.

Nick had fallen asleep on the bed and was now curled up hugging Justin's pillow to his chest, his glasses falling off his nose as he slept in a slightly awkward position.

Justin drank down a bottle of water, and then made his way upstairs to his bedroom, the small table lamp that was on in the bedroom allowed Justin to see Nick sleeping on his bed. With a quiet sigh, he made his way through the room, and into the bathroom to get washed up.

Nick woke up hearing the water running, but he didn't make any movement to leave the bed. He just lied there trying to figure out once again what in the world he could say to make things better.

Justin went right from the bathroom to his dresser to change into a pair of sweats, and then finally made it over to the bed and sat on the edge...looking down at Nick and giving him a soft smile.

Nick smiled back, happy to see a smile and not a look of anger. Tears came to his eyes even though he didn't want them there. He had to be strong. "What time is it?" He asked in a hoarse voice from sleep.

"Almost four."

Nick wanted to ask what Justin had been doing since they had talked but he didn't. Instead he just nodded his head.

"Sorry I woke you."

"If I hadn't wanted to be waken up I would have went to my own room." Nick said simply. "I wanted to talk to you."

Justin nodded...then took a deep breath as he sat back against the headboard.

"You were right...what you said on the phone. I haven't been truthful with you...and I know saying I'm sorry probably doesn't help things..." Nick said softly.

Justin didn't say anything...just kept his eyes on Nick's as he waited for an explanation.

Nick thought for a second, trying to figure out how to word what he needed to say. "I talked to Kelly after we argued this morning and I told her something that I haven't told anybody since I left my parents house years ago..." He paused to lick his dry lips. "Back when I was four and starting preschool teachers were finding that I was a bit off. I was either really hyper active or the total opposite. My parents had me tested and found out I was suffering from depression, but I also had ADD too." He said softly. "My parents the idiots they are always made me feel like I was some sort of freak because of this...it just gave them another reason to not want me as their kid. So, once I left I told myself I was going to be okay and said I would never tell anybody again...cuz I didn't want people to think I was stupid."

Justin shook his head. "Wh-...wait...why does having depression and ADD make you stupid...or a bad person?"

Nick shrugged his shoulder. "I don't know...the more I think now the more I know it's not true...but when you have somebody drilling that into your head as a kid every day...at some point I guess I began to believe it."

Justin nodded slowly. "I can see how that would happen."

"It wasn't that I didn't want to tell you." Nick started. "It's that I guess I kinda forced myself to forget it. I mean if I kept myself busy enough and if life wasn't too bad I was okay. That is one reason why I worked so much it didn't give me enough time to get depressed...and I had enough energy to do the two jobs. When I met you though...I never thought about how this would whack my schedule out so much and is why I've gotten really different over the last few months."

Justin shook his head with a sigh. "Sometimes I feel like I don't know you...like you're not the person I met," he admitted in a quiet voice.

"Right now I don't feel like the person you met." Nick admitted back. "I was doing alright before I got back here and all this shit with my brother and parents...and stuff...and the dreams. It's really got me whacked out and I apologize a million times for making things hard on you. I finally realized why I've been so clingy and stuff too. When things get really off I get scared...and anxious. I think bad things are going to happen even though there is no way they will. I just didn't think about that before." He took a deep breath. "But I went to the doctor today...after I talked with Kelly...I'll be okay now."

Justin took a deep breath of his own as he took everything in. "What'd the doctor say?

"That I was an idiot for going off my meds in the first place and how I could have actually hurt myself if I got too bad." Nick whispered, looking down. "He put me back on anti depressants."

Justin nodded his head slowly...his eyes still not leaving Nick's. "I...think that's good."

"It is...cuz I hope to get back the Nick that you met in the bar. No more depressed Nicky." Nick said, looking into Justin's eyes. "I just wish I would have done it earlier...so we wouldn't have had to deal with all this."

"Well...if I had known..."

"I'm sorry." Nick whispered. "I really truly am...I'm sorry I put you through so much these last few months. I'm sorry I made you feel like you were letting me down...when you should be feeling the total opposite." Tears were in Nick's eyes by this point and he sniffled. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me and all I've done is made you feel bad."

"You're the best thing that's happened to me too, Nick...and that's why it fucking breaks my heart every time I think I'm leaving you out...or upsetting you...or disappointing you..."

Nick couldn't help but move so he was resting his head on Justin's shoulder by this point. "I had a lot of time to think today about that. I have decided that I just need to take what I can and when you are ready for more...I'll be ready. But until then I'll be happy to just be able to have you like I have you now."

"It's not that I don't WANT to take you places...and stuff like that..." Justin said defending himself.

Nick smiled a little. "I know, baby...I have always known that."

"And you've always say that...which is why I get so angry when you act like you have no clue."

"I have a tendency to say things without thinking first. Normally it takes me until after I say it to realize that I probably shouldn't have said that." Nick says with a sigh.

"So I've noticed...that's why you're always apologizing."

Nick nodded his head and then blushed a little. "And the whole being horny all the time has to do with this too." He giggled. "So, that might hopefully get better with the meds too." He said, hoping that it didn't change too much since the side effects of his anti-depression meds had to do with that.

Justin nodded. "That'd be good, too...cuz honestly...I've been feeling pressured," he said...wanting to be completely honest.

"I know...I'm sorry." Nick said with a sigh. "Another thing I realized after I did it."

Justin just nodded.

Nick ran a hand through his hair, nervously. He still didn't know how Justin felt about the whole thing.

"So...when do you start the meds?"

"I took the first does at dinner."

Justin nodded again. "Good...anything to bring my Nick back," he said quietly. It felt good to finally have his feelings out in the open.

"I want him back too." Nick whispered. "I miss the old me. I miss the days when we would goof around and not argue all the time."

"Yeah...me too."

Nick bit his lower lip...wondering something. "Have you been working longer than you had expected cuz you didn't feel like coming home to me?" He asked, hoping that Justin wouldn't get mad if that wasn't true...he was just curious and wanted to know.

Justin shook his head. "No," he said calmly. "I really HAVE been working cuz I needed to be working."

Nick nodded his head, letting out a sigh of relief. Not because of Justin's answer but because he didn't get mad at the question. "Okay...I understand that...I just wanted to know."

"Not tonight, though," Justin added. "I just needed to...get out."

"Yeah I figured you wouldn't have been drinking if you were working." Nick said with a sigh. He didn't remember Justin ever getting himself intoxicated before...but had a good idea that had happened tonight.

"I was at Trace's. I needed to talk...and chill."

Nick nodded his head. "I understand that...sometimes people need their friends." He said with a small smile...slightly wishing he still had a friend from when he was a kid.

Justin nodded. "And...As you know...I drank a little too much...so I slept some of it off before I came home."

Nick smiled a little more. "I'm glad you did...cuz I didn't really want to have to tell you all this when you were drunk."

Justin chuckled. "I wouldn't have LET you talk when I was drunk."

Nick made a face. "I don't think I would like drunken Justin very much."

"There are a few different drunk Justin's...tonight wasn't a nice one."

"Cuz you were in a bad mood before you got drunk." Nick whispered, still feeling bad because he put Justin in that bad mood.

"Yeah I was."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you this morning." Nick said, lifting his head to look at Justin again.

Justin took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have taken off like I did."

"It's okay...you were upset." Nick whispered.

Justin nodded. "I really was."

"I have a question." Nick asked softly. "Say I did come with you to practice today...do you think people would really think that since a guy came with you...that it meant you were bi or gay?"

Justin shrugged. "I really don't know. I DO know that a lot of assumptions would be made...and I can't afford that right now."

Nick nodded his head. "I understand...I just wondered."

"And besides that..." Justin went on. "...there's always the chance we might forget we're not supposed to be affectionate toward each other in public...ya know?"

Nick thought about that, Justin did have a good point. "You're right...I never thought of that." He sighed, hoping this wouldn't make things worse. "So we can't do anything in public anymore?"

Justin sighed. "Not necessarily," he said...getting a bit frustrated. HE didn't even know what he was trying to say. "Definitely not high publicity stuff..."

Nick noticed Justin was getting frustrated...and he wasn't sure if he was frustrated at him...or at the situation. "Whatever...it's okay." He said, trying to take the frustration away.

Justin sighed. "It's really not OK...but...it's something I'll always have to deal with. And unfortunately...so will the person I'm with...male or female"

Nick nodded his head in understanding. "I know...one of the prices that needs to be paid in order to be famous."

"Yeah...exactly."

"How did rehearsal go?" Nick asked.

Justin put a small smile on his face. "It was good...fun. Saw a lot of people. Saw JC, actually."

Nick smiled back. "How is he doing?"

"He's good. Hopefully you can meet him before he leaves town."

"You want me to meet him?" Nick asked with wide eyes, the die-hard NSYNC fan coming through once again.

Justin chuckled at Nick's reaction. "Of course, I mean...even though I haven't seen him in ages, he's still one of my best friends."

"Wow...gosh I don't know what to say around famous people." Nick said, still in awe of the whole idea.

Justin cocked an eyebrow. "Umm...yeah you do."

"I do?" Nick asked, actually looking and sounding confused.

Justin just laughed and shook his head...finally moving to lie down on his pillow. "You're a pisser, Nick."

Nick looked down at Justin with a playful pout on his face. "What is THAT supposed to mean?"

Justin turned his head to look up at Nick. "Think about it, Nick. You can't get much more famous than me," he said with mock cockiness.

Nick rolled his eyes. "You aren't famous to me." He whispered. "I mean you are but I think of you as much more than that...I've told you that before."

Justin nodded. "I know."

"Plus I freaked when I first talked to you too." Nick giggled.

"You did not. You were totally chill at the bar."

Nick laughed again. "On the outside...but you had NO idea what was going on in my head."

"I can only imagine."

"So when you sing...are you going to be dancing and stuff? Standing still?"

"Hmm...how bout you wait and be surprised...?"

Nick pouted again, crossing his arms over his chest playfully. "No fair...I got major insider stuff going here...and I still don't know."

Justin chuckled. "Well...you must have figured by now that none of my dancers are in the performance."

"THAT is true." Nick said with a thoughtful look on his face. "And you would look kinda silly if you were dancing by yourself."

"Yes I would," Justin said through a yawn.

Nick saw Justin yawn and got up off the bed. Without saying anything he headed off into his room.

Justin rolled over to watch Nick when he got up, "Where you goin?"

"I need to feed Benny and clean out his litter box." Nick called from the hall. "And change."

"You coming back?"

"You want me to?" Nick asked, stepping back to stand in the doorway and look at Justin.

"Of course."

Nick gave a small smile and a nod before he headed down the hall again to do what he needed to do.

Justin watched Nick leave, then rolled over and hugged a pillow under his head as he closed his eyes.

Nick finished up doing things for Benny and then dressed in a pair of PJ pants and a wife beater before coming back into Justin's room. He smiled as he watched Justin lie in bed with his back to him. With a deep sigh he walked over and climbed into bed.

"You OK?" Justin mumbled when he felt Nick climb into bed.

"Yeah," Nick answered as he climbed under the covers, but kicking everything off but the sheet.

"Benny OK?"

Nick smiled a little. "Yup, just as old and snail like as he always is."

Justin chuckled, and then sighed quietly as he tried to relax again.

Nick watched the back of Justin's head for a second before he moved to spoon against him.

Justin sighed again when he felt Nick against him. He was very content and relaxed now that they'd gotten things cleared up. "Love you."

Nick kissed the back of Justin's head. "I love you too...I'm so happy we're okay."

"Mmm...Me too."

"Sleep tight...don't let the bed bugs bite." Nick whispered in Justin's ear as he gently ran his fingers through his short curls.

Justin let out a barely-there moan at the feel of Nick's fingers in his newly grown hair...relaxing easily under his touch.

Nick smiled at the small moan and knew that in no time his boyfriend would be asleep. "Love you." He said again before he closed his eyes to relax and try to sleep...his fingers still moving through Justin's hair.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Justin took a deep breath as he stood in front of the full length mirror in his huge walk in closet...fixing his tie over his shrimp colored dress shirt for about the millionth time. He didn't think he'd ever been so nervous in all of his twenty-three years.

Nick walked into the room and looked around. When he didn't see Justin he walked farther into the room and over to the closet. He smiled when he saw his boyfriend struggling with his tie. "Want some help?" He asked kindly, noticing how nervous he looked.

Justin laughed as he turned to look at Nick. "No...The tie's fine. I just can't stop fidgeting with it."

Nick took Justin's hands from his tie and held them in his own. "You're going to be fine." He said, looking into his boyfriends eyes.

Justin took another deep breath as he squeezed Nick's hands. "I don't know. This is the first time I've done all this shit on my own. The Grammy’s, I mean."

"I know it's scary but I know you can do it." Nick said in an encouraging manner. "And you won't be alone I mean you'll have friends all over the place."

Justin let out a nervous laugh, "All watching from their couches, right?"

Nick laughed shaking his head. "Who are you going to be sitting with at the show?"

"Just my mom," Justin answered as he glanced at his reflection in the mirror again. "And I think that JC is sitting somewhere right behind us...so THAT might make me feel a little better, too."

"Yeah that should make you feel more at home so to speak." Nick said with a kind smile. "And you look fine baby...everybody is going to think you look great."

Justin sighed quietly. "I hope so. For some reason I feel like I have a lot of people to impress tonight...especially after that whole Super Bowl fiasco."

"Just act like yourself." Nick whispered as he gave Justin a soft kiss on the lips. "I know for a fact that, that will win people over."

"We'll see, I guess," Justin said...then gave Nick a soft kiss of his own. "I need to finish getting dressed," he said...going to take his black suit jacket off the hanger. "The limo's gonna be here any minute."

Nick backed up with a smile. "I'll leave you to it." With that he turned around and walked out of the closet and out of the room to give Justin his space.

Justin put his jacket on, then checked his hair in the mirror one more time before walking out into the bedroom. When he saw that Nick wasn't there, he made his way down the front stairs and into the living room, where Nick was seated on the couch. "OK...how do I look?"

Nick looked up and whistled for effect. "Lookin totally hot baby," He said in his best flaming gay voice to keep the mood light.

Justin rolled his eyes playfully. "Oh, Lord...are you sure? Do I look gay?"

Nick rolled his eyes right back. "No you do NOT look gay....and yes I'm sure."

Justin smiled, and then turned toward the entry way when he heard someone come in. He let out a whistle of his own when he saw his mother. "Wow...mama...you look amazing."

Lynn smiled big and then turned around in circles for effect. "You sure...I look alright?" She said sounding a lot like her son had.

Nick nodded his head quickly. Lynn looked beautiful.

"I'm sure, mama...you're beautiful."

Lynn smiled big. "Okay well good...cuz I wouldn't want to to look bad."

Justin chuckled. "Trust me, mama...I always insist that my dates look beautiful."

Lynn laughed. "Well...I'm very flattered you would wana take an old woman like myself as your date."

Justin widened his eyes. "Are you kidding? If I...by some long shot...win tonight...I would die if you weren't there."

"You'll be fine, honey." Lynn said giving her son a gentle squeeze.

"That's what I told him." Nick said speaking up again.

Justin breathed deeply. "OK...I'll be fine."

"You will." Both Nick and Lynn said at the same time and then started to laugh.

Just then, Kelly came breezing through the front door and into the living room...Eddie trailing close behind with a grocery bag in his hands. "Oh! Thank goodness you didn't leave before I got to wish you luck!"

"Yeah she would have had a fit." Eddie laughed as he followed quickly after her. "Remind me never to let her drive when she is in a hurry again...I don't know how many red lights we went through."

Justin gave Kelly a stern look. "How many times have I warned you about your driving?"

Kelly giggled and waved him off with her hand. "Oh be quiet," she said...reaching up to smooth out the lapel of his jacket. "You look great, J...really great."

Justin gave her a bright smile. "Thanks, baby," he said...pulling Kelly into a tight hug.

Nick stood back and watched with a small smile on his face. He knew for a fact that Justin would be okay...the younger man just needed to have more faith in himself.

Eddie laughed again as he carried the bag he was holding into the kitchen.

Kelly turned to Lynn when she pulled away front Justin. "Lynn...you look fantastic."

"So these two guys have been telling me." Lynn smiled as she looked down at herself. "Thank you Kelly."

It was at that moment that Lonnie stepped into the living room. "Car's here, J," he said in his booming voice.

Nick walked over to Justin, wanting to get in another good luck hug before Justin had to go.

Justin smiled at Nick as he pulled him into a hug. "See you tonight, baby."

Nick hugged Justin back and gave his cheek a soft kiss before pulling back. "Yup, I'll be waiting up...have a good time and I will say good luck but you don't need it."

Justin smiled brightly at Nick. "I love you," he said softly before quickly kissing his lips.

"I love you too." Nick said with a matching bright smile once the soft kiss was finished. "Now go on and get yur butt outa here." He said slapping Justin on the butt lightly in the direction of the door.

Lynn smiled and laughed at her son and his boyfriend. She hadn't seen them together since Christmas and she could tell they were a lot closer now.

Justin stopped to give Kelly another hug and a quick kiss on his way to the door. "Love you, girl."

"Love you, too," Kelly said with a smile. "Kick ass."

"Bye J...good luck man." Eddie said as he walked back into the room. He gave Justin a quick hug and a pat on the back.

"Bye, ya'll," Justin said with a wave to everyone before walking his mother out to the waiting limo.

Nick watched Justin walk out the door and shut it behind him, before turning to walk back into the living room.

"This is so exciting," Kelly said as she stood beside Eddie and wrapped her arms around him. "I can't wait to see his performance."

"I know...me neither." Eddie agreed as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Are you gonna watch with us, Nick?" Kelly asked. "Or go watch with Aaron, or something?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders. He was trying so hard not to get into a mood. He had been on his meds for a few days but they hadn't actually kicked in yet. "I think I'm just gunna go up to my room and watch." He said, softly. He didn't want to be crowding Kelly and Eddie's time.

Eddie looked at Kelly and then over at Nick. "You don't have to do that, man."

"No...you really don't," Kelly added. "But...I don't know. if it'll make you feel better go grab a nap for a while. It doesn't start for like...three hours."

Nick simply nodded before heading up the stairs to his room.

Kelly sighed quietly as she turned to look at Eddie. "I don't get him sometimes."

"Me neither." Eddie said with a sigh of his own. "He was just all excited a few minutes ago."

"I'm sure he's probably upset that Justin didn't ask him to go tonight."

Eddie led Kelly to sit down on the couch. "What else is new...he's always upset over Justin not taking him places."

Kelly sighed again as she sat on Eddie's lap. "I don't get it, though. I mean...J never even took his girlfriends to these things...ESPECIALLY not the Grammy’s; always just Lynn."

"He's just being himself." Eddie said as he wrapped his arms around Kelly. "I'm not sure if I was Justin if I could handle it."

Kelly shook her head slowly as she leaned into Eddie. "I don't get it. Nick told me he was going to work on it,” she said...then sighed softly. "I'm just glad he didn't let Justin know he was upset before he left."

Nick stood in the doorway of the living room and sniffled as tears fell from his eyes. He didn't like the way Kelly and Eddie were talking about him like this. Sighing, he turned to walk away...feeling they didn't really want him there after all.

"Yeah good thing," Eddie answered and then looked over at the door when he was sure he saw something move.

Kelly looked at Eddie...noticing him look toward the entry way. "What?"

"I thought I saw something." Eddie answered and then shrugged.

"Oh," Kelly said...relaxing in Eddie's lap again. "Can you even imagine if Justin wins tonight? I mean...he's nominated for three...and he has a good chance. *NSYNC as a whole has never even won a Grammy."

Eddie smiled big at the thought. "It would be great...and I do think he has a good chance he's very talented."

"No doubt about that," Kelly said...resting her forehead against Eddie's.

"It's funny...we have our own house but yet we're still here." Eddie giggled a little.

Kelly giggled. "But baby...we're not even moved in yet. The rest of the furniture doesn't come til tomorrow."

Eddie laughed and nodded. "True."

"So...we'll be all moved in a few days," Kelly said...kissing him softly on the lips.

"And then we can be alone all the time." Eddie giggled as he kissed Kelly softly again.

Kelly giggled into the kiss, "Whatever for?"

Eddie shrugged his shoulders, playing innocent, “To play board games, of course."

Kelly laughed. "Yeah...RIGHT," she said before kissing him again.

Eddie too it upon himself to deep then kiss, his hands going up to through Kelly's hair.

Kelly groaned into the kiss as she maneuvered herself on his lap until she was straddling him.

Eddie wiggled around to get more comfortable once Kelly was straddling him. Once they were totally situated he deepened the kiss giving it an almost hungry feel.

Kelly groaned again...kissing Eddie just as hungrily as her hands moved up to take hold of his face.

Eddie's hands continued to run through Kelly's hair as they kissed passionately; his tongue moving in her mouth, seeking out every inch that it could reach.

Kelly's thumbs caressed over Eddie's cheeks as she kissed him back...getting lost in the sweet feel of his mouth on hers.

After a few minutes, Eddie had to pull back for air. But instead of pulling away totally he began to place tender kisses to Kelly's neck.

Kelly moaned softly...dropping her head back as she cradled his head against her neck. "Mmm..."

"Hopefully...Nick...doesn't change his...mind." Eddie mumbled between kisses.

"Hmmm...About what?"

"Come to watch...with us." Eddie mumbled again as he moved his mouth up to her left ear and started to nibble on it.

Kelly giggled breathlessly. "You think...we're gonna be doing this...in...Three hours?"

Eddie pulled back and laughed. "He could always come down...early."

Kelly smiled at him as she licked her lips. "I don't think he will."

"Hopefully not," Eddie said as he lowered his head back down again, this time nibbling on her right ear.

"Mmm...Feels good, baby," Kelly said quietly...still holding his head to her.

"Good." Eddie whispered in her ear seductively before he moved to start kissing her lips again.

Kelly kissed Eddie back roughly...her teeth lightly nipping at his lower lip every once in a while.

Eddie's hands moved from her hair down her back and then onto her ass pulling her close to him as they kissed, his large fingers kneading the muscles of her ass.

Kelly giggled as she pulled away from the kiss to resettle herself on his hands. "You turn me into an animal," she said playfully.

Eddie laughed huskily. "And this is a bad thing?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

Kelly shrugged. "You tell me."

"I like when you get all feisty." Eddie whispered as he placed a kiss to her nose.

Kelly laughed giddily again. "I figured you'd say that."

Eddie laughed with her. "So, you can be feisty whenever you want to be.'

"Hmm...I'll keep that in mind."

With another smiled, Eddie leaned down and captured Kelly's mouth with his once again.

Kelly wrapped her arms tightly around Eddie's neck as she kissed him back...leaning backwards a bit and taking him with her...pulling him away from the back of the couch.

Eddie kept his hands firmly on Kelly to keep her from falling backwards as they kissed passionately.

Kelly tore her mouth away from Eddie's just long enough to pull his t-shirt up and over his braided head.

Once his shirt was off, Eddie moved his hands to the bottom of Kelly's shirt and looked her in the eye as if asking. 'Can I take yours off too?'

Kelly gave Eddie his answer by lifting her arms up over her head.

Smiling, Eddie quickly got Kelly's shirt off and threw it to the floor before going in for another heated kiss.

Kelly groaned as she kissed him back...leaning back further in her seat on his thighs as she wrapped her arms back around his neck.

Eddie could feel himself begin to react to the kiss, and Kelly being on his lap. Groaning a bit on his own he couldn't help but have his hips buck up a little bit.

Kelly giggled into the kiss, then pulled back to look at Eddie. "Whoa...easy boy..."

Eddie blushed a little. "Sorry." He said with a giggle of his own.

Kelly smiled at him as she lightly stroked his cheek. "It's OK, baby."

Eddie took a few deep breaths to try and compose himself

Kelly chuckled quietly. "You are so cute."

"Why do you say that?" Eddie asked with raised eyebrows.

Kelly shrugged. "You just are...you're adorable."

Eddie smiled. "Well...we must make the perfect couple because YOU are adorable too."

Kelly giggled and tilted her head to the side. "I know."

Eddie giggled and kissed Kelly's nose again. "I want the show to start now." He pouted. "I'm anxious to see what happens."

Kelly widened her eyes and smiled at him. "We're sitting here half naked and you're worried about the show?"

Eddie shrugged his shoulders. "We sit around half naked a lot...well not a lot but we have before...tonight is HUGE."

Kelly looked at him more seriously. "Well...I know it is, baby...but the show isn't until later."

Eddie laughed and nodded. "I know that." He smiled as he pulled Kelly closer to him again.

"Are you OK?" Kelly asked in concern as she wrapped her arms back around his neck.

"Yeah I'm fine." Eddie answered with a confused look on his face. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Kelly smiled and shrugged, “Just asking."

Eddie smiled back. "I'm perfectly A O K."

"As always."

Eddie wasn't sure what Kelly meant but that but let it go. "So...what should we do about our state of undress?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Kelly cocked her head to the side and put a thoughtful look on her face.

Eddie mimicked Kelly's pose and giggled

Kelly giggled and gently smacked his shoulder. "Hey."

Eddie laughed and rubbed his shoulder. "Ouch girl...getting abusive on me." he teased.

Kelly pouted and leaned forward to kiss the spot on his shoulder.

"Awe." Eddie giggled as he hugged Kelly to him tightly.

Kelly laughed softly...placing a kiss on his neck as she hugged him tightly around the neck.

"I love holding you." Eddie whispered as he held Kelly close.

"Mmm...Me too," Kelly agreed as she took a deep breath to inhale Eddie's familiar, comforting scent.

"I don't want to ever let you go." Eddie whispered again as he continued to hold her, placing soft kisses to her head.

"Please don't," Kelly whispered back...closing her eyes as she burrowed her face into Eddie's neck.

Eddie relaxed back the couch a little more and moved Kelly so she was resting on his chest more then just sitting on his lap. "I love you." He whispered.

Kelly smiled into Eddie's neck. "I know you do. I love you, too...always have."

Eddie smiled but he wasn't sure if Kelly understood what he meant. "I mean...I'm in love with you...I love you love you."

Kelly pulled back a bit so that she could look at Eddie. He'd obviously told her before that he had feelings for her, and pretty much told her that he'd been falling in love with her, but this was still very overwhelming for her to hear.

Eddie bit his lower lip, not sure what Kelly's reaction meant.

Kelly cupped his face in her hands again. "Are you serious?" she asked in a near whisper.

Eddie nodded his head slowly. "Yes...I love you, Kelly Konno."

A small smile found Kelly's face, and tears moved in from the back of her eyes.

Eddie smiled too before leaning over and kissing her tears away. "Don't cry." He whispered softly.

"I just...I can't help it. This is too much."

"In a good...or a bad way?" Eddie asked, a little worried that he had said too much.

Kelly shook her head quickly. "No...It’s good. I just...wow..."

"It IS the truth though." Eddie said. "I would never say those words unless I meant them."

Kelly nodded. "I know, baby. I guess I just wasn't expecting them so soon."

"I'm sorry." Eddie answered, looking down. He felt for some reason that he needed to apologize.

"Baby..." Kelly started...gently lifting his head so he'd look at her. "...don't ever be sorry for loving me."

"But maybe I said it too soon..."

Kelly shook her head. "No...Not at all, if its how you feel, I wanna know."

"It is how I feel." Eddie whispered, resting his forehead against Kelly's, "With all my heart."

Kelly smiled at him softly as she sniffled back a few tears. She wanted to say it back, but she just couldn't yet. It was too soon after Marty hurt her to let herself become so vulnerable again.

Eddie didn't expect Kelly to say it back yet and that was okay with him. He understood why she wouldn't be able to just yet. Instead he just held her close against his chest and ran his hands through her hair.

"I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you right now...this last month."

"I'm glad I was here for you, Kelly." Eddie whispered and kissed the top of her head.

"Not WAS...ARE."

Eddie smiled and laughed. "I'm glad I'm here for you...now and forever."

Kelly laughed quietly as she reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes, "Forever?"

"Yup, you ain't getting rid of me any time soon." Eddie whispered.

Kelly smiled as she took his hands in hers, "Promise?"

"Promise," Eddie said, sealing the words with a kiss.

"Hmm...I like that thought."

Eddie rested his chin on the top of Kelly's head. "You wana put our shirts back on and take a little rest here on the couch until the show starts?" He asked softly...he really felt like cuddling with Kelly.

Kelly nodded, then kissed Eddie's lips before getting up off his lap. She grabbed his t-shirt and tossed it to him, then pulled her own shirt over her head.

Eddie put his own shirt on and then lied down on the couch, patting the spot next to him on the couch. "I think we need to try and get Nick down here to watch the show with us." He said. "It's not okay for him to hold himself up in his room feeling sorry for himself."

"You're right,” Kelly said as she lay down facing Eddie...draping her leg up over his hip.

Eddie gave Kelly a soft kiss on the lips. "I know I am." he said softly.

"You usually are."

"Like I said...I know I am." Eddie giggled.

Kelly rested her head down and closed her eyes as she wrapped her arm around Eddie's neck and brought her hand to the back of his head. "I'm worried about him."

"Nick?"

Kelly nodded her head slightly, "Yeah."

Not knowing what was actually wrong with Nick, Eddie sighed with a shrug. "I don't know...he's just having a hard time I guess."

Kelly sighed softly. "Yeah...I guess so," she said as her hand stroked over the bottom of his braids.

"We'll just have to make sure he feels welcome to join us for the show." Eddie said. "I mean he probably is hurt about not going tonight...even though he really shouldn't be."

"You and I both know he shouldn't be hurt, but he just can't seem to understand it."

"Yeah something isn't right with that boy." Eddie said with a sigh. "I can't figure out what it is though."

Kelly opened her eyes to look at Eddie. She wanted to tell him what was wrong with Nick because she hated keeping things from him, but it wasn't her place to.

Eddie could tell something was bothering Kelly. "What's wrong, babe?"

Kelly shook her head, "Nothing."

"You know what's wrong don't you."

Kelly nodded slowly...her eyes not leaving Eddie's. He'd always been able to see right through her.

"Do you think he would be upset if you told me?" Eddie asked curiously..."Don't you think he would want me to know...if it would help me understand him better. I just haven't seen him much the last few days."

"I really don't know. I mean...I know he trusts you and looks at you as his friend...but...with the way he's been lately, I don't want him to flip for no reason."

Eddie tried to use that piece of information to his advantage but still it didn't make sense. "Okay then don't say anything I'll wait for him to tell me."

"Maybe we should go up and try to talk to him."

"That might be a good idea. I hate thinking of him up there all sad and shit." Eddie said softly.

"Yeah...me too."

Eddie sat up on the couch and stretched his arms over his head. "Come on, babe...let's go cheer up a blonde guy."

"OK," Kelly said...getting up and then reaching a hand out to help Eddie.

After taking Kelly's hand, Eddie led her upstairs to Nick's room and knocked on the door.

Nick didn't respond right away, thinking if they thought he was asleep they would go away.

"I'll go check on him," Kelly said...letting go of Ed's hand and slipping quietly into Nick's room.

Nick was lying on his bed, looking towards the wall. Benny snuggled under his arm as if his soul purpose was to help cheer up his master. When he saw Kelly he meowed as if mad that his snuggling wasn't helping Nick.

"Nick?" Kelly said quietly...stopping a few feet away from the bed. "You awake?"

"No." Nick replied

"Liar."

Nick sighed and started to pet Benny gently. "You want something?" He finally asked.

"Yes. I want to talk to you. WE want to talk to you," she said...looking to the door and motioning for Eddie to come in.

Eddie came walking into the room, a little unsure of himself and he didn't really understand why. He moved over to the bed where Nick could see him.

"Oh...okay." Nick said as he sat up, leaning against the headboard.

Kelly looked at Nick as she took a seat on the edge of the bed. "What's up, Nicky? It's a big night for all of us...and you're hibernating up here all sad. What's going on?"

Nick looked down at his lap...he didn't know how to explain what he was feeling...he was just sad. "Nothing is up...I mean I don’t know..."

Eddie took in Nick's depressed mood and felt like he didn’t know what was going on.

Kelly sighed quietly...resting a hand on her friend's leg. "You can talk to us, Nick."

"I want to be happy." Nick answered softly. "I just can't."

"Why not?" Kelly asked cautiously. "I mean...I know your life isn't perfect, but do you know how many people would kill to be you right now?"

Nick looked at Kelly. "I know that." He replied. "I don't really need any reason to get into moods like this."

"I'm a little confused." Eddie admitted softly from where he was standing at the edge of the bed.

Kelly took a deep breath. "Eddie figured out that I know what's going on with you. But...I didn't tell him."

Nick gave Kelly a small smile of thanks. He had been meaning to tell the other man just hadn't had a chance yet. "I have problems with depression." He said simply.

Nick nodded again. "I'm also having a really hard time having my parents around...that was the major reason for THAT episode. I had a really shitty past and its all coming back to me with them here."

"When are they leaving?" Kelly asked...thinking it might be soon since Aaron was doing so much better.

"I have no idea." Nick said with a sigh, "Hopefully soon."

"Are you on meds for this?" Eddie asked out of the blue.

"He was supposed to get them from the doctor the other day," Kelly said...looking at Nick for confirmation.

Nick nodded again, "Yeah...just started taking them though."

"And they probably take a few days to work, huh?" Kelly asked curiously.

"Sadly enough...yeah," Nick said with a sigh. "I wanted them working by today...cuz I knew this would happen."

"You knew you'd be sad that Justin didn't ask you to go to the Grammy’s, right?" Kelly asked quietly.

Nick nodded his head. "I know it's dumb...and I shouldn't be and all that jazz...but I can't help it."

Kelly shrugged. "Well...if it makes you feel any better, J never took any of his girlfriends to those things with him...not even me,Always his mama. And Britney...well just that once...cuz it was like they're coming out party."

"I know." Nick said with a sigh. "I understand...well part of me does...the other part feels like I'm missing out on something."

Kelly shrugged again. "You're only missing out on the same thing all of his best friends are missing out on. And his dad...and his brothers..."

"I know." Nick said again.

"It doesn't mean he doesn’t want to share this with you, Nick." Eddie pointed out. "This is just something he needs to do on his own. I mean did you see how nervous he was. I don't think having any of his girlfriends of boyfriend there would calm his nerves…probably just make it worse."

Kelly nodded. "He's probably right."

Nick nodded with a sigh. "I know he is...I know all this...it's just not getting to my brain right...but I'll be okay you guys don’t need to worry."

"Of course we're gonna worry, Nick," Kelly said pointedly. "We care about you."

"Yeah, you're our friend, man." Eddie said giving Nick's foot a playful smack. "Now we came up to see if you wana come down and watch with us again."

Nick smiled and actually laughed. "I kinda promised Benny I would watch with him." He said looking down at the gray tabby.

Kelly shrugged and widened her eyes. "OK, then...we'll watch with him, too," she said...crawling up the big bed and settling beside Nick against the pillows.

"Never thought I would see the day when you would want to do anything with a cat." Eddie laughed as he climbed up to sit next to Kelly.

Nick smiled big at his friends. "Thanks guys."

"Oohh...look at me," Kelly said giddily...resting her hands on both men's thighs on either side of her. "I'm in a hottie sandwich."

Eddie and Nick took one look at each other on either side of Kelly and started to bust up laughing.

Kelly smacked both their legs as she settled more comfortably against the pillows. "Where's the remote? Turn it on E! for the red carpet special."

Nick looked all around and then put his hand under Benny and pulled it out. "Found it." He said turning it on.

They watched quietly for a bit. That is, until Justin appeared on the screen...smiling brightly as the paparazzi snapped thousands of photos on the red carpet. "Oooooh...look!" Kelly squealed excitedly. "He looks so handsome."

"This is really weird." Nick laughed as he watched. "Normally I would be thinking that he looks handsome and hot and all that good stuff...but it's strange to think that this year I know the guy."

"You don't just know him." Eddie pointed out. "You're dating him."

Kelly giggled. "And doing God knows what else with him."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Our relationship isn't like that." He said with a nod of his head.

Eddie raised his eyebrows and snickered.

"Yeah...neither is mine and Ed's."

It was Nick's turn to snicker at Eddie and stick his tongue out at him.

Eddie stuck his tongue out at Nick

"Oh knock it off you two," Kelly said as she tried to listen to Justin's brief interview. "Everyone knows we're not fucking, Ed."

"Jesus...make it sound so crude why don't you." Eddie laughed.

Nick was silent too as he listened to Justin's voice; a HUGE smile on his face as he listened to his boyfriend.

Kelly laughed quietly as they showed Justin walking the rest of the way down the carpet and into the theater. "He is too cute for words."

"And all mine." Nick said giddily.

"You don't gota rub it in." Eddie said with a soft fake sniffle as if he was sad that Nick had Justin.

"Yeah...I mean really," Kelly piped in. "You stole him from me, you bitch."

Nick giggled a little, but really he felt bad for that. He still felt like he did just that...took Justin away from Kelly.

"Now we have to wait for forever to see him again." Eddie said with an exaggerated pout.

"OK...let's have an orgy to kill time," Kelly teased.

"Why do I have a feeling I would be the one left out in this." Nick laughed.

"Yeah cuz I am fucking you." Eddie teased.

Nick pouted and sniffled. "Oh...I sure don't feel the love anymore."

Kelly dropped her head back on the pillow as she fell into a fit of giggles.

Nick then all of a sudden got an idea. Giggling himself he climbed off the bed and headed out of the room and downstairs. Going into the kitchen he grabbed a bottle of vodka and Jack Denials...he also got a bottle of coke and cups before running back up the stairs with the stuff.

"Wonder what THAT was about." Eddie said watching Nick leave

"I...don't know,” Kelly got out as her laughter subsided.

Nick came back into the room almost dropping all the stuff before he got to the bed. He was thankful when he did and dropped the stuff onto it. "Here we go." he laughed.

"What in the world?" Eddie asked with raised eyebrows. "Raiding the liquor cabinet?"

"There would be a lot more stuff if I did that." Nick giggled as he climbed back to his spot.

"What are you gonna do with all that?" Kelly asked as she sat up.

"I'm not going to do anything. WE'RE going to have a little party as we watch." Nick explained

Eddie laughed. "I think you've gone nuts."

"But...Eddie doesn't drink anymore, Nick."

Nick blushed bright red when he realized what he did. "Oh...right...I'm sorry." He said moving to quickly take the stuff away.

Eddie smiled softly. "Its okay, Nick you forgot."

"No big deal," Kelly added. "And it doesn't mean YOU can't have any."

"I probably shouldn't either with my meds." Nick said as he headed out of the room to take the stuff back to the kitchen.

Kelly laughed quietly as she relaxed back down against the pillows, "Poor guy."

"Now *I* feel bad." Eddie said with a sigh. "He was just trying to do something nice."

"I know."

Once everything was put away where it belonged he headed back up stairs and back into his room. Finding his spot again he climbed on and turned to look at the TV. "I want the show to start."

"Soon," Eddie pointed to the little clock at the bottom of the screen.

Kelly pointed to the bottom of the screen at almost the same time...her almond shaped eyes going wide, "Oh my God! Look!"

"What?" Both guys asked at once

"LOOK!" Kelly squealed again...pointing at the ticker at the bottom of the screen that revealed winners from the pre-show. "He won! He won! LOOK! Best Pop Male Vocal Performance...Cry Me a River...Justin Timberlake. HE WON!"

Nick's mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide. He didn't even know what to say. He knew Justin would win...but he was still as shocked as hell to seven see it.

"Well all be." Eddie said with a big smile on his face. "Way ta go J."

Kelly squealed happily as she clapped her hands. "He did it!"

Nick finally got over the shock and found himself squealing too. "I wonder if he knows that he won."

"You two are crazy." Eddie giggled.

"I'm sure he's in there at the pre-show," Kelly said thoughtfully.

"Yup," Nick agreed.

Kelly sighed as she rested back against the pillows again...leaning her head on Eddie's shoulder. "I'm so proud of him."

"Me too," Eddie said as he ran his finger through her hair. "Now we just have to see if he wins anything during the actual show."

Nick sat back and continued to smile like an idiot...He just knew Justin was going to win.

~~~~~~~~

After saying goodnight to his mother, Justin headed down the hall to his own bedroom. Since Nick hadn't been downstairs when he'd gotten in, he figured that he must have gone to bed. Justin walked through his open bedroom door, and laughed quietly when he saw Nick, Kelly and Eddie all asleep on his bed.

Eddie hugged the body closest to him in his arms...which just happened to be Nick's. Some how in all the excitement of the night they had changed positions.

Nick mumbled something in his sleep and snuggled up to Eddie even more.

Kelly's eyes fluttered open, and she smiled brightly and lifted her head when she saw Justin standing a few feet from the bed...his suit jacket and tie long gone. "J...you're home..."

Justin laughed as he moved over to sit beside her on the bed. "Yeah..." he said quietly...kissing Kelly's forehead. "Did ya'll see the show?"

Kelly's smile grew even brighter. "Of course we did. I'm so, so proud of you, baby. TWO Grammy’s. We were in awe."

Justin smiled back at Kelly. "So was I, baby girl. I mean...I can't believe it. Not only best pop song...but best pop ALBUM." He shook his head slowly. "Can you believe it?"

"Yes...I can. You deserved them both, J. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks,” Justin said...still smiling as he pulled Kelly into a tight hug.

Eddie opened his eyes when he heard talking and smiled when he saw Justin sitting on the bed with them. It was then that he noticed who was in his arms and he got a 'ew' look on his face and tried to pull out of Nick's death grip. "Help." he giggled.

Justin and Kelly both laughed out loud at the look on Eddie's face.

"How can you stand this?" Eddie said as he still tried to wiggle out from under the larger man. "He's like a dead weight."

"Well so are you," Kelly teased.

Eddie stuck his tongue out at Kelly as he finally got himself free, causing Nick to moan loudly in protest as he struggled not to wake up.

Justin leaned over Kelly and Eddie to lightly smack Nick's stomach. "Hey...wake up. Your two-time Grammy Award winning boyfriend is home."

Kelly giggled. "That sounds SO good. You will now forever be known as Grammy Award winning Justin Timberlake."

Nick yelped when he felt somebody smack his stomach and then his eyes finally fluttered open. Once he saw Justin he was sitting up in a flash. "You WON!" he exclaimed proudly.

Eddie laughed rolling his eyes at how quickly Nick had woken up from a dead like sleep to being awake and hyper to boot.

Justin laughed. "Yes...I won."

Nick moved around on the bed so he was able to pull Justin in for a big hug. "I knew you could do it." He whispered in his ear.

"I'm so happy," Justin said as he leaned over Eddie and Kelly again to hug Nick back.

"You should be." Nick said as he pulled back to give Justin a light peck on the lips. "I'm very proud of you."

"We all are," Kelly added from her spot on the bed. "You have NO idea how excited we were when you won."

"They went crazy." Eddie laughed.

Justin looked at Eddie with a hurt look on his face. "YOU didn't?"

Nick laughed. "Hey did too, he just doesn't want to admit that he was jumping around the room like the rest of us."

It was Eddie's turn to smack Nick, this time in his back.

Nick pouted and rubbed his back. "Why is everybody hitting me tonight?"

"Why not?" Kelly asked...climbing over Eddie to pounce playfully on Nick.

"HELP!" Nick exclaimed playfully.

"Come on, Nick..." Kelly teased. "You know you LOVE having me on top of you," she said before she started placing sloppy kisses all over his face and neck.

Nick shrieked like a girl and wiggled around under Kelly, "Ewe girl germs!"

Justin laughed as he got up and headed for the bathroom. "Get him, girl."

Eddie just sat there laughing. He was just happy to see Nick so happy after earlier that night.

"Why won't anybody help me!" Nick laughed.

"Nope...you're at my mercy," Kelly said...pinning his arms over his head and giving him a wet kiss on the lips.

"She never does that to me." Eddie pouted playfully.

"Ewe, Ewe, EWE." Nick said as he tried to turn his head to the side to get her kisses away...that he supposedly hated.

Kelly giggled when he turned his head...giving her better access to his neck. She took advantage, and picked a spot to suck on.

Eddie watched this with a raised eyebrow...starting to wonder what in the world is going on.

Justin laughed when he came back into the room and saw the look on Eddie's face. "Aw, Ed...Don’t be jealous...I'LL make out with you."

Eddie got that 'ewe' look on his face again.

"Justin...help!" Nick giggled at the feeling of Kelly sucking on his neck.

Justin walked over to the bed, leaned over Kelly, and easily lifted her right up off of Nick.

"Hey," Kelly said with a playful pout.

Nick sat up and whipped at his neck. "Did she leave a mark?" He asked as his eyes went cross eyed as if trying to see his own neck.

"Mine." Eddie said as he easily took Kelly out of Justin's arms. "That weirdo over there is yours." He pointed to Nick.

Kelly laughed...wrapping her arms around Eddie's neck.

Justin laughed too...looking at Nick. "He's not weird...just a little..."

"Yup and he WUVS me," Nick giggled

Eddie held onto Kelly and walked her to the door. "I think this is my cue to get my girl outta here....away from you freaky people." He teased.

"Hey...where are you taking me?"

"Your room," Eddie said point blank.

Kelly pouted, making Justin laugh as he watched the scene. "Why? Have I been bad?"

"Yes, extremely...you must be punished now." Eddie said with a smirk as he carried Kelly out of the room.

Nick laughed as he watched them go out of the room. He was thankful for having such great friends to get him out of the funk he had been in earlier.

Justin sighed quietly as he sat on the edge of the bed again. "I guess you guys had fun tonight, huh?"

"Yeah we did." Nick said with a smile as he moved to kneel behind Justin, wrapping his arms around his neck. "Did YOU have a good time?"

Justin smiled. "I had an amazing time. But...it would have been better if ya'll could’ve been there."

"Yes but if we had been there we would have embarrassed you." Nick giggled as he placed a kiss to the back of Justin's neck. "We went insane when you won."

Justin smiled again. "You should’ve seen my mama...she was a mess."

"She looked pretty crazy from what we could tell." Nick laughed, remembering that.

Justin chuckled and shook his head. "She cried and cried..."

Nick blushed a little, not sure if he wanted to admit that he had cried too. "Well, her baby boy just won a REALLY big award I'm sure she was extremely proud of you."

"She was," Justin told Nick. "And it wasn't A really big award...it was TWO really big awards," he said with a laugh.

Nick moved on the bed so he could look at Justin. "Right...two really big awards." He said with a smile as he looked into his boyfriends blue eyes. It was times like this that it was still so unreal that Justin was HIS boyfriend.

Justin smiled as he looked back at Nick. "What?"

Nick smiled and shrugged his shoulders, "Nothing...just looking at you."

"And thinkin bout...?"

"How amazing it is that you're mine." Nick whispered. "I don't know how I got so lucky."

Justin shrugged and shook his head. "You don't have to worry about HOW it happened...just that it did."

"Good point." Nick said with another smile.

"I know I'M glad it happened."

"I'm very glad it happened."

Justin took a deep breath. "So...what'd you guys do before you watched the show?"

"I don't know what they did." Nick answered. "I was up here...they were in the living room I think." He said going for the honest approach.

"Why were you up here alone?"

Nick bit his lower lip; he wasn't sure how to answer that question without hurting Justin. He didn't blame Justin for his mad mood earlier...he just wasn't sure if Justin would think that.

Justin sighed when he saw the look on Nick's face. He'd gotten to know that look well. "Tell me, Nick," he said...lying back on the bed.

"I wasn't in a good mood...and wanted to be alone." Nick whispered as he turned so he was still looking at Justin now that he was lying on the bed.

"You were in a good mood when I left."

Nick looked down at his lap and picked at fuzz on his sweat pants. He didn't want to take away Justin's good mood...or fight with him.

Justin sighed again and brought a hand up to rub his forehead. "I get it."

"I'm sorry." Nick whispered...."I didn't mean to feel like that." He said thinking Justin was mad at him.

"I know, I know...you couldn't help it," Justin said...trying not to sound frustrated.

"But Ed and Kel...they came up and cheered me up and we had a really good time." Nick said, wanting to show Justin that it turned out okay.

"Good...I'm glad."

Taking a deep breath, Nick moved so he was lying down next to Justin, his head going to rest on the younger man's chest. He didn't know what to say to make Justin feel better...and to understand that sometimes he would get sad...and there wasn't much anybody else could do.

"Nick..." Justin started quietly.

"Yeah?"

Justin took a long, deep breath before he spoke again. "I can't keep doing this," he said quietly. "I mean...I know you can't help the way you act a lot of the time...but...I can't keep doing this. I can't keep feeling like shit for disappointing you all the time," he told Nick yet again.

Nick lifted his head after a second of trying to process what Justin was saying. "What are you...saying?" He asked softly, big sad blue eyes looking down at Justin's.

Justin shook his head...knowing what Nick was thinking. "Not that I wanna break up with you."

Nick's body visibly relaxed as his sad facial expression changed to a confused one. "I don't understand." He said softly.

"I just...I don't know how much longer this is gonna work. I mean...what's the point if we're both getting upset all the time?"

"But my pills just haven't kicked in yet." Nick tried to explain...the idea of losing Justin making him sick to his stomach.

Justin nodded. "I know that...that's one of the reasons why I'm not giving up."

"I don't want to give up either." Nick whispered sadly. "I love you."

"I know, Nicky...I love you, too. And I mean that."

Nick was quiet for a second before he spoke again. "I hate making you feel bad...but I didn't want to lie either."

Justin took a deep breath. "I know...me too. That's why I'm telling you how I feel."

"I'm glad...because I want to know what you're feeling."

"I DO hate hurting you, though."

"But you have to understand is that probably anything would have hurt me. The littlest things set me off...so my bad moods don't always have to do with something you've done." Nick said, wanting to make his boyfriend feel a little better. "And most of the time I'm fine in a few minutes and going off being my normal crazy self."

"But still...everything that's been hurting you and upsetting you has been something I did or said..."

Nick sighed and moved so he was lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling. "I wish I could make it stop....I wish I could promise you that It wont happen again, but I can't help it. I hate how you get upset because I get upset." he giggled a little at how crazy that sounded and shook his head.

"I can't help it, Nick. I mean...put yourself in MY shoes. How would you feel knowing you were hurting me or disappointing me at least once a day...with things you totally couldn't help...?"

"I know...its gotta suck." Nick said with a frustrated sigh of his own. He wished they could get past this. "I guess we would be better off...broken up." He whispered, in an unsure voice, still looking up at the ceiling

Justin dropped his head to the side to look at Nick. "You really feel that way?"

Nick shook his head...no matter how much he knew deep down that Justin would be better off without him. The little selfish part inside him kept telling him to hang on. "I don't want us to." He whispered as tears came to his eyes.

Justin took another deep breath “Do you think we should...like...take a break...till you have some time to feel better?"

Nick bit is lower lip and shook his head quickly as a hand reached up to wipe one of the silent tears away. Taking a break always meant breaking up...just without saying that. "I...I don't think it would help me get better." he whispered but then thought again. "But if it would help you then...okay."

Justin sighed. "I don't KNOW what would help me. All I DO know is that I can't keep feeling like shit for hurting you. THAT would help me."

Nick felt so helpless...he didn't know what to do. He knew that if he and Justin took their break...it would put him in a worse depression then he already was. Then he knew Justin would feel guilty knowing he was a part in that. So therefore nothing would be fixed. "I have no idea what to do." He whispered, turning his head to look at Justin.

"Me neither," Justin whispered back.

"I just know I don't want to let you go."

"I know that."

Nick thought for second, remembering happy times, which gave him an idea. "I think we're looking at things the wrong way..." He said meaning their break.

"What do you mean?"

"I think the problem isn't that we need a break from each other...it's the fact that so much has happened in our lives the last few months and we haven't had much down time." Nick answered. "I mean I know that wasn't possible and stuff...but don't you remember how happy we were and stuff those few days you had off at Christmas. Maybe we just need a day to ourselves to get back on track."

"As great as it sounds, Nick...I just don't know how much that will help. I don't think this is gonna be that easy to fix."

"But I don't see how taking a break is going to fix anything either." Nick pointed out. "It's just going to pull us farther apart."

Justin shrugged. "I just thought it might give you a chance to get your emotions back on track."

"In all honestly I think it would be worse." Nick said with a frustrated sigh. "God, I'm sorry I screwed up your perfect night." He whispered, feeling really awful for it. Justin had been so happy when he had first come into the room...now here they were arguing once again.

"Don't...it's OK."

"I want us to be able to goof around with each other again...like we were doing while Kelly and Eddie were still up here." Nick whispered. "Why can't we be like that anymore?"

"We CAN Nick...when I'm not worried about walking on eggshells around you," Justin said honestly.

Nick remembered hearing those words from Justin back at the beginning of their friendship. It made him feel weird to know they were back there again. "I just want you to be yourself." He said the same answer he had back then.

"Why? So I can keep hurting you...and making you cry...and then feeling like the most horrible person in the world?"

"Yes, because I should be man enough to handle disappointment." Nick said. "Screw me if it means you can't be yourself."

"You don't get it, Nick. It's NOT OK that I make you cry all the fucking time!"

"But I know you don't do it on purpose." Nick said with a sigh. "It's your fault that I'm a pansy who cries all the time. Stop blaming yourself."

Justin let out a frustrated sigh as he sat up on the edge of the bed. "You're not a fucking pansy, Nick. Now...stop feeling sorry for yourself."

"I'm not feeling sorry for myself." Nick said as he sat up too. "I'm just trying to show you that I don't blame you for what happens...so you need to stop blaming yourself too."

"Whether I blame myself or not, I still feel like lowlife shit when I hurt you, Nick, What don't you understand about that?"

"I do understand." Nick exclaimed. "I just don't know what to say or do to make you feel better."

"Nothing! You can't say anything, Nick. I already told you...I'm not gonna feel better until I stop fucking hurting you with everything I do."

"It isn't everything you do." Nick pointed out. "There are a trillion more things that you do that makes me happy...maybe even more then that."

"Like what?"

"Oh gosh...like the fact that you're letting me live with you. How you're getting me a job." Nick smiled at Justin. "Then there are the little things like how you call me baby...and when you tell me you love me." He took a deep shaky breath. "But most of all it makes me happy to know you care so much about me that you don't want to hurt me...and that when you do you feel awful. Nobody has ever felt that way for me, Justin. Normally people are shitty to me and they don't care."

Justin sighed. "Well I DO care when I'm shitty to you, Nick."

"Good...cuz that's how it's supposed to be." Nick whispered as he got off the bed and went to stand in front of Justin, looking down into his eyes. "I promise to do all that is in my power to try not to get disappointed and sad at things that I have no reason to be sad about. I just need to remember to think of happy things when I get like that."

Justin looked up into Nick's eyes. "There ARE a lot of happy things..."

"There are...a LOT of happy things." Nick said with a small smile. "Like playing in the snow together...that was a VERY happy thing. Or waking up in your arms...that is a happy thing too."

Justin nodded his agreement...trying not to let any tears flow.

"I'm sorry, baby." Nick whispered, looking down into Justin's teary eyes. "I'm sorry I've made you feel this way."

Justin shook his head. "It's not just you...it's me, too. Cuz...I just can't help but disappoint you...and that sucks."

"I just really need to sit down and have a talk with myself." Nick began as he sat back down next to Justin on the bed. "Tell myself to remember what is important and what isn't. If you come yelling at me for something dumb...then I have a reason to be mad. But I have no reason to be upset at you for things like not taking me places with you...because that isn't something you can control."

"Exactly...and I don't...I don't get why you don't understand that."

"I do understand it..." Nick said with a sigh. "Just when I get myself worked up I have a hard time remembering it. I get frustrated and sad and all rational thought goes out the window."

"Yeah...I know," Justin said in a whisper.

"But it will get better." Nick said with a nod of his head. "These meds should be working in the next few days and I should be able to think clearly. So when you tell me we can't do something I'll just take it in stride and think, 'Maybe next time.'"

Justin shook his head. "Don't even think that...cuz THAT could lead to more disappointment."

Nick thought about what Justin was saying and he knew he was right. "You're right...I won't think that either."

"Just...ya know...try and be glad for what we CAN do together."

Nick smiled and nodded his head. "I can do that."

Justin nodded, also. "I can, too. Cuz...I mean...it's not always easy for ME either, ya know...not being able to take you places."

"I know." Nick said as he scooted closer to Justin so their thighs were touching. "We just gota think happy thoughts and we'll make it through."

"Yeah...you're right. I just feel like it's easier for me to get through...maybe because I've always had to deal with it."

Nick thought about that for a second and nodded in agreement. "You're probably right...but I am trying to adjust. It's probably just not happening as fast as either of us would like."

Justin sighed quietly...reaching up to rub his head.

With a sigh of his own, Nick looked at Justin. "Are we going to be okay?" He asked softly.

Justin nodded...still rubbing his forehead. "I think so."

"I hope so." Nick whispered, watching Justin rub his head. Rubbing his head was a worried movement on Justin's part...just like rubbing his stomach was a calming one.

Justin sighed quietly as he got up off the bed. "I'm gonna grab some aspirin."

"Okay."

Justin closed himself in the bathroom, and then swallowed down some aspirin before stripping off his clothes, and putting on the PJ pants that were hanging behind the door.

Once Justin was out of the room, Nick walked over to the window and looked into the dark night. Pressing his forehead to the cold glass he sighed.

Justin came back into the room, and sighed quietly when he saw Nick over by the window. "You OK?"

"Yeah." Nick nodded as he continued to look outside.

"What are you thinking?" Justin asked...stepping right up behind Nick.

"How much I love you...and how hard I'm going to try and make things right." Nick whispered, leaning back against Justin a little bit.

"That's not only your responsibility."

"I know but there are a lot of things I need to change."

"You don't have to talk about it anymore, Nick," Justin said...knowing that talking about it just made them both upset. "Just...do it."

Nick nodded his head as he turned around so he was facing Justin and then wrapped his arms around him in a big hug.

Justin sighed quietly as he hugged Nick back...holding him tightly.

"You shocked me...when you started singing with the Black Eyed Peas." Nick mumbled into Justin's shoulder, trying to bring the mood back to happy things.

Justin chuckled quietly. "That was hella fun."

Nick pulled back to look into Justin's eyes a smile on his face. "What was it like...to be up there doing your speech?"

Justin smiled. "It was incredible...even though I was nervous as hell. Plus...it would have been better if I didn't have to throw in that little apology for what happened last week."

Nick giggled a little at that. "I know that was a little funny that you had to put that in there. But other then that I think you did a really good job....even though you were nervous."

"Thanks. That means a lot."

With another smile, Nick leaned in to kiss Justin's lips, his arms still holding him tightly.

Justin held Nick's head in his hands as he kissed him back softly.

Nick moaned softly into the kiss. It felt so good to be in Justin's arms and kissing him like this.

When the kiss ended, Justin pulled back and buried his face in Nick's neck.

Nick moved one of his hands up to run through Justin's short curls. "I love you." He whispered before placing a soft kiss to the top of Justin's head.

"I know, Nick...I love you, too."

"I know you know...I just wanted to say it again." Nick giggled softly.

Justin pulled his head away from Nick's neck and looked into his eyes, "Ready for bed?"

Nick nodded his head, "Yeah."

"Good," Justin said...walking away from Nick and over to the bed. "You can tuck me in."

"Of course," Nick said, following after Justin. Part of him wondered if that was Justin saying he wanted to be alone...and not have Nick sleep with him.

Justin let out a tired sigh as he climbed onto his bed and settled under the covers. "Ya'll messed my bed all up."

Nick giggled as he tucked the covers in around Justin, making him all snuggly. "Sorry, baby." He smiled before leaning down to give him a soft kiss on the lips.

Justin closed his eyes as he enjoyed Nick's soft good night kiss.

After just a few seconds, Nick pulled back and stood up, looking down at Justin. "Good night." He said, still not sure where he was supposed to sleep.

Justin looked up at Nick with big eyes. "Wanna sleep here?"

Nick bit his lower lip and nodded his head.

"Come on," Justin said...tossing the covers back.

Moving around to the other side of the bed, Nick climbed in. Lying down on the other pillow he got himself situated.

Justin rolled over to look at Nick. "You OK?"

Nick rolled over so he was looking at Justin and nodded his head. "Yeah, I'm fine...do I not look okay?"

Justin shrugged. "Not necessarily...I'm just asking."

"I just wasn't sure you wanted me in bed with you."

"I do. I do most of the time. Ya know...unless I really need to be alone."

Nick nodded his head. "I know...and the way you asked me to tuck you in and stuff made me think that tonight was one of those times."

Justin shook his head. "For the most part, tonight was like...the best night of my life. I don't wanna end it alone."

Nick smiled and scooted over so he was snuggled up closer to Justin. "I'm glad I'm here then."

Justin smiled back at Nick. "I am, too."

Nick moved his head forward the few inches it need to in order to press his hips to Justin's again. This time he deepened the kiss a little more then before, just wanting to be with Justin like this for a little bit.

Justin kissed Nick back for a moment before pulling back and kissing the tip of his nose. "I love you, Nick."

"I love you too, Justin." Nick whispered, looking Justin in the eye.

Justin took a deep breath, and pressed his forehead against Nick's as his eyes closed.

Nick closed his own eyes and snuggled up even closer to Justin as he tried to relax and go to sleep.

Justin habitually draped his leg over Nick's hip as he, too tried to relax.

Nick let out a content half sigh, half moan when he felt Justin's let go over his hip.

End of Chapters Eighty One - Eighty Four