“Nick!” Justin cried as he found that the shock, which had immobilized him to the spot, was gone. Horrified as reality set in he ran over to where Nick’s body lay almost lifeless on the damp streets of downtown LA. “Nick, please… stay with me,” he pleaded, tears blurring his vision as he got on his knees and clutched Nick’s body to his. “Somebody… HELP! Please, help me!” He cried out, voice cracking and breaking with suppressed tears.

“Justin,” came a strained weak voice muffled by his clothing over his chest.

Looking down Justin pulled back but never let go of Nick. “Nick… don’t talk okay? Please… We need to get you to the hospital… Come on.” He didn’t know what else to do. He wanted to call 911 but seeing Nick’s cell phone shattered to bits a few feet away from them… his own cell phone having been forgotten in his car… gave him no hope. And how odd it seemed that no one seemed to be around in the evening of Downtown LA.

Nick swallowed only to grimace and cough up a bit more blood. “No, please… just listen,” he said. “Let me… just let me be, okay?” He wheezed in a deep breath trying hard not to breathe in the blood oozing out of his nose.

Justin was shaking his head furiously. “No… I’m not, I can’t. You can’t do this to me, not now.”

“Justin,” Nick said patiently. “I’m not going… to… make it,” he got out, pale blue eyes looking up at Justin’s tear filled ones. “All I wanted was to say that I love you, and… I did.” He took in a shaky breath and coughed some blood out.

Justin tried to hold on to Nick, make him sit in an upright position so none of the blood would choke Nick.

“Just hold me…” Nick said, sounding drained as he laid a weak hand on Justin’s arm. “Let me be.”

Justin looked around helplessly, wishing this night never happened. Most of all he wished Nick wouldn’t have stepped in the way. It was his entire fault.

With a shaky hand Nick reached up and lightly brushed his fingers across Justin’s cheek. “Can you… hear me?” He asked, lips trembling, words hard to form.

Justin just continued to shake his head. “No… I won’t listen.” He clutched Nick’s body close again, rocking them rock on his knees. But he knew he had to focus, he needed to get Nick help.

“I’m,” Nick choked out. “Not,” he coughed. “Afraid.” A shaky breath taken in and pale lips parted. “I’d do it… all again.”

Getting his act together he gathered all his strength along with his will power and hooked his arms under Nick’s body. With nothing but panic and fear adding to the adrenaline fueling his motions he carried Nick and ran as best as he could towards their parked car. Managing to get Nick in the back seat before he ran for the driver’s side. “Hang in there, Nick… You’ll be okay.” He started the car and was pulling out of his parking spot before stepping on the gas towards the hospital. He didn’t care about traffic or the pedestrians walking. All he cared about was getting Nick to the hospital and fast. He had to, it was the least he could do.

“It’s so…cold,” Nick said from the back seat, his breathing haggard and short.

Justin looked in the rear view mirror and paled as he swore he almost could see Nick’s breath in small faint white puffs. It wasn’t cold at all, it was LA for crying out loud. “A few more minutes, please… just hang on.” Justin slammed his foot harder on the gas, his knuckles turning white as he clutched the steering wheel with both hands, and eyes set to determination on the road. His face a mask of concentration and a sneer. It was a cloudless night, with the stars glimmering in the smooth majestic bluish-black sky. None of the gray clouds that bore the remnants of slight drizzle of earlier to be found. “Come on… faster…” he grumbled under his breath, getting impatient as he made a sharp left turn.

“Cold,” Nick continued to talk to himself. “Like…winter. I never liked… winter,” he coughed. “But I’m… gonna… miss it.” He groaned. “Maybe… that’s why… it’s so… cold, right… now. A snow...flake…it‘s beau…tiful. They say… no two… are alike… although… I wouldn‘t know.” He gasped out in pain when Justin hit a pothole. “Complicated… fragile… looking things… but so cold.”

Justin pulled in front of the hospital and hit the breaks, jumping out of the car and quickly getting to the back seat, pulling Nick out into his arms before running into the lobby. “HELP! We’ve been mugged… please, he’s hurt!” He screamed. Soon nurses and paramedics surrounded him. A stretcher being wheeled towards them before Nick was taken from his arms and placed onto it. Justin held Nick’s hand as the nurses began to inject him with things. He wasn’t going to let go, he wasn’t. Nick. He ran along side the stretcher as they were being wheeled into the ER. He flung himself onto Nick’s body, crying, tears falling on Nick’s blood stained face.

“Excuse me, Sir, but you can’t come into the ER,” a nurse told him, hand on his chest, stopping him from going in with Nick.

“You don’t understand… I have to-”

“No, sir… it’s a sterile room and please… have a seat in the waiting room.” And then she was gone, they were gone, and Justin was standing alone watching as the ER doors swung shut in front of his face.

“Nick…” Justin said weakly standing there, and he stood there until he was brought out of his daze when a doctor kneeled in front of him. Blinking he looked at concerned brown eyes. He quickly looked around and vaguely wondered how he got into the waiting room. “Nick…?”

The doctor looked down before meeting his gaze again. “We’ve done all we could, Sir,” he said.

Justin shook his head. “Where is he?”

“He’s in critical condition, lots of internal bleeding, broken bones… we had to put him on a respirator so we wouldn’t lose him. May I ask just how you are related to Mr. Carter… Mr….?”

“Timberlake,” Justin said getting up and looking around frantically. “I’m the only one he’s got… where is he? I need to see him, let me see him.”

“Only family and relat-”

“Didn’t you fucking HEAR ME!?” Justin yelled, grabbing the doctor by his coat and shoving him roughly against the wall, ignoring the police and security as they came rushing over. “I’m the ONLY ONE he’s got!”

The doctor, frightened, slowly nodded his head and then nodded at the security. “He’s in room 128,” he said slowly.

Justin let go of him immediately and ran for the stairs to the first floor, running down the halls in search for room 128. When he found it he came to screeching halt and stared at the door before taking the handle with shaky hands and opening it. He gasped at the sight he was met with.

Nick. Nick pale and bruised. Nick pale and patched up with bandages. Nick pale and with almost a full body cast. Nick, oh God, Nick. He carefully slipped his hand into Nick’s and held on, staring at all the tubes and monitors attached to Nick. Looking around the room he spotted a chair and with his leg he pulled it closer before taken a seat, examining Nick’s face and the rest of him. Beautiful Nick. I’m so sorry. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to Nick’s cold forehead. Pulling back with a frown he took off his jacket and draped it over Nick’s body, rubbing his arms hoping it would warm him up enough. Leaning back he pressed kisses all over Nick’s face, tears streaming down his cheeks. Down his cheeks and onto Nick’s face… his closed eye lids, his slightly parted lips.

Nick began to stir. Then groaned. Then frowned. Then slowly blinked his eyes open. “Justin?” His groggy voice asked. He couldn’t talk, much less swallow. Something wasn’t right but then he remembered. He remembered the attacker, he remembered the panic, he remembered the sparks of light as fists flew at his face, stomach, crotch, and body, he remembered the brownish red blood, he remembered Justin’s screams, and then remembered blackness. Looking around he saw nothing but white walls. White… it was better than red or black, he supposes, but it seems to suit the temperature. “It’s so cold,” he croaked out. He let his tongue slip out and lick at his dried lips, frowned when he tasted salt. He looked up to see Justin’s pained, teary eyes, and knew. Justin heard him, Nick knew.

“I’m right here Nick,” Justin said brushing Nick’s silky blonde hair off his forehead to clear up his face. “I won’t go anywhere and neither are you…you’re going to get better and I’ll help you get your life together.”

Nick gave Justin a small smile but it hurt too much to continue to give it. “Everything’s so white,” he got out. “Too bright.” He looked away around the room.

“You want me to turn off the lights, pull the blinds and the curtains? Get you sun glasses? Need a blanket?” Justin rambled out but it was falling on deaf ears.

“It…snowed…didn’t it? In… LA… it snowed. It’s so… white, so… cold… so beautiful. I…don’t like… the snow but… here I am… in its… forest.”

“Stop talking like that,” Justin pleaded wiping away at his tears that dropped on Nick’s face. “Please.”

“A white… forest. I… am the only… dark spot… in all of the…white land…you know? There… in the weeping… willow… tree… that’s me. In its hollow… hollow… spot… that’s me. I’ll always… be that… hollow tree.”

“No, no you’re not. If anything you are the snow,” Justin said in a choked voice. “You are the pure white snow in the forest.”

Nick turned his heavy lidded eyes to Justin. “Will… you visit me?” He asked, voice trembling, lips quivering, body shaking. “Come find me?” And then it was blackness again.

“NICK!” Justin cried out head dropping down to Nick’s chest, sobs wracking his body. A few minutes later he flopped down on the chair, holding Nick’s hand again. He closed his eyes and wished this all never happened, wished it to be a nightmare, wish it all away.

For years he’d ignored Nick. For years he’d mocked him and his talent, called him names and joked about his weight. For year’s he’d hurt the man he found out that night had loved him all along. If he knew it he never believed it. It wasn’t until that night at the restaurant that Justin had agreed to go with Nick to… Nick looking shy and being very fidgety that Justin really paid attention. He listened to what Nick had to say and with each word out of Nick’s mouth guilt filled Justin up slowly. Guilt, remorse and regret for everything he’d done. But still he couldn’t bring himself to return those feelings and Nick seemed to have understood that, taken it in stride. He had given Justin a smile though it didn’t quite reach his eyes and extended his hand out. Friends, he’d said, and Justin quickly nodded his head to clear his thoughts and surprise. Friends, Justin confirmed and shook the hand firmly. It’s not a date..what tonight was, Nick said, and Justin knew that, they both did but Nick still offered to walk him to his car because he was a gentleman and wanted to be polite. Justin had shrugged and tried to act like it didn’t bother him but deep inside he knew Nick noticed.

Then everything went by too fast but too slow at the same time. The mugger came out of nowhere and threatened to kill them if they didn’t hand their wallets and jewelry over. Nick had already taken stance between Justin and the mugger, using his body to shield Justin. He calmly talked to the masked man as he slowly took his jewelry off and reached back for his wallet, his left hand in the air showing he meant no harm. It wasn’t until the mugger reached down to get the wallet and Nick’s jewelry that Nick’s cell began to ring startling the mugger into grabbing Nick and stabbing him. Some where in the struggle Nick’s cell had fallen out and was stomped on. It was all a blur, Justin frozen in place, too afraid to move, as Nick and the mugger struggled, grunts and painful groans filled the all of a sudden too silent, too quiet night; no one’s there.

He felt pressure on his hand, a weak pressure, but enough to rouse him out of the uneasy sleep he’s fallen into. Gasping for breath Justin looked at Nick and then down at their clasped hand. They were twitching. Reaching his other hand over he placed them on top before leaning over, raising their hands up and blowing warm breath to warm Nick’s cold hands.

“You’re scared,” Nick said, turning his head to the side to look at Justin. “Why? I’m not.”

Justin gritted his teeth. “I don’t want to lose you,” he said, meaning it as he looked deep into Nick’s eyes. “I’m sorry for everything but… please, give me a second chance. Don’t go. Stay. Stay with me. I owe you my life!”

Nick took in a slow deep shaky breath, a tear falling from his eye. Right then, Justin looked so beautiful, ethereal even. Dark blond locks standing in different directions. Soft beard adorning his features, bringing his baby blue eyes out even more. The room was getting whiter by the second and Nick was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He could feel the warmth of Justin’s hands surround his own and felt warmth seep into him. He closed his eyes when Justin leaned over and kissed that stray tear away. “Justin…” He breathed out, his right hand reaching up to cup the back of Justin’s head, keeping him there.

Justin pulled back slightly so he was hovering over Nick’s face, so close, he could feel Nick’s short breaths on his face. Licking his lips, he called out Nick’s name in whispers, over and over again. Then he pressed his lips to Nick’s cold ones, giving him the kiss he was denied that night. He felt Nick kiss him back.

Nick held his breath; the moment he’d been waiting for was finally here. He longed for this… for Justin’s lip to attach to his own. It was everything he’d ever imagined and then some. Soft and delicious. Gentle and perfect. He smiled into the kiss, ignoring the protests of bruised and battered facial muscles. For years he’d fantasized about their first kiss, just what would they be wearing, the scenery, what they would say, the time of day, the people around them, the occasion… everything. But mostly he fantasized about Justin, how he would be and react. Nick needed to know what’s in Justin’s eyes. It was, after all, the window into Justin’s soul.

Justin pulled back from the kiss when he felt Nick move away. Opening his eyes he looked questioningly into the gray depths. Nick was searching for something, he knew, and let Nick look into him for whatever it was he was looking for. Justin wasn’t going to hide anything from him, not anymore.

Nick smiled a few moments later, truly smiled and gave a slight nod of the head. “Good night, Justin.” He said, happy. “Don’t be afraid… I’ll be the white in your life.” He closed his eyes to the last image of Justin he’ll ever see and it was the most sweetest glow he’d ever known. He was warm inside even though it was all white…

“Nick, Nick… Nick,” Justin pleaded, crying as Nick’s eyes closed. “No… please. Not tonight… not so soon.” The heart monitor beside his head slowly beeped and kept on decreasing till there was only a high-pitched monotone sound, that sound cutting right into Justin's heart, his soul. Shaking violently he clutched Nick’s body, watching his face. “I love you Nick.” He kissed him gently and with as much love as he could.

A smile decorated Nick’s face as the last breath was expelled out of those lips.