Title: Better Now Than Never.

Author: Dee

Pairing: Read to find out.

Disclaimer: Pure and utter fiction.

Warning: Male/Male relationship. Language. Alternate Universe. Crossover.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Read and you tell me, and I’ll write the summary down because for the life of me… I suck at summaries.

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Justin sighed as he rolled over onto his side and stared at the wall. It was one in the morning and sleep was out of reach. He closed his eyes tight and tired to get himself to forget just what he was planning on doing tomorrow. Just think about your biology test, it’s first period. That’s more important no matter what Yes, yes, that’s important. Academics come first, that’s what mama always says. Justin sighed before taking in lungs full of air. He spent the next few minutes going over the cell’s organelles and their functions in his head before his thoughts led back to Nick. Groaning, he rolled onto his other side before getting up and fluffing his pillow for the forty-third time since he got into bed at eleven. Getting comfortable again he thought back to earlier that day when Nick had accidentally bumped his elbow with Justin’s while trying to put his book bag on. He smiled to himself as he recalled Nick looking over at him with those ocean blue eyes, those luscious pink lips parting to make words to apologize, his hand raising up from the strap of his book bag to move the long strands of silken blond hair from his eyes. It was all slow motion to Justin and by the time he got up the nerve to speak Nick’s friends were tugging him out of class. He closed his mouth when stopped staring out the door Nick had left through.

Taking in a shaky breath Justin rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. Mentally, he berated himself for being so slow. Nick must have thought I was a complete idiot for just gawking at him like that. I wonder if he already thinks I am? He probably does. I don’t get perfect grades in all classes, and neither does he as far as I know…so maybe he doesn’t care much for smarts? Of course he doesn’t. You saw the girl he had dated, dumber than a fly hypnotized by the blue light. True, she hadn’t been the brightest bunch in the box. He IS good… fabulous… amazing in his art class though. Yeah, our towns very own artist. I wonder what he’s going to do for the annual Freedom’s High art expo? He brought his hand up and rubbed at his temples. Finally getting the picture that his brain wasn’t going to let him sleep he got out of bed and headed for his closet, turning the lights on as he did so. He might as well pick an outfit to wear. He grabbed a pair of blue jeans and set it on his bed before trying to figure out which shirt would look nice with it.

After thirty minutes of mix matching his clothes he finally settled for his white windbreaks and his baby blue North Carolina jersey. He smiled to himself as he took out his baseball cap, the letters ‘NC’ written on it. Everyone one would look at it and see it for North Carolina but Justin sees it as Nick Carter, and only he will know it. Well, he, his parents, and Brian. He let out a sigh, looking at his outfit as he ran his hand through his curly locks. He glanced over to his mirror by the closet and did a once over on himself.

He smiled as his reflection and frowned. That looks totally fake. Maybe if I turn it down a bit and relax my face some. Nope, that doesn’t work either. He licked his lips and straightened his shoulders before deciding he looked too stiff. Relaxing his shoulders he cracked his neck and shook his arms, to get the tension out. Okay, okay. I can do this. I can totally do this. Just talk and be yourself. Just be myself, I can do that. Myself… “Hi,” he smiled his ‘Timberlake’ smile at his reflection, his eyebrow hitching up as he said it. Okay, no. “Hey,” he tried for a carefree semi-smirk. Better. “Hey… I’m Justin Timberlake.” NO! That’s the worst way to greet someone you’ve known since elementary school you fried shrimp! Right, sorry. Justin closed his eyes tight and then opened them again a few moments later. “Hey Nick… can I talk to you for a minute?” Can? Can you talk to him for a minute? Justin, you a nincompoop! His friends are probably around; they usually are anyways. “Hey Nick, may I talk to you… in private?” Please. “Please?” There, that wasn’t so bad. Shut up! Whatever, try again.

“Hey Nick, may I talk to you in private, please?” Justin asked his reflection who was giving him a dazzling smile. And what if he isn’t with his friends? I’m going to look like a moron asking him that. Fine, then try out different scenarios and lines for each. Okay, so if he’s with his friends, I’ll say that. But if he isn’t I’ll say… “Nick, hey. Ca…May I talk to you for a minute, it’s really important.” I hope you’re not going to stutter in front of him or forget these lines. God, I hope I don’t. Yeah, or else you’d look like a stuttering fried shrimp. Justin sighed. I really need to stop calling myself names much less argue with myself. You better or people are going to think he need help, serious mental help. At least I don’t whisper to myself or talk out loud. He saw his reflection frown. Do I? How the hell am I supposed to know? It’s not I walk around with a mirror watching every move I make. I really hope I don’t talk to myself in public. Justin scrubbed his hand through his hair before rubbing his face. He was tired, his body was begging him for some sleep but his mind just wouldn’t turn in for the night. If you don’t get some sleep you’re going to look awful tomorrow morning. I know. You’re going to flunk your test and slack behind in practice. I know. Nick’s going to take one look at you and laugh. I KNOW! Justin audibly growled, frustrated. He went back to his bed and crawled under the covers and closed his eyes. Stop thinking. Just relax, take in deep breaths. Yes, that’s it. Breathe in and…breathe out. In… and out. In…and out. Rock a bye baby on the tree to, when the wind blows the cradle will rock, when the bough breaks the cradle will fall, and down will come baby cradle and all. Justin’s eyes opened. That was NOT making him feel better. Okay, sorry. Here another one. I promise no one will fall, okay? Close your eyes and try to relax. Justin frowned before complying with his thoughts. Wiggled around in his spot before relaxing.

Hush, little shrimp-y, don’t say a word! Justy’s gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird eats the shrimp, Justy’s gonna… Justy’s gonna what? Yo, what rhymes with shrimp? Pimp? Limp? I don’t know. Wait, why am I even singing lullabies to myself? Justin rolled onto his side and decided to just ignore his thoughts. He grabbed his pillow and placed it on top of his head. He finally realized that the quietness was going to drive him crazy. He flung the covers off of himself before walking over to his stereo. He stuck in a random CD and turned the volume on low before crawling back into bed.

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Come morning Justin felt like a million bucks, although he doesn’t exactly know how a million bucks felt but he had a pretty good idea about it. Yes, like a million bucks… with the exception that his eyes were blood shot, there were slightly dark circles under his eyes, and his hair was a mess. Much like he had feared last night; he looked like hell but he felt like a million bucks. Why? He didn’t know but his nerves were full of adrenaline and ready to start the morning.

Justin really despised morning homeroom. He didn’t see a point to it. The attendance could have very easily be taken during first period and the announcements could he handed out to all the students on a piece of paper instead of over the PA. Moreover he despised it because it took up twenty minutes of precious time he could have used for sleeping. And that was how he usually felt most days but today, he was glad for morning homeroom. It gave him the opportunity to freshen up on his biology notes for the test and get the butterflies in his stomach to calm down enough so he could approach Nick after biology.

Everything was going smooth and perfectly. He did his usual thing, pretend to be reading but in reality he was keeping an eye on Nick. Watching Nick laughing and talking with his friends. And when they all had to be seated when the bell rang for attention and morning attendance he watched Nick draw something in his art notebook. Justin longed to see all the things that Nick has drawn in the notebook. One day he knows that Nick’s going to be a famous artist and Justin would buy a ticket every single time that Nick’s art is on display at upscale art galleries.

It wasn’t until in the middle of homeroom just after the pledge of allegiance, the morning announcements, and roll call that Justin’s world crashed. A skinny boy with dark brown hair… or maybe black, Justin couldn’t tell, with big blue eyes walked into the classroom, looking nervous and shy. Mr. Krysp smiled and stood up before clearing his throat, his arm around the kid. Once he got the whole class’ attention he gestured to the new kid and asked the class to welcome their new classmate, Joshua Chasez.

The new kid smiled shyly and waved at everyone and then said that he didn’t care if people called him Josh but most of his friends back home in Maryland called him JC.

Mr. Krysp walked back to his desk and looked at his seating chart and shuffled something’s around. Justin’s heart was beating fast; he knew what was to come. The new kid would have to sit right behind if not next to…

“I want everyone to move a seat back or up according to the situation from Mr. Carter on…” A few minutes later when everyone was settled and Justin was a seat back and across the room from Nick Mr. Krysp continued. “Mr. Carter?” Nick raised his hand and smiled politely. “Mr. Chasez you may take a seat beside Mr. Carter.”

Justin watched as Nick pulled out the chair for JC, smiling up at him before holding his hand out as a greeting. He gritted his teeth when JC smiled and took the hand, shaking it firmly, maybe a little too long for Justin’s liking, before letting go and taking a seat in the offered chair. He watched them talking, smiling, and laughing. He wished Nick would direct that kind of attention towards him. About five minutes to the end of homeroom he watched take pieces of paper out, most likely their schedules, and compared them. When the bell rang, Justin lagged a bit behind so that he could follow behind Nick and JC. After all they were heading to the same first period class.

“We’re having a test in bio today, I’m sure you could talk to Mrs. Hawthorne, our teacher, and come up with something,” Nick told JC.

“Really?” JC asked, looking at Nick as both his hands held onto the strap of his book bag.

”Yeah man,” Nick nodded. “She’s really nice and an amazing teacher. You’ll really like her.” He looked back, just out of habit and Justin quickly diverted his gaze to the straps hanging from JC’s book bag. “Oh hey…Josh…” Nick stopped, as did JC. And of course Justin stopped so that he wouldn’t walk right into them.

Looking up Justin raised a questioning eyebrow, his heart racing as Nick looked at him and smiled before diverting his gaze beyond him. “This is my best friend… AJ. AJ… this is the JC, he’s the new kid from Maryland.”

Justin stepped aside as AJ made his way past him over to Nick and JC, greeting JC. Justa as he was about to walk past them there was an arm over his shoulder and looking to his right he saw blue eyes looking at him.

“What’s all the fuss about?” Brian asked as he eyed the three friends in front of them.

“New kid,” Justin said with a frown. “From Maryland or something.”

Brian looked amused as he pulled them over towards the small group, Justin blushing profusely at that act. “Hey!”

Nick, AJ, and JC turned their attention to Brian and Justin, smiling.

“I’m Brian… a Junior here…also part of the basketball team… please tell me you’re going to be trying out this weekend, please?” Brian said.

JC looked perplexed for a moment before looking at Nick who was laughing. “Brian’s a good player, one of the best of the team.” Justin held his breath as Nick turned his attention to him. “And this is Justin… he’s also on the team, a star player along side Brian. We’ve got a really good basketball team. They have practice after school, if you want you could go check it out, get a feel about the team and the coach.”

JC seemed happy and satisfied before he gave his answer. “Sure, sounds like fun. I’ll check it out.” But Justin wasn’t paying any attention to JC. No. He was paying more attention to Nick’s hand that was resting on his shoulder, the heat that radiated from the palm to his body sent electricity throughout Justin’s body. That spot burned while the rest of him felt ice cold, making him shiver. Nick must have felt him shiver because he looked at him, concern in his eyes.

“Well, I don’t know about you guys but I need to get up to the Science wing on the third floor for Physics. I’ll see you this afternoon… JC. Bye.” And like that he was gone.

“Do you even play basketball?” Nick asked as they started to head down the hall to their classroom.

JC laughed and Justin watched Nick watch as JC titled his head back to laugh, Nick smiling… Justin frowning. “Yea, I do. I love it, used to play back home for my high school. I just didn’t want to join this year because I just moved here and wanted to get the feel of everything.”

Nick nodded his head. “Yeah, that’s understandable,” he said. “Well, if you need any pointers or something, I’m sure Justin here,” he hitched his thumb back to Justin, “Could help you out.”

JC looked back at Justin with a smile and Justin managed to give him a half one. “Ye…yeah, anytime,” Justin confirmed even though he didn’t want to. He only did it for Nick. Justin was barely aware of AJ who was watching the whole thing from behind them with an amused smile.

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Justin was surprised that he was able to focus on his exam and finished twenty minutes before the class ended. It wasn’t so hard, even JC didn’t think it was since he was the first person who finished the test. But he waited till he saw that Nick was finished and was ready to hand it in before he got up. He smiled at Nick when they both got to the desk and blushed slightly when Nick gestured for him to hand in his paper first. When he got back to his seat there was a small folded paper on top of his desk. Quickly he snatched it before the teacher sees and thinks he cheated or something. He took out a book that he was reading, opened it up, and stuck the note there before unfolding it.

Justin sucked in a shaky breath and looked around him only to meet AJ’s brown eyes for a brief second before AJ went back to doing whatever homework he hadn’t done the night before. Justin watched AJ’s profile for a few moments before he went back to looking at the note. Yea, what are YOU waiting for? I don’t know what I’m waiting for… the right moment, maybe? And just when is the ‘right moment,’ when he starts dating JC or goes back to AJ’ What? Wait a minute…Justin looked at AJ wondering just why he gave him the note. Nick and AJ used to date… for a whole year at that. I wonder why they broke up but it couldn’t have been over anything serious because they were still friends, best of friends. Justin quickly flipped the note over and wrote a question on the back before passing it to AJ under their seats.

It was no secret that Nick was bisexual but it was a secret that Justin was gay. Justin had thought he was doing a good job at keeping that to himself but with AJ having obviously picked up on it he probably wasn’t doing that great of a job. A few moments later AJ nudged him and Justin retrieved the note.

Justin swallowed hard as he tore another piece of paper from his notebook and scribbled something down fast and passed it to AJ. He waited as patiently as he could, with his legs bouncing, his fingers drumming on the desk, his lower lip being chewed on as AJ answered him.

Justin flipped the paper over and wrote on the back. He got the note back just as the bell rang. Quickly he packed his book bag and headed out of class to his second period class. He only stopped at the door when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking back he saw AJ giving him a pointed look before letting go and turning his attention to Nick and JC. Justin sighed as he hurried away. Once in his next class he opened the note.

Justin smiled to himself, maybe he did have a chance with Nick after all.

Justin let out a breath of relief as the ball went sailing right into the hoop. He heard cheering and clapping before his back was being patted by his teammates. He snuck a glance towards the bleachers for the millionth time that afternoon hoping Nick would show up even though he knew Nick wouldn’t. Nick was busy in the art studio working hard on his piece for the art expo. But JC was there watching with keen eyes. He saw Lance and Howie beside him, pointing out the players and befriending him. Justin sighed. The last thing he wanted was to become friends with someone he considered an enemy at the moment… and he will continue to consider JC an enemy until he could get Nick. Maybe only then will he think about being JC’s friend.

“J… come on,” Brian called out to Justin, draping his arm over his shoulders and pulling him into the locker room. “He’s not here…so stop looking.”

Justin sighed as he ran into the locker room with Brian. “I know but I can’t help but to look, who knows maybe one of these day’s he’ll show up.” Brian gave Justin a sympathetic smile before disappearing to take a quick shower, Justin doing the same thing because he did not want to be sweaty and stinky when he goes to see Nick in a few minutes. He’d managed to convince himself to talk to Nick after school today especially after AJ’s note. AJ did have a point. He’d never know if he kept putting it off waiting for the ‘right moment’ and missing his chances completely in the ‘right now.’ Nick is a nice guy and even if he rejects Justin he knows that things wouldn’t at all be awkward between them, well, things would just be like they are now. Knowing each other through familiarity of going to the same school, seeing each other in the halls, and connected through mutual friends. Justin just hoped he wouldn’t get rejected because he didn’t think he could be around Nick with a broken heart.

When he was done with his shower he quickly put his white breakers, baby blue North Carolina jersey, and his ‘NC’ baseball ball cap on. Putting his sneakers on, applying deodorant and some cologne he got his things together and said good-bye to his teammates and Brian before rushing out of the gym to the art studio which was in a separate building behind the school.

Hitching his book bag more securely over his shoulder he stepped aside while a few art students felt the studio talking animatedly amongst themselves. He hoped Nick hadn’t left yet; Justin would probably take that as a sign and wait for a later time to approach Nick. When he stepped inside and headed into the room on the right he didn’t know what to feel. Happy, that Nick was there and he had the opportunity to ask him the question he had wanted to ask for the last four years or nervous, because the moment he dreaded was finally here. There were only two other students in the room besides Nick and those two seemed to be almost done with their paintings. Thankful that Nick’s back was towards him Justin quietly approached Nick, taking a seat on the table behind him, watching him paint carefully and slowly, taking his time.

He’s got really nice hands. Long arms, smooth arms. Long fingers, artist fingers. Justin frowned. Was there such a thing as ‘artist fingers?’ Sure there was. Usually it’s been said that people with long fingers are good at playing the piano or drawing…painting… that sort of thing. Justin nodded his head as he looked at his own hands. They were long fingers. I guess that makes sense. I suck at art and I can play ‘chop sticks’ on the piano. That’s about as far as my skills as the next Beethoven would go to. How did I even know about the whole ‘long fingers’ thing anyways? Oh, you probably watched it on some documentary or show. Probably.

Justin titled his head as he watched Nick paint, the way his back was straight, the way his finger held the brush, the way his wrist moved fluidly to make strokes, the way Nick’s head titled from side to side to examine what he’d just done, the way he would step back every minute to get a better look at the whole picture, and the way Nick’s other hand held the palette, slightly slanted and close to his body but amazingly enough none of the paint ever touched his clothes. If Justin were to do that he’d end up with paint covered all over, it was just his luck.

A few minutes passed well, more like fifteen minutes before Nick set his palette and brush down and Justin figured now was as a good as time as any. Clearing his throat briefly Justin waited for Nick to turn around. That didn’t seem to phase Nick or get his attention in the least. He tried another tactic.

“You’re really good at art,” he said in a soft voice. Still, Nick didn’t turn around. Justin frowned. Hopping off the table he took all of five steps towards Nick and gently tapped him on the shoulder. “Nick?” He watched as Nick slowly turned around, his eyes a bit glazed over. Justin smiled to see artist-Nick, to finally be able to see what the empty canvas sees as Nick’s eye focus on it. Justin would love to have Nick look at him like that. He watched as the glazed eyes slowly dissipated to more focused eyes and his pink lips spread a bit, one side hitching higher than the other as Nick smirked at him.

“Hey Justin,” he said in a low voice that went right to Justin heart. He could feel the vibrations of Nick’s voice through the air. Those focused eyes turned confused. Justin longed for the focused eyes to be back and aimed at him. “What are you doing here?”

Justin looked away, out the big windows at the green trees, collecting his thoughts before looking back at Nick shyly. “I… wanted to talk to you,” he said. Good, no stuttering and no gaping like a fish out of water. Shut up! I’m really nervous and I’m not helping myself. I need to stop thinking… so, stop thinking damnit.

“Oh okay,” Nick said giving Justin an easy smile, obviously waiting for Justin to start talking.

Justin gulped. “Um, I was thinking more… maybe we could talk elsewhere?” he looked around the art studio and really… who wanted to ask someone out on school grounds in an art room? Justin had a feeling Nick wouldn’t have minded because Nick loved this room. But Justin knows another place that Nick loved more and he wanted to talk to Nick there.

“Yeah, sure,” Nick agreed. “Just give me a few minutes while I clean up and put things away.”

“Need any help?” Justin asked smiling when Nick smiled at him.

“Sure, thanks.” Nick wiped his hands on the paint splattered apron he had tied around his waist. “Um, could you wash the brushes for me in that sink over there?” He pointed to the back of the room, to the second stainless steel sink. Justin agreed as he took the cup of brushes Nick handed over and went to the sink. Justin contemplated whether or not he should re-compliment Nick since he got the feeling Nick hadn’t heard him the first time. By the time he finished cleaning the brushes carefully he said, “You’re really good at art.” He handed Nick the cup of now clean brushes happy to see a tinge of pink enter Nick’s cheeks.

“Thanks,” Nick shyly said as he replaced his palette and set his canvas to dry by his locker. “I’m not finished with it… it’s all in my here,” he pointed to his head, “right now and I just can’t seem to get the colors to mix right and just transfer the image over…” He looked awfully frustrated about that. Justin felt bad, really wanting to help.

“I’m sorry.” Nick shrugged it off.

“Don’t be,” he said. “Not your fault,” he paused as he took the apron off and put it in his locker before grabbing his book bag. “So, how was practice?” He asked, once he’d joined Justin.

Justin looked pleasantly surprised that Nick asked. “Good… great! You’re, um… friend JC was there,” he said, trying to keep the venom out of his voice.

Nick eyed him curiously before escorting them out of the room and into another room. “Mrs. Jones,” he called out to his teacher before telling her that he’d cleaned up and was calling it a day. He then signed his name of the sheet before walking out of the studio.

Justin managed to talk about school and family and friends and the weather and basketball and what little he knew of art which was practically nothing and music with Nick by the time they got to the strip on the beach. Justin could tell Nick was watching him curiously but he kept his eyes down on the ground. They stopped walking and talking as they got to where the sand began, both of them looking out at the horizon of the beach. A few seconds later Justin found himself watching Nick through the corner of his eyes before he realized it was okay to stare at Nick openly. Nicks head was titled back, his eyes closed, his nostrils flaring a bit as he took in deep breaths of the ocean air, his hair swaying with the breeze, and his face shining as the sun caressed it. Justin wanted to reach over and caress Nick too, he looked absolutely beautiful and Justin burned this image of Nick into his memory. He also wished he had a camera just incase his memory was lost later on in life somehow whether naturally or through some type of head trauma. He didn’t know how long Nick saw him staring at him lost in thought but Nick was all of a sudden very close, bright blue eyes looking at him amused. Whoa, back up before you do something stupid like kiss him. Justin took a step back, eyes wide. “Hey.”

Nick let out a chuckle. “Oh good, I thought I lost you there for a minute,” he said shaking his head, his long blonde locks falling over his eyes. Nick reached up and pushed them back. Justin frowned, he wanted to do that. Most of the time he spent envying Nick’s hands. If ever asked which body part he would want to be he would say Nick’s hands but at other times he would say Nick’s tears. It has something to do with a poem or a quote, he wasn’t sure, that he’d found one time while browsing through the internet. If I could be anything now I would be your tear, so I could be born in your eye, live down your cheek and die on you lips. Justin wondered just what it would be like to die on Nick’s lips. He watched captivated as Nick’s tongue snuck out and licked at those said lips. Justin’s eyes flickered up to meet Nick’s eyes when Nick smirked at him. Oh. I’m doing it again.

“You’re doing it again,” Nick said, poking Justin in the shoulder playfully. “Stop spacing out on me man. I know I’m not that exciting but hey, the least you could do is stay here on Earth with me in the here and now since you brought me here.”

Justin shook his head to clear his head. “Right, sorry,” he blushed.

Nick smiled, it was really distracting for Justin. I’m never going to be able to talk to him about anything if he continues to look at me like that. Then look away you dumbass. Justin looked away at the waves on his left. “You think we could find someplace to sit so we can talk?” he asked.

“Yeah, I know this spot over there,” Nick pointed back to where the rocks were. “We could sit on the top…” Justin mutely followed Nick down the boardwalk before he took his sneakers and socks off, Nick doing the same, before they continued their trek through the sand to the top of the rocks. It wasn’t long until they were settled on a flat rock and Nick looked at him, waiting.

“Right…” Justin said as he ran a hand through his hair. He looked at Nick before deciding that was a bad idea and quickly looked back out at the glistening ocean. “I wanted to talk to you about something…”

Nick nodded his head. “I figured as much.”

Justin could see Nick titling his head to the side through his peripheral vision and then studying his profile. Licking his lips and feeling very self conscious as he tugged at the hem of his jersey he said, “Well, I’ve known you ever since second grade. We used to such good friends all through out elementary school but then we graduated to Junior High and I don’t know just what happened. It was like we became complete strangers, I guess it’s mostly my fault that we stopped. No, wait. I KNOW it IS my fault that we stopped being such good friends. But I have a good reason. I do. I swear-” He stopped talking when he felt a warm hand on his own hand that was worrying the hem of the jersey. Looking down at Nick’s hand covering his own before looking to his right at Nick, he raised a questioning brow.

Nick nodded his head now as if silently saying for Justin to continue. Oh, he wants me to look at him. I could do that, I think.

Taking in a deep breath Justin continued. “Like I was saying,” Nick nodded. “Right… it’s my fault we stopped being friends and I have a good reason for it. I was… confused and lost and when you came out that threw me for a loop because I was so happy…and at the same time upset. I didn’t understand the dynamics behind liking guys. I thought it was wrong and you’re the only one that I knew that even liked guys like that and I thought that I should stay away from you because I didn’t want to get affected by whatever was affecting you. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I couldn’t understand just why I was so happy at the idea that you even remotely liked guys. I couldn’t understand why I hated every single guy you hung out with that wasn’t me. I couldn’t understand why no girl had been able to get my attention as much as you had…did…do. I’ve dated girls just, I don’t know why I did but I did. I got bored with them after a few weeks but I still managed to be their friends.” Justin took in another deep breath, closed his eyes, and then opened them back again. Nick was still watching him, his eyes showing no emotion in them, waiting patiently for Justin to get this all off his chest. “What I’m trying to say is… for the past four years I’ve been head over heels for you and I didn’t even know it until last year. Last year… when you started dating AJ… it finally hit me. All those times I tried to approach you and talk to you about what was happening with me only to shy away the last minute and do something utterly stupid and egotistical and macho to prove that I’m a guy and that I like girls. I spent four years just lying to myself and trying to force me into not being me but in reality I wanted to be with you. I wanted to have more than friendship with you. And… oh God… you probably hate me right now, don‘t you? You probably think I‘m a babbling shrimp that doesn‘t know what he‘s saying. And you might be right because that right there is what you do to me. I could and did spend hours talking to my reflection in the mirror practicing, rehearsing just what I want to say to you. How to say it to you. How to look and how to act and how to act and… and all that stuff but when I see you in person it all just becomes a jumble of words that have no context whatsoever and I stutter and gape like an idiot. I probably am an idiot. I don‘t know but I just had to tell you that I‘m sorry for the way I acted the past couple of years… I‘m sorry I ruined a perfectly good friendship over something that I didn‘t understand or knew how to handle. I‘m sorry I‘m springing this up on you right now but I had to tell you. I can‘t go on letting you think… if you were even thinking about this… that it was your fault that things between us drew apart. It isn’t. It’s mine, all mine.”

Justin stared at Nick with wide eyes. Nick stared right back at Justin with those same emotionless eyes. Long moments, minutes, went by and Justin wondered if Nick had turned into a statue during his soliloquy… monologue… confession… random babbling of feelings and thoughts. The Nick blinked, slowly.

“Is that what you wanted to tell me?”

Justin nodded his head. “Yeah… and also, that I really, really, like you. A lot. And I wanted to ask you out earlier today but your seemed preoccupied with JC that I lost the nerve to ask you. I almost wasn’t even going to. I was this close,” he held his other hand up that wasn’t being covered with Nick’s hand, his thumb and pointer finger barely millimeters apart, “this close of shoving my feelings under the carpet and living a celibate life by becoming a monk. But then something told me to just ask and find out if you remotely even feel anything towards me, at least that way I’d know for sure. If I don’t ask I’d spend the rest of my life wondering ‘what if?’ so I needed to ask to I know just what to do.”

“Ask me what?”

Ask you what? What? What the hell were you doing for the last fifteen minutes that I was spilling my heart out to you? Justin sighed as he rubbed his face. Looking at Nick he asked, “I want to be your boyfriend. I want you to be MY boyfriend, Nick. Will you be my boyfriend?”

Nick remained silent, watching him. The more the seconds ticked by that Nick didn’t say anything the more worried and panicked Justin got. He was being rejected. Nick didn’t want him. Nick thought he was an idiot. A big jerk. Pain, hurt, anger, sadness, confusion, but mostly pain washed over him. He wanted to get out of there and hide somewhere where no one could find him and cry. God, I’m such an idiot. I never should have been scared of Nick. Nick would never hurt me, I knew that. Nick was my friend, my best friend. I should have known that Nick valued friendship and would never jeopardize that by doing something like make a pass or a move on him. God, please turn back time so I could do the right thing?

“Justin?”

Justin focused onto Nick. Nick’s eyes turned from searching to speculative to… happy. Nick’s eyes were… happy. A little curious but happy. He was smiling too. Nick’s hand covering his own hand squeezed and Justin got the fluttery feeling in the pit of his stomach, his heart was swelling as relief washed through him.

“Yes.”

Yes, what? I need a more detailed answer here. Yes… Nick must have seen the confusion in his eyes because the next think Nick said was, “Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

Justin was smiling, he knew it, probably like an idiot too but he didn’t care. Nick said yes to him. They were boyfriends and that’s all that mattered right now.

And then he had to go and ruin it. “What about JC?”

“What about JC?” Nick repeated, looking at him to make sense.

“I thought you… I mean, you seemed… interested in him…”

Nick smiled. “He’s not my type.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah… I got this thing for this certain curly haired blonde who like to babble a lot and apologize for things he shouldn’t be apologizing for. I have… for a long time. More longer than I think he realizes.”

Justin frowned. He vaguely wondered who that guys was. You… you idiot! He’s about about you. Me? Yes. Oh. Me. He has a think for me? Wait, what did he mean by the last sentence. “What?”

“Since you just confessed, I think it’s only fair that I confess too. You see, I had the biggest crush on you. At first I thought it was because you were my best friend, you know? You knew everything about me. And then the things you’d do. You made me laugh when I was feeling depressed. You cried with me when I had to go get my flu shots and when I fell off my bike and scraped my knee. You hugged me whenever I needed the comfort. All those things kind of made me fall for you. I thought you felt the same way about me and most times I could have sworn you felt that way about me. So, one day I decided to make the plunge and tell you that I was bi… I wanted to know what would happen, what you would do. So I told you and I got my heart crushed but then I thought we could make it through that because we had a really strong friendship. But as days wore on I realized that you didn’t feel the same way. I wanted to get back at you but I didn’t know how. If you could distance yourself from me I thought I might as well do the same to you. So, I did. It wasn’t until we started making the same friends that I was forced to see you almost everyday… you and your girlfriends. I was jealous and I don’t know what I was thinking. Wait, I do know. I thought that by dating guys that I could make you jealous, make you act out… make you do something, anything but you didn’t. Not even flinched or look uncomfortable. Justin… why do you think I only went out with or seemed interested in guys with dark hair and the eyes the color of brown or black or green but never blue? I went out with guys that were the exact opposite of you, I couldn’t like a guy that had blue eyes because I would be thinking that yours were bluer or just how yours would twinkle when you smile or laugh or just how yours turn his dark blue when you were sad or lonely. I couldn’t like a guy with blonde hair because it would make me think it was too plain and boring, it would make it think how it needed to be curly. Because that gave character, that gave depth, that gave uniqueness, and that was purely you.” He paused to run a hand through his hair as he looked out at the ocean before looking back at Justin. “Besides, AJ likes JC and there’s no way I would ever go after someone one of my best friends wants.” Nick smirked.

Damn that smirk Carter! Justin rolled his eyes at Nick’s last comment. “I am truly sorry,” he apologized again.

“I know,” Nick said with a smile. “I’m glad you chose to tell me all this now.”

“Better now than never,” Justin said with shrug before laughing when Nick poked him in the stomach before pulling him into a tight hug, which Justin melted right into. It felt good to be hugging Nick again. He felt real good to have that lifted off his shoulders. He wrapped his arms tightly around Nick, holding him, not wanting to let go. “Just so you know,” he spoke, voice muffled by Nick’s shoulder, “I have no clue what the hell I’m doing.”

“I figured as much,” Nick replied, kissing the spot right under Justin’s ear. “Shrimp.”

Justin sighed. He really hated his thoughts. “Oh Nick,” he said when they pulled back. “There’s something else I gotta warn you about…”

“Oh?”

“I tend to think a lot… and well, my thoughts tend to be out there…”

“Uh huh…?”

“And… they tend to drive me crazy at times… and I say things that are out of the blue…and I tend to think out-”

“Like…If you could be anything now you would be my tear, so you could be born in my eye, live down my cheek and die on my lips?” Nick smirked and Justin was sure that he was gaping at him like a goldfish. “Or… how you’d never be able to talk to me if I kept looking at you and smiling?” Nick paused as he eyed his hat. “Or how you wear your favorite jersey and hat not because that’s your favorite baby blue color or that you’re a big fan of North Carolina… but because ‘NC’ in your mind stands for Nick Carter?”

Justin buried his face in his hands as heat filled his face. God, he was so embarrassed. He felt tugging on his sleeve and he dared peek through his fingers at Nick. “hmm?”

“The last part… about the ‘NC’… I knew about that since we were little kids.”

Justin lowered his hands, confused.

“You told me that’s your favorite because it reminded you of me. My mom took us shopping, remember? And we saw that jersey out in the window display… you told me how ‘NC’ was for me… Nick Carter instead of North Carolina.” Nick smiled, fondly at the memory that played in his mind. Justin smiled too as he recalled it along with Nick.

“Justin?”

“Hmm?”

“I like it when you think a lot.”

“Why?”

“Because you tend to start thinking out loud… and it’s pretty funny to hear you calling yourself names.”

Justin groaned as he flopped backwards onto the flat rock and closed his eyes tight. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I really need to stop thinking. Yeah, he thinks you’ve lost your marbles.

“No, I don’t think that,” Nick reassured as he hovered over Justin. “And I really like the cute faces you make. Especially when you’re all embarrassed and stuff.”

Justin took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, looking up into Nick’s eyes.

“And Justin?”

Justin didn’t dare think or respond.

“At the studio… when I was painting… my eyes weren’t glazed over because I was so into what I was doing. They weren’t even glazed… more like watery… and you don’t need to wish that they were directed at you because… they were for you. I was happy that you came to me… and I knew you were there but I needed time to get myself together, that’s what I was trying to do when you tapped on my shoulder. I was trying to not cry.” Justin saw as Nick tilted his head downwards, he felt Nick take his hand in his, his fingers running down the length of his own fingers.

“I said that part out loud too?” Justin asked, incredulous at his own unawareness of his mouth.

Nick’s silence as he lifted Justin’s hand up and smiled was answer enough. “I can’t play the ‘chop sticks’ on the piano so as far as having artist fingers is concerned… you have them too.”

Justin smiled. “Okay, so I’m semi-crazy… at sixteen.”

“I’m okay with that,” Nick said.

“If you’re okay then I’m okay.” Justin nodded.

“Good, we’re both okay.” Nick smiled.

Justin snorted.

“Justin?” Nick’s fingers gently touched under his eyes.

“Yes, Nick?”

“Did you sleep at all last night or in the past few days? Was it the bio test?”

No. You kept me up… so did my thoughts. But it’s all your fault. Justin shrugged. When is he going to kiss me? It’s probably your breathe, did you even check to make sure it wasn’t bad? Oh God. Justin started to panic.

“May I kiss you now?” When Justin’s eyes went wide he added, “If you were thinking it I swear I didn’t hear it and that you didn’t say it.”

Justin smiled and leaned up to kiss Nick.

Nick chuckled. “I think I’m going to get a goldfish… I wonder if I could get a pet shrimp too?”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Author’s Note: Okay, I started off with the intention to write a really nice heart wrenching, tear jerker story about Nick and Justin where the ending would result in Nick and JC hooking up. I really, truly, want to write a story that isn’t Nick/Justin. And with this one I really tired but it just wasn’t happening. I ended up probably writing a “what the…?” kind of story instead of a “Oh my god, I’m giving Kleenex it’s business” kind of story. *shrugs* It’s the wee hours of Sunday morning…. New Year’s day, I’m slightly buzzed… but my mind won’t let me rest till I finish this story first. So, from five to eight in the morning I wrote. If the story doesn’t make any sense, I apologize. Blame in the slight buzz I’m feeling. Plus, I have to be in church in two hours and I still haven’t slept. So, for any grammar or spelling errors… or if this story just plain doesn’t make any sense… blame it on the lack of sleep too. *nods* Okay, my back’s killing me and I really should sleep. Happy New Year, everyone. God Bless and good night. *waves & passes out*