To Strive, To Seek

*Note: The author wishes to acknowledge that this scene is based upon scenes from The Great Hunt and The Dragon Reborn, by Robert Jordan. The ritual words and phrases are taken directly from the afore mentioned novels. These characters and their situations are based upon those from the Netland White Tower.

Setting her Novice white dress and linen shift on the floor, Maihgread felt a distinct chill run across her flesh. The ter'angreal shone brightly as three Aes Sedai channeled into it, one at the base of each column. Knowing that it was now too late to change her mind, Maih straightened and faced Kerilaine Sedai. "I'm ready," she stated with only a slight tremor in her voice.

"Then let us begin." Kerilaine smiled and directed the Novice toward a Violet Sister and the arches.

"Whom do you bring with you, Sister?" the Violet intoned.

Continuing her pace, the Mistress of Novices replied, "One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister."

"Is she ready?"

"She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance." Maih resisted the urge to shout that she was not ready, and instead concentrated on remaining calm.

The Violet Sister proceeded, "Does she know her fears?"

"She has never faced them, but now is willing."

"Then let her face what she fears," the Violet concluded, her eyes settling on Maihgread's with a touch of commiseration.

Kerilaine turned to the Novice, giving her final instructions. "The first time is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

Closing her eyes briefly, Maihgread took a deep breath, rubbed her arms, and stepped into the light….

Closing the door, Maihgread stared at her clothes in wonder. The pale yellow, chin-high dress was topped with two slightly darker yellow aprons. She had no recollection of ever owning these clothes, or of putting them on, yet she knew that they were hers, and who else could've dressed her but her. Where am I? she wondered.

Be steadfast.

"Migs, you're back early today!" a light voice chirped from behind her. Turning, Maih almost dropped the package she'd been carrying. There before her stood Reina, her mother, smiling brightly at her and brushing flour off her hands. She looks so lovely, Maih thought. "And I see you remembered to bring my stuff from Mara's." -Mother?

Shaking her head slightly, Maih returned the smile as she took off her clogs. Why should she be at all shocked to see her mother in the kitchen? Handing Reina the parcel, she said, "Well, you knew Grans would remember even if I didn't. As if she ever forgets anything. What's in there? She acted like I was carting the treasures of the Stone through the streets?"

The way back will come but once.

Maih looked quickly around, wondering where that voice had come from, and why it sounded chillingly familiar.

"Are you all right, Migs?" Reina asked, touching Maih's forehead lightly. "You aren't catching ill being around all those sick people at Mara's, are you?"

Shrugging, Maih replied, "No, I feel fine. I guess Grans has just been pushing me hard lately. Know what a lionfish she can be trying to teach someone so easily distracted." Chuckling, Maih returned to the pegs by the door and hung her yellow hat next to her clogs. "You know, I…" she began, turning back to the kitchen. She stopped short when she saw her mother clutching her chest. "Mother!"

"Migs," she gasped, "Help please. It hurts." She began groaning in obvious pain. Maihgread started towards Reina, then noticed a silver archway off to her left.

The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

Looking back at her mother, who'd fallen to her knees, Maih felt an icy pain seize her own heart. "No, this isn't right. No, burn you!"

Be steadfast.

"I'm sorry, Mother," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry." She turned and ran to the archway as her mother continued to cry for help. The way back….

The light closed over her.

Be steadfast.

Staggering out of the arches, Maihgread almost fell. Sniffling she muttered, "She called me Migs. She was beautiful, so beautiful." Turing to Kerilaine, Maih implored, "I couldn't really have helped her, could I? There really was nothing I could do?"

The Mistress of Novices patted her shoulder consolingly. "Try not to think on it now. We must continue with the ceremony."

The Violet Sister approached Maih with a chalice of water, which she poured over the Novice's head. "You are washed clean of what sin you may have done, and of those done against you. You are washed clean of what crime you may have committed, and of those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in body and soul."

Maihgread struggled with her composure, trying to convince herself none of what she'd seen was real, could not have been real. Breathing deeply, she nodded to Kerilaine, who watched serenely.

"The second time is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

Straightening her shoulders, Maih had almost persuaded herself that she could not have helped her mother, and that what the ter'angreal held for her could not be painful. She stepped calmly into the arch's light.

Be steadfast.

Maihgread wiped the sweat out of her eyes, though that didn't stop it from pouring down her face. She wished she knew the Aes Sedai trick of not letting the heat touch her; it would be particularly handy while hoeing these Light-forsaken cabbages. Cabbages? she mused.

Be steadfast.

Maih looked over her shoulder at Moriah, her fellow Novice and closest confidante. That dismembered voice hadn't been hers. -How did we get here? Leaning on her hoe, Maih raked a dirty hand through her hair and sighed. "Moriah, I'm really sorry you got mixed up in all of this. I'M the one who lashed out at that Accepted, not you."

-Accepted? She vaguely recalled pummeling Bryndet, who had accused Maih of stealing the Ashandarei she'd had her eye on. Maih had no need for a Warder in training, at least not yet. And simply because she and Mattir liked talking about boats and fishing to each other didn't that she wanted to bond him! But the implication lit Maih's temper, especially the insinuation that she'd bedded the man. The Sisters refused to heal Bryndet for starting the incident, but Maih had been lucky not to get tossed out of the Tower. No, instead she got sent to this cursed farm and its bloody cabbages, and dragging her best friend with her.

Wiping her own brow, Moriah smirked and replied, "It's not your fault I'm here, Maih. I chose to step in and give Bryndet the whatfor. You were so upset, I couldn't do nothing. Besides, if I hadn't stepped in," she chuckled, "there might not have been anything left of her to punish."

Maihgread busted out laughing. Moriah always knew how to diffuse her moods without making them worse. "Well, at least I have someone to swat away bitemes with. You know, I think we're practically sisters, Mo, don't you?"

Smiling her bright smile, Moriah said, "Of course. But only as long as I get to be the sane one. But I know I'll always be here for you."

The way back will come but once.

"What do you two little brats think you're here to do, gossip?" The icy voice caused them both to jump, for they'd not noticed the woman approach. Maih had never seen this Aes Sedai before, and from the confused look on Moriah's face as they hurriedly dropped curtsies, neither had she. There were still stragglers coming in from the Tower split, and Seanchan invasion. There were also several sisters amongst these returnees whose allegiances unknown. Fear began to creep into Maih's muscles. "I am Maknareh Sedai. I've been sent here to watch over you and teach you what you can learn, especially respect. You", she pointed to Moriah, "will be first."

Eyes wide with apprehension, Moriah stepped hesitantly forward, asking, "Pardon me, Aes Sedai, but we've not seen you before. Have you only recently come back to the Tower?"

Maknareh's eyes narrowed. "You've a loose tongue, girl. If your ability of Soulsinging weren't so important to learn, or your friend's strong potential for Compulsion so necessary, you'd be dead. As it is I've got you shielded, so no harm can come from telling you what awaits you." Shocked, Maih tried to embrace saidar, frustratingly hitting a wall. No wonder they never felt her coming! "You wish to know where I've been; I'll tell you. To Shayol Ghul, child." Suddenly, Moriah began to writhe in pain and terror. "And soon you'll join me."

Maih wanted desperately to do something, but shielded she was helpless. Looking for a physical weakness in this Black sister, she remembered her hoe. Hefting it like sword, a sparkle ahead caught her eye. A silver arch.

Be steadfast. The way back will come but once.

Looking at the Darkfriend's back, Maih thought she must have a little time to help Moriah, who was now thrashing around in the cabbages. …but once.

"The Light burn you, Aes Sedai. And me." Stalking toward the arch, she prayed, "Forgive me, my friend, my sister."

Be steadfast.

Moriah's screams scoured her mind as the light seared her to the bone.

"Burn you, Aes Sedai!" Maihgread cried, and became acutely aware of standing amongst many sisters in the cold stone chamber. She didn't particularly care what they made of her remarks. For all she knew, they betrayed the Light long ago for making her forsake her friend.

"You are washed clean of false pride," the Violet sister intoned, pouring the second chalice over Maihgread. "You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul."

Kerilaine placed a sympathetic hand on Maih's shoulder and asked, "Do you need a moment to collect yourself, child?"

Maihgread shook off her hand, not wanting pity. "I'm quite all right, thank you. Let's get this over with." A steely tone had crept into her voice, making her sound suddenly aged. Looking levelly at the Mistress of Novice, she punctuated this hardness with an abrupt, "Now."

Kerilaine's eyebrows shot up as she gave a rather pointed sniff, barely restraining herself from dressing this Novice down right here and now. Instead, she said, "The third time is for what will be. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

Brushing her wet hair from her eyes, Maihgread braced herself for the final time. What could be left? she wondered, filling her eyes with the light.

The light… Maihgread shielded her eyes from the bright sun peeking up from behind this massive building. It was a lovely day for the inauguration of the school. What school? Feeling momentarily confused, she looked around to get her bearings. Now how could I forget that today's a big day for Ebou Dar? she pondered. And for me. This school was her dream, and through the White Tower she'd achieved it. The Brown Ajah supported her firmly ("My Ajah," she realized), and the Blues and Whites had lent much time and effort to the cause as well. "A perfect day," she smiled.

Scanning the wall, Maih sensed Mikan Filenskaty, her Warder, coming up behind her. Tension poured through their bond; he detested the number of people expected is the easily accessible plain north of the city. With rumor rolling into town that Whitecloaks were lurking in the countryside certainly didn't ease his fears, either. "Thank the Light I sent Tobela to Cairhien to collect those manuscripts," Maih thought. "The last thing I'd need today would be TWO Gaidin fretting over me."

Be steadfast.

Turning to meet Mikan with a half-smile, Maihgread saw a man she did not recognize, though she knew his face as well as her own. The scowl on his face made his sharp Shinearan features look almost brutal. He inclined his head slightly, his topknot swishing. "Everything is in place, Maihgread." He hesitated, then added, "You know that this plan does not please me. Perhaps if you'd not sent Tobela off…" Maih looked at him in surprise; the man still didn't approve of her taking a woman for a Warder, nor did he believe the Taraboner was a worthy fighter. Mikan flushed, saying, "She would be better than only me. With only one other Gaidin here, and the King's Guards who've not seen fighting in decades, you are vulnerable."

"Mikan, I have always entrusted my safety to you, and I know that you do not overexaggerate, but these rumors of Children are only rumors." Maih scanned the crowd growing on the plain before the school. "All will be well, Gaidin. Try not to fret."

Just as she finished speaking, a scruffy looking young man ran up to her. "Aes Sedai, please help. My friend has fallen off his horse and cracked his head. Please, come help him!" His worry was obvious, though he avoiding looking directly at Maih. Some still fear us, she thought sadly, even after all of the good we've done. Shaking her head, she commanded, "Take me to him." She turned to Mikan. "Stay here and make certain that no one tries to start trouble." The Warder scowled, but made no attempt to follow.

The way back will come but once.

"What did you say, boy?" Maih asked. He looked at her with fear stark on his face. "Nothing, Aes Sedai." Frowning at the boy, Maihgread caught a flash of something in the trees, but could not make out what it was. Suddenly a horse loomed in front of her, its rider dress in pure white with a golden sunburst on it. Whitecloaks!

"Time for you to die, witch!" the man spat. "You will not be allowed to plant your Shadowspawn ways into these Light-fearing souls. We will not allow it." A hoarse cry came from behind him, and better than fifty Children sprang out of the woods. One of them pointed, yelling, "Fire!" Maihgread turned to see what he was shouting about and saw Mikan charging the party. As his horse bore down, he hollered, "Run, Maihgread, now!" Just then a small volley of arrows were loosed, and Mikan fell.

Be steadfast. The way back will come but once.

"NO!!!!!" screamed Maihgread, seizing the One Power as she felt each arrow hit her Warder. She lashed out with Fire, burning the Whitecloaks nearest her. They scattered like dead leaves. Out of the corner of her eye, Maih saw something glint. She released a lightning bolt as she turned toward it. A silver archway. The bolt went through its shining surface, and the image wavered. The sight shocked her so much she lost her grasp on saidar. The Whitecloaks were whacking Mikan with clubs, the pain flowing through the bond so she felt every blow. She could not leave while Mikan still needed her, not when her naivete cause his pain. The archway solidified, and again she heard a voice, now more insistent.

The way back will come but once.

Feeling Mikan's life slip away, with his killers there before her, Maihgread knew she had to leave. It was like ripping her soul out of her body. "The last embrace of the Mother…" she prayed, and ran toward the archway.

Be steadfast.

The light pulled apart her being.

Falling to her knees, pain clutching her mind, Maihgread began coughing. Why was it smoky in here? Looking about the chamber, she was stunned. A huge gash ripped down the wall, an acrid smell in the air. Standing quickly, she noticed everyone was all right if a bit shaken. Kerilaine looked her over quickly. "Are you hurt?" she asked anxiously. Maih shook her head, wondering what exactly had happened. The Amyrlin Seat was there, as well as a Sister from every Ajah. Remembering the ceremony was not over yet, Maih quickly kneeled again.

The Amyrlin poured the final chalice over her head. "You are washed clean of Maihgread Tomanes of Tear. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come you us washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Maihgread Tomanes, Accepted of the White Tower. You are sealed to us now." Taking out a Great Serpent ring, Qirien placed on the third finger of Maihgread's left hand. Kissing her checks, the Amyrlin said, "Welcome, Daughter. Welcome."

Kerilaine helped her with her shift and new, banded Accepted dress. "What happen here?" Maih asked. Looking at the new Accepted somewhat warily, she replied, "I suppose I should be asking you that. A blast of lightning came blowing through the ter'angreal, narrowly missing the Amyrlin Seat and knocking people down. But I'll not ask. Your fears are your own." Feeling some relief, Maihgread started moved to leave, wanting to find Moriah and make certain she was truly all right. But Kerilaine stopped her. "You may be Accepted now, but you still belong in my study. The way you spoke tonight was not befitting of a Novice to a full sister. Now…" she began, directing Maihgread toward her study. Maih only shook her head, marveling how some things would probably never change.