A Forgotten Past Discovered, Part I

By Cor Dazar

       I stared at the ceiling; the events of my past whirled through my head.  Pictures, colors, friends, all flew in front of my eyes like a floating cloud born upon a fast blowing wind high up in the heavens.  It was the same every time, I would suddenly become dizzy and lay down on my bed, then the dots would appear, flashing in bright reds and greens, then the memories. They started at the day when my camp had been set upon by wetlanders in the borderlands during the Aiel war, and ran all the way through to the very moment the dizzy spell had come upon me.  The first time the memories came upon me I thought my life was going to end, that I would wake up from this dream so I could begin a new one, but I had lived. In nothing more than a few brief seconds my entire life flashed before me, and then everything returned to normal.  At first I had thought that it was due to the amount of stress I had been under the past weeks, that this would be the first and last time that it would happen.  I was wrong, they came again, and again, at first they were a once a week occurrence, but over time they steadily grew worse.  When they had reached the point that I could no longer leave my room without worrying that a spell would come upon me, I finally asked for help.
     I had hopped that I could get a Yellow to come and do a quick healing and then tell me that I was just overly stressed and needed to take a break for a few days and everything would be ok, but I was not that lucky.  Instead when I opened my door, I found a sister of the Brown Ajah waiting.  I had very clear memories of my first meetings with the Browns that did not require the dizzy spells to recall.  They had interrogated me worse than the White Cloak questioners about the three-fold land, the customs of the Aiel people and hundreds of other things they desired to know.  Although the Aiel had once again crossed the dragon wall to follow the Car’a’carn, little was still know about their culture.  The Browns had not been too happy with my report that I had lost any memory of my life before I had left the Aiel waste.  Now they hear I’m having fits where my life is flashing before me they were there faster than I could even summon the void.
 For the next hour I was examined in ways I did not even think possible. The Brown sisters were very thorough job, first questioning me about everything I saw, then running several tests with saidar, and after that much to their pleasure a fit came upon me, and whatever they did then I do not know I was too distracted. Finally after several more tests they left leaving me lying on my bed wondering why I had ever come to the Tower at all.  These thoughts and other like them drifted through my head, each one dissipating like smoke as soon as I tried to focus one of them for more then a second.  Suddenly, I noticed something I had not before, a small pieces of the puzzle I had completely over looked.  It was the reason why the Brown sisters had left somewhat disappointed.  All of the memories started after I had crossed the dragon wall, the part of my very early life was still a mystery.
     I had a few brief flashes of memory from that time it was true, ever since I had bonded those memories had begun to reemerge but they were still very foggy and scrambled. The only clear thing at all that stayed in my head for more than just brief flashes that came to me every now and then were the images of my mother and father.  Realizing this did not help my situation though, in fact things became worse, some days I could barely pull myself out of bed without one of the spells coming upon me.  Finally I decided that there was only one way to stop them, I would simply travel back to the waste, and find my lost memories.
     I made my plans for leaving shortly after, it was a fine summer day when I had everything set and ready, but the fits had stopped coming to me, and I became reluctant to leave.  The fits did not return for a long time and everything was as it should have been, for a brief time in the fall I even forgot about them, but when winter came they returned unexpectedly, and as bad as ever.

    It was a very cold winter’s day, the wind howled across the high snow tipped peak of dragon mount and screamed past the high reaches of the Tower.  In side my room a fire blazed in the fireplace, filling the room with light and sending warmth to every corner defying the wind which raged outside my closed window.  Yet still I felt chilled to the bone, the spells had come upon me over and over, offering me only a few brief seconds of respite before the next one came. Each one was more vivid than the last; each one filled with some new memory that I did not know I still possessed.  The day before had been just as bad, as had been the day before that, I hadn’t eaten in over three days, I was barely to get a sip of water down before I became dizzy and had to lie down again.  Few knew of what I had been going through only my closest friends had even seen me in the past week.
     Even with the fire and my attempts to use saidin to warm the room I still felt chilled to the bone.  I yearned for the hot sun beating down upon me, for the dry conditions of the three-fold land again like I had felt during my youth.  Everything in me screamed to go, to open a gateway and walk through to my homeland on the other side.  In that brief moment of calmness I scribbled out a quick note explaining my absence then placing my daggers in their hidden places upon my person, I grabbed my spears, and a few other pieces of equipment.  I grabbed up a bag packed with clothes more suitable to the conditions in the waste, I would change out of my black cadin’sor after I arrived.  I took hold of saidin, and removed the weave of invisibility which concealed the few packs of food I had kept stored for these past months.  Everything had been preserved with the one power, so I had no need to worry about the food having gone rotten.  I took one last look around the room then opened a gateway, and snatching up several filled water skins stepped through, the gateway snapping shut the instant I was completely through.
    I was only a few leagues west of the Jangai pass, I had decided that it would be best if I traveled into the three-fold land like normal men, I didn’t think suddenly appearing through a gateway would be the best way to gain acceptance. I remembered well hearing about the Aiel men who channeled, and I did not want it to color any decisions made about me by those who had been left behind.  I was taking a big risk in coming I knew that but I had to stop the fits that came upon me or go nuts before even the taint on saidin could get to me.  I quickly found a secluded spot out of sight and changed into the proper color cadin’sor, I knew that the cut of an Aiel’s coat tells other Aiel that man's clan and sept. Since I was of no clan or sept I had made a coat in an exact copy to that of the one I had worn when I was a child.  I wrapped the shoufa around my head, placed one of my golden daggers at my belt signifying that I was an Aiel warrior not just another man, and then I headed off into the waste.
     For a brief second, the instant I stepped through the gateway I felt a strange sense of wonder at seeing this land that I had no memory of ever really living in.  Then it was washed away completely by a feeling of comfort, like I had returned home from a long journey, and finally I would be able to rest.  Everything seemed as it should have, how I could think this I do not know but I knew that everything was in it proper place.  The first day of traveling I saw no one, perhaps it was that I didn’t have the skill anymore to spot them or perhaps I was too far from any settlements for watchers to be about.  I walked slowly taking in all of it; old memories once lost or buried reemerging with every step I took.  I knew the three-fold land as well as I knew the blight.  Every tall stone spire, every hill each silhouetted by the setting sun, in the colors of gray and brown, and every hue in between brought back another memory of a time long past. For the first time in months I felt completely at ease, my mind totally focused on what was ahead.
     I set camp that first night a top a small hill which gave me an amazing view of the entire are around me.  A few clouds floated in the sky, leaving the stars out in perfect view for all to see.  I remembered long ago, staring up at those stars as a kid, as I did then, wishing for a life full of adventure, but at that moment I only wished of the adventures to end.
 I woke up with the sun the next day and after a small breakfast started off at a quick run.  It appeared that I still had the stamina of the Aiel people, holding that quick pace for many miles, and finally when the sun began to fall I slowed and found myself a place to sleep for the night.  I lost track of time during those day, I wandered in a generally westward direction not quite sure exactly where I was going, I had always remembered that I was of the Taardad clan, but of my sept, and where I was born and raised remained a mystery.  The memories came back to me slowly, day by day a new piece to the puzzle was uncovered but it took a long time before I remembered it all, and even then I had to try to fit the pieces into their proper places.  Eventually I woke up one day realizing that I had born at Cold Rocks Hold, and lived there for the short time that I had lived in the waste.  Things often came to me that way, I would wake up one morning and know something about myself I had not known before.  I decided that very morning that I would go to Cold Rocks hold and see what I could find there.  I knew that many of the Aiel and crossed over the Dragon wall following the Car’a’carn and that many of those that had stayed had gone to Rhuidean, but I thought that perhaps they had not completely abandoned there old homes.  By this point I realized I was already nearing Rhuidean, and that in a few days I could be there, but I was not ready yet to deal with so may people, so I turned back, heading North and West.
     I had no problem finding food or water during my days of traveling, things just seemed to click into place, I knew what signs to look for and where to find them, it was like I had never left the three-fold land at all.  Finally after many days of traveling I reached my destination. The closer I had come the more people I had seen, they had been trying to remain hidden from my eyes much the way I had tried to remain unseen by theirs but we saw each other, although I’m sure I did not see them all. As I approached the fissured rock wall that was Cold Rocks, I lowered my shoufa, another thing I had remembered, quickly.  Somehow I knew the proper entrance, and made my way through, I had seen signs of life on my way so I was sure there would be someone around to at least send me in the right direction.
     I’m sure any idiot could have figured out the proper entrance, it was the largest fissure in the rock wall spanning ten to twelve paces across, and shadowed by the height of its sheer rock walls, but I knew by memory as if I had passed through it many times before.  I followed the wide corridor as it wove its way deeper and deeper into the rock until finally I emerged into a wide canyon.  On either side the walls were green, in terraces that ran up the lengths of both.  Flat roofed houses of yellow clay, stacked one upon the other in clusters, with paths winding between them covered the rock walls.  Many looked unused and only a few still had gardens on their roofs but most of the place looked empty.  A few women in skirts walked about along with several men wearing grayish brown coats and breeches.  A few children ran about playing but nothing more, I was glad for this I did not think I was ready for a confrontation with a large group of Aiel just yet.  I made my way to the far end of the canyon where the wall slanted inward creating a dark shadow in the back.  Just in front sat a wide gray boulder, it’s top smoothed for a platform.  A top it stood a slender woman, dressed similar to the wise ones fashion, she had yellow hair that was touched by gray at the temples.  She was a handsome woman with a few wrinkles at the corners of her graying hair.  I knew she was the roofmistress of the hold and that if I wished to stay even for the night I would have to gain her approval, but I was unsure how to continue.  It struck me as odd that she had even been waiting there at all, but then I remembered that I had spotted watchers for the past five day, she probably knew the instant I had stepped with in sight of Cold Rocks.  She was still staring at me and I knew that I had to do something or be put out of Cold Rocks and have to wander about again.
 I bowed formally,
    “Roofmistress, I ask leave to come beneath your roof.” It seemed like the right thing to say, although my memory was till fragmented and some things still completely missing.  She stared at me in silence for what seemed an eternity; sweat trickled down my forehead as I waited.
    “You have my leave” She intoned “Beneath my roof there is water and shade for you.”
     “I give thanks, roofmistress.”  I replied finishing the ceremony
     The sun had almost disappeared beyond the horizon spreading long shadows across the canyon floor.  I turned to find myself a place to sleep for the night, but the roofmistress caught me by the arm.
     “Where are you going stranger?  Do you have friends at Cold Rocks that you are staying with?”  She asked her gray eyes piercing me to the bone.
     “I thought perhaps I could find myself a quiet place where I could sleep tonight.  I know no one in Cold Rocks Hold, as you said yourself.  I’m a stranger, seeking guidance.”
     “How odd” the woman mused to herself “I know this face.” I barely caught it and was somewhat stunned. “You have the face and height of an Aiel man, but by your accent, I don’t think I could tell what country you come from at all.”
 I gave her a puzzled look
    “What do u mean, roofmistress?”
     “Like just now boy, had I not been able to see your face I would have sworn you were a Shienaran, but not a minute ago, you sounded like one of the tree-killers. A time before that you moved between an Andoran and a few other accents that I have no name for.”
     “I have lived a strange life, roofmistress.  I have seen much of the wetlands in my years.”
     “Yes, that’s obvious enough. What is your name lad, you are familiar to me.”
     “Cor Dazar, roofmistress.  I am a warder from the White Tower.”
 Her eyes flashed with recognition for a second but then it was gone replaced by a cool placid look.
    “A Warder?  Yes.  You have the look of one.”  She replied more to herself, seemingly lost in thought for the second
     “Well I can’t just have you bedding down in the streets come with me boy, you will stay in my home tonight and tell me all about this strange past that you mentioned.”  She started walking without looking back to see if I followed.
     The roofmistress home sat on the highest level of the West Side, with the steep canyon wall rising high above it.   It appeared to be a modest dwelling, a small rectangle made of large yellow clay bricks with narrow glassless windows that were covered by red curtains and like all the houses, a vegetable garden sat on the roof.  Inside was a large room floored with reddish brown tiles, beyond that first large room, others had been craved into the rock.  High ceilings with arched doorways and silver lamps giving off a sent that hinted of new life and growing things.  Intricately woven carpets covered the floor, and layered rugs each with a different design.  I recognized the work of several countries, but found it more familiar than anything else.  The room was filled with hundreds of colors and designs; thin porcelain vases and bowls sat in small niches in the walls.  Cushions of all shapes, sizes and colors were spread throughout the room.  From my bag I produced a golden statue of an Aiel man holding a spear in a fighting stance to give as a guest gift.  I had made when I was first learning to channel under the instructions of Sorhan Gaidin.  She marveled at the detail of it and after praising it and thanking me she set it in an empty niche in the far wall.
    White clad gai’shain stepped forward carrying trays of food which they set before the roofmistress where she had stretched out on the floor.  She motioned for me to do that same.  As I did so I suddenly realized that I had not yet asked her name or been given it.  I opened to mouth to ask but she cut me off abruptly.
     “So tell me of this strange life you have had, many of my people have gone to Rhuidean and I do not hear many tales these days.”
    Forgetting my questions I launched into the story of my life, her gray eyes studying me carefully, compelling me to tell her everything.  We ate as we talked, she added in her own comments as the tale went along, asking questions about the people I had lived with.  Her eyes seemed to light up when I mentioned my hunts into the blight, and even told her, in detail, about several journeys.