| Title: All Things Considered Author: DM E-mail: [email protected] Feedback: It keeps me writing, so if that�s what you want� Please! Rating: PG Category: V, R Key words: Mulder/Scully Romance Spoilers: all things Disclaimer: Not mine; they belong to 1013 Productions, FOX, and most importantly, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. Summary: ��The truth,� I laugh to myself. The truth is out there, all right, but it certainly isn't in this room.� Notes: Yes, I�ve joined the rest of the fanfic community and have written my very own post �all things� vignette. Like there isn�t enough of them out there, I know! But, the idea came to me. . . and well, why waste an idea? I read once that GA had a lot more she wanted to say about the Scully/Daniel relationship, but most of it was cut for time. So I took what I remembered from that interview and injected it into my story. It helped me to better understand Scully�s actions, hopefully it�ll do the same for you. Many, many thanks to Carol A. and Sallie for their support and *very* quick betas. Working with both of you is a real pleasure. All of my other work may be found at my website: http://www.geocities.com/dmldr42 All Things Considered By DM I hear her at my bedroom door. I know I should roll over and acknowledge her presence, but I don�t move. I�m curious; I don't know what she's going to do. Whatever it is, it has to be her decision. It�s quiet out; I can hear each breath she takes. She's shifting her weight from one foot to the other, debating her choices, weighing the odds. I know my partner better than she'd like to think I do. Then, silence. Several long seconds drag on for what feels like hours and I assume she�s left my bedroom. I mentally count the steps it would normally take me to reach the living room, then the front door and I add a few more to compensate for the difference in our stride. I wait for the click of the door; I wait for the telling turn of the lock that will signal her departure. I wait. Nothing. I listen more intently. Still nothing. I open my eyes and there she is, standing right next to my bed, practically hovering over me. My heart skips a beat. "Mulder?" she says softly. My name has never held more meaning. She's asking permission, forgiveness, looking for acceptance, telling me she loves me, all with one simple word. My name. An ache settles so deep within me that I wonder if it will ever subside. I don't want it to. I know enough about life to recognize this feeling. I love her too. And, for the first time in a long while I feel worthy of that love. A good bout with jealousy will do that to you. Wordlessly, I move over, giving her room to sit next to me if she chooses to. She remains where she is, her face revealing nothing, but I know her mind is racing, evaluating her decisions and the consequences that would follow. It might not seem like such a large step, but she knows that if she accepts my offer, she symbolically accepts me. Accepts us. We've been on the verge of something for months now, on an emotional teeter-totter. We love each other, we know we love each other, but neither of us has the guts to do anything about it. "I should go," she finally says and my stomach twists into a familiar knot. Believe it or not, my goal isn't to sleep with her tonight, far from it. That's not what I'm aiming for here. What I want is for one of us, once and for all, to tell the truth. �The truth,� I laugh to myself. The truth is out there, all right, but it certainly isn't in this room. She hasn't left yet, she's just standing there... waiting. For what, though? For me to stop her? Again? Not this time, Scully. I want the truth, but not until you�re ready to accept it. It might be hypocritical of me to feel this way, but if you keep getting a busy signal, sometimes you just have to hang up and wait for someone to call you back. "Good night, Scully." I turn over and pull the covers over my shoulders. "Drive safely." Again, she doesn't leave and I can feel her looking at me. Several more long seconds pass. "That's not what you were supposed to say, Mulder." I remain still for a moment. She's throwing me a line and asking me to catch it, to help pull her in. I turn over slowly and her eyes possessively find mine, holding my gaze, not willing to let go. She's ready, I realize; ready to be honest. But I still have to make sure. "What did you want me to say?" I ask, my eyes telling her that I need to hear her say it. She doesn't answer immediately. But, it only takes a moment before I see the heaviness lift from her brow and a light brighten the darkness that's been hovering over her. The events of the last couple of days were troubling for her, and, as so often happens, I wasn't here for her. Somehow, every important event, every tragedy, every heartache that either of us has experienced over the past seven years has, more often than not, been one we've had to battle through alone. But perhaps she needed to discover this on her own. Maybe my presence the last couple of days would have completely altered the outcome. Looking at her now, that's the last thing I think I'd want. "Move over," she says and I do. I'm surprised, more than I thought I'd be, but this is good. We need this and she knows it. It's part of what she discovered today, I think. She kicks off her shoes and removes her jacket, then lies down next to me. Head on my shoulder, arm over my chest. This is different. A very good different. �Please don�t tell me I�m dreaming, Scully.� I whisper. Her arm wraps completely around my stomach and she turns her face into my shoulder. I hear a soft laugh that lasts only a moment before it releases tears that she's been holding onto for far too long. I imagine I can feel them soak into my skin, and warm my entire body. "I wasn't sleeping earlier, Mulder," she says through her tears. �I'm sorry. I wasn't ready to finish our conversation." "Are you ready now?" I ask, hoping that she is. She lifts her face, bringing it just mere inches from my own now. Her cheeks are wet and unshed tears still pool at the corner of her eyes. She smiles such a beautiful, radiant smile that I can feel tears well and threaten to spill from my own eyes. Overcome and unable to speak, I cup both of her cheeks with my hands, allowing my thumbs to wipe away the tears that have already fallen. The best part about it is she lets me, and I�m filled with a peace that I haven't known since I was a little boy. I bring her forehead to my lips and seal this new promise we�ve made as we always do. I hold her there for a good while, savoring her nearness. After I pull away, she returns her head to my chest, one arm slipping across me, and I hold her. If someone told me this morning that I would end the day this way, I would have laughed. I would have told them they obviously didn't know my partner... but now I realize, maybe I myself didn�t know her as well as I thought. I decide to go ahead with the thoughts I wanted to share earlier. She�s not stopping me, and I sense she wants me to take charge of the moment and not let it slip by us once again. "Are you happy that your path has led you here, Scully?" She sniffles a little, her tears mostly dry now. Her voice is soft, and of a tone I�ve only heard a few times in our partnership. Her inhibitions have been set aside and she�s living in the moment, speaking from her heart. "I never fully realized it before, but I am. I�ve discovered so many things, Mulder." She�s never mentioned Daniel Waterston before, and when she did tonight, she didn�t go into great detail. She chose a career over love. Her life today is a result of that decision and that�s about as deep as our conversation went. Regarding Dr. Daniel Waterston, that is. "Like what?" I know she understands what I�m actually asking. I want to know who this doctor was to my partner. He obviously played a large part at some point in her earlier life, and if we're going to pursue anything beyond this moment, I need to know more of who she is, and how she became the woman that I love. She�s already admitted the import of that decision. "Daniel was married, Mulder." She pauses and I admit I�m surprised at this new revelation. �I didn�t know, he didn�t tell me. When I found out, I left. I couldn't stay. I left to give his wife and daughter the respect and dignity they deserved." "But you were in love with him," I say, a part of me selfishly jealous that she ever held those feelings for another man. "So much that I almost went back." She pulls away from my chest and props herself up on her elbow. "He's why I joined the FBI, Mulder." "What?" It�s about all I can manage. She�s rendered me speechless. "Well, not the sole reason for it, but when all was said and done, I needed to remove myself from the temptation. The FBI opened the door for me to do that." "Do you regret that decision?" She thinks about her answer for a moment, "This weekend, I thought I did, but then I realized something I�d known all along but was reluctant to admit, even to myself." "In your vision?" She nods, You were there, Mulder; every step of the way. My path led me back to Daniel, but not for the reason I first suspected." "Which was?" She�s talking *to* me, opening up, and while I�m nervous about some of the truths that are being uncovered, I�m grateful that we�re here. Again she pauses, but I smile, encouraging her to continue. This truth can set us both free. �I thought fate was giving me a second chance. To make the right choice." I won't lie, her words sting, but I know they're honest and that�s the only reason I nod, wanting her to continue. �But, I had made the right choice. Seven years ago, I followed the path I was supposed to follow. The right path." She reaches across me and finds my hand. "Seeing Daniel again reaffirmed that. I�m exactly where I should be; where I want to be," she adds, and I slowly release a breath, hoping she�ll continue. She means it, and for the first time, I truly believe her. She wants to be here... with me. "So, you believe that our choices determine our destiny?" "That's assuming I believe in destiny. I've experienced too much to believe in a life that�s pre-determined to end in one specific way. Life offers us too many choices. But, I believe there is a path that�s right, and if we pay attention, we'll find it." �And you paid attention." �I�m always paying attention, Mulder." She smiles again and for the second time tonight I feel overwhelmed at where this evening has taken us. A burst of pure joy rushes through me. I feel like a kid in a candy store, with a world full of possibilities just opening up to me. Life is good. "Now, I know that isn�t true, Scully," I tease her. She just looks at me, not missing the playful grin on my face. "If you were paying attention, you'd know that I�m going to kiss you now." The knowing little grin that I�ve come to love travels slowly to her lips. We just look at each other, neither of us moving. Then she releases her hold on my hand and brings her own to my cheek. As she leans in, she whispers, �I knew." The kiss was chaste, honest and pure. A promise; but true to character, we're taking this one step at a time. A lot has happened this weekend and we�ve both silently decided we need some time to digest it all. She stayed for a while, allowing me to hold her. I don�t know how long we remained that way, but the next thing I remember is waking up alone. Knowing my partner, she went home to shower and change before work this morning. Which is what I expected. I�m not lying to myself; we�ve got a bumpy road ahead of us. Even if fairytales could come true, Scully and I would never be comfortable living one. I look forward to the bumps. The fact that we�ve finally reached a point in our relationship where we get to deal with them openly and honestly is enough to keep me smiling until I see her again. The truth was out there, and we found it. Together. End. |