Does the effort to make our children believe in Santa Clause have
any bad effects? The business comunity as wel as the entertainment
industry would say no. I would have thought by now, religious groups
would have demanded that we stop trying to get our children to
believe in Santa Claus.
In my case it was my daughter's questions that started this train
of thought. When she was a toddler we got her into the Santa myth as
much as anyone. We gave her all the usual crap that if you are not
good, Santa will know and will stiff you at Christmas. It came to a
head when she was 6. She came to me one day a couple months before
Christmas and asked me:
"Tell me the real, real, real honest truth. Is there a Santa
Claus?"
What could I do? I told her it was a story we tell our kids to
make them happy at Christmas, but no, since you put it that way,
there is no Santa Claus.
This was accepted well as she had figured out there was no way
someone could do a miracle like delivering packages to all the
children in the world in one night, nor was any being capable of
seeing all and knowing all. After all, we say Santa Clause can do
miracles, like the toy delivery and we tell children to be good
because Santa sees them and will punish the wicked and reward the
good. This is actually a pretty good description of most gods through
history.
She then said that she guesses that the Easter bunny and tooth
fairy are fake too and I agreed. Then she said she guessed God was
fake too. She said she won't believe in anything she can't see. To
this day, she's a practicing athiest.
After all, the adult world fooled her. This happenned during the
part of her life when she was totally trusting of authority. It turns
out we pulled one over on her. All the older folks got together in
this massive plot to screw with her head. Then we did it again with
the Easter Bunny. Then the Tooth Fairy. Now, how can we expect kids
to believe in God after taking their trusting, budding intellect and
smashing that trust several times. I think we really use Santa and
his "ability" to see all and know all to control our
children. In street talk, another case of "the man putting down
the people".
After all, look at the propaganda machine that attempts to make
children believe in Santa Claus every year. As great as all the
effort put out by the churches for God, at least in the western
world. Besides, the kids can go down to the local mall and sit on
Santa's lap but Jesus?. Now, after fooling them not once, not twice
but at least 3 times, we then expect them to believe in an invisible
God.
Fooled you three times. Now believe this one will ya! I think not.
Sure kids usually don't think that deep on the surface. However, my
daughter has surprised me from her first words on how deep kids can
be at times.
It is not my attention to debate religion or if there is a God.
I'm bit of an agnostic myself. (We are not atheists. We do not deny
the possibility of a god, its just that we are not sure which, if any
of the contradictory stories we have been told. We're totally
confused but we will find out after we die and are content to wait
until then to find out. After all, what is the rest of one's natural
life compared to eternity?
Either you find out there is an afterlife or there is nothing
after death. If there is nothing, there is no meaning to life anyway
and we agnostics saved a lot of time not bothering with church. If
there is an afterlife, I cannot imagine a deity with such a fragile
ego that it needed you to show up in a specific building each week to
praise it.
I have a theory about what appears to be the Godlessness in our
world. It may be a bit of a crackpot theory but I sort of blame the
Coca Cola company. Please understand, I am not caling the Coca Cola
company evil or anything. They are merely merchands trying to peddle
fizzy sugar water.
I feel the decline in church attendance that started in the 1950s
was triggered in the 1920s. The 20s were when the Coca Cola company
started advertising campaigns that gave us our modern image of Santa
Claus. This follows with the department stores in the 30s starting to
promote Christmas more and more. In fact most of our modern Christmas
traditions were really the invention of advertisers, stores and
Hollywood screen writers. By the 50's we were actively trying to make
all our children to believe in Santa in our younger years.
By the 50's while we could not attribute it to anything, we had an
entire generation of children taught there was a "Santa Clause
godlike figure" only to be told later that it was fake, that we
fooled them. Then we expected them to believe in another god type
being that was not being pushed as hard. One that did not even bring
us gifts. Kids may not have said it out loud but after being fooled
about Santa, the attitude towards God was something like "get
real".
Personally, it was around November 1960 when I was 9, in grade 4,
that during recess one day, my mother came out into the school yard
(She taught the other grade 4 class at the school) with a stern look
on her face. She came up to me and took me aside from my friends and
in a solemn voice told me that she had something important to tell me
and it had been bothering her for quite a while.. I thought that oh
oh, we had to move again (my dad was in the military), but her
announcement was that there was no Santa Claus. My reply was "I
know".
She was flabbergasted and asked how long I knew. I felt like
saying "What kind of idiot do you take me for. I'm not stupid, I
figured it out years ago." However, I really said something like
" Oh, for a while now." I added that for the past few years
I was stringing them along as they seemed to enjoy fooling me.
About the only good thing I can say about the Santa thing is that
it could teach that giving gifts anonymously is a good thing to do.
That by having your parents give gifts in the name of Santa teaches
you that you should give without expecting any credit for yourself.
However, I have never seen this point made to our kids once they
discover there is no Santa.
To tell you the truth, Santa Claus makes a more appealing god than
the one in the Bible. Santa only brings you a lump of coal if you are
bad. The biblical god damns you to burn in hell forever and ever if
you are bad. Which one would you pick if you are shopping for a god.
No wonder our children are confused.
While 6 year olds cannot think as clearly as adults, I know there
is a deeper level of thought process going on that does not show up
until later. I believe that once you take advantage of a person, they
are far more alert for being taken again. By faking out our children
with Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, we are breeding a
pack of cynics. We are proving to our children that we cannot be
trusted and what we say may turn out to be a
pack of lies. No wonder the kids of
the 60s said to never trust anyone over thirty.
On a slightly diferent topic for a minute,
what about baby talk?
Why do we speak gibberish to our babies?
They are trying to communicate with us and we teach them babble. My
wife and I made it a point never to speak gibberish to our daughter
and we made sure others did not either. As a consequence, she may
have been a few weeks later in talking but when she was 11 months
old, after not saying a word until then, while I was holding her in
my arms by the back door, she points to the burglar alarm warning
sticker on the door and clear as a bell, asks "What's that".
My wife and I look at each other. My wife's expression is one of
total surprise and I say "A sticker."
After that she started to talk. Other than a
bit of difficulty in pronouncing longer words, she could be
understood from then on.
This tells me that there are deep low level
processes going on in the brain. Until then, she was integrating what
she heard around her and when the time was right, when she had a need
that could not be communicated in standard baby methods (crying,
etc.) she came out with it.
After all, if a 3 year old could express
ideas like an adult, they would probably say"
"What kind of idiots are you!. I need
to communicate with you and you teach me gibberish. Now, you tell me
I have to ditch that, lose years of learning and start over!"
Getting back to Santa, we are doing that as well. A kid who could
think like an adult would say"
"You and the media get me to believe in this Santa religion
with god like powers with the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy as
accomplices then you tell me it is fake! Then you try to get me to
believe in a God in heaven. I think not!. Fool me once, shame on me.
Fool me twice, shame on you!
If we expect our children to believe in a God, whether you are
Christian, Jew, Moslem, Hindu, animist or whatever, its time to ditch
the Santa myth. We have to tell our children from day one that Santa
is a fairy story that was distorted over time and brought to its
modern form by the Coca Cola company. An amusing story for
entertainment, like A Christmas Carol.
I think it is no coincidence that the first generation fully
immersed in the Santa Clause machine since birth, those being teens
in the 60s. came up with the philosophy of "Never trust anyone
over 30". Now, we who were brought up in the 60's are doing the
same deceitful thing to our children. We are suckering our children
just so industry can suck us into buying bigger and more costly gifts
to exchange in the holidays. I believe we can still be coerced into
buying gifts to exchange without violating the trust of our children
by getting them to believe in a false god. Santa can stay but has to
be presented as a fairy tale like we do with Sleeping Beauty and the
others.
This is not to say we should stop celebrating Christmas (or
whatever) or exchanging gifts. A gift exchange festival around winter
solstice is a part of pretty well every culture and has been with us
for thousands of years. It is a nice tradition to continue. I like
getting gifts and the tradition does help stimulate the economy.
Otherwise almost no man would ever end up owning more than 3 ties.
Making our children worship a false god, Santa Claus, has to stop.
If we stop doing this we may get the next generation's trust back.
Here is a very thoughtful reply to the above I received on
August 22, 1998.
Hi Dan -
I was surfing when I accidentally stumbled on your opinion about
Santa Claus. My wife and I have been trying for some years to
conceive and were finally successful 4 months ago so I am
particularly interested in child rearing right now and your page
peaked my interest.
I remember finding out he wasn't real myself (although that was 25
years ago, I am 32). My Dad told me just after I had stood up
for Santa in school in front of everyone. After the revelation
I wasn't upset or mistrusting so much as I was angry that I had been
lied to for so long which also ultimately led to my own humiliation.
So, regarding the issue of betraying our children's trust I
sympathize with you.
Even so, I see the merit in teaching the value of giving
anonymously to children by example. I remember that along with
my anger was bewilderment why my parents would give so much when I
knew they had so little, and they demanded no recognition for it
(they told me "the truth" because they thought I was mature
enough - it was like a compliment, although it came a little too
late). As a result I realized that Christmas was about giving.
Although I think my parents should've told me "the truth"
sooner in life, I'm also glad they taught me this lesson by example.
I also learned that maturity is rewarded with knowledge and
greater understanding. Pretending is a wonderful part of
childhood, and pretending is a far, far cry from malicious lying.
Admittedly, my parents were too slow in telling me "the truth"
but had they done it earlier in life I would've felt proud that my
parents thought I'd grown out of the 'pretending' stage.
Furthermore, my parents assured me that they wouldn't ever "pretend"
with me again that way because I was too mature to "pretend"
anymore. I knew it wasn't malicious but it was necessary to
teach me an invaluable lesson in a very real way to feel the very
real effects of disappointment when pretending continues on to
adulthood. Learning "the truth" teaches that it's
time to grow up, and learning "the truth" for many children
(if done at the right time) becomes a "rite of passage".
Do you remember feeling this way? Did you ever think, "Wow,
I know they don't have very much money and they gave me all these
gifts without expecting me to thank them"? Did you ever
come to the conclusion, "There must be something more to
Christmas than getting presents"? Do you remember
recognizing those around you hadn't yet grown out of the 'pretending'
stage and feeling (and thereby acting) more mature? Do you
think your daughter has or ever will have those feelings as a result?
So regardless of whether I will do Santa Claus, I can't help but
want to give anonymously to my child on Christmas to see their pure
joy without feeling the need for them to express gratitude.
That's what altruism is. What better way to teach it than by
example. As far as I can imagine, Santa Claus is the best way
to do this. How else can I do this, and simultaneously teach
them the joy of giving anonymously by example?
On another note: These comments assume NOT using Santa
Claus as a manipulative tool. Using Santa manipulatively
suggests to the child that there is some unseen entity that rewards
good behavior and punishes bad. The unhappy truth is that
good behavior is rarely rewarded and children who think otherwise are
in for a disappointing reality. Besides, I for one do not want
my child to be moral for selfish purposes, but rather to be moral out
of strength of character.
More on this... The Santa Claus that rewards the good and punishes
the bad was invented by a society that also believed in a cold,
calculating God that metes out justice with no thought of mercy.
Most people no longer believe that way, but somehow they still
raise their children that way. It's a paradox. While Mom
and Dad believe they can do as they please because they've been
"saved" they're telling their kids at the same time "obey
or suffer" regardless of whether they're discussing God or
Santa. Eventually children grow up and learn that Santa is a
myth, Mom and Dad do what they want and are still "saved",
and so they (with good reason) deny God altogether and may even
develop an agnostic approach to morality. Can anyone blame
them?
A better situation is when parents teach responsibility by
example, and if they do the Santa thing they portray him as an
anonymous person who gives presents purely for the joy of giving.
Then Santa becomes an example of altruism, and eventually so does the
parent.
Thus I think I'm leaning toward doing Santa as a real character,
because I see how much good it can do if done correctly, but what is
"correctly" and how, and furthermore I don't want it to
become a seed of mistrust that will rule their lives. I'm
devoutly religious and I trust my parents 100%, so it didn't have
that effect on me, but according to your stated opinion I'm the
anomaly. If you have suggestions or still think that "Santa
as a real character" cannot be rationally justified (regardless
of how it is done) I'd like to know.
Here is a reply from April 6, 2003 from Zebbie Reed
I checked out your schematic link, found your letter about Santa
Claus and the other fairy tales. I believe these were created
by adults for themselves. For their enjoyment and amusement, and
maybe sometimes also an attempt to control their child's behavior.
The better behavior during the year, the better or more gifts the
child will receive. I think this teaches children that the
degree of "good" behavior from them will depend upon the
degree of gifts or rewards that they will receive. Instead of
teaching children that good behavior is or should be the way of
life, standard of living, and is not or should not be dependent
upon whether one receives rewards from anyone or even in life.
But then, how does one or society define "good behavior",
which also leads to the topic of ethics which has so many different
meanings.
I wouldn't blame Coca Cola because I believe that marketing is
based on what is already active in society. Marketing
compaigns/emphasis what is already a norm or fade or rave in
society. Santa Claus, for example, was already common
knowledge, I believe, in society. Coca Cola just took
advantedge of this, saw a way to take advantedge and stimulate their
marketing and sales by supporting or exploiting the Santa Claus theme
that society had already created, practiced and passing down
generations. I believe that society in the largest part, dictates
what we watch in movies and commercials, not the other way around.
With this, society has the ability to change what we watch and what
is campaigned to us. At least in the US.
Many young children are told these stories but still grow up to be
healthy and normal human beings in socieety. And even though
some some of these children may not have appreciated being tricked
this way, for some reason they still grow up to continue the
tradition to their own children.
A comment on January 26, 2006 from Richard N.
Stone, Townsville, Queensland, Australia
I liked your page on Santa Claus. It stopped 1
step short of mentioning the next horrible realisation in a childs
upbringing :-
Humpty Dumpty, ........ was pushed.
From that moment, paranoia sets in and the child will never be
the same again. Actually, most foreigners view America as highly
paranoid.
On the religous side (which really should not be
mixed with the topic of Sanata Claus), there are at least 700
religions on the face of the planet, each one claiming to be the one
and only "true" one. As a result of this (and many other
ingredients), I'm a complete atheist. At the age of 8, I got
impatient with this spoon feeding of the bible at Sunday school and
read the whole thing. It is an interesting novel. I appreciate it's
(their) efforts to teach morals, ethics and understanding.
However, (the mathematicians credo) "Believing is NOT
knowing" applies here. I believe that everyone should be taught
a religion, and if they cannot see past it, then that is where
they will (and should) stay.
Regards Richard N.
Stone Townsville, Queensland, Australia (originally from
Sydney, which I left when I was 20 and have spent 25 years outside
Australia, 2 in the USof A.)
Mathematicians) (an example) -
there were three men in a train compartment travelling North from
London to Scotland, right up the middle of the lovely countryside
in the centre of England. One was a mathematician, one was a
scientist and the other was a newspaper reporter. The mathematician
and scientist both had their heads buried in books, The reporter was
looking out the window enjoying the view of the rolling green
pastures when he sees a black sheep. He says out aloud, "Oh,
look, there is a paddock with some black sheep". This caused the
scientist to lower his book and observe. He corrected the reporter
and said "There is a paddock with 1 black sheep". This
piqued the curiosity of the mathematician who lowered his book just
to check the other two and he said "There is a paddock with a
sheep that is black on one side".
ps - just loved your
comment about :- "If you slept or partied through your
classes, I suggest you explore careers in fast food."
