Funny Quotes!!
(all quotes arranged from oldest to newest)
**click on the names to see pictures of my friends!**

A new wine for seniors
California vintners in the Lompoc Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as Pino More. :)

"That scared the farts out of me!" ~Doug

"Query eye for the straight guy." ~Chris Peters

"You Freak-a-saurus" ~Doug

"It taints your nuts and it taints your buns." ~ Doug

"I don't want your foot juice on my breasticles!" ~Doug

"Seriously, I was like throwin' babies cause I was so stressed out" ~Jackie (Krista's brother's g/f)

In reference to a helium filled baloon, Doug said," All ya gotta do is spread it and stick it in your mouth; that's what I do."

"My pulsating member" ~Kristen Beck

"If it's gonna be in my mouth, I might as well swallow it." ~Kristen


Tracy Johnson: "I need a man!"
Matt Brown: "Well, I'm a man!"

Doug: "I want to be peed on."
Luke: "I think there's a website for that."

Danielle: (at Taco bell drive-up) "I'd like 2 double deckers with no lettuce."
Me: "and a cock!"

Me: "You're lucky I've got a little cap on my thing."

Melissa: "Matt, what are you doing?"
Me: "I'm intimidating how a woman takes a piss."

Doug: "Who wants to blow my nose...or cock?"

Me: "We know you like the cock, go back to your business."

Diaz: "It's true, I'm hung like a toddler!"

Me: "...."
Whitney: "Only if you fart on me."
Me: "Would you like a side of nutsac with that?"

Doug: "I'm gonna get in your shower...maybe take a crap in there."

Chris to Bob: " I can see through you like a broken condom!"

Whitney: "It's like playing pool with a rope."

Me: "Where the fuck is the light switch!?"
Evan: "Try the other switch dumbass!!"

Me: *imitating stupid guy in front of hello deli* "Hey guys, I need you to back up 2 inches."

Mike: "Hey matt, we should hit on some Columbians."
Daria: "Oh my gosh...I have some friends that are columbian!"
Mike: "No, i meant the university, not the nationality"

Stupid concierge man: "Hey i need you to get your feet off of there please"
Bob: "You mean off the footstool?"

Overly engergetic lady: "Where's the boy from Muncie!?!" .... "I...AM...TOO!"

Me to Doug: (in reference to eggs) "You can have it gooey and hard at the same time!"

Doug: "I like sleeping in tents."
Steph: "Doug pitched a tent in a tent!"

Evan: "6 years almost to the day
13 semesters
162 credit hours
5 bowl trips
4 spring break trips
1 dorm, 2 apartments and a house
$120,000.00+
10 roommates
4 summer internships
43 home football games
1/2 a CODO
4 academic counselors
72 textbooks
5.2 metric buttloads of paper
Too many assignments
2 dead cameras
19,309 pictures
2 Kentucky derbies
4 Indy 500's
Many great times

=

1 degree

Graduated on Saturday"

Tagtmeyer: "If I keep the plant alive I get to have a puppy!"

Doug: "Yeah, the more you play with this, the better it will get..."

Doug: "Hmmm...O'Doul's Beaver Ages....OH WAIT....that's beverages!"

Jil: Me taking pictures of Jil and her dog G-baby: "Awww that one turned out good! Now take another one with more cleavage!" Jil proceeds to squeeze boobs together and get them to pop out huge style.

Me: "Oh I love this song!!!! *looks at TV to see name of song* ...what the fuck!? Dolly Parton!?!?!?

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