Forced to move…
I am being forced to move out of a home that I have resided in for the past 20 years so that I can financially support myself and thus take care of my children in the legal sense and otherwise. As much as I hate the thought of being away from my children, I have to be able to take care of myself, before I can take care of them. I have to be able to work, to take care of myself and working in this small town while trying to stay within the allowed visitation schedules is not working out for me. If I have to travel to find work here and loose time with my children, then I might as well move to where it will be the best financial arrangement possible so that I can contribute to the legal needs and fight with a full loaded gun. I have also been advised that even if custody was awarded to me that if I worked and took my daughter to a sitter, it can be accused as kidnapping by the third party regardless who it is, which further complicates things and I believe that with all that has happened in the past 20 months or so, that DFS will be vindictive enough to claim this.
It was first agreed that when I sold my home, that my husband and I would be allowed to move to another state through an Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children for the benefit of employment and the supporting help of family for my husbands’ treatment program that he was re-sentenced to do even though no new crimes had been committed. This sentencing was mandated after the DFS took our daughter when she was only 12 days old. My husband’s felony crime of statutory rape occurred in 1993.
My husband left before me so that he could get things settled in before I would join him with our daughter and the ICPC for her to be placed with his mom while we did the things that were requested by the DFS(Department of Family Services). He established our home, job and new sessions for ‘treatment’ as well as beginning a GED program. After he obtained a standard evaluation from a PhD, we learned that the “support team” did not want to do the ICPC because of things that this document stated about our relationship and my thoughts (be certain to read this whole page), which I had absolutely no input of whatsoever thus complete hearsay and should not be immiscible in court or any other argument.
My husband has been gone now for 6 months. We have tried to get them to do the ICPC, when that failed, I tried to get custody of my daughter while I stayed here and they considered the option for the ICPC. This too was denied. I tried to get a lawyer to stand up for me, but the custody for me was still was denied because of the hearsay that this document claimed against me. I also am having problems with the counselor that I was seeing because she, like all the others, would say one thing, and then when it came to putting her name behind it, would back down and say something else completely. (be certain to read this whole page) My word against theirs, higher power over the poor, story of my life…
I have been fighting this battle for the past year and 7 months or so, when you count the time that I have been fighting with my ex over issues. I have been doing everything that they have said and have tried to co-operate with them. I find this hard to do when all of this case is being strung in all directions, justice is not being played out and laws are being ignored or stretched to its limit. There are many laws and rights that are being twisted to suit their needs instead of the needs of the family to unite like they are supposed to be doing. Instead of family support, it is family destruct. (read “Marriage Under Fire” by Dr. James Dobson) My efforts have been in vain this whole time because of the lack of funds to back me up and for them to stop looking at us as if we were white uneducated trash that allows their children to run and do as they please without strict parental supervision.
So, I am moving. I am going to my new home (well, new to me). I am going to fight this battle in a new way. My way. I have been trying their way and continually get slapped in the face for it so I have to get bigger recruits, an army and money to back it all up. I will take this case to a higher court and make as much noise as I can. If one person can make noise about having the words “in God we trust” taken off of money and for trying to get a presidential speech to be ridden of prayer, then I can take this case to higher courts until justice is heard properly. If my husband had committed a new crime, I would not be so upset in this case; I would have probably already divorced him. But he has not done any new wrong. He is trying to better himself and live according to the standards that he has learned to be right and the way God wants him to live. He has been put under enormous pressure over these months and has not even considered resorting to the drugs or any other addictions that started his deviant cycle to begin with. He is trying to obtain his GED by taking classes two days a week at the local college while working nights at a restaurant. He has been trying all of this time to support me and himself. But now, with the contract that was made at the sale of the house almost expired, I will need to begin to pay rent for myself here. I have been trying to find work that accommodates my educational field (that I have worked almost 10 years to obtain and is currently collecting dust) and the allowed visitation schedule for my daughters. But the variances are too vast and the work in this small town is not available. If I were to drive out of this town, I would be able to find work. But then I have to consider the wear and tear on my already very old car, not to mention the time lost in seeing my children. I feel that if I have to travel to find work, and if I have to pay rent, that I might as well move to a place where I don’t have to travel far or pay rent. The only place that I can do that at is my own place that I already have established in another state. If I have to work to survive, and if I have to move to get work, then I might as well do it there. I need money to fight and I can not get money unless I work. It is not my fault that they would not comply to the Interstate Compact like we requested and it is not my fault that they are not doing what should be done according to law by the civil rights of the United States Constitution. It has also been told to me by several inquiries on my web site that in cases like ours that they have heard of, they allow the child to stay home while treatment was sought after and the child was “checked in on” every month or so. And as I have already mentioned in an earlier essay, I had planned in getting counseling for my children for the transition and any other need that should be approached. But no one asked me this. When the social worker came out for the investigation, he knew me. His daughter stayed the night at my house on numerous occasions, but yet his supervisor didn’t think that what he claimed was fine, was good enough for her.
I also
wonder why no one has been looking at my record. Think about it. I have been
living here on this same address for the past 20 years. I maintained a steady
employment record until I decided to go to college and better myself. I do not
drink, smoke, or do any type of drugs. I am a 29 year old Christian with firm
beliefs in Jesus Christ. I have served in the church as a Sunday School teacher for about 9-10 years total. I have played the
piano for about 3-4 years. I have helped in
I still feel that not only has my ex put his nose in a place that don’t belong, but I feel that there is another force that is driving this case way over board that don’t need be. Yes, my husband has a background. Who don’t? His charge is of statutory rape. Yes it is wrong, we all know that. So what about others that are guilty of this crime and are never turned in. Does this make them innocent, or guilty? Does it make them dangerous or not because they were not turned in? Is my husband any more dangerous than ones that were not turned in? Or does it make him more aware and safer whether he completed “treatment” or not? (look at the statistics that can be found in the “interesting link” found on the Helps page) By serving about 7 years behind bars, don’t you think that would teach you something? Or doesn’t this help keep him in line knowing that if he messed up that he would go behind bars for life?
So, I am leaving my life long home state to go to a place that awaits a new family that is eager to meet me in the physical. Am I deserting my daughters? Or am I trying to make myself stronger to fight more? Or am I trying to survive to help them survive with me? Or am I just thinking of myself and choosing my husband over my children? No matter what I do, I will be accused of what ever they think anyway. But I know that I have exhausted my possibilities here and that what I have been doing is not working, so I must use a different approach. Otherwise, I will always be in their control and their mercy. So, I am turning the tables so that it is the other way around. I want to be in control of my life and to be able to make the choices that I want instead of someone trying to tell me what to do or say or feel or love. I love my children so much that I would give my life for them, but I also love them enough to let them go. As they say, if you love something enough to let it go, if it comes back to you, then it is yours forever. I don’t want to think of this as letting my children “go”; but that I am allowing them the space to sort things for themselves and I not being the cause of more confusion. I am thinking of my older children of course, since I am not allowed to talk to them about how they are feeling or what their thoughts are about any of this. I can only pray that I will be able to acquire the financial strength and find the right lawyer to represent me in this case so that justice will prevail.
I have also claimed to certain people that I do not trust anyone. This is true for the most part, but I do have trust for a select few with God being the first and foremost beneficiary. The people that know this know who they are. I have searched the bible and it teaches us to forgive and to love each other. It don’t teach us to trust, in fact it teaches us to “beware” of wolves in sheep clothing and to be cautious of false prophets or those that make us stumble or those that are gossipers. Love, respect and trust go hand in hand. If you love someone, you are going to respect them, if you respect them, you can learn to trust them over time and vise versa. If you love yourself, you will love others, thus when you respect yourself, you will respect others. It is a two way street. But you have to be able to find the right people that will travel that two way street with you. If open communication, honesty and true love is there, then the rest will fall into place. Yes, I am very defensive and I do put up a wall about this case to the “professionals”. I do this because I love my children and I am trying to defend myself for them and I know that all of these “professionals” that I have encountered are doing all they can to make us/me look guilty as much as possible because it is easier to accuse someone of guilt that it is to prove that they are innocent. It is easier to point fingers than it is to see the truth. The paths of the world are vastly traveled, but the way to righteousness is straight and narrow with few travelers. It is also hard for these professionals to admit when they are wrong, which is an ego problem on their behalf. What makes them better than anyone else? Is it their degree? so, I have one too. Am I better than anyone else? No, I put my pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else. Is it because they know that they have the “power”? Don’t they realize that everyone will have to stand before God Himself on the day of judgment and that they will be accounted for everyone that they client because of the “role” that they play? I also like how they will take a quote for a conversation and state it as if it is hard ground fact and others believe them because of the few letters behind their name. How can they prove that what was said to be true or not? Did they record the session? Did they take notes during the session? Unless I see a statement and read it for myself to say that is mine, and then sign it under a notary, then I will claim it as my own, otherwise, people jumping at these false accusations is completely unrealistic. Or if someone asked if they can “quote you on that” by getting your verbal permission, then it makes it legitimate, otherwise why do they quote these things? Just like in the case with the evaluation of my husband, before they put these things in writing, I feel that the person they are writing about should have the privilege to read and verify the facts to be true before it can be submitted as a legal representation to anything or for anything. Lawyers do this for contracts that they submit, so why don’t other “professionals”? We are human and we make mistakes, people hear what they want to and/or interpret it the way that they want to. I was taught in therapy years ago, that in order to have a discussion with someone that you should repeat what they say so that they can hear what you heard them say, and if it is right, then they can continue the conversation, if it is wrong, then the other person has to reword or say it over and over again until the receiver understands what they are trying to say. So, why is this not being practiced here?? Or is it “out of date” and old practice? If so, we need to “Get back to the basics of life”. (This is a title to a Christian song)
But I am moving, and still fighting with all my strength that God has given me. I will fight for what God gave me. The only time that I consider God having taken it from me, is if He takes them to be with Him. No one can change the fact that I mothered three children. No one can take that away from me or them. It is a biological fact, like it or not. I will fight for my right for my children and my life the way I see fit under the direction and Grace of My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the ultimate judge that everyone will face.