A mother’s love

I have three children that God has graciously allowed into my life. All three girls are just as beautiful as the other. I have been threatened by satan’s advocate for the determination of their future with me.

The world works on their laws and ways while a mother tries to always do what is best for her children. Some times we don’t always make the most popular choices that everyone else understands. Are we right? Are we wrong? Is it right for anyone else to question our integrity? When you are a mother, you always think of your children first. Or at least I always did. Then one day that I tried to make a choice for myself. I had hoped that my choice could help me to be a better, more relaxed parent.  I needed to find happiness, a help mate, someone to help carry the load. God designed us that way. Being in my mid thirties, I knew that finding someone in this dangerous world would be hard to do. There are diseases and crazies out there that lurk on innocent people. I had to be cautious.

Apparently my choice did not find respect from other people. My life was turned upside down. My children were taken from me. My life was in swirls and massive confusion, all because one certain person that didn’t believe in me as a mother or as a Christian sister.

We all make bad choices in life, some worse than others. Everyone has a background and a past. I feel that God tries to warn us of people that aren’t good for us, sometimes He remains quiet, but it all falls down to free will.

I love my children with all of my heart. I have worked for years in trying to improve myself so that they would have a better life than I had. I have determined in my heart that I would always be there for my children, no matter what they do in life, whether it is good or bad choices. We all have to answer to God some day and account for our own mistakes.

My love for my children began the moment I was confirmed that I was pregnant. I wanted to protect them in every way, which meant that I had to learn how to stand up for myself against an abusive neglectful relationship. This took some years to do. This effort grew and grew until God has molded me into a much stronger person. I would have to be after going through the loss of my children now. But I love my children so much that I am not going to quit. I still refuse to quit. I will continue to fight for my children, my family as a whole, for as long and as much money as it takes. The efforts that I have been trying to do in the past 20 months have been vain because I have been fighting a system that makes up their own rules. I feel like I am continually running into brick walls. I don’t have the money to back me up and they know this, so they are walking all over me to gain the control that they want. However, when I make commitments, I keep them. When I make choices, it is from God. My life is spirit led. Sometimes I don’t want to listen, but I always make certain that I pray before my decisions and heed to God’s warning. I feel that if it is God’s will, that He will make provisions for things to happen, if it is not, then it will be hard to accomplish. I pray that someday, my children will see and understand my long drawn out efforts for what they are. I don’t understand why God allows certain things to happen. I wish that I did. But what satan intends for harm, God intends for good.

I will always love my children. Every moment that I am apart from them pains my heart so much. This past 20 months or so has been about the hardest time in my life. What I thought would help me, has hurt me. Maybe it has made me stronger, but it has also put a whole deep into my heart. My prayer is for my children, for angels to be protecting them through all this chaos. I love each and every one of my girls! I hope that they know this in their own hearts. If I could change the past, I would. But if I did, my youngest child would not exist. I believe that there is a purpose for everything. No matter if others believe that it is good or bad. I love my children and I intend to fight with all my might to keep them in my life one way or the other.