The Storm

I stand on the porch of my mind
Seeing the storm of pain draw near.
I know it's not far off
I can tell it will be horrible
I fear it already, before it arrives.

The windows and doors of my mind's house
Get another inspection before the storm hits.
I don't want it to get inside
I don't want it to get to me
I don't want to feel it all through my house.

When the storm hits, I watch through my windows.
I can see the terrible pain it brings.
I know that pain is meant for me
It echoes in my house.
But my doors and windows are not enough
Some seeps through into my house
Making me scream
Making me yell
Making me cry
Making me swear to thicken
The doors
The walls
The windows
I never want to feel pain again.


Sometimes, I look out my windows and doors
To see no storm coming.
I feel isolated, alone, scared, so I look for other houses.
I stand on someone else's porch and knock.
They have been through a storm lately
So they are nervous too
But I am patient.
We talk through a crack in the door
Slowly widening
Until I see a lot of their house
But I'm never inside it.
I see only what they choose to show me
But I can guess about the rest.

Soon, I invite them to my house
And they often come over.
At first, I would throw open my door
Showing a lot of my house
But it scared people
Even when I warned them.
So now I talk through my door
Or a window
Slowly showing the inside of my house

But sometimes, I have to close
A window or a door
To shut someone out
I have to act quickly
I get mad, and they get mad
And the storm appears, quickly heading for my house
I slam my windows and doors
Once again isolating myself from the pain
But when the storm hits this time
There is something left on my windows and doors
I can't open them all the way
So the next time I talk to them
I can't show everything I used to
The storm wins

What I want
What I need
Is to find someone else
Someone who will connect her house
With mine
So that there will be
No doors
No windows
No walls
Between us
So storm will ever be able to
Keep us apart
I'm still looking


Cliff D.  11:55 am 6/11/01
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