Iolaus trudged along the sand dune, looking for the bluff where he had promised Hercules he would spend the night, a string of freshly caught fish dangling from one hand, his makeshift pole in the other.
Hercules was attending the wedding anniversary feast of Prince Epius and Princess Thera, a marriage that nearly hadn't taken place due to the mischievous Aphrodite, Goddess of Love. Iolaus had been invited as well, but since he had been in the thick of 'Dite's short-sighted scheme to get Athena's and Artemus' 'pretty golden temples' for herself, the hunter felt like persona non grata in both of the seaside kingdoms. So, he had begged off attending the feast to do some much-missed surf fishing while poor Hercules suffered through endless boring speeches and even more mind-numbing small talk.
The demigod had put up a good fight to Iolaus' proposal, more due to a selfish desire for the hunter's entertaining company during what promised to be a less-than memorable evening that any real concern over his partner's safety. He had finally conceded after extracting a solemn promise from the blonde hero that he would camp at the site of Hercules' choosing, and wait there until the demigod could join him the next morning.
"After all, why should you get to have all the fun?" Hercules grumbled fondly, smiling as he playfully ruffling his partner's curls. Iolaus had growled and ducked away, but been unable to hide his own smile.
"Being the 'irresponsible one' can have it's advantages, Herc!" he had giggled, breaking into a run and racing up the path to the beach, racing the demigod to the water and their traditional 'quick dip' before parting.
That had all been well before noon and Hercules had long ago had his swim, his dry off, and his send off, leaving the blonde to spend the rest of the afternoon blissfully fishing. Now it was early evening, dusk, and time to find Herc's chosen site and get dinner on the fire.
At last he found it, a small twisting path that led up the cliff face to a tiny, sandy-floored sheltered nook invisible from the beach below.
"Not bad, Herc," Iolaus whistled, surveying the little clearing in the last rays of the fading sun. Wide enough to comfortably contain a good-sized cottage, open to the cooling sea-breezes, so welcome in the late Summer heat, yet with a line of large boulders set back near the cliff-face to provide shelter should those gentle breezes turn into cold, storm-driven gusts. The view was simply breathtakingly beautiful, with the sun sinking low over the sea.
And occupied. It appeared that somebody else knew Hercules' secret hideaway- a small campfire crackled merrily at the foot of the boulders, two nearby large, bulky shapes indistinct in the fitful firelight, the dying sunlight too weak to reach the shadows near the overhanging cliff face.
"Hello?" the blonde hero called, puzzled by the campfire, but no sign of the camper. He approached the fire slowly, with the thought of offering to share his day's catch in exchange for an evening's friendly companionship and conversation. Though he would never admit it to Hercules, he sometimes felt the pangs of loneliness during their rare times apart.
There was no answer, but now that he had moved into the growing shadows his eyes had adjusted to the dimness and he could make out what the vague bulky shapes really were. Giant clamshells, two of them, laying open by the fire. One sported a set of pink satin sheets and pillows, the other was fitted with straps on the upper shell, perfect for a goddess who liked to 'sail' her shell over the waves, brisk breeze at her shapely back.
Iolaus grinned to himself, detecting the sneaky but well-meaning hand of his favorite demigod. This must be Aphrodite's 'special place'; Hercules obviously figured a little 'insurance' couldn't hurt, and the goddess might pay extra attention to her favorite mortal's welfare while he was camped on 'sacred ground'.
Still no sign of the goddess of Love, though. Probably busy spreading well-meaning mischief somewhere. Oh well, at least she had saved him the chore of starting a fire.
A quarter of an hour later found Iolaus stretched in front of the fire, watching dinner roast as he sipped water from the skin he had carried on his shoulder. Wriggling his toes to the fire's warmth, he signed, perfectly content with his lot in life.
Then there was a peculiar grinding sound behind him, and the blonde leapt to his feet, twisting in mid-air to face the cliff just in time to see Aphrodite step from the gaping crack that suddenly had appeared there, the twinkle of an underwater stream just visible behind her. The radiant goddess was happily humming, wearing nothing more than a smile and a towel-which she was using to dry her long curls.
"Urp!" Iolaus choked, a dozen childhood stories about goddesses and their notably outraged reactions when their modesty was infringed upon by gaping mortal men dashing through his brain. Clapping a hand over his eyes, he spun right back around so that his back was to her, and fervently prayed she hadn't caught him looking. He really had no wish to spend the rest of his years croaking in a pond somewhere while Hercules fed him flies.
"Sweetcheeks, is that you?!" Aphrodite gasped, obviously as startled as the blonde hunter.
"Hi, Aphrodite," he chirped, desperately hoping he wasn't blushing, and still keeping his face turned resolutely away. It was taking a LOT of willpower.
He relaxed somewhat at her answering giggle. "Hey, it's okay, Curly," she said gently, "I'm not 'Thea or Artie, y'know. I don't mind if mortals get an occasional peek- might inspire them, y'know?"
Oh, he knew what she was inspiring all right. Swallowing hard, he carefully turned towards her and smiled tentatively. "I...ahh...." She hadn't covered up a bit, though her smile was noticeably brighter.
'Herc is gonna kill me if he ever finds out about this,' the hunter thought glumly. Then the goddess giggled again and he mentally added, 'But it would be worth it!'
Giggling again, she waggled a finger towards him, still smiling and still as bare as the day she stepped from the sea. "Naughty, naughty, Curly," she scolded, obviously not meaning a word of it, "What would my studly brother say if he knew what you were thinking?"
"A lot," Iolaus admitted ruefully, "Loudly."
She giggled again, sounding to Iolaus' ears for all the world like a tinkling forest stream on a hot day.
With a rueful sigh, the hunter turned away again. "Urrr, would you mind not inspiring me anymore?" he asked, regretting it.
She giggled again, and answered, "You can look now, Sweetcheeks."
He took a tentative peek- and blushed. "Aphrodite!" he protested.
She sighed. "Oh, all right- but I think you've been hanging around Herckie too long!" She bustled behind one of the boulders to emerge seconds later barely clad in one of her famous barely-there costumes, her wet hair still wrapped in the fluffy white towel.
"Did Hercules send you here to keep me company?" she asked cheerfully, walking towards him. "That's sooo sweet!" she gushed.
"Yeah, Herc sent me," Iolaus affirmed, adding silently, 'And you are sooo gonna pay for this, 'Herckie'!'
"But I don't think he knew you were, er, in residence," he added hastily, lest she think what he thought she might think.
The thought had obviously occurred to her, too. "I meant, 'did Herckie send you to talk'," she explained, giggling as the hunter's cheeks pinked a little in the firelight. Then she caught sight of Iolaus' dinner and brightened.
"Ohh, sea bass!" she exclaimed happily, "That's my fav!"
"In that case, may I invite you to share dinner with me?" Iolaus invited graciously, laying on his famous charm to cover his earlier embarrassment.
"Thank you, kind sir," she replied, smiling as she lowered herself gracefully to the sand and smiled invitingly.
Smiling back, Iolaus sat opposite her and glanced around. "Will Hephaestus be joining us?" he asked, firmly reminding himself Aphrodite was now a married goddess.
"Uh-uh," she replied, stretching out her legs to wriggle her own bare feet near the fire. "He's all busy making some new toys for Ares," she explained with a sigh.
Iolaus made a worried little mental note to tell Hercules about Ares getting 'new toys'.
"So, you come here when he's busy?" he asked, gently turning the makeshift spit so the fish would roast evenly. The first few fillets were nearly done already.
"Only sometimes," 'Dite replied with a little smile, "So, where's my studly baby bro?"
"He's at the royal anniversary banquet," Iolaus explained, pointing towards the castle barely visible in the distance through the gathering gloom. Seeing her questioning look, he added, "I figured everybody'd be happier if I declined my invite. Especially the Prince."
The pretty goddess made a not-so-pretty grimace. "Oh," she said in a tiny voice, "I kinda ruined your rep 'round here, huh? I'm sorry, Sweetie."
The blonde hero shrugged her apology off. "Not a problem," he assured her, "Goddesses like pretty temples; I can get that. I just happened to be the first mortal to come along at the wrong time."
"Not exactly," 'Dite murmured guiltily. Leaning forward, chin in her palm, she regarded him thoughtfully for a long moment, then added, "You're a real sweetheart, you know that? No wonder Herckie loves you."
He ducked his head, smiling, not sure how to reply to that, or quite what to make of her comment. Instead, he lifted the fish from the fire, sliding the first couple of fillets onto the plate-sized scallop shells he had found strewn on the beach below. Threading another couple of fillets onto the spit, he replaced it on the fire, and handed the goddess a shell of fish.
"Thanks, Curly," she giggled, accepting the food and sitting back against one the smaller boulders to nibble at the hot fish.
The waves lapped against the shore below in a gentle, swooshing rhythm. It was peaceful here, and Iolaus found himself relaxing in the goddess' presence, almost as though she were one of his sisters, sitting across the fire, quietly eating and gazing wistfully across the water. In some way he couldn't quite place, she reminded him of Hercules, and that, in turn, relaxed him even more.
A peaceful place; a good place. Iolaus had been many places in his life, had experienced many memorable adventures, yet he knew already this night and this place would live on in his memory, returning to comfort and amuse him in later years, or during long, lonely empty nights.
A good place, this. Close to the sea and its bounty, yet protected from the worst of nature's fury. A good place to build a little cottage, set up housekeeping, possibly become a fisherman. He smiled, briefly wondering if he and Herc would make better fishermen than they had farmers. Probably. A brief, vivid image of Herc, grinning as he stood waist-high in water, catching fish using his 'special method' and tossing them to a waiting Iolaus, who, laughing, caught them in baskets as the sun shone overhead warming them flashed through his brain; and, as quick as that, Iolaus wanted that life, wanted it badly. This would be a good place to live, and fish, and grow old with Hercules. A good place to, finally, slip away into death, to the soft murmur of the timeless waves, with Hercules by his side at the end.
"Only sometimes," she repeated quietly, interrupting his thoughts, her gaze on the full moon rising grandly over the gently lapping waves, "sometimes I stay, and watch Hephie get all sweaty and glistening while he works, but sometimes he says I'm distracting him terribly, y'know? That's when I come here, to just look at the water and think."
Iolaus looked up from his food curiously. Aphrodite had never struck him as a 'thinking' goddess. "Mind if I ask what you think about?" He said, "'Cause, y'know, I've always kinda wondered. About what gods think about, that is? I've asked Herc, but he always changes the subject."
She shrugged. "Just things, Curly." She looked out over the sea again gaze faraway. "This is where I first set foot in Greece, did you know that? That's why this place is special to me. Here was where I first met Ares and Hera. I think about that, sometimes; seeing Greece for the first time, and falling in love with this place at first sight. Meeting my brother. Just things like that." She sighed.
"It was all so long ago," she murmured, adding, "I'm a little older than I look, Sweetcheeks."
"I don't believe it," Iolaus said gallantly, blithely ignoring the fact that Hercules had admitted that Aphrodite was hundreds, if not thousands, of years old.
She giggled. "A real sweetheart," she repeated fondly. Leaning forward conspiratorially, she offered, "Want to know the real secret to eternal youth, Sweetcheeks? It's love."
"Love?" he echoed, "Not everybody is lucky enough to find the love of their lives, 'Dite."
"Not in love, sweetie, though that helps. No, you just have to love, not be in love. There's all kinds of love, y'know. Love of friends, love of family, love of life." Setting down her empty shell dish, she rose to unwind the towel from her hair and briskly rub is as she continued, "That's you- love of life. You just love being alive." She cast him a radiant smile.
"What's not to love?" Iolaus giggled, thinking of his current situation. After all, how many mortal men could say they spent the evening chatting over a cozy fire with Aphrodite herself?
Satisfied with her drying job, 'Dite carelessly tossed the wet towel aside and Iolaus' eyes widened with shock as it fluttered in the sea-breeze, sprouted wings, and transformed into a snowy white, very disgruntled looking swan who circled the goddess once before soaring off into the deepening night.
"Love," 'Dite continued as she nonchalantly settled herself back down next to the fire, "Can be finding your soulmate. And you did when you found Herckie, and he did when he found you."
"Aphrodite, that sounds like we're...we aren't, y'know," Iolaus protested mildly, eyes still scanning the darkness in case the peeved swan should return. Had he really seen what he thought he had?
Gods!
Aphrodite peered at him over the dancing flames, a stray damp lock trailing down her face; her eyes blue starry sparkles in the firelight.
"A soulmate is simply someone whose soul is in sympathy with your own, Sweetcheeks. Someone who is comfortable with you, and who you are comfortable with, oh, say, sitting quietly by a fire in the dark. It doesn't have to mean lovers, sweetie."
His own eyes twinkling, the hunter leaned forward to playfully ask, "So, are we soulmates?"
"Don't I wish," she sighed in return, fluffing her hair with her fingers, "No, Curly, we're friends, but not soulmates. You aren't as totally comfortable around me as you are with Herckie, but that's okay. I'm very happy you found my bro; we're all happy you found each other. Well, maybe old Horseface Hera isn't, but the rest of us are." She leaned back, tossing her cascading curls over the boulder behind her, spreading her hair to dry.
"Like I said, Curly, there are all kinds of love in this world," she concluded.
Iolaus sat back, regarding her quizzically. This was a new, far more thoughtful side to his favorite goddess than he had ever seen before, and he wasn't sure what to make of her.
Okay, I can get that, I guess," he murmured slowly. "Though I'd argue with that 'we're all happy you found each other' bit. I'd wager good money Ares sure as hell isn't happy about it at all," he smirked, trying to imagine the God of War gushing about 'soulmates'.
"He's a tiny bit jealous," Dite admitted ruefully, "He thought he had found his soulmate, but they weren't, any of them, not even Xena."
Iolaus squinted across the fire. "Ares and Xena? Yeah, that makes sense."
"Not any more," the goddess sighed, "But he just won't give up."
"Now, that sounds like Ares," the hunter grinned, "Just how many times has he tried to off Herc? You'd think he'd learn by now, but no, he just keeps trying over and over again. He's like a fish in pond, swimming 'round the same rock every day and thinking 'What a cool rock' every damned time." He giggled at the imagery playing in his head.
Aphrodite snorted with barely suppressed laughter that finally spilled out into helpless, breathless giggles, her sides shaking.
Iolaus watched her, mildly amazed at both her reaction to his comment and his own reaction to the sight of a jiggling, giggling Aphrodite. Just when had she stopped being a breathtakingly beautiful, desirable woman-and become simply his best friend's big sister?!
Shaking his head in wonder at himself, he sat up to check the progress of the fish.
"Done," he announced, re-filling their shells before threading another couple of fillets on the spit and replacing it on the fire. He leaned over to place Aphrodite's shell before her.
"Thank you, Curly," she giggled, composing herself before leaning forward to pick up the shell - and screeching with pain.
Her screech was followed immediately by a burst of the foulest language Iolaus had ever heard-and he had grown up around warriors, a profession well known know for its foul language. His eyebrows shot skyward, and then he belatedly realized the stream of profanity wasn't coming from the goddess, who was continuing to screech wordlessly and yank frantically at her curls.
Aphrodite leaped to her feet, thrashing her head violently back and forth as she raked her hands through her hair.
"Stop that! Stop it!" shrieked a tiny voice in response to her efforts.
"You stop it! Get out!" 'Dite cried, doubling over to sling her long, damp locks forward as she continued clawing through her own curls in an attempt to dislodge whatever was tangled within them.
'Whatever' wasn't happy about this. "Dammit, you great cow, stoppit!" screamed the tiny voice furiously.
"Aphrodite?!" Iolaus asked wide-eyed, from across the fire as he watched this performance. He, too, had jumped to his feet at the goddess's first screech, and now he was staring in bewilderment at her, afraid to get too close to those frantically flying limbs. He knew from first-hand experience that godly strength could send one flying, quite by accident, mind you, but he still had no wish to end up half-way to Egypt.
"Get it out of my hair, Curly!" she pleaded, slapping at her hair, which resulted in another burst of profanity from the depths of her curls. She cast him a panicked, soulful look, which turned into a wince as she gasped and thrashed some more.
The Golden Hunter's eyes dilated at all this interesting movement of other, bouncier, parts of her anatomy, but, with effort, he managed to focus on the immediate problem at hand.
"Get what?" he demanded, edging closer but careful to keep a safe distance as Aphrodite frantically slapped at her tangle of curls again. "If you quit hopping around like that, maybe I can see what you've got in your hair?" he suggested, gracefully ducking a flailing arm as he spoke.
"Dammit, woman, it's a good thing for you I can't get sea-sick!" the shrill voice threatened.
"Don't you dare!" the goddess gasped, a look of utter horror crossing her face as she froze in mid-flail, "Not in my hair! Eeewwww!" Turning pleading baby-blues to her favorite mortal, she added in a tiny, little-girl voice, "Help?" The rhythmic curling and un-curling of her fist was the only indication of her continuing panic.
"Of course I'll help," Iolaus murmured soothingly, cautiously edging into striking distance.
"Then hurry it up, lummox, before this stupid cow beats me to death!" spat the tiny voice, from somewhere to the depths of those golden, very tangled curls.
Iolaus was growing very tired of hearing the nasty little voice, and he wasn't one to hide his feelings about such matters behind sweet words.
"Want me to stomp that whatever-it-is when I get it out?" he asked politely, examining 'Dite's head in the flickering firelight.
He was rewarded with a shrill, panicked scream-this time from the tiny voice.
Aphrodite, amazingly enough, managed as breathless giggle, even as she winced again.
"Just...get it out, please, Sweetcheeks?" she said plaintively.
Carefully parting the tangle of curls with his fingertips, the blonde hero finally found the source of the annoying little voice.
The tiny little man- or, man-like thing- glared defiantly at him. Its wrists and ankles were firmly wrapped in golden hair, and, as Iolaus watched, it thrashed, trying to free itself. The only result was a muffled gasp from the goddess as the tiny manikin became even more firmly entangled.
"Look at you!" Iolaus whistled, startled. Not only did Aphrodite have a tiny man in her hair, he looked like an itty-bitty version of Ares!
"Not to worry, little guy, I'll have you out in a jig!" he assured the manikin, grinning as he reached to work at the hair twined around one minute wrist.
The manikin bit him.
Iolaus yelped, yanking his hand back and sucking in the hurt finger. "Why'd you do that?"
"Don't call me 'little" the manikin snarled.
"Sheesh, and folks think I'm sensitive to the 'l' word!" Iolaus giggled, shaking his head in wonder. Peering closer, he asked, "Ares, is that you?"
"My name is none of your damned business, oaf! Just get me out of this!" the manikin spat in reply, "and don't keep grinning into my face, fool!"
"Fine, just hang there for all I care" Iolaus snapped back, insulted by being called an 'oaf'.
"Don't you dare leave me here!" the tiny man shrieked, thrashing wildly.
Aphrodite whimpered, the sound reminding the blonde hero suddenly of just where the manikin was trapped. She slung her torso forward suddenly, flinging her hair down over her face.
"Stop that!" she pleaded, to the tiny figure now dangling only inches in front of her glazed eyes.
"Make me!" the now-upside-down manikin replied spitefully, yanking both arms downward, drawing another gasp from the goddess.
"Gods!" Iolaus breathed, scampering around to reach for the tiny figure, "Let me get him out of there!"
"Yes!" the manikin crowed triumphantly.
"No!" Aphrodite cried out, grabbing Iolaus' wrists before he could touch her tiny tormentor, "Not yet! Make him promise you a wish first!"
"What?" Iolaus asked, frowning with confusion.
"Make him promise you a wish before you free him!" the goddess insisted firmly, "Don't touch him until he promises, either."
"Hey! No fair!" the tiny Ares-like figure shrieked, "You can't go giving advise outside your specific area of expertise!"
"Can too. It's fair. I'm an island goddess-so there!" Aphrodite replied, sticking her tongue out at the enraged little figure, "Now promise Curly a wish like you're supposed to; or you stay right where you are!"
"You better let him let me go or I'll....' the figure started threateningly.
"Get a one-way trip down a volcano when I get my darling hubby Heph to take care of you?" Aphrodite purred smugly.
The tiny man blanched. "Did you say 'volcano'?" he whispered.
"For sure, Tiny Terror," the goddess said smugly, "Now, be reasonable and promise Curly a wish if he frees you so we don't waste the whole evening at this. I've got plans, Cupcake!" Smiling, she clicked her tongue and winked at Iolaus, who felt his knees turn to jelly.
The tiny man tangled in Aphrodite's hair grumbled something under his breath that Iolaus couldn't make out; but 'Dite obviously could, since her cheeks flushed bright pink.
"Hey, now, don't be a spoilsport," she protested, wagging a finger in his tiny face, her lovely blue eyes crossing slightly as she focused on the tiny figure.
The manikin snapped at her finger.
"Watch it, he bites," the golden Hunter advised sagely as he carefully lifted the tangling locks away from the goddess's face, "He might go for that cute little nose of yours next," he added at her questioning look.
She beamed at the compliment. "Your nose is cute, too, Curly," she bubbled.
"Phu-leeze! Going to be sick here!" the manikin snarled, making gagging noises.
"Volcano," 'Dite retorted.
"Oh, all right! One wish only, though-just one! And none of that 'I wish for x-nay number of other wishes' crap either, Curly, so ya'd better make it a good one!" the tiny figure snapped, glaring at Iolaus threateningly, which the hunter found pretty funny, given the little man was still hanging up-side down, helplessly tangled in Aphrodite's long locks.
Iolaus looked a question at his favorite goddess, Herc's frequently repeated warning not to trust the machinations of the gods echoing in his head.
'Dite nodded gingerly. "Go on, Sweetcheeks, it's okay," she urged gently.
Iolaus thought for a long moment. "Do I wish before or after freeing him?" he asked.
'Dite frowned, then decided, "Go ahead and free him. He has to keep his promise. Right, Sport?" This last was addressed to the little man, who grumbled out a reluctant "Yeah," in reply.
Iolaus reached in, gingerly touching the tangling locks as he tried to see the best way to free the little figure- and the tiny man promptly dropped to the sand.
"Oh, no you don't!" 'Dite giggled, swooping down to snatch up the tiny figure by his collar as he tried to scamper away, 'You still owe Sweetcheeks that wish!"
The tiny 'Ares' crossed his arms and glared crossly at the flummoxed hero. "Well, you going to take all night about it?" he demanded.
"But how..." Iolaus frowned, collecting his thoughts, " 'Dite, how can a tiny Ares grant me a wish? It's not really his style, y'know."
The lovely goddess giggled, happily flipping back her long hair with her free hand as she shook the tiny figure in front of Iolaus' nose with the other.
"This isn't my bro, Sweetie, he just looks like Ares, and that's only temp. He never lets anyone see his true form," she explained.
"Then who is this?" Iolaus wondered, squinting at the tiny man, who tried to spit in his eye in response, "One of Posidon's sea sprites?".
Apparently not, given the little man's response to that suggestion. Iolaus learned two new cuss-words.
"This is the Old Man of the Sea," Aphrodite explained, making the tiny man sound very important indeed, "I don't think he really has a name, Curly."
"Forget this! If Curls-for-brains over there isn't going to make his wish already then let me go!" the little man demanded angrily.
"But, I really don't ..." Iolaus began, only to abruptly find 'Dite's free hand clamped over his mouth.
"Eh?" the tiny man said hopefully.
"Yes, you do want something, Curly!", 'Dite hissed urgently, "Just think!"
"Treasure," the manikin sighed, "They always want treasure. Well, speak up, lummox. Anything in the seas is yours for the asking. Pearls? Gold? Beautiful mermaids?"
Iolaus pulled back, freeing his face from the goddess's delicate, but strong, hand. "But I really don't want-". He paused suddenly, a thoughtful look coming into his eyes.
If he took the offered treasure, he could give it to Herc, and Herc, in turn, could do a lot of good with a little cash. A lot of good. A handful of decent 'treasure' would feed and clothe the average poor family for years.
But Herc had always warned him that Gifts From the Gods always came with strings attached; and since when did Herc need money to do good, anyway?
He opened his mouth, fully intending to decline the 'wish', when another thought hit him, right out of left field. So, instead of 'No thanks, I'll pass,", what came out was, "Does the wish have to benefit me personally?"
"All wishes are non-transferable!" the manikin said curtly.
"He's right there, Sweetie," Aphrodite affirmed.
"But, can I wish for something for someone else?" Iolaus persisted.
"You mean, like, "Give the lost treasure Sylas to Hercules'?" the manikin said, shrugging, "What do I care if you want to give your money away?"
"Is it allowed?" Iolaus persisted.
"Yes," the little man grouched, "So, what kind of treasure do you want, then?"
"I don't want any treasure," Iolaus replied briskly, "I don't want it, and Herc doesn't need it."
Aphrodite beamed.
Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Iolaus blurted out his wish.
"I wish that Hercules never drowns."
"Huh?!" Said the tiny man, blinking.
"What?!" 'Dite cried, looking stunned.
Iolaus opened his eyes and smiled at then, suddenly certain he was doing the right thing.
"I wish that Hercules never drowns," he repeated firmly, "Anywhere, anytime, under any conditions. Can you do that?"
"No!" 'Dite gasped, recovering, "Curly, wait-"
"DONE!" shrieked the little man happily, pumping his fist in the air, "He's made his wish, now LET ME GO!"
"But..but.." the goddess stuttered, still looking stunned at the hunter's request, "Curly....what about the cottage and..and..?" She looked wide-eyed at the blonde hero, who felt his cheeks go bright pink at her words.
Well, it wasn't like Herc hadn't warned him that gods could 'hear' mortal thoughts if they really wanted to, it was just that he'd forgotten the warning. Shaking his head, he hurried to explain.
"Aphrodite, that was just...a...a... daydream, is all. Herc wouldn't have been happy...I wouldn't have really been happy like that. This way, there's one less thing I have to worry about happening to him when I'm not here anymore to watch his back. Do you understand?" he pleaded, hoping that somehow she would.
She did. "Oh, Curly," she said softly, eyes misty.
"Oh, please! I've granted his wish, not put me DOWN already!" the manikin spat.
'Dite took a shaky breath, raised the manikin to eye level, and said softly, "Hercola will never, ever drown? You promise?"
"Hercules is perfectly safe on the water," the little man said firmly, "I swear Hercules, son of Zeus, will never drown in any lake, river, stream or sea of the world, okay already?"
"Bathubs, water troughs, creeks, and ponds included?" Iolaus added hastily, trying to cover all possibilities.
"Bathtubs, etc, etc included- and yeah, that includes water puddles after a heavy rain. Can you get the Mighty Island Goddess here to let me go, now, please?" the manikin asked sarcastically.
Smiling, Aphrodite dropped him.
He landed on his tiny heinie with a startled curse. Jumping up, he aimed a quick kick to the goddess's ankle, dashing away with a triumphant laugh as she yelped and hopped on one foot.
Skidding to a halt at the very edge of the cliff, he turned back to call, "Hey, Curly! Ya forgot something!"
Iolaus stared at him, mind racing.
"Nevermind, I'll throw it in for free- not only won't your precious Hercules not drown, he won't stay at the bottom of the sea if his ship goes down! I promise to deliver him to the nearest dry land, but after that, he's on his own, so you had better plan on sticking around kid!" With that, he spun on his heel and jumped off the cliff with a shout.
From the beach below came a cacophony of startled squawking as a flurry of angry gulls rose to wheel and dive over Iolalus and Aphrodite's heads before soaring off down the beach.
"Ha! Thank you can get away that easily, ya stupid birds?!" came a tiny shrill scream that faded into the distance as the manikin sped in pursuit of the fleeing sea birds.
"Curly," 'Dite said softly, bending down to catch his eyes when he ducked his head to hide his embarrassment, "That was really sweet, but you could have wished for treasure, you know, or a pretty mermaid sweetheart, or..."
Iolaus smiled at her, shaking his head, "I really don't want any treasure, Aphrodite, and as for the other....well, there are plenty of girls on dry land." He shrugged, still smiling. "I got the only thing I could think of that I did want, so I'm okay, okay?"
'Dite sighed, hands on her hips, as she shook her own head. "What are we going to do with you, Sweetcheeks," she muttered thoughtfully.
"Why the long face, my love?" Hephestus asked cheerfully, materializing next to the goddess. Enfolding his wife in his brawny arms, he added in a more serious tone, "Nothing wrong, is it?"
"No, no," she assured him, "We were just..talking about Herckie, is all."
"Ah," the God of the Forge nodded, "Well, Hercules is a nice guy and all, but he's not the person I want to spend a quiet evening at home with. You done here, love? Ready to come home? I've talked Ares into babysitting in exchange for that new armour of his, so we've got the place to ourselves."
The curly-haired Goddess of Love turned to slip her arms around her husband's neck. Smiling teasingly, she leaned on his shoulder to murmur in his ear, "Yeah, Hephie, let's go home."
"Have a good evening, Iolaus," Hephestus said politely over 'Dite's curls.
"Ah, thanks," Iolaus smiled back.
"Oh!" 'Dite raised her head and waved in the general direction of the huge shells she used as a bed and sailboat. "Feel free to spend the night here, Sweetie. You can even use my bed, just no shoes, okay? They mess up the sheets. Speaking of which," she added thoughtfully, "Do you want some company?"
"Nah, I'll be okay," Iolaus replied, "Actually, I'm thinking it might not be too late to make that banquet after all. Herc would be happy for the company right about now."
"In that case, would you like me to pop down the beach and tell him to wait there for you?" Hephaestus asked, peering into the darkness.
"Huh?"
"Hercules. There. Coming here from the castle," the god explained, nodding.
Iolaus spun and squinted, but couldn't see anything except the distant torchlight shining through the palace windows.
"Ahhhh, if Herc is headed here, I guess I'll just wait for him, then," he decided.
"That's good," Hephaestus replied, struggling to keep his attention focused as 'Dite playfully nibbled on his ear, "A night this beautiful should be shared."
The goddess slipped her hands under her husband's leather tunic while giggling into his ear.
"Oh!" Hephaestus gasped, flashed Iolaus a quick, very happy smile, and added breathlessly, "Good night, Iolaus. Please give our regards to Hercules!"
The pair vanished in a pink sparkle, Aphrodite's giggles and Hephs' breathless chuckle floating on the night breeze after them.
Giggling himself, Iolaus sat down to wait for Hercules. He didn't have long. Within a couple of minutes, he could see Herc's tall figure coming down the beach in the moonlight, skirting the water's edge, dark objects clutched in each hand. What those objects were became clear a few moments later, when Hercules crested the incline, his boots in one hand, a medium-sized, brightly decorated basket in the other.
"Hi!" Hercules greeted his partner, who looked up from the latest round of roasting fish fillets, "Did I see 'Dite and Heph a few minutes ago?"
"Hi yourself, Herc. Yeah, they..left," Iolaus giggled at the memory, "Hey, dinner's almost done. In the mood for sea bass?"
"Yeah," Hercules sighed, sprawling across the fire and tossing the basket to Iolaus, who peeked within to find a bottle of wine and a linen-wrapped bundle.
Uncorking the bottle and taking a healthy swig, the hunter commented, "Good wine!"
"Should be," the demigod grunted, leaning forward to help himself to a fish fillet off the spit, sliding it into the shell 'Dite had left behind, "That came right off the royal table. Dessert too."
Iolaus unwrapped the linen and sniffed appreciatively, eyes lighting up. "Honeycake," he sighed ecstatically.
"Yep," Hercules affirmed, reaching one long arm across the fire to snag the bottle.
"Thought you were attending the anniversary banquet," Iolaus managed around a mouthful of honeycake, "Something happen?"
"Yeah," the demigod signed, and smiled across the fire as he passed over the bottle, "I was sitting there wondering if the damned feast was ever going to end, when the Prince said something that made me realize I was in the wrong place."
"Oh?" Iolaus said, thinking of Ares and new toys and taking another, even healthier swig of wine.
Hercules just looked at him for a long moment, then he took back the bottle, drank, and handed it back before leaning back against the boulder with a contented sigh.
"He said, 'the best thing about being married is I get to spend all the time I want with the most important person in my life.' " Hercules smiled again, and took a bite of fish.
"Smart Prince," Iolaus commented, reaching for the last piece of honey-cake.
"Yep," Herc agreed, reaching across the fire and plucking the piece of cake right out of Iolaus' hand.
"Hey!" Iolaus protested with mock indignity.
Hercules smiled mischievously. "You want it?" he teased, rising slowly to his bare feet, "Come and get it!"
Iolaus lunged across the fire. Hercules barked with laughter and tore off down the cliff path, Iolaus hot on his heels, the blonde hunter intent on reclaiming his cake.
Far down the beach, the Prince and Princess were standing together in front of an open window, admiring the still, beautiful moonlit beach, when Iolaus streaked past below, triumphantly holding aloft a rather battered and crumbling piece of honey-cake. A still-laughing Hercules pounded past a few seconds later, obviously in pursuit of the blonde.
The prince and princess smiled at each other as the heroes' laughter faded away in the distance.
"Oh, there goes Hercules and his 'pressing business' now," the Prince chuckled.
"He's not the only one with a 'pressing business'," the Princess murmured with a soft laugh, leaning back into his arms.
"Well, it is a perfect night for such things," the Prince chuckled, as he gently pulled her away from the window and towards the bed and their soft laughter floated out the window to mingle with that of the heroes on the night breeze.
the end
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