Prologue:

Hercules paused, then peeked around the door to see a trembling Timeron draw his young bride into strong, loving arms. Arms that normally belonged to Hercules, but which were Timeron's for the next 24 hours. Hercules shivered slightly, almost convinced he could feel a shapely, warm body against his own, and for the barest moment he was almost tempted to take Timeron up on his offer.

"Stay," Timeron had urged gratefully, "Stay, and keep watch over us. We would be honored if you would bless our union."

"Your union was blessed long ago, my friend, by Aphrodite herself. You certainly don't need me hanging around making a pest of myself." Hercules smiled indulgently and turned away.

Speaking of pests, his favorite in the whole wide world was waiting impatiently back at the campsite. Better get going before Iolaus got too worried or too curious and came looking for him. Hercules hurried away, wondering how in the world he would explain this one to Iolaus.

All in all, Hercules thought Iolaus took it rather well.

"You did WHAT?!"

Hercules cringed, scrunching his eyes shut. Keeping them shut tight against Iolaus' expression of wide-eyed outrage, the demigod tried again.

"Hades said Timeron could have his wedding night, but only if a living man willingly gave the loan of his body." Surely Iolaus could sympathize with another man wanting to consummate his marriage to his beloved.

"So you, of course, offered yours!" Hercules could tell Iolaus was calming down after the initial shock because his partner didn't sound quite so much like a Fury in full voice.

Drawing on past experience, Hercules stayed still and quiet, eyes still scrunched tight, waiting for the rest of the onslaught. When it didn't come after 30 or so seconds, he cautiously cracked one eye to make sure Iolaus hadn't burst a blood vessel or something.

His partner was pacing tight figure eights a few feet away, muttering and gesturing to himself. Animatedly. Seeing Herc peeking, he spoke louder. In a mournful voice extremely reminiscent of Hades, he said pompously, "This mortal may have his one night of bliss if some idiot will willingly give up his own healthy body to the ghost!"

"Oh! Oh! Me! Me! I'll do it!" Iolaus continued, in a good impression of a teen Herc, "I'll walk around as one of the living dead for twenty-four hours while he enjoys the company of this willing, nubile maiden using my body! After all, that's what I'm here for!"

Iolaus stopped dead in front of his grimacing partner, hands braced on hips as he glared up at Hercules. After a moment, he began shaking his head sadly. "Herc, Herc," he said, "What am I going to do with you?"

Abruptly, the blonde warrior's demeanor changed. Smiling sweetly, he sidled up to his currently incorporal partner. "Do something for me, Herc?" he asked, batting his lashes seductively.

"What?" Hercules asked, knowing he was making a mistake and doing it anyway.

"Hercules, sweet Hercules, my partner, my friend, brother of my heart, sweet, darling Hercules, could you pleeeaaasseee LEARN THE MEANING OF THE WORD 'NO'!" Twisting away with a savage snarl, Iolaus marched up to the nearest good-sized tree and began repeatedly smacking his forehead against the trunk.

Knowing the whole performance was for his benefit, Hercules chuckled and clapped appreciatively, while inwardly sighing with relief. The storm was over; Iolaus had forgiven him.

Giggling himself, the blonde gave up his self-inflicted punishment and leaned against the trunk, regarding Herc curiously. "Twenty-four hours, huh? Let me get this straight. Twenty-four hours during which you can't touch anything, nothing can touch you, you can't eat or sleep or..."

"That's right," Herc interrupted nervously.

"But I can see you? Can anyone else?"

"Apparently, and I don't know."

"Okay, Herc, I can see what he gets out of this; in fact, I'd like to see what he's getting out of it right now. But, what do you get out of it?"

"A warm and fuzzy feeling?" the demigod ventured.

"That's it? Sheesh, Herc, if all you wanted was a warm and fuzzy feeling you shoulda said something and I would've gotten you a kitten!" Shaking his head at the unfairness of the situation, Iolaus continued, "You know, they could have at least offered to let you share the wedding night!"

Herc winced and blushed. Trust Iolaus to home right in on that part.

"Actually," Herc admitted ruefully, "Timeron did offer."

"And you turned him down?! Herc! How could you? If not for yourself, then why not for me? You could have regaled me with all the details tomorrow night!"

"Iolaus!" Hercules protested, flabbergasted.

Iolaus just glared back.

"Iolaus, you wouldn't...you couldn't...you aren't serious, are you? You really didn't want me to...to...?" the flustered demigod protested weakly.

"How would you know? You didn't even ask me!"

"Iolaus!" Hercules just stared in wide-eyed disbelief until Iolaus couldn't stand it anymore and collapsed on the ground, giggling like a maniac as he rolled around holding his sides.

"Very funny, buddy," Herc said flatly, glaring down at his best friend, who looked up, took a deep, gulping breath, and burst into a fresh gale of laughter, beating the ground helplessly with his fists.

Shaking his head and smiling, Herc sat on a nearby log to wait out the outburst. At last Iolaus came up for air. Gasping like a beached fish, he literally crawled over to collapse against Herc's log, wiping his face with his hands. He let his head loll back to look his friend in the eye.

"Admit it, Big Guy, I gotcha! I really had you going there!" Iolaus giggled again at the memory of Herc's shocked expression.

"Idiot," Herc said fondly, reaching down to playfully shove his friend's shoulder, only to start when his hand passed right through Iolaus.

Iolaus sat up straight, staring at Hercules. "Herc, did you...?"

"See that? Yeah, sorry, I forgot. I didn't scare you, did I?"

"Don't be silly. No, not see, Herc. Feel. Did you feel that?"

"Feel what? I can't feel anything, remember?"

"Uh-uh; you said Hades said you couldn't touch anything, not you couldn't feel anything. Try that again," Iolaus commanded.

Tentatively, Herc poked Iolaus' shoulder. This time he did feel it...a faint tingle at the point of non-contact.

"Oh," he breathed.

"Oh, yeah," Iolaus echoed. He twisted to his knees and reached out, gently sweeping his arms through Herc's torso.

"Ohhh," they chorused, staring at each other.

Iolaus smiled. "This has...possibilities," he observed.

"No, it doesn't," Herc replied, nervously edging away. Every time they almost touched there was another of those tingles. Hades hadn't said a thing about tingles.

"Don't be a spoilsport, Herc," Iolaus protested, "This is obviously some kind of cool side effect." He reached for Herc again, but the disembodied demigod scooted further down the log.

"Wait, Iolaus," he protested, frowning. "This could be dangerous."

"Nah. Think, Herc. If it was dangerous for a ghost to touch a live person then Hades wouldn't have let Timeron 'borrow' your body. And you're not even dead, anyway, you're just dispossessed. Did you feel anything like this when Timeron took over?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know! I was a little distracted by the whole 'stepping out of my body' thing."

"Hmmm," Iolaus looked thoughtful as he shifted, gathering his legs beneath him. Then he pounced right at a startled Hercules, who ducked, but not far enough. They collided, but instead of knocking Herc off the log Iolaus sailed right through his hunched body.

"Hey!" Hercules protested with a sharp laugh, both at his friend's action and his own reaction. The tingle had been much stronger this time and quite pleasant. Herc had to admit that he rather liked that tingle.

So did Iolaus, who came back for more. "Cool!" he exclaimed, shaking bits of twigs and leaves from his hair as he scrambled back over the log and stalked Herc.

"Stop that!" Herc protested, abandoning the log for more open space.

Iolaus stopped, grinning. "C'mon, Herc, turnabout's fair play! If I can go through you, then you can go through me!"

"Will not!"

"C'mon, Big Boy! Don't think I can take it?" Iolaus taunted playfully, making 'come here' gestures with his hands. He shifted and bounced from foot to foot. His eyes held that maniacal gleam they got whenever Iolaus dicovered something new that he liked. Iolaus tended to pursue his enthusiasms with abandonment.

"Iolaus, this might be dangerous!" Hercules protested again, backing away.

"Dangerously fun, you mean," Iolaus giggled and charged his partner, who twisted away to duck behind a tree.

"Can't hide there, Herc. I cannn seee youuuu," Iolaus taunted in a sing-song voice. "You always did suck at hide and seek!"

Herc jumped through the tree just as Iolaus jumped at Herc. The blonde hunter smacked face-first into the very solid tree trunk. He dramatically bounced off, groaned, half-turned, eyes crossing, and toppled back onto the tree's roots with a thump.

"Told you it was dangerous," Hercule smirked, bending over Iolaus' inert form. "You can get up now, idiot."

Iolaus didn't move. Hercules cautiously poked his partner's thigh with his toe. Iolaus still didn't move.

"Oh, hell," Hercules breathed, crouching over Iolaus with a mixture of real concern, guilt, and exasperation. Trust Iolaus to knock himself out playing just when Hercules couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Just as he reached down to touch his friend's cheek, Iolaus giggled. Hercules jerked back, belatedly realizing that he was being ambushed, and lost his balance. The demigod sprawled helplessly on his back just as Iolaus pounced on him once more.

"WHOA! What a rush!" Iolaus gasped, giggling.

"Yeahhh," Hercules agreed dreamily. "Sort of like being struck by lightening, only much nicer." Except he had never been struck by lightening, so how would he know? It was puzzling. Equally puzzling was where Iolaus had gotten to. Herc levered himself up on his elbows, lifting his face out of the leaves, and scanned the clearing, but he couldn't see his partner anywhere. He could hear him, though, still giggling away.

"Iolaus?" Herc called.

More giggles.

Herc pushed himself up on his knees and looked around suspiciously. He felt a cool spot on his chest and reached down to find an amulet. Lifting it, he frowned. It was Iolaus' amulet. How had that gotten there?

"Iolaus!" he hissed, distressed and confused.

"I'm right here, Herc!" Iolaus exclaimed from somewhere close.

Herc twisted, but his partner wasn't behind him, either.

"Where are you?! C'mon, Iolaus, this isn't funny!"

Another burst of giggles , then, "Look down, Herc!"

Look down? That didn't make any sense. Hercules knew darn well he wasn't sitting on Iolaus.

"Look down!" Iolaus insisted.

Shrugging, Herc looked down. This was getting ridiculous.

"Why am I wearing your vest and pants?" Herc demanded. "Where the hell are you, Iolaus?!"

"Right here!" Herc stared as his right arm stretched out, bent, and waved 'hello' at him.

And then it hit, and he knew exactly where Iolaus was.

"HOLY HERA!" Herc shouted, leaping to his feet and patting himself all over frantically. "Iolaus, you're inside me!"

"Actually," Iolaus corrected between giggles, "You are inside me!"

"Oh, that's just great! I told you to quit fooling around, but no, you just had to try it again! Now look what's happened!" Hercules was trying not to panic, but this was just tooo weird.

"Calm down, Herc!"

"'Calm down', he says! What if we're stuck like this, huh?" Hercules fumed.

"Just step out, like you did with Timeron," Iolaus suggested.

Herc tried, he really did, but when he stepped forward so did Iolaus.

"Hmmm," Iolaus had stopped giggling, at least. "Go sit on that log over there," he instructed.

Herc sat.

"Ok, now clear your mind, close your eyes, and take deep breaths."

Herc closed his eyes and breathed.

"Doing good here, Herc. Okay, now, just stand up and take two steps forward. Don't think about it, just do it."

Herc stood and paced forward. "Now what?' he asked, eyes still closed.

"We do it all over again!" Iolaus urged from behind him.

Spinning around, Herc smiled. Iolaus was perched calmly on the log, or at least as calmly as he could be while still harboring that maniacal gleam in his eyes. Herc backpedaled quickly, putting distance between himself and Iolaus, even though he felt a definite pull towards his friend.

Iolaus stood and pranced towards Herc, gesturing. "C'mon back, Herc. Don't go away," he urged wistfully. "C'mere!"

"Better not," Hercules cautioned, even as he realized Iolaus was right, he did want to 'come back'.

"It's alright! You just proved you can step out anytime you want. You just have to keep calm and concentrate," Iolaus said seductively.

"But what if it doesn't work the next time? It's not worth the risk just for a buzz," Herc objected.

"Not just the buzz, buddy. I've had an idea," Iolaus grinned.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret this?" Herc asked, resignedly.

Iolaus' grin grew. "It's a really cool idea, Herc," he assured his partner. "You get to be me for a day."

"What?! You want me to 'move in' for the next twenty-four hours? Are you out of your mind?!" Herc sputtered.

"Yeah," Iolaus agreed, "But it's still a cool idea. You get to see what it's like to be 'just mortal' and I might finally get some idea of what goes on in that head of yours."

"That'll be the day," Herc muttered, crossing his arms and frowning thoughtfully.

"You've been telling me for years that you wish you could be just an average guy," Iolaus pointed out, sidling closer. "Well, here's your chance, Herc."

"Except there's nothing 'average' about you," Herc commented, eyeing his partner. Iolaus smiled back, clearly willing. Herc worried the idea over in his mind. Yes, he probably could 'abandon ship' anytime he wanted and, anyway, he figured that he would automatically revert to his own body when Timeron's time was up. Still...

"We don't know that this might not have some sort of side effect that would hurt you," Herc objected, concerned.

Mentally, Iolaus scoffed. Like Hercules could ever do anything to hurt him! While there had been plenty of times that Iolaus had been afraid for Hercules, there had never been a single moment that he had ever been afraid of Herc and he wasn't about to start now.

Iolaus tilted his head slightly to let his earring catch the light from the campfire, and gave Herc his most radiant, seductive, come-hither smile. He had learned years ago that what worked with the girls usually worked with Herc as well and for exactly the same reason...all they wanted was an excuse to do what they really wanted to do already. Herc wanted to do this; Iolaus could feel it. He opened his arms.

"C'mere, Herc," he urged gently, "C'mon home."

"I don't think so," Herc replied reluctantly.

"Puh-leeze," Iolaus wheedled. "Please, my Sweet Little Baklava Bite; my Precious Honey Cake; my Priceless Gift for Aphrodite herself..."

Hercules started snorting with laughter when his sister's name came up in Iolaus' increasingly outrageous list of endearments.

"Tell you what," Hercules said, holding his hands up in surrender, "I'll think about it, okay?"

"Think about it? What's wrong with doing it now?" Iolaus protested.

"It's the middle of the night, Iolaus. It's too late to start anything tonight anyway. So let me think this over until morning."

Iolaus shook his head sadly. "You have no imagination, Herc," he said, shrugging, and continued,"Well, while you're thinking, I'll be eating. I've been waiting hours for you to show up and I'm starved. Dinner's grouse, by the way, if you're hungry."

"I'll just watch you, thank you."

"Story of your life, Herc. Story of your life."

Hercules snorted again. "Baklava Bite, indeed," he muttered to himself.

Later, Hercules sat by the dying fire, watching Iolaus sleep. It was a dark night, with no moon at all, and Herc found himself feeling incredibly lonely. Nervous, too, which was weird; Hercules hadn't been afraid of the dark since meeting Iolaus as a child. That had been one of the first things his new friend had addressed, dragging Hercules into every dark alley, basement, stairwell, closet, outbuilding, and cave, in and around Thebes, until Herc had come to understand that it wasn't the dark, but the people and things who hide inside of it, that one had to be wary of.

A strange, weird, echoing cry sounded from the forest beyond the firelight and Herc jumped. "Gods, get ahold of yourself, man!" he muttered to himself, "What was that?"

"Owl," Iolaus replied groggily. He blinked at Hercules. "What are you doing sitting up?" he asked, clearly in the thralls of sleep befuddlement.

"Watching you sleep," Herc confessed.

"Idiot," Iolaus yawned, rolled onto his side to face the fire, and lifted the blanket invitingly.

"Come to bed, Herc. If you've given yours away again you can share mine. C'mon."

Hercules hesitated for a moment, looked out at the dark, sighed, and thought 'Why not?'

Iolaus giggled a little at the cozy feeling of Herc snuggling up, then he tucked the blanket under his chin and they fell asleep.

Herc yawned, stretched, and blinked up at the brilliant blue of the morning sky. The sun was over the trees and the morning air had already lost it's chill. Taking a deep breath, Herc decided it was time to get up. Rolling to his feet, he headed for the stream to wash his face.

"Arrggghh!"

"What?! What?!" In a flurry of flying blankets, Iolaus leaped to his feet, landing in a defensive crouch and looking about wildly. Hercules appeared at the edge of the clearing, visibly flustered. He offered his partner a truly pathetic smile. "I, um, forgot," he mumbled guiltily.

Iolaus straightened to plant his hands on his hips, a smile quirking one side of his mouth. Tilting his head slightly, he asked, "Not having a good morning as Hercules the Friendly Ghost?"

Herc snorted sourly.

Daintily stepping over the tangle of blankets around his ankles, Iolaus let his smile grow radiant.

"So," he ventured, "made up your mind yet about the whole Iolaus-for-a-day thing?" He quirked an eyebrow expectantly.

Hercules crossed his arms, sighed, and looked at Iolaus. "You really want to do this?" he asked seriously.

Iolaus looked into his partner's eyes, smile melting. Suddenly he seemed very vulnerable. "Don't you?" he replied, voice trembling slightly.

Herc's eyes searched his. Without even being aware of it, Herc moved closer, arms unfolding to reach for Iolaus. "Yes, but..."

"No 'buts', Herc," Iolaus moved forward a step as well. "Last night was nice, wasn't it?" the Hunter pointed out. "And you didn't have any trouble this morning, did you?"

Hercules broke eye contact to look downward, coloring slightly as a rather delicate thought occurred to him. "Um, Iolaus, don't you have something to do before we, ah, work on the day's plans?" he asked shyly.

Iolaus was clearly puzzled. "What, eat breakfast? We can do that together. I saved your half of the grouse."

Herc shook his head, color rising. "Not breakfast. What you do before breakfast. Every morning before breakfast," he explained meaningfully.

"What? Oh! That!" Iolaus giggled, "Herc, you don't need to be shy about that. Don't you remember all the times I've been beat up and you had to help me do that?"

"Yeah, I do," the embarrassed demigod admitted.

His partner giggled again. "Okay, you wait right here," Iolaus stressed, "And I'll be right back!" He dashed off into the bushes, giggling the whole way.

Hercules rolled his eyes, then sighed and shook his head. "Too late to back out now, Herc," he muttered, then smiled to himself . Iolaus' enthusiasm was catching.

Then the Hunter was back, in record time, Hercules noted wryly.

"Shouldn't we plan what to do first?" Hercules suggested.

Iolaus shook his head firmly. "Later," he replied in a tone that brooked no further discussion. "Come here, Herc. Now."

Hercules sighed again and reached tentatively out to clasp his friend's forearms...only to have his hands pass right through them.

"Um, how did we do that again?" he muttered, frowning.

It was Iolaus' turn to roll his eyes. "Herc, just close your eyes, willya?" he instructed. "Ok, now turn around and..."

"If you say 'and think of Greece' I'm not going through with this," Hercules warned.

The hunter giggled again. "Hey, how come you can get away with comments like that and I can't?" he asked.

"Clean living," Hercules replied seriously.

"Yeah, right," Iolaus snorted. "Anyway, I was going to say 'and think of when we were little'."

"When we were little?" the demigod echoed.

"Well, when I was little and you weren't so huge. When we were kids. Remember when Mom would let me sleep over and there would be a thunderstorm? What you would do?" Iolaus urged.

"I used to climb in bed with you," Hercules smiled warmly at the memory, "And you would cuddle me and tuck your chin on top of my head and tell me not to be afraid, everything was going to be all right because you wouldn't let anything hurt me."

"Yeah," Iolaus said softly, "I'd snuggle you up in my arms, just like I'm doing now, and breathe in your ear all night long."

"Breathe?" Herc teased, "Snore is more like it." He smiled nostalgically. "That was great, though. If I woke up in the middle of the night I knew you were still there 'cause I could hear you snoring away. I always felt so safe when you were there. I never could sleep through a thunderstorm before."

"All snuggled up, comfy and cozy," Iolaus murmered soothingly, "You can open your eyes now, Herc."

"I can? But there was no shock, just a little tingle. Are you sure?" Hercules asked doubtfully.

"I'm sure. Last night there was just a little tingle, too. I think we're getting used to this." Iolaus replied.

Hercules slowly opened his eyes, looking skywards to see sunlight glinting off blonde curls. Gingerly, he reached up to pat those curls, then his fingers danced down to twine around a single curl and pull it forward in front of his eyes. He regarded the curl for a moment, then released it to gently pat his cheek and trace the stubble-lined jaw. The hand dropped to pat his chest lightly and finger the tattered vest.

"Herc, what the heck are you doing?" a bewildered Iolaus asked.

Hercules sighed and smiled shyly. "Trying to figure out what all the girls see in you. I thought maybe it was obvious from this side, but I still don't get it," he explained.

Iolaus giggled. "I don't know, either," the Hunter admitted happily, "But I like it!"

"So, what do we do now?" Herc asked.

Iolaus blinked. "I'm the one who makes the plans?" he asked.

"It's your body," Hercules pointed out, "I'm just here for the ride, remember?"

"Oh! Okay, then, let's see..Breakfast! Yeah, breakfast is always a good idea!" Iolaus clapped his hands together and pivoted on his heel to scan the clearing. "First, we eat," he decided, "then we just kinda hang around for the rest of the day, okay?"

'Just kind of hang around?'" Herc repeated.

"Yeah. Don't you think you had better stay close to your bod? So, I figure we just stay here in the area. You know the drill; arrest a couple of bandits, help a couple of damsels in distress, kill a monster or two, yadda, yadda, yadda."

"Um, can I suggest we leave off on the monster-killing?" Herc ventured.

Iolaus crossed their heart. "I promise, no monster-killing unless absolutely necessary, okay, Mother?"

Herc quirked an annoyed-but-fond smile. "Thank you, Sonny," he purred in reply. Iolaus snorted.

A quarter-hour later they were down the road, breakfast already well on its way to becoming a distant memory.

'Does he even taste the food?' Herc wondered, still dazed by the speed at which the grouse had disappeared.

Hercules was discovering that being Iolaus in action was even more dizzying than watching Iolaus in action. For all the hunter's fussing about Herc's demigod speed, the truth was that was only for rare, short bursts. On the average minute-by-minute routines of the day, Herc simply moved at a slower, more relaxed pace, where as Iolaus nearly hummed with restless energy that made his every movement a little quicker, a little more abrupt.

Take the morning routine for example. Iolaus' version had been: inhale cold grouse; wipe hands on pants; kick dirt over campfire to make sure it's dead; roll up bedroll and shove it under a brush; trot down to stream; dunk head under water to wash face and wash down grouse at the same time; wring out hair; wipe hands on pants again; and head for road. All in about five minutes.

When, halfway between the stream and the road, Herc had caught his breath enough to suggest bathing before going into town Iolaus had simply lifted an arm, sniffed, and announced, "Not that ripe, yet," and kept right on trotting.

"Why do you walk like this?" Hercules asked.

"Like what?" Iolaus replied, sniffing a flowering bush as he passed.

"Like this, You don't walk, you sort of...trot, I guess. Or skip."

"Long legs," Iolaus responded.

"You don't have long legs," Herc said, puzzled.

"No, you do. I'm just used to keeping up with you, Herc."

"But I'm not walking with you...I mean I'm not here...Oh, you know what I mean!" Herc sputtered.

Iolaus sighed. "It's just the way I walk, Herc. Don't worry about it. I'm not. I've got better things to think about."

"Speaking of which, are we talking or thinking to each other? I really can't tell."

"Let's experiment," the hunter grinned as he broke through the last of the underbrush onto the road while concentrating on a very pleasant memory.

"Ok, Herc, what was I just thinking about?" he asked mischieviously.

"Lunch?" the demi-god ventured with just a touch of wistfulness while wondering why he was hungry again already.

"Nope!" Iolaus chortled, heading for town. "And boy, can I ever tell you can't read my thoughts!" he gloated. "Your turn!"

Hercules tried to call up something safe, but the image that popped unbidden into his mind's eye was anything except safe. Gods, if Iolaus saw that! No reaction from Iolaus.

"Iolaus?" Herc asked timidly, cringing inside.

"Not a thing, Herc. Not one thing," Iolaus told him firmly.

"Good! Ah, I mean, I guess that's good, isn't it? Not that I don't want to be able to hear your thoughts...I mean, not that I want to be able to...Oh, Tartarus!"

The hunter giggled at Herc's flustered response.

"And you say I babble! Herc, it's okay," he continued soothingly, "I'm not offended that you're relieved we can't read each other's minds. That's taking closeness too darn close, if you catch my drift. Anyway, all those memories of yours of Olympus would probably burn my brain out."

"Damn! Hadn't thought of that. Now I wish you could read my mind. I know you've always wondered about Olympus. Wish I could just take you there and show you," Herc replied wistfully.

"Well, you can't. Zeus won't let you. We've been over this before, so no use worrying about it now is there?" Iolaus pointed out calmly.

"So, what are you thinking about, then?" Hercules asked.

"Nothing."

Herc was puzzled. "Thinking about nothing is more important than thinking about something?"

"Herc," Iolaus replied with a little sigh, "Do you remember me saying 'maybe I'll finally find out what goes on in your head'? Now I know. Sheesh, is this what you do all day?"

"Is what all I do all day?"

"Think! Think, think, think, think, think! Take every little comment and turn it inside out and upside down! No, Hercules, I am not thinking about nothing. There isn't anything to think about. I'm just not thinking at all," Iolaus was clearly exasperated.

"'Not thinking at all'?" Herc repeated dubiously.

"Herc, don't you ever just feel?"

"Feel what?"

"This!" Iolaus flung his arms out, tilted his face to the sky and laughed with pure joy. The breeze blew through his hair, ruffling the curls on the ticklish back of his neck and Hercules found himself joining in the laughter, in the joy of being alive.

They danced in a circle, laughing in the sunlight, and abruptly found themselves face-to-face with two very bemused men who were following only a few yards away.

"Good morning," Herc said politely.

"Hi! Beautiful day, isn't it?" Iolaus added.

"Yes, yes it is," said one of the men. The other just smiled indulgently.

"Well, you have a great day, now!" Iolaus replied, giving them a friendly little wave and turning around.

"How long have they been back there?" Herc asked quietly.

"How do I know?" Iolaus shrugged.

"Iolaus, if we aren't thinking at each other, does that mean we're both talking out loud? Can anyone else hear me or do they just hear you?" Hercules asked, worried.

"We can hear you both just fine," answered a voice from behind them.

"Ooops!" hissed Herc.

"Herc, maybe you shouldn't say anything for a while," Iolaus whispered back.

"Oh, that's all right. We don't mind," assured a second voice from behind them.

Iolaus put on a brave front. Turning so that he was facing the men while walking backwards, he gave them his best I'm-not-crazy-I-just-act-that-way smile.

"I bet you're wondering what I'm doing here," he ventured.

"Not really," the taller man said.

"Pretty obvious, actually," assured the shorter man.

Iolaus felt the smile slip a little and determinedly brought it back up to full force. "And that would be?" he questioned.

"Having a lovely conversation with your invisible friend," replied Taller.

"Lovely," echoed Smaller.

"Oh, is that what you thought?!" Iolaus exclaimed, astonishment written all over his face. "No, no, not at all! You see, I'm an actor on my way to town to appear in a new play written for the King."

"While talking to yourself?" the shorter man asked.

"Is he really that dense?" Herc wondered.

"Shuddup, Herc! No, I'm not talking to myself, gentlemen. I'm rehearsing my lines."

"With your invisible friend," Taller said.

"I do not have an invisible friend," Iolaus complained, getting annoyed.

"Imaginary, then," Taller offered helpfully.

"I'm not imaginary, either," Herc said, figuring it was his turn to complain.

"Oh, do you have a name, then?" Shorter asked sweetly.

"I'm Hercules!"

"Ah, so the one we can see, then, is Iolaus?" Taller commented.

"And you would need to know that because...?" Iolaus asked suspiciously, backing up slowly.

"We would like to help you, Iolaus," Shorter purred, advancing.

"Ah, thanks guys, but not needing any help here," Iolaus replied, still backing up.

"Oh, but we think you do," Taller objected kindly from Iolaus' right.

"Yes, we really think you do," Shorter added from Iolaus' left.

"Oh-oh," Iolaus muttered.

"That's very nice of you gentlemen, but we're just fine," Hercules told them politely.

"Herc, they don't..." Iolaus' warning was cut off as the taller man sucker-punched the hunter in the gut. The shorter man followed up by slamming his elbow into Iolaus' neck, driving the doubled-over hunter onto his knees.

'At least it wasn't the face,' Iolaus thought grimly. "...want to help," he wheezed aloud.

"Of course we do," Taller protested, kicking Iolaus in the head.

Two things happened simultaneously. Iolaus blacked out and Hercules got angry.

Hercules rolled to his feet, swiping Taller's legs out from under him on the way. Grabbing Smaller by his collar and belt, the demigod heaved, intending to toss the bandit into the trees.

He couldn't even lift him.

"Huh?" Herc muttered as the other man kicked him in the back, making Herc stagger forward and lose his grip. Recovering, Herc spun and swung, but the blow was too low, hitting the thug's shoulder instead of his jaw. Taller responded by backhanding the demigod into Smaller's waiting arms. Smaller landed a hard left into Herc's side, knocking the breath out of him. Herc went down, saw another headkick coming his way, and rolled with it to break the force.

Iolaus came to, finding himself rolling on the ground with a sharp pain on the side of his head. 'Whoa, what am I doing here?' he wondered groggily, rolling away from another kick instinctively.

Iolaus sprang to his feet, shaking his head to clear it. The taller thug swung at him and Iolaus' hand shot out to block the blow...and the hunter staggered, thrown off-balance by the force of the blow to his palm.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, yanking his hand back and shaking it. Why had he done that? Before he realized what he was doing, he found himself blocking a second swing in the same manner and he staggered again.

'Why aren't I ducking?!' he wondered as he swung back and the punch missed the intended target completely, as though his reach was suddenly too short.

Smaller Thug grabbed him by the collar from the back and Iolaus felt his legs tense as one arm reached back to hook around the thug's neck. Then Iolaus dipped forward while heaving with the arm...and just managed to awkwardly twist the other man in front of him.

"Damn!" Hec snarled in frustration. "He should have gone over my shoulder!" Then Taller Thug kicked them in the gut and followed with a roundhouse to the shoulder that sent them sprawling backwards.

"Herc!" Iolaus gasped urgently.

"Not now, Iolaus," Hercules muttered distractedly while scrambling to his feet.

"Yes, now! Listen to me!" Iolaus hissed.

"Later!" Herc replied, executing a glancing kick to Taller's ribs.

"Better, but Herc..."

"Not now!" Herc snapped, managing to just block Smaller's punch with a gauntleted forearm. "Owtch!"

"Damnit, NOW Hercules!" Iolaus snarled.

Hercules was frankly startled. Iolaus had never used that tone of voice with him before. He froze in astonishment.

Which was maybe why Taller was able to tackle them from behind. Face down in the weeds, Iolaus said in a deadly calm tone, "Listening now, Hercules?"

"Yes?" Hercules ventured, unsure of his footing in this new territory. Iolaus was clearly furious at him, and the demigod was not used to being the focus of his friend's fury.

Smaller Thug grabbed them by the arm and yanked them to their feet, spinning them around so that they faced the taller thug. Taller grabbed a handful of hair and yanked their head backwards. "He's still talking to himself!" he exclaimed in wonder.

"Screw you," Iolaus told him conversationally, smiling at the slap that followed.

"Iolaus, I don't think that was a good idea," Herc protested mildly.

Iolaus took a deep breath and let it out slowly, gaze boring into Taller Thug's all the while. The thug blinked, feeling a twinge of nervousness.

"Herc, I love you dearly but will you please just stay still for a few minutes?" Iolaus requested in a rational tone. Hercules knew better. He knew that tone, even if he had never been on the receiving end of it before. "I should leave?" he asked timidly.

"Nah, just hold still, okay? No interference. At all. You might want to close your eyes," Iolaus instructed.

"Okay, but I don't think I need to close my eyes," Herc protested very mildly.

"Oh," Iolaus replied as he smiled wolfishly up at Taller and Smaller Thugs, "You might want to close them anyway. I'm not sure you want to see this."

Three minutes later Smaller Thug was bleeding; Taller Thug was reeling; and Hercules was....well, heaving.

"Ohhhh," Herc informed Iolaus of his discomfort as he made a frantic break for the bushes. Taller and Smaller's eyes widened in shock as they witnessed the crazy little man they had pegged as such an easy target split into two men...the crazy little one and a much bigger man who seemed intent on feeding the bushes breakfast.

"What the Tartarus?!" exclaimed Shorter Thug.

Taller was quicker on the uptake.

"That's Hercules?!" he asked Iolaus.

The hunter had followed Herc's abrupt departure, his expression unreadable.

At Taller's question he snapped back, "That's Hercules. We had a lovely day planned together and then we met you two and now I'm really, really unhappy with you!" Each word was punctuated with a kick, spin, punch, or throw. By the time he finished his tirade, both of the would-be bandits lay unconscious in the dirt.

Iolaus trotted over to his partner. "How ya doin', Herc?" he asked kindly.

"I've been better," the demigod admitted ruefully, "But I've been worse, too."

"Felt a little sick, huh?"

"You move so quickly, so...abruptly, that I got dizzy. Then there were those head and stomach blows and, well, I'm sorry, Iolaus."

"Not your fault. All over now?"

"Yes, I think." Herc said slowly.

"Good. Watch those two for a minute, willya?" Iolaus requested.

"Sure, but why....oh," Herc looked away as Iolaus doubled over, hands braced on his knees, and relieved himself of breakfast.

"Yuck," Iolaus commented, spitting and wishing he had a waterskin to wash out his mouth. He straightened, spat again, pulled his hunting knife from his back waistband, and started cutting lengths of vine from the bushes to tie up the thugs.

Trotting back, he knelt and efficiently tied smaller Thug's hands behind his back, looped the vine around the thug's waist and made a leash.

"Not helping much," he complained good-naturedly to his friend, who stood at his shoulder. Iolaus figured Herc was keeping his distance until the queasiness passed.

"No I wasn't, was I?" Hercules said miserably. "All I did was get you beat up and then I made you retch."

The hunter's head jerked up. "What? No! Herc, that wasn't you, that was the grouse!"

"The grouse came back because I got you kicked," Hercules insisted.

Iolaus finished the knot he was tying, then drew open his vest and patted his ribs. "Nope, hardly a bruise," he said cheerfully. He looked thoughtful as he continued, "The grouse came back 'cause I let it sit overnight. Or, maybe, it was that sucker-punch to the gut. But I think it was the grouse. We're better off rid of it."

"Iolaus, you can eat anything and not get sick and you know it."

"Nah, even I can get sick offa tainted food. It just doesn't often get the chance to sit around long enough to get tainted," the blonde admitted, grinning. "Anyway, you retched, too, even if nothing came up. Feeling sick and not being able to get rid of what's making you sick 'cause you're a spirit is worse than just getting sick and getting it over with."

Hercules sighed, "I was just trying to help."

"I know, Big Guy, You're always trying to help. Your fighting style just doesn't work with my bod, is all. Nothing to worry about. I'll just handle the fighting, ok? Now, are you gonna get over here or not?" he asked as he started tying Taller Thug.

"I better not," Hercules replied quietly, backing up.

Iolaus frowned. This again? "C'Mon, Herc, pull your fair share of the load. Get over here!" he demanded.

Hercules silently shook his head in refusal.

Iolaus straightened slowly. He was starting to get ticked off again. "Herc, come here," he said firmly.

Hercules didn't move, and wouldn't meet his eyes.

Iolaus felt his temper start to simmer. This hard-to-get act of Herc's was getting old. "Gods, Hercules, what is the problem...Herc. Here. Now!" he growled through clenched teeth.

That got the demi-god's attention. "I don't want to hurt you again," he said simply.

The blonde warrior dropped to one knee, savagely knotting the vine around Taller Thug's waist. He didn't utter a single word.

"Iolaus?" Hercules ventured quietly.

"Too late," Iolaus said flatly.

"I don't understand," Hercules replied miserably.

Herc, watcha gonna do if you don't come back in? Wander around out there, a helpless spirit just waiting for Ares or who-knows what-or-who to grab you?"

"I'm going with you, Iolaus, just not in you. I'll be right here," Hercules promised.

Iolaus decided it was high time to play his trump card. "Herc, I love you," the blonde said simply, "Let me protect you. Please?" Iolaus knew from long experience that 'love' and protect' went hand-in-hand in his friend's mind, a certainty bolstered by the look that now clouded Hercules' face. >

"Let me get this straight," Taller Thug asked from the ground with a bemused expression, "He was inside you, now he's not, and you want him back in? Do you have any idea how kinky that is?"

"I know that this is a private conversation and nobody asked your opinion," Iolaus snarled, sharply rapping the thug behind the ear with the hilt of his knife.

Hercules winced. "Was that necessary?" he asked.

"Yes!" Iolaus replied.

"But he was already tied up. Why did you need to knock him out again?" Herc asked timidly.

"He's the one who sucker-punched us!" Iolaus snarled.

"Oh." After a moment, Herc asked wistfully, "Next time he comes to, can I knock him out?"

Iolaus stood, stepped over Taller's prone body, and held out his arms. "You come on back in and I'll let you go Xena on his tail."

The local magistrate was happy to inform them that Taller and Smaller were something of local celebrities ...celebrities with a price on their heads.

"Dinars!" Iolaus crowed. "Hot lunch, here we come!" Hercules felt his stomach twist at the mention of food.

"Um, can we wait a little while on that?" he requested.

Iolaus frowned, feeling the stomach flip-flop. He placed a palm against his belly.

"Weird. We seem to have your digestion, Herc. I'm pretty sure I got rid of all the grouse, so we should be good to go, not having rumblings," Iolaus whispered, bewildered, then he shrugged and dismissed the problem.

"Ok, how about a nice, safe, shopping trip instead?" the hunter suggested quietly.

"Sounds like a plan," Herc whispered back.

They wove in and out among the stalls and merchants, seeing this, touching that, sniffing this, tasting...

"Iolaus!" Herc whispered frantically, "Why are you tasting bath oil?!"

The hunter giggled. "You're not paying attention," he murmered back playfully. "This is cooking oil, Herc."

"Oh. Gawds, that stuff tastes bad for cooking oil!"

"Tell me about it," Iolaus whispered, then smiled pleasantly at the merchant. "No thanks, not quite what I'm looking for, sorry!" he said, louder. The merchant smiled back and reclaimed the bottle.

They continued browzing, admiring the goods, the workmanship, the women....

"Psst! Iolaus!" Hercules hissed at his very distracted partner. Iolaus shook his head slightly, smiled brightly at the lovely passing by, and ducked into an alley. Leaning against the wall, Iolaus folded his arms, and asked, "What now, Herc?"

"Could you, um, kind of watch where you're looking? Please?" the demi-god requested timidly.

The hunter frowned. "What do you mean 'watch where I'm looking'? I'm looking at the girls. Aren't you?"

"It's, um, how you're looking," Hercules replied weakly.

"Whadaya mean, 'how'? I'm just admiring the lovely ladies and their attributes."

"There! That's it! Could you lay off the 'admiring their attributes' part? Can't you just look at their faces?" the demigod begged.

"Puh-leeze, Hercules don't even try feeding me that line! You must notice their attributes, too. In fact, you've usually got a bird's-eye view!" Iolaus snorted in disbelief.

"You're a lot closer to those attributes and some of those women have noticed you looking!" Herc protested.

"And I've noticed I'm not getting slapped! Herc, most woment want their attributes noticed, that's why they wear those low necklines. I'm not about to insult the ladies by ignoring their attributes!" Iolaus replied firmly.

"How would you like it if some guy was ogling your sisters?" Herc snapped back.

"Herc, I know my sisters have attributes; my mother has attributes; even your mother has attributes," Iolaus replied calmly.

"You've been looking at Mom's attributes?!" Herc hissed, shocked.

Iolaus shrugged. "Well, yes. They're right there; how could I miss them?"

"Ohhh, Gods," the embarrassed demigod groaned, rubbing the back of Iolaus' neck.

Iolaus decided this was not the time to point out that he had never been stricken with temporary blindness in Herc's presence, either.

From behind them came a giggle. They turned to find the most adorable little girl looking up at them through big, blue, red-rimmed eyes that she was scrubbing with one tiny fist.

"You're funny," she commented, giggling again. "Who're talkin' to?"

Iolaus bent down, dropped his voice to a loud whisper, and confided, "I'm talking to my very best friend, Hercules, but you can't see him 'cause he's invisible. My name's Iolaus. What's yours, Sweetheart?"

"My name's Mari!" the little girl beamed at them, very proud indeed that she knew her own name. "Hi, Mister E-o-loss. Hi, Mister Her-q-lees. Why are you 'nvisble?"

"I'm not invisible," Herc protested, gently.

Iolaus leaned forward, hand shielding one side of his face, and whispered conspiratorily, "He doesn't like being invisible, so he pretends he's not. We know better, though, don't we, Mari?" He winked.

The little girl giggled once more and said stoutly, "It's okay if you're 'nvisble, Mister Herqulees. We don't mind!" She looked to Iolaus for confirmation.

He nodded seriously. "We don't mind at all. Herc."

"How come he doesn't like being 'nvisble?" Mari asked Iolaus.

"Because he isn't used to it. Hercules is very friendly and it hurts his feelings when people ignore him 'cause they can't see him." Iolaus explained seriously.

"Poor Mister Herqulees! Don't worry," she said in a comforting tone, "I won't ignore you!"

"Me neither, Herc," Iolaus added quickly.

"Thank you both very much," Hercules relied with just a touch of sarcasm aimed at Iolaus. Iolaus giggled.

"Mari, sweetheart, why were you crying?" Iolaus asked the little girl gently, "You can tell me, we're friends now, aren't we?"

Mari beamed at the 'friends', but then her lower lip trembled as she remembered the cause of her tears. "My kitty's got lost in the wall," she said softly, with just a little sob because she was trying to be a big girl for her new friends.

"That's terrible!" Herc sympathized, fatherly instinct coming out in full force.

"'Lost in the wall'?" Iolaus asked thoughtfully, "Can you show us, Mari?"

"Sure!" she chirped. Taking Iolaus' hand, she stuck out the the other. "Mister Herqulees?" she asked.

"I'd better just follow. I don't think I can hold your hand, dear," Herc explained regretfully.

Mari smiled and shrugged, dropping her hand. "That's okay," she told him soothingly.

Hand in hand, the hunter and the child skipped down the alley, Herc snickering softly at the 'skipping' part. "You're a good skipper, Iolaus," he teased. Iolaus just giggled.

The back of the alley proved to be a revelation. For starters, it wasn't there, or at least it wasn't visible, being totally hidden behind the tallest stack of crates and barrels either of the heroes had ever seen. 'Stack' was giving the jumbled mess airs...it looked as though Herc had stood at the alley entrance and tossed the barrels and crates in while looking in the other direction.

"Oh, boy," Herc commented. Mari crouched and pointed at an impossibly small gap at the base of the mess. It didn't look to Herc as though Mari could fit through there, so how on earth was he supposed to?

"We were playing 'n she ran away 'n hid in there 'n now she's lost 'n can't get back out," Mari explained sadly. Blinking back tears, she looked up hopefully at them.

Iolaus smiled back. "And you think she's in the wall?" he prompted gently. The little girl nodded.

"See?" she said, pointing out small ratholes all along the base of the wall leading to the stack. "I can hear her crying. She's so scared," Mari's voice started trembling again. Sure enough, when Iolaus knelt and placed his ear to the wall they could here some short, weak, distinctly distressed, mews.

"Hmmm," Iolaus squenched down until he could peer cautiously into the nearest rathole. "Can't see a thing," he commented, "You?"

"Sorry," Herc replied, "It's too dark in there."

"Well, I could just stick my hand in there..."

"And get bit by a rat," Herc warned.

The hunter grimaced. "Thought crossed my mind," he admitted.

"Maybe we should wait until the kitten finds her own way out?" Herc suggested. Iolaus turned away from Mari slightly and dropped his voice to a breathy whisper. "Herc, rats eat kittens," he murmured.

"We don't wait," Herc decided and Iolaus nodded in agreement.

"We know where Mari saw her go into the crate pile, so we start there...and hope that's not where the biggest rats live," Iolaus decided ruefully.

"Iolaus, there's no way we're....oh, I guess we do fit, after all," Herc murmured in amazement as the hunter wormed his way into the pile. The hunter crawled along on his stomach, wishing for once that his vest fastened up the front.

Iolaus giggled again. "Think small, Herc," he chided gently. "Remember who was better at hide and seek? Just wish there was more light in here," he continued, squinted in the weak light that filtered through the crate slats.

"I wish it didn't stink so bad," Herc replied, wrinkling their nose. From ahead in the halflight came a small mew.

Iolaus twisted and scooted forward a few inches, reaching the wall. Another pitiful mew came from his left, near his shoulder. The blonde hunter twisted onto his side and peered up and there was the kitten, a tiny tabby, peering back down with huge yellow eyes from a small hole higher in the wall. Herc smiled and they carefully reached up and pulled her one-handed out of the hole. Cradling the mewing kitten against their throat, Iolaus started slowly edging his way backwards. It took longer getting out than it had going in, but they finally made it.

Mari squealed with joy, jumping up and down and clapping her hands as Iolaus emerged. Just as he turned and sat up to hand her the kitten, the little girl banged her shoulder into one of the crates. The whole pile creaked and shifted alarmingly.

"Oh, no, I don't believe this!" Iolaus hissed, staring up at the towering pile, which creaked again and tilted.

"Mari!" Herc gasped, and grabbed the child with their free hand. They hunched over her protectively as above them there was an unmistakable rumble and the avalanche started. Moments later, they stood in the alley entrance looking back, Mari wide-eyed and clutching her kitten, the heroes rather sheepishly. The floor of the alley was strewn wall-to-wall with crates, barrels, and pieces of crates and barrels.

The hunter giggled. Herc rolled their eyes. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"Coulda been worse, Herc," Iolaus replied, still shaking with laughter.

"How?" the demigod asked shortly.

"All those crates coulda been full instead of being empty," the hunter pointed out. "Anyway, I still can't believe that lot waited until we had crawled all through it before falling on our heads!"

"Thank you, Mister Eoloss," Mari whispered from the vicinity of their kneecaps. Herc looked down smiling indulgently and Mari looked up, fiercely clutching the mewing kitten to within an inch of its life.

"Whoa, whoa, not so tight, little one!" Hercules cautioned, reaching down to gently loosen the child's grip. Looking at the kitten closely in the better light, he commented, "My goodness, she is a little kitty! Does she have a name yet?"

Mari nodded. "Her name is Arianna."

"What a pretty name! Nice to meet you, Miss Arianna," Herc crooned, stroking the tiny kitten's tiny nose with one gentle finger.

The little girl smiled. "Do you like kitties, Mister Eoloss?" she asked sweetly.

Iolaus grinned mischievously. "I love kitties," he replied. "My very best friend is a great big pussycat!" He teased, referring to the time Hercules had been turned into the Nemean Lion.

"You are never going to let me forget that, are you?" Herc groaned in mock dismay.

Iolaus snickered and told Mari, "Now you be careful from now on and keep Arianna out of trouble. She's very little and depending on you to protect her, okay?"

'Good luck, Mari,' Herc thought wryly. 'If that kitten's anything like Iolaus, you've got your work cut out for you!'

"Okay! You're nice!" Mari gushed, hugging Iolaus knees and gazing up adoringly.

'Gods, he gets 'em while they're young, too!' Herc thought with a mixture of amazement and amusement. But then again, his own daughter had been convinced that the sun rose in the morning because Uncle Iolaus told it to. Now happily giggling, near tragedy behind them and already forgotten, Iolaus and Mari skipped out of the alley. Iolaus stopped, bowed and Mari bowed back, before scampering away into the crowd, Arianna cradled in her arms.

"Bye-bye!" she called, waving.

"Bye, now!" The two heroes waved back and watched her tiny form disappear.

"Don't you just love markets?" Iolaus asked, again happily weaving among the stalls. Wandering over to a fruit stall, he picked up and experimentally sniffed an apple before digging into his money pouch. As he did so, he noticed a small boy hungrily eyeing the fruit on display. A quick glance around the market confirmed his suspicions; there were several other ragged children of various ages scattered about and not one of them seemed to be with an adult.

"Iolaus?" Hercules questioned his preoccupied friend in a whisper.

"Market kids," Iolaus replied, knowing Herc would understand.

"They won't bother you, sir," the vendor, a youngish man, told them. Seeing Iolaus' curiosity, he explained, "Some are orphans, others half-orphans whose mothers can't work and watch them both. All the vendors try to watch out for them and we who sell food here in the market try to make sure they get something to eat every day, but..." He trailed off with a apologetic shrug.

"But growing kids are always hungry," Iolaus finished. He liked this man immediately and was certain he was telling the truth. This was bolstered by the little boy, who timidly reached up for a piece of fruit and then darted off with his prize. The vendor saw it all and didn't make a move to stop the child.

"Shouldn't encourage the child to steal," Herc fussed quietly.

The vendor colored, but Iolaus shook his head and corrected, "Not steal. I saw him look at you and you gave him permission?"

The vendor nodded, relieved, and explained, "The older ones won't accept charity and they make the younger ones return anything that's freely given."

"That's just stupid," Herc muttered.

"But they're just kids," Iolaus covered Herc's comment, "And kids can do some really dumb things. Tartarus, so can adults at times!"

"You seem to know how the children think pretty well," the vendor said.

"I used to be a market kid myself," Iolaus explained with a grin.

The vendor smiled back, "But you've come up in the world since then."

"Oh, yeah, now I'm a homeless bum who wanders around Greece with his best friend. But," Iolaus held up his finger to make a point, "I learned how to hunt and fish so I'm seldom a hungry homeless bum. And right now, I'm a homeless bum with money, so give me two sacks of mixed fruit, please." Taking the sacks, they wandered across the broad street to a sheltered doorway.

"Thanks for describing me as 'a homeless bum wandering Greece'," Hercules whispered, amused.

"Nah, that was me. You're 'a homeless bum who does good deeds'. Usually for free, I might add. Good thing one of us is a decent hunter or we'd both starve," Iolaus whispered back as he settled the sacks on the doorstoop. He rummaged through one until he found a nice apple. Leaning against the door, he started munching.

"Good apple," Herc commented between bites.

"Want another?" Iolaus asked, chucking the core into the gutter.

"Sure. But how are you going to get the kids to accept the rest of this fruit?"

"Like this." Munching apple, Iolaus fetched out another, targeted a pretty girl, and stepped out of the doorway to present her the apple. She accepted the gift with a charming smile and bid him good day. Iolaus stood, back to the doorway, watching her move through the crowd for a full minute and then whispered, "Ok, that should be long enough." It was. The sacks were gone.

"I still don't like the idea of encouraging children to steal," Herc whispered as they continued through the marketplace. First thing tomorrow, I'm having a talk with the Queen about setting up some kind of system to provide these children with food and shelter."

"Sounds like a plan, Big Guy, but don't get so worked up about the kids eating today. Anyway, I turned out pretty well, don't you think? Auto, too, really. I mean, he's not a murderer or anything. So childhood thieves don't have to turn out bad, Herc."

"Auto would steal the fillings out of your teeth, Iolaus,' Herc smiled slightly. "I like Auto too, but let's face it; he'll steal anything that's not nailed down and give him enough time to pry out the nails and he'll steal those, too."

Iolaus sniggered. "And to think some people think you never have a bad word to say about anyone!" he whispered accusingly.

"That's not bad, that's fact," Herc rejoined primly.

"Yeah, but didn't you tell me once you think Auto's one of Hermes' kids? If he is, then the poor guy can't help it. Hermes would steal the shirt off your back and he has!" Iolaus pointed out in Auto's defense.

"The shirt off your back, the pants off your tush, and the breechcloth beneath," Herculeas agreed glumly, prompting another snigger.

"Gods, I really love markets! So much to see...and eat!" Iolaus said again enthusiastically, as he happily ambled amongst the stalls, coming to another fruit vendor. He experimentally picked up an appealing apple, and gave it a sniff. "Think you can handle another apple, Herc?" he murmured.

"I'll try," Hercules murmrred back. He was starting to get hungry again. He was also starting to realize that Iolaus wasn't kidding when he complained about being hungry so often, and he resolved to remember that in the future.

Munching the apple, they continued meadering through the market and Iolaus began flirting with the pretty girls again.

"Iolaus!" Herc hissed very quietly around a mouthful of apple. Iolaus ducked into a doorway. "C'mon, Herc, now what?" he asked, exasperated.

"You're doing it again!"

"Well, of course I am! What else am I supposed to look at?!" Iolaus shot back.

"I don't know...how about the architecture? There are some very interesting buildings here," Herc suggested brightly.

"You have got to kidding me! I am not going to look at a bunch of buildings in a market full of lovely ladies!"

"Fine," Herc replied in full snit mode, "I'll look at the architecture like a civilized person and you can drool all over the women like...like..."

"A man?" Iolaus suggested, vastly amused at Herc's new obsession.

"Whatever," Herc sniffed.

Ten minutes later Iolaus collided face-first into a very buxom young lovely, who smiled goodnaturedly at the accident. The flustered hunter smiled back, apologized, winked, and wondered how in the world he could have possibly missed seeing her coming. Then he realized that he had seen her several moments earlier. He had looked into her lovely face, smiled, and...suddenly found the view over her shoulder absolutely fascinating. The view of the building over her shoulder. He had walked right into the girl because he had been busy looking at the architecture!

"You sneaky little demigod, you!" Iolaus exclaimed with delight..

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Herc whispered primly, with just a hint of amusement.

Iolaus paid absolutely no attention to the astonished bystanders who stared as he doubled over with laughter. Moments later, gasping for air and clinging helplessly to the edge of a stall, Iolaus called a truce.

"Tell you what, Big Guy, I'll try not to look. Only, let me see them coming or..." he trailed off, letting Herc complete the thought.

"That didn't work out too well, did it?" Herc admitted ruefully. "Deal."

Still giggling, Iolaus decided that before the stall's owner decided he was a total idiot, they had better look like they were shopping. He started examining the vendor's wares carefully.

"Sheesh, it's slow around here without Old King Nutcase to liven things up," Iolaus grouched a few minutes later as he thoughtfully examined a silken wisp of material.

"Sisyphus was a good king at one time, Iolaus. It's sad in a way, what he became." Herc whispered with regret.

"Nah," Iolaus whispered back. "Don't fall for that, Herc. He was always like that; he just hid it better when he was younger, that's all. He had the poor Queen fooled for years, didn't he? That kind is born self-centered and selfish, don't let 'em kid you."

Looking up at the vendor's confused face, the hunter smiled brightly and held up the wisp. "I'll take it," he said, handing over a dinar and tucking the scarf into the little pouch that hung from his belt.

"Who did you buy that for?" Herc asked curiously.

"Being nosy today, aren't we?" Iolaus teased. "I don't know," he continued, shrugging slightly and smiling at one of the market kids as they passed the girl. "It's pretty and soft and I liked it so I bought it. No real reason."

"Since when do you like pretty and soft?" Herc replied, puzzled.

The hunter snorted. "Hello, Herc? Girls? Remember them? Pretty and soft?"

"That's not a girl."

Iolaus rolled his eyes. 'Gods, some days...' as he replied to Hercules, "Look, it kinda reminds me of Cousin Orestes, alright? He may be a naive idealist who can't shoot an arrow straight to save his life, but you gotta hand it to him...the man knows how to dress. He wears stuff like this all the time. You shoulda seen those clothes, Herc! Can't wear clothes like that doing what we do," the hunter added a touch wistfully.

"Soft rips," Herc sighed. "I have worn clothes like that and every time I was worried sick something would rip at the wrong place at the wrong time. Leather's more...dependable."

"Don't worry about it, Herc. I promise you this scarf will adorn some lucky lovely before the day's out," Iolaus predicted.

Their joint attention was drawn by a woman in one of the side streets who was arguing with a bored-looking city guard as a small child of indeterminate gender clung to her skirt.

"Look, I know my husband paid the taxes before he left on his trading trip," she was insisting.

"Ma'am, the tax collector doesn't have any record of that and you don't have a receipt," the guard replied wearily. Clearly they had been having this discussion for some time.

"But I don't have enough to pay the taxes a second time!" the woman objected.

The guard sighed. "Look, all I can tell you is, if the taxes aren't paid by sundown, you get put out of the house at dawn. I'd like to help, but I can't pay your taxes for you. You'll have to take it up with the Queen or somebody else has to pay. Sorry."

As the woman kept protesting, Herc whispered,"Iolaus, we..."

"...have that reward money. I know, Herc," Iolaus finished. The hunter sighed and smiled ruefully. "Goodbye, hot lunch," he murmured as they headed towards the conflict.

"How much?" Iolaus bluntly asked the guard, who regarded him with open astonishment. What kind of fool pays someone else's taxes? Iolaus smiled reassuringly at the woman.

"Thank you!" the woman exclaimed gratefully, hardly able to believe her good luck at the arrival of this kind stranger. "Is there anything I can do for you to thank you for your kindness?"

Counting out dinars, Iolaus suggested gently, "Get a receipt?"

Herc chuckled softly.

"What?' Iolaus asked.

"We're doing pretty well, don't you think?" the demigod murmured as they admired the town fountain.

"How do you figure?" the hunter responded, not sure what his partner was talking about for once.

" 'Arrest a couple of bandits, rescue a couple of damsels in distress, kill a monster or two', remember?" Herc reminded him. "We've nabbed the bandits and now you've rescued a damsel."

"We rescued her, if you want to call it that, and she wasn't a damsel anyway, Herc. Damsels are unmarried. She's was married, so that makes her a dame. Unless you count Mari. Now, she was a damsel." Iolaus replied, smiling. Herc's mood had definitely improved.

"Mister Eoloss," a familiar little voice sobbed. Looking around, they saw Mari standing in the entrance of another alley, tears brimming.

"Oh-oh," murmured Hercules.

"Hi, Sweetheart," Iolaus greeted her, dropping down to one knee, "Arianna lost again?"

"I guess I wasn't watching good enough," Mari whimpered.

"Oh, boy," Hercules sighed, "Where is she this time?"

Mari pointed and they all three looked up...and up...and up.

"How in the world did such a little thing get way up there?" Herc marveled

A wide-eyed Iolaus guessed in an awed tone, "She climbed. A lot."

Arianna the kitten looked down from the very top of the very tall temple, mewling pitifully and in obvious distress.

Iolaus leaned backwards, hands on hips, as he plotted a course up to the kitten.

"It's too bad I'm not myself today," Herc sighed, "I could just jump up there. Maybe."

Iolaus squinted at the rounded terracotta tiles that covered the temple roof. "Not sure those things would hold you, Herc," he replied doubtfully. Sighing himself, the hunter started piling crates and barrels against the side of the temple. Luckily, there seemed to be a nearly endless supply of crates and barrels.

"We can't just leave her there, Iolaus," Herc said quietly.

"I know, Herc," Iolaus replied, spotting another crate and fetching it to add to the pile. He suddenly thought, 'Wonder if this is how the first pile got there?'

"She's a very little kitten. She just didn't know any better."

"I realize that, Herc," Iolaus sighed again and started climbing crates.

Just as he reached the lower edge of the roof, Herc said, "Wait. Iolaus, are you afraid of heights?"

"No, Herc," Iolaus responded, not waiting. He carefully edged out onto the roof of semi-circular overlapping tiles.

"You really don't want to do this. I can feel it, Iolaus."

"You can?" Iolaus asked, a little startled by this. "Since when?"

"I don't know...since this morning? Anyway, I can."

"It's not the climbing up, Herc," Iolaus tried to explain as he cautiously crept on the slippery tiles, "It's the falling down."

"Oh, gods, I didn't think of that. A fall from this height could really hurt you. A kitten isn't worth the risk. Go back down and I'll come get her tomorrow." Herc pleaded.

"Not without Arianna. Don't worry so, Herc. I won't get hurt." Iolaus soothed. This 'feeling' business was working both ways now and he could tell Herc was truly upset.

"Maybe you won't fall?" Herc suggested hopefully.

"Not a prayer, Herc," Iolaus told him with complete resignation. "If I go up, I fall down. The Fates spun it into my life-thread or something. But I won't get hurt, so quit worrying already."

"How can you know that?"

"Past experience."

"I'm sorry I got you into this, Iolaus. I should never have gone along with this."

"Don't be!" Iolaus insisted sharply, halting his creeping progress up the roof while he dealt with Herc. "I'm having a great time here, buddy. This would happen whether or not you were here, trust me. Happens all the time."

"Still...."

"Now, if you were here, body as well as soul, I mean, you would be down below watching and you would catch me," the hunter interrupted, trying to sidetrack Herc's one-track mind.

"But I'm up here with you," the demigod muttered miserably.

"Right," Iolaus grinned, even as he grimaced at the fate he knew lay in their immediate shared future and eased himself up to the roof's second tier. "And that means that when I do fall, it'll be into a nice, soft pile of something messy and disgusting, usually a nice pile of sh--"

That managed to distract Hercules. "Iolaus!" he exclaimed.

The hunter had to grin at that. "Herc," he just had to point out, "We're, what?...about thirty feet above the ground ?...where nobody can possibly hear us and you're still worried about my language? Trust me, people have heard me use the s-word, usually right after I've landed in a big pile of it."

"Still no reason to be crude," Herc protested. "Anyway, how can you be sure you'll land in...er, manure?"

"Well, given the choice between landing on the cobblestones and landing in the sh.., er, manure, the manure starts looking pretty good. Almost there, Herc," Iolaus murmerud and held his breath as he crept the last few feet, reached up, lifted Arianna, and latched her onto his vest.

"Now, you've got to hang on, Sweetie," Iolaus crooned to the kitten, "'Cause I'm gonna need both hands free." He began backing down even more slowly and cautiously than he had climbed up.

"It's going to be alright, Arianna," Hercules soothed the kitten. "Thank you, Iolaus.'

"No need, but you're welcome, Herc. You might want to take that back in a minute, though. See any dung heaps around?"

"No, not a one. Isn't that bad?"

"Nope, just means it's in a cart and on it's way." Iolaus risked a quick glance over his shoulder and realized that he had somehow zig-zagged across the roof. He would have to zig-zag back to reach the pile of boxes, not that he held any hope of actually reaching them.

"I don't see any carts, either," Herc muttered, getting worried again.

"Trust me, it's coming. I just hope it isn't human or centaur sh...manure." Ioalus assured him.

"Why would you care what kind of manure you land in? Dung is dung." Herc asked, baffled.

"I dunno, it seems somehow more personal when it's human or centaur manure."

As the word 'manure' came out of Iolaus' mouth Arianna dug her claws through his vest and into his shoulder. Iolaus gasped with surprise and jerked in response just as the tile beneath his right foot broke loose. Iolaus scrabbled vainly for purchase as a second and then a third tile came free and tumbled down the slope of the roof. Iolaus slid, following the tiles down, totally out of control. He bumped off the top level, half-rolling as he struck the bottom level and he kept on rolling as they went right over the edge. "Oh, s...." Iolaus growled.

"Fish!" Herc hurriedly exclaimed.

They landed with a soft plop.

After several seconds, Hercules asked, "Iolaus, why are our eyes shut?"

"Cause I don't wanna see what we landed in," Iolaus replied.

"Iolaus, it can't be."

"Herc, it stinks to high heaven."

"We're going to have to look sometime," Hercules pointed out practically.

"You go ahead and look if you want to. I'm not stopping you," Iolaus replied stubbornly.

One eye cracked open cautiously. Hercules took in the small crowd of people gathered around and he got a good, close-up look at what they were laying in. The eye closed again.

"We have company," Herc informed Iolaus in a whisper.

"That's nice," Iolaus whispered back.

Herc sighed. "There's good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

The blonde hunter was curious in spite of himself. "Okay, what's the bad news?" he asked.

"We have landed in a pile of something disgusting."

"The good news?"

"It's not what you think."

"It's not?"

"Nope."

Iolaus couldn't stand it any longer. Herc could be a real tease when he wanted to be. "Okay, what is it?" he demanded.

"Fish."

"Oh, great, why couldn't it have been manure?" Iolaus whispered bitterly.

"Why?!" Herc was baffled.

"I know manure will wash out of my clothes, I've had to do it often enough, believe me. Fish might not and I don't wanna go around stinking of fish for the rest of my life."

"Well, you could get some new clothes," Herc pointed out practically.

"Sure I will. The same day you do," Iolaus shot back.

"I like these pants!" Herc protested, miffed. "Anyway, I do have more than one pair, you know."

"Not at the same time. You wear one pair until they're so holey you have to replace them."

"At least I change my clothes once in a while," Herc sniffed. "You never change that vest."

"Hey, I love this vest! Ania, you, and Deianeira made me this vest!"

"You knew?" Herc gasped. "How?"

"Ania never could keep a secret, Herc. It was really sweet of you guys to help her. I know Ania couldn't sew a stitch."

"She really wanted to give you a special gift, something you would remember forever."

"She did. You all did." Iolaus smiled slightly as he added, "You'll have to pry this vest off my cold, dead body. Again."

"Iolaus, don't even joke about that," Hercules pleaded.

"Excuse me?" a new voice interrupted the whispered conversation.

"Ooops!" Herc hissed.

Iolaus grinned. "Forgot about the company, huh?" he teased.

"Didn't you?' Hercules muttered.

"Nah. I'm used to people thinking I'm nuts. I hang out with you, don't I?'

"Real cute, Iolaus," Hercules growled.

"Mister Eoloss, can I have my kitty back now?" Mari inquired sweetly from somewhere nearby.

Realizing he still had both eyes clenched firmly shut, Iolaus cautiously cracked open the eye Herc hadn't opened. Arianna still clung for dear life to his vest... and his shoulder.

"Time to go back to Mari, Sweetie," the hunter crooned, reaching one reeking hand to stroke the tiny nose and pry the tiny, very sharp claws from his flesh. Arianna came loose with a tiny mew, leaving behind twenty tiny, bleeding holes.

"Ohh," Mari cried sympathetically, "Arianna made an owie!"

"That she did," the strange voice agreed ruefully with a trace of humor.

Iolaus pried open the other eye to see Mari being held by a burly, sweaty man who bore a striking resemblance to Hepheastus, if you added twenty years and thirty pounds of pure muscle.

"Excuse me, Mister Iolaus?" the burly guy said with a smile, "I'm Dascus, Mari's father. Happy to meet you." He shifted Mari to one hip and extended his hand. Iolaus handed him the kitten. He gave the kitten to his daughter, and extended the hand again to firmly grasp the hunter's forearm.

"Thank you for rescuing my daughter's kitten. I know she can get into the damnedest places." There was definitely laughter in Dascus' black eyes. Iolaus giggled, prompting a soft chuckle from Dascus.

"You can say that again. She reminds me of...me!" Iolaus admitted.

That brought the chuckle up to a deep, full-throated laugh. Dascus shook his head goodnaturedly, wiped his hand on his own leather britches, and stroked Mari's hair gently. "Honey, take your kitty and run home to Momma. Tell her Daddy's sending a friend for a bath."

"Ok, Daddy!" Mari exclaimed happily. Dascus set her down and she scampered away.

Dascus straightened, reached over, and plucked Iolaus out of the fish-pile, giving him a little shake to knock the worst of the offal off before setting the hunter onto his feet.

'Sheesh, this guy is as strong as Herc!' Iolaus thought in awe. He noticed with amusement that Herc was keeping quiet.

Dascus flicked a few particularly large bits of fish-guts off Iolaus' vest and remarked, "You were right. These will need a wash. Are you staying at the inn?"

The hunter shook his head while combing bits of fish out of his hair with his fingers. "Nah, I'm camping outside town waiting for a friend who's gonna join me tonight."

Frowning thoughtfully, Dascus asked, "Would your friend have any trouble finding you at the inn?"

"I suppose not, but..." Iolaus shrugged, not really feeling like explaining why he had no money for a room.

"It's settled, then," Dascus stated.

"What is?" a confused Iolaus asked.

"You are. Mom?"

"Yes, Dascus, I have something that should fit him." The tiny, elderly woman who had been watching from a safe distance smiled at Iolaus. "Do you like blue?" she asked, eyes twinkling.

"He must have taken after his Dad," Iolaus thought, then realized with a start that Dascus was just about his height.

"I'll send Percy ahead with the clothes," Mom announced, shooing the rest of the small crowd around the corner as she left.

"Alright, then," Dascus clapped Iolaus on his shoulder, then automatically wiped his hand on his pants, "We'll fix you right up. A hot bath, a hot meal, and a good night's sleep sound good to you?"

"Yes, but..."

"No 'buts'. My wife and her brother own the inn. Poor Ansen's been suckered into his share of kitten rescue service himself, though he hasn't fallen off Aphrodite's temple roof yet over it. Thank the Gods you went off the corner into the wastepile. A few feet over and you would have hit solid cobblestone and no bath would fix that. Anyway, it's the least we can do to thank you for keeping Mari off the temple roof," Dascus fussed goodnaturedly.

Iolaus eyes went wide as that last sentence sunk in.

"Mari wouldn't,...she couldn't have climbed up there!" he protested despite the smile of fond parental resignation on Dascus' face.

"My friend, you would be amazed at the messes my sweet little daughter can get herself into. Gods know, we are. Even before Arianna, like last month when she entertained the entire city by directing the annual chariot races...from the center of the course. We thought a kitten might, well, slow her down some and help keep her out of mischief."

Iolaus was grinning by the time Dascus finished. "I was wrong," the hunter admitted, "It isn't Arianna who reminds me of me, it's Mari!"

They both shared another laugh.

"Well, off with you, then," Dascus chuckled, taking Iolaus by the shoulders, turning him in the direction of the inn, and giving him a comradely swat on the rump to get him going. "And thank you again, Iolaus, for saving my daughter and her pet..."

"Salamander!" Hercules exclaimed, breaking his silence.

"No, it's a kitten," Dascus corrected gently, probably assuming Iolaus had hit his head on the way down.

Iolaus was too distracted to reply. He had noticed a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye as he turned and his hunter's instincts had zeroed right in on the tiny orange-gold lizard that was scampering and playing among the shattered terracotta tiles. It's scales glinted hypnotically in the sunlight.

"Salamander!" Hercules hissed again urgently. He grabbed Dascus' wrist firmly and began sidling away.

"Herc, is that a salamander?" Iolaus asked, getting the feeling he wasn't going to like the answer. It was such a pretty little thing.

"Yes!" Herc hissed, tugging Dascus urgently towards the alley's entrance..

"What's a salamander, Herc?" Iolaus asked, knowing he wasn't going to like this answer. He was right.

"Oh, sh....heck, I never told you about salamanders?" Herc replied, sounding highly peeved with himself.

Iolaus shook his head. "Not a word, Herc, I swear," he whispered, not because he was afraid that Dascus would hear. Rather, he was getting the notion that it would not be a good idea to attract the salamander's attention.

"Are they dangerous?" Dascus whispered as he watched the little creature intently. It had stopped scampering about and perched, tail twitching, on one of the broken tiles.

"Deadly. Apollo's Fire Lizards. Kill you with a touch." Herc whispered fiercely, conveying information as efficiently as possible.

Both Iolaus and Dascus said the s-word.

"Can't let it run free through the city," Dascus whispered worriedly.

"Can it be killed?"

"Yes. Knife!" Herc hissed.

Iolaus understood. As they all three eyed the little lizard, Iolaus slowly reached behind his back and fetched out his hunting knife, the one that was a gift from Herc.

Hercules whispered, "Dascus, go!", shoving the man around the corner of the alley entrance one handed, as Iolaus let the knife fly with the other.

Dascus stumbled, recovered, and turned to go back, when from the alley, came a bright flash and a loud, but oddly soft, 'poof'. A huge wave of black smoke billowed out and seconds later, out stumbled Iolaus, clothes and face blackened by soot, hair standing at odd angles.

"Ooohhhh," he moaned, collapsing weakly against the wall, blinking and shaking his head dizzedly. "That was like being struck by lightening..."

"....and not in a nice way," Hercules finished faintly, sounding rather dazed himself.

Dascus just stared, gaze moving from the hero to the alley and back again. "You just saved my life," he whispered.

They shook their head. "We just killed a little lizard," Herc told him modestly.

"We do this sort of thing all the time," Iolaus said dismissively, peeking cautiously around the corner into the alley.

The pile of fish and guts had been flash-fried into a smoking ruin.

Iolaus' hunting knife lay a few inches from the pile, shining brightly. Iolaus went in after it.

"Sheesh, Herc, what did you make this out of?" the hunter asked in wonder, marveling at the knife's pristine condition. "Ouch!" he muttered as he picked it up. It was still hot to the touch.

Herc shrugged. "Some nice silver that Heph had for the handle and the blade's steel." They slide the knife back into it's sheath, as Iolaus asked "What's steel?"

"It's..." Herc started to explain as they turned and bumped into the very solid Dascus, who had followed them curiously. Iolaus promptly thought of something more important than finding out what 'steel' was.

"Oh! Um, about this talking to myself...," Iolaus began, wondering whether to tell Dascus the truth or make up a more convincing lie. After all, 'my best friend's in here with me' was bound to bring up more questions than Iolaus really wanted to answer.

"You've got a daemon," Dascus said wisely.

Thinking of she-demons, Iolaus shook his head in vigorous denial. "No, no, not a demon! I've got a ..."

"Daemon. I know. A guardian spirit.," Dascus replied, looking very impressed. "Only one who has been touched by the Gods would have his own guardian spirit."

"Well, I guess you could say I've been touched by a God," Iolaus agreed, feeling more than hearing Herc's answering groan.

Dascus nodded. "I'm honored that you thought my daughter worth your attention," he said softly.

"Dascus, children are precious. All children," Herc said firmly.

"What he said," Iolaus chimed in.

Dascus smiled, gratified. "None the less, I and my family thank you. Let us show our gratitude. Anyway, you need that bath even more, now," he said, as he gently propelled Iolaus out of the alley and towards the inn.

"This is really great, Herc!" Iolaus burbled as he trotted down the street, carefully weaving around the other pedestrians. Heads turned and followed his blackened, fishy smelling progress curiously, not that either of the heroes noticed. Iolaus was too excited and Hercules was too worried.

"We get a nice, hot bath, and a hot meal and a room for the night and all for doing what we do all the time anyway! It's nice to be appreciated!" the hunter sighed happily. "Oh! I know!" he continued, "We can take a little nap after we eat! You always get drowsy after you eat, Herc."

"Shouldn't we have put up more of an argument before accepting?" Hercules worried softly, "I don't want people to get the idea that they have to 'pay' us for our help."

"Nah, if folks are gonna offer food or lodging, they're gonna do it whether or not we've helped them. Don't go gettin' all silly on me again, like that dumb 'do we or don't we accept pre-exisiting rewards' argument we've had for years. If folks are making an honest offer, it's downright rude not to accept their hospitality." Iolaus pointed out. "And their reward money," he added after a beat.

"It wasn't an argument, Iolaus, it was a difference of opinion," the demi-god sighed, "And we really need a bath, so I guess it's all right."

"Hey, are you saying I stink? 'Cause I gotta tell you, Big Guy, there's been a time or two you didn't smell all that sweet yourself."

"I thought you liked the way I smell," Hercules sniffed, hurt.

"Clean you, yes, Semi-clean you, yes," Iolaus gave a delicate snort, "But five or six days you is too much you, if you get my drift."

Hercules snorted right back. "I have never gone five or six days without a bath without you going even longer without one in the same situation. And don't give me that 'I'm smaller so there's less area to stink' excuse, either."

"Yeah, I admit, there've been times when I've been pretty ripe too. Riper, if we're being honest. It's that damn godly blood of yours. Have I ever told you how annoying it is that we can both be covered in sweat and you still smell good while I stink to high heaven?"

"Oh, you do not stink 'to high heaven'...um, unless you've had one of your little 'accidents'."

The hunter giggled in response. "At least I escaped that this time!" he exclaimed happily, "Though I'm not so sure fish is better!"

At the inn, they went around the side and knocked politely on the back door. Iolaus smiled charmingly at the pretty women who opened the top half of the door in response.

"Hi! Dascus sent us...um, me to get a bath?" Iolaus waited for the full effect of his smile peeking from his soot-covered face to take effect. Sure enough, the woman started choking back laughter.

"Well, you surely need it, don't you, dear?" she observed kindly while still snorting. Getting herself under control, she continued, "Percy's left your clean clothes in the bathhouse. There's a basket just inside the door. Just leave your clothes in the basket and they'll be washed and clean by tomorrow. Somehow."

"Thanks!" Iolaus replied, heading for the bathhouse. Behind him, the woman lingered for a moment, chin in hand, as she enjoyed the view before closing the door while still giggling to herself.

Iolaus lowered himself...no, themselves, he mentally corrected...slowly into the hot water, sighing happily as it reached his chest. "Ooohhhh, this feels sooo gooood," he murmured, luxuriating in the relaxing heat. He tipped his head back as he rubbed his face with his wet hands to remove the worst of the soot, then he held his breath as he bent forward to dunk his head under the water, running his hands through his hair to comb out the worst of the fish. Straightening, he wiped the excess water from his face and smiled to himself.

"Keeping awfully quiet here, Herc. Gone to sleep on me?" he asked quietly.

"Just enjoying myself," Herc admitted drowsily, "This does feel good, doesn't it? We seem to ache all over."

"Falling off roofs and beating up bandits will do that to you. It'll go away by tomorrow." Iolaus sighed with contentment as he slipped deeper into the hot water, letting it rise over his shoulders. Beneath the water, he stroked his biceps and rubbed his chest, exploring for sore spots.

"Mmmm, there," Hercules murmured, guiding Iolaus' hand to a knot in their shoulder. Iolaus kneaded gently, working out the knotted muscles. "That's nice," Herc sighed, eyes sliding shut as their head lolled back against the edge of the tub. Their cheek gently rubbed against the back of Iolaus' hand.

'Now, that's interesting,' Iolaus thought. Iolaus rubbed down his chest and carefully stroked his ribs. Yep, a couple of sore spots here and there, but nothing seemed cracked or broken. A sweep over his abdomen and a gentle probing of a sore spot on his right hip caused their back to arch a little as Herc sighed again.

"Iolaus," Herc murmured dreamily, "Aren't we supposed to be taking a bath?"

"Yeah," Iolaus replied, smiling and reaching for the sponge and soap. Hauling himself onto the tub's inner steps, he bent one leg over the other and reached to wash his foot...and jerked at the tingle that shot up his leg at the touch of the sponge. Gasping a little giggle, he yanked the sponge back and stared at it, startled. What was going on?!

'Herc's the one with ticklish feet, not me,' Iolaus reminded himself. Carefully, as though it were a blazing torch and not a harmless bath-sponge, Iolaus tried again. This time the resultant sensation was only a slight tingle, enough to prompt a little smile but nothing more. "I must have imagined it," Iolaus comforted himself, tentatively trailing the sponge experimentally up his leg. Everything was fine until the sponge reached a spot just over his knee and Herc gasped, jolting upright. Iolaus couldn't blame him for his reaction; Iolaus was gasping a little himself. That had been some tingle, very like the one when they had first merged.

"Iolaus?!" Hercules breathed, wide-eyed.

"Wow," Iolaus responded quietly, "You are really ticklish!"

Herc gulped as Iolaus soaped their shoulders and arms briskly, determined to finish their joint bathing experience as quickly as possible, before Herc got any ideas of 'jumping ship'. 'Yep, inner arms all tingly too,' Iolaus noticed silently. That was yet another place where Herc was ticklish, but Iolaus normally wasn't. Interesting. This was his body, but it seemed to have some of Herc's sensitive spots. 'We seem to have your digestion,' he had teased-gods, had he been right? What was going on here?

What was going on was that Hercules was growing increasingly nervous. This bathing together suddenly didn't seem like such a good an idea after all. Herc was torn...part of him strongly wanted to stay right were he was, and part wanted out of there before Iolaus and that damned sponge found another sensitive spot. Just the thought was enough to make Herc fidget.

Iolaus could feel Herc starting to fidget, so he decided a distraction was in order. "So, Herc, I think it's a little late for lunch, don't you? How about we skip on to dinner? Whadya you think?" he asked as he reached, twisted, and stretched to scrub his own back, frowning with annoyance. Here was one definite advantage to having Herc present in body as well as soul. "Hey, Herc, do you think you can hold a bath-sponge long enough to give me a quick scrub?" Iolaus asked wistfully.

"Um, no, sorry," Herc muttered in response, still sounding rather...distracted. "Next time, I promise."

"I'm holding you to that," Iolaus replied, slipping around a little as he twisted to reach a particulary hard-to-reach spot. He managed to just get it.

"So, dinner, Herc?" the hunter tried again, rinsing.

"Whatever you'd like," Herc replied, shifting slightly as Iolaus squeezed warm water over their shoulders.

"You pick," Iolaus insisted, "I want it to be something you'll enjoy, too." Standing, to give his stomach a brief soaping, Iolaus abruptly felt a sharp tug, followed by a wave of...loneliness? Startled, he glanced around, then patted his chest carefully.

"Herc, did you feel that? Herc?" No answer. Herc was gone.

"Well, that was just plain rude!" Iolaus complained to the thin air.

Hercules leaned against the outside wall of the bath-house, looking flustered. If a spirit could be said to hyperventilate, than Herc was doing it. What the heck had been going on? Since when was Iolaus so darn ticklish?

"Psst! Herc!"

Hercules peered cautiously around the corner to find Iolaus peeking out the door. The blonde smiled invitingly at the demi-god. "You can come back now! All decent!" Iolaus announced happily, swinging open the door to show he was wearing a breechcloth.

Herc swallowed. "Um, pants?" he inquired.

Iolaus pulled them from behind his back and held them out. Playfully, he offered, "Come help me put them on?"

Hercules closed his eyes, gathering his wits. He shouldn't.... it was only a few hours more until he reclaimed his body...but Gods, he wanted to so much.... "All right," Herc agreed, going back to where he belonged.

Moments later, dressed in their new, clean, clothes, they entered the inn's dining room. Iolaus chose a table in a back corner and settled in. "Ok, Herc, we can talk now, nobody's gonna pay us much attention back here," he whispered while studying the signboard on the wall.

"What's for dinner?" Herc asked with unusual enthusiasm. For some reason, he was starving.

"You never did decide," Iolaus reminded him, "You just took off on me."

"I explained that," Herc replied shyly, drawing a giggle from the hunter.

"Still can't believe you did that. I mean, c'mon, Herc, we've been looking at each other's tushes since we were five."

"You were seven, I was five," Herc corrected, "And like I tried to explain, looking and washing are, well, not the same thing."

The blonde hunter snorted. "Pul-leeze! You've washed every damned inch of me over the years. I don't have a thing you haven't seen plenty of times before and, unless something new has sprouted real recently, you don't have anything I haven't seen, either."

"Dinner?" Herc pleaded, eager to change the subject.

"You pick," Iolaus said as they studied the menu board on the wall.

"Can you eat a whole roast chicken by yourself?" Herc asked.

"Gods, yes! Is your memory going, Herc?" the hunter asked, eyes dancing. Now, Herc knew better than that!

"I meant with the grouse and all," Hercules explained.

"The grouse is gone, Herc. Dim and distant memory. Don't dwell on the past. Live for today."

"Well, if you think you can handle it, then what about roast chicken and vegetables?" Hercules suggested.

"Dessert, Herc. You almost forgot dessert. C'mon, live a little. Baklava or honey-cake?"

Hercules smiled to himself, knowing he was about to make Iolaus' day. "What do you say about going all out and ordering both?" he asked, knowing the answer full well.

"This is why I love you, Herc," the hunter murmured happily, "Both it is!"

"So it's set, then?" Hercules reviewed their intended menu, "Roast chicken, vegetables, baklava, honey-cake, and..."

"Girl!"

Herc chuckled. "No, girl comes later, like tomorrow night. I was thinking of ale or mead."

"Pretty girl, Herc!" Iolaus replied urgently.

Hercules finally noticed her. She was at the far end of the common-room, but she was smiling and heading in their direction.

"Pretty girl," Iolaus repeated urgently, as though he was imparting rare and valuable information. Herc didn't get it.

"So she is," Herc agreed amicably, and then an awful notion dawned. 'Oh, no. Please, no. Not now. Not tonight,' the demigod prayed feverently.

"Pretty girl smiling at us!" Iolaus practically chirped, and Hercules felt his heart sink. Iolaus was literally vibrating with barely surpressed excitement, instincts in full sway. Abruptly, Hercules found himself musing that his friend would make an excellent hunting-dog. Gods, he hoped Ares hadn't picked up on that thought! The unofficial God of Sarcasm had been the main pain in both their lives for years. Hercules hated to think what Ares might do if he ever got wind of the 'hunting-dog' idea. But Iolaus would be sooo cute as a dog...

Hercules knew his thoughts were wandering off on a tangent. Tangents can be lovely, comforting things, especially when reality was threatening to toss you into the most embarrassing episode of your entire life...

"You wouldn't," Herc hissed.

"I would and I will. Now shush. She'll think I'm nuts if she catches me talking to myself," Iolaus replied.

"What makes you think she wouldn't be right?" Herc grumbled, but quietly.

As she got closer, Iolaus realized that she wasn't really a girl, though Herc would probably call her that. Herc seemed to recognize only two ages of females; those his age or younger were 'girls', and those older than the demigod were 'women'. The older Herc got, the older the 'girls' got as well; Iolaus figured things were going to get very interesting when Herc hit eighty or so and was referring to great-grandmothers as 'girls'. Then again, Herc might be right with this one. Though a woman past the first blush of girlhood, there was something about her that combined the freshness of youth with the refinement of maturity. Not a heartstopping beauty, perhaps, but lovely in her own way and well worth looking at. Iolaus sat back to enjoy the view.

The woman smiled charmingly at them as she reached their table, and Iolaus smiled back. He didn't give her the radiant smile he reserved for Herc and 'Dite, but he did mean the smile. He always did. He knew what Herc thought he was up to, but all Iolaus really had in mind was a little harmless flirting. Still, Herc didn't need to know that just yet. This would be fun, and, the Gods knew, Herc could use a few pointers in the flirting department.

"You're Iolaus," the woman stated in a tone that implied that was a good thing. Iolaus' smile widened a bit. You had to be at least a bit interested in somebody if you went to the trouble of attaching a name to the face.

"Hi!" Iolaus responded, tilting his head curiously, silently asking for her name.

As expected, she volunteered it. "I'm Arianna," she said softly, gazing meltingly into Iolaus' sea-blue eyes.

He gazed back, deep into hers. "Like the kitten?" he purred.

Arianna laughed softly. "Oh, yes. Mari named her kitty after me."

"How...nice," Iolaus murmured, leaning over the table top towards her.

'Oh-oh,' thought Hercules.

"Kitten's got a lot to live up to," the hunter observed, giving Arianna a slow, appraising look, eyes dancing when they met her own again.

Arianna's eyes danced as well. "Less than you would think," she purred back, doing a little leaning of her own. "I had a real talent for finding trouble when I was younger."

"Me, too," Iolaus admitted, then added ruefully, "But I never outgrew it!"

Arianna and Iolaus shared a soft, intimate, laugh. Hercules cringed.

'Okay,' Iolaus was thinking, 'We're on the same wavelength here. I'm not serious, she's not serious, and we both know it. This is good. Now let's have some fun with Herc.'

"You work here?" he asked, suspecting that he already knew the answer to that.

"Yes. Can I....get you anything?" she replied, eyes still dancing.

"Not just now, but maybe later you could," he batted his lashes at her, "bring some water to my room? Hot water," he clarified, emphazing the 'hot'.

"Hmmm, maybe," Arianna responded, batting her lashes right back. "Do I get a tip? For...good service?"

'I just want to find a nice, big, rock and crawl right under it and never come back out,' Hercules thought wistfully.

"Well, I could show you my scrolls," Iolaus offered.

'Oh, please, that line was old when the Titans walked the earth,' Herc thought sarcastically. And Iolaus was supposed to the the expert flirt?

"Are they interesting scrolls?" Arianna asked softly, touching Iolaus' hand lightly with her fingertips.

Ok, that did it. Hercules decided he wasn't going to just sit here and be a victim of circumstance.

"Oh, very," Iolaus purred, "They're filled with drawings from..."

"My wife and ten children back in Thebes!" Herc finished brightly, smiling innocently. There! That ought to cool things down!

Arianna blinked in surprise. Well, that was certainly a new one! The charming compact blonde man continued smiling up at her; in fact, his smile seemed to have gotten even wider, the mischievous light in his eyes even brighter, as though he was vastly amused at some private joke. But Arianna sensed that he wasn't laughing at her.

"I'll show you my scrolls if you show me yours," Arianna suggested archly, keeping up the game.

Iolaus giggled softly as Hercules cringed again. Iolaus decided it was time to put Herc out of his misery, before the nervous demigod blurted out something even more improbable than the 'ten children' line.

"So," he purred back, "is your daughter Mari a good artist?"

"The best," Arianna purred back, "So, Mr E-o-loss who fell off the roof of Aphrodite's temple, is Mr Her-q-lees here too? I can't wait to meet him."

Herc twitched with surprise and smiled thinly at the woman. 'Oh. This is Mari's mother!' Herc realized.

"Oh, he's around somewhere," Iolaus replied, eyes twinkling, as he gazed innocently up at her through his bangs. Arianna's fingers still rested lightly on the back of his hand. Iolaus was making no attempt to remove them. 'She would be happily married,' he thought regretfully.

"My husband believes your Herqlees is your guardian daemon and my daughter thinks he's your invisible friend," Arianna commented, stroking his hand lightly. He was so cute!

"And what do you think?" Iolaus asked softly.

Arianna smiled into his eyes. "I think a nice guy like you deserves to have a real friend."

"Got anybody special in mind?" Iolaus asked playfully.

"Actually, yes. Are you really married with a wife and children in Thebes?"

Iolaus shook his head. "I'm widowed," he explained.

Arianna's face reflected her sympathy. "I'm so sorry," she murmured, lightly stroking his hand again. "How tragic to lose your family. Everyone should have family. Nobody should be all alone in this world."

Iolaus smiled and gently touched the back of her hand with his own fingertips. "Thank you," he replied sincerely, "But I do have a family. My mom's still with us, I have my sisters, and I have Herc. I'm not alone at all."

"I'm glad for that. You seem to travel a lot. Are you a merchant or perhaps a free-lance warrior?" she asked.

Iolaus' eyes grew distant while he thought that one over. 'Free-lance warrior' was a pretty good description except that Iolaus knew it was really a polite term for 'mercenary', and he wasn't that. What was he, exactly? 'Sidekick'? Not bad, except some people had really dumb ideas about what sidekicks did...or didn't do. 'Aid to a demigod'? Nah. 'Free-lance monster-slayer'? Closer. 'Associate demigod' was giving himself airs. These folks seemed to have no idea who Herc was, so 'the guy who hangs out with Hercules' wouldn't do as a answer. 'Failed farmer'? 'Out-of-work blacksmith'? Iolaus suddenly had the perfect description.

'Homeless bum!" he announced, beaming up at the startled woman. 'Not again!' Herc thought.

"You're kidding!" she replied.

"Nope, that pretty well sums it up!" he insisted cheerfully.

Arianna shook her head, amazed. How could somebody who described himself as a 'homeless bum' be so happy about it?

'Excuse me, I have to have a talk with my brother," Arianna said, sliding her hand from under his and hurrying away.

"Thanks a lot, Iolaus!" Hercules hissed.

"Problem, Herc?" Iolaus asked innocently.

"Will you please stop saying you're a 'homeless bum'?!"

Iolaus giggled. "At least I've got company in my aimless wandering," he teased.

"Iolaus?" questioned a new voice and Iolaus looked up to find an attractive blonde man smiling down at him.

"I'm Ansen, Arianna's brother," he introduced himself.

Iolaus grinned. "Mari's uncle, the official kitten-rescuer?"

Ansen chuckled. "That's me. I also co-own this inn with my sister and co-run it when I'm not busy getting little Ari out of pickle-barrels and fish carts. Anyway, Iolaus, I was just talking with my sister and she told me that you're, umm, free at the moment."

'Boy, tact runs in this family,' Iolaus thought with amusement and offered an encouraging smile.

Ansen smiled back and pushed on. "This is a big inn, Iolaus," he pointed out, gesturing. "My sister co-owns it and she helps and so does Dascus and his sister, but with an inn this big there's always something more that needs doing. What I'm saying is, we could always use an extra pair of hands. You're welcome to stay. You could live right here at the inn and we would pay you, of course. We would like to be your friends, Iolaus. All of us." Ansen looked at the hero hopefully.

Iolaus swallowed, blinking back the sudden dampness in his eyes. Herc was right. For every king, warlord, or vicious bastard out there who lived only to make others miserable, there were folks like these, genuinely nice people showing kindness to a stranger in any way they could. People like these were why Herc would defend the human race against the Gods with his dying breath. He couldn't even chalk this unexpected offer up to Herc's influence, since Dascus was the only one of the bunch who even believed that Hercules existed, and Dascus thought Herc was some sort of spirit (which, come to think of it, he was at the moment).

Iolaus chose his words carefully. "Thank you so much for the offer, Ansen," he said slowly, looking the other man in the eye, "But I think I've given your sister the wrong impression. I really can't accept your kind offer to stay, but I would like to be friends with you and your family and I think you'll really like Herc when he...gets here."

Ansen smiled back. "Well, it still stands if you should change your mind or if your friend is...late," he replied, "In the meantime, you were promised a meal and I intend to make sure that you get one. What would you like?"

'About time!' both Hercules and Iolaus thought gratefully. They were both starving.

"Roasted chicken, anything that looks like a veggie, and two servings each of baklava and honey-cake," Iolaus recited happily.

Ansen looked a little surprised at Iolaus' prompt response, possibly wondering how Iolaus had found the time to check the menu while flirting with Arianna, but he smiled, nodded, and headed for the kitchen.

"Two servings each of baklava and honey-cake?" Herc questioned.

"I love baklava and honey-cake, Herc," Iolaus replied happily, distracted by the lovely sight of Arianna returning, bearing a large platter containing cheese, bread, a bowl of fruit, and a tankard of what he dearly hoped was ale. He wasn't sure what was more appealing: the food or Arianna. 'Arianna,' he decided with a sigh.

"Iolaus," Herc murmured in warning.

"Just looking," Iolaus murmured back.

"She's married," Herc reminded him. Iolaus smiled.

"If looking and wanting were the same as touching and taking, I'd be right next to Auto in whatever jail cell he's currently gracing. I'm just....congratulating Dascus on his good fortune," Iolaus whispered.

"He is lucky," Herc agreed with a touch of wistfulness.

Arianna bent to place the platter in front of Iolaus, and let her hand trail lightly over his as she straightened. "I would love to stay and talk some more, but I have to go help my brother and sister-in-law with the evening meal," she murmured regretfully, before turning away.

Iolaus smiled at the retreating view and got down to business, following a large chunk of bread and cheese with a long draw of ale. "Wonder where you get refills?" he muttered to Herc as he dug through the fruitbowl, looking for an apple. Finding one, he polished it and held it out to Mari, who had just wandered into the room, Arianna the kitten clutched safely in her arms. Spotting him, she smiled happily and skipped over, carefully freeing one hand to take the apple.

"Hi, sweetie, whatcha doing here?" Iolaus asked gently.

"Momma says I can't take my kitty out to play in the yard 'cause it's dark soon an' she might get lost an' have to stay out all night an' she'd be awfully scared," Mari managed around nibbles of apple.

"Momma's right, the dark can be an awfully scary place," Hercules agreed, shivering slightly. Iolaus had to smile. Who would believe that a god could be afraid of the dark?

Still smiling, Iolaus teased the silken scarf he had bought earlier out of his shirt, where he had tucked it after bathing. Mari giggled at the trick of the slowly appearing, brightly colored scarf. Iolaus fashioned a little halter at one end, and a slip knot at the other. Taking the kitten, he fitted the halter over her fore-part and slipped the knotted end around Mari's wrist before placing the kitten on the floor. The child looked down and clapped with delight as the kitten scampered and played at the end of her new leash.

"See, now your kitty can't run off and get lost," Iolaus explained, patting the little girl's hair.

"Oh, I'm gonna show Momma! " Mari cried happily, gathering up the kitten and disappearing into the kitchen.

Beaming, Hercules murmered, "I see you found a lovely young lady to give your token to."

Giggling, Iolaus cupped their chin in the palm of one hand and smiled indulgently in the direction of the kitchen. "Cute kid," he commented.

"Adorable," Hercules agreed wistfully. Iolaus noticed the wistful tone.

"You really want this, don't you? The wife, the kids, the mortage, the whole pack and parcel?" Iolaus asked softly.

"I don't know," Herc answered slowly, thoughtfully. "Sometimes I think yes, I do want it all and the Tartarus with the whole hero thing. There are other heroes out there. Let them handle it."

"You couldn't do that, and you know it, Herc. There's no way you would be able to turn your back on somebody who really needs your help. Not possible. Your heart wouldn't let you."

"I know," Herc confessed, sounding depressed. "But still, there are times....I'd like to have children again, I know that."

Iolaus giggled at the unbidden image of Herc having those children.. "Need a girl for that, Herc," he pointed out, "In your case, need a wife."

"Don't you ever think about it, Iolaus? Don't you ever miss having a home?" Herc asked, ignoring the 'wife' comment.

"Hey, we have a home!" Iolaus protested indignantly. "We've got Jason's, and Iphy's, and I still have my house. You want a roof, Herc? I'll kick out my freeloading cousin," he offered.

"Those are other people's homes, Iolaus. Well, maybe not yours, but well...you know."

Iolaus thought he did. "Nesting instinct kicking up again, huh? You've got a lot of Hestia in you. You are one nurturing little demigod. "

"Don't you ever wish things were different? Like before?"

Iolaus was silent for a long moment before answering quietly, "No, not really. I've got a home. Home is where you are. The wife and kids...nice idea, been there, done that, not really all that sure I want to do it again. Terribly selfish of me, isn't it? But it's the truth, Herc."

"You don't want to settle down, ever? Never get married again?"

"Never's a big word, Herc. I dunno, maybe if you got married again I might, too. You don't need Iolaus the third wheel hanging around, getting in the way."

"Iolaus, that was never true! Deianeira loved you like a brother and my children thought of you like a second father," Herc objected gently.

"I loved them, too, but how many Deianeira's are there out there, Herc? The next Mrs Hercules might not want her hubby's crazy childhood buddy hanging out in the barn all day and eating up all the food. Face it, Herc. Most wives wouldn't have put up with me."

"Not many that would put up with me, either, " Herc sighed. "Then there's the whole Hera thing. I don't know if I want the responsibility for putting some poor woman in the line of fire."

"Find yourself a nice goddess or demigoddess, Herc. Somebody Hera can't mess with," Iolaus suggested.

"Hera can mess with anybody. But you're right. It would have to be someone adventurous, who can hold her own in a fight, and who likes to travel."

Iolaus had an eerie sense of deja vu. It was as though Herc was describing someone Iolaus knew, but just couldn't seem to quite remember. Who?

"Sounds like Xena or Atalanta," the blonde ventured. No, that wasn't it...

"Except I'm kidding myself," Herc sighed again. "Poor Psyche was hot to do all that and I was just as hot to shackle her to a cottage. I can't have both and I know it, even if I hate to admit it. The adventurous ones don't want the cottage and kids, and the ones that do just aren't into monster-slaying as a hobby."

"Y'know, Herc, I've just had the damnedest thought," Iolaus said slowly.

"What, I should look up Atalanta?"

"Nope. I think that poor girl's just about given up on you, doofus. How you can think of her as a sister when she's not even related is beyond me. No, this thought's stranger."

"Given just how strange some of your thoughts get, I'm almost afraid to hear this one," Herc teased.

"You're gonna anyway. I was just thinking that it was too bad you weren't born a girl."

"Come again?! Did you say 'girl'?!" Herc squawked.

"Well, at your age, woman, but yeah, that was the the drift."

"Why in Olympus' name would I want to be a woman?"

"It would solve all the problems, now, wouldn't it? You want the kids, but you're not so sure about the wife. I wouldn't mind having a wife, but I'm having too damn much fun traveling with you to give this up. But if you were a girl, we could just..."

"Marry each other?!" Herc gasped.

Iolaus felt vaguely insulted. "Sheesh, am I that bad?"

"No! But... but....us...we....oh..."

"Hey, I said if you had been born a girl, Herc. You can stop stuttering and start breathing again. I'm not suggesting you petition 'Dite for a really big favor or anything. I'm just playing 'what if?'"

"Hey! Why shouldn't you be the girl?" Herc demanded, gathering his wits.

"You're the one who wants kids, Herc," Iolaus responded calmly.

"I wouldn't be getting all those children by myself," Herc pointed out.

"What makes a successful marriage is when each partner does what they're best at. You do what you're good at and I'll do what I'm good at...and we both know what that is," Iolaus replied smugly.

Suddenly, Herc chuckled. "Now you've got me having 'thoughts'," he protested.

Iolaus grinned. He was having fun. "Like what?" he prompted.

"Like between your....romantic urges and my 'nurturing instinct', it a damn good thing for Greece I'm not a girl."

"Lost me there, Herc."

"Children, Iolaus. Between the two of us, we would overun Greece with our off-spring. Little blonde mini-Iolaii all over. I'm not sure the world is ready for forty or fifty more of you running around."

It was Iolaus' turn to gasp. "Forty?! Fifty?! Sheesh, Herc, I was assuming we would be doing something else occasionally!"

Hercules chuckled again, enjoying Iolaus' startled reaction. "Demigoddess, buddy, remember? " he said smugly. "Divine births aren't limited by mortal requirements, especially when the divine partner is the mother."

"I still don't get it."

"The children could come in groups. Clutches. Six, eight, even twelve at a time. It happens among gods. Our Grecian ones are pretty conservative, but 'Dite told me once about an African goddess who gave birth to a hundred babies at one time."

"Yikes!" Iolaus choked. He had never heard of this before. It was time to start pumping Herc for more information about those godly relatives of his. It dawned on him that 'Dite seemed to have an awful lot of children around.

"'Yikes', indeed," Herc agreed.

"Think of the names alone. We'd go through everybody we know in no time!" Iolaus commented.

"Trust you to think about that," Herc replied, dead-pan. They were quiet for a few minutes as visions of fifty little Iolaii toddled through their brains.

It was Hercules that broke the companionable silence. "Iolaus?"

"Yes?"

"About that offer to throw your cousin out if I wanted to move into your house, um, thanks. That was really sweet. Odd way of putting it, but sweet."

"Nothing odd about it, Herc, just true. You want the house, it's yours. But we gotta get the freeloader out first or there's gonna be three of us in there."

"No, let him stay. And, um, about that 'my home is where you are'... "

"True, Herc. Hope that didn't embarrass you. Didn't mean it that way."

"It doesn't. And you're right. It's true for me, too. Sometimes...well, damn it, Iolaus, when I try to picture the cottage and the children and all, you are always part of the picture. Every time. When I think of 'home', I always think of you."

"That's nice, Herc," the blonde murmured, smiling, throat tight. "Crazy as hell, but nice."

"Not crazy. Think 'guest room'. Or better yet, 'addition to the cottage'."

Iolaus snorted. "Think 'built-in babysitter'. I've got your number, Mr. Forty or Fifty Kids!" he teased and they both giggled.

"What would we have possibly done with all those children?" Herc wondered.

"Pack 'em up and take 'em with us. Teach the whole lot to slay monsters. Have our own hero-group going," Iolaus suggested matter-of-factly. "Call 'em 'the Iolausians'."

Herc snorted. "How about the 'Herculide'?" he countered.

"Nah, the 'Iolausians' has a better ring to it. Anyway, it's traditional for kids to be identified by their father and we've established that I'd be the daddy." Iolaus protested playfully.

"Oh, we did, did we? And precisely when did we establish that?" Herc teased. "If we're playing 'what if?', why couldn't you be the girl?"

It was Iolaus' turn to snort. "I'd make one lousy girl, that's why. You've already got most of the major qualifications: you can cook, clean, and sew, and you were one hell of a good father, Herc, a real natural hands-on type."

Herc snorted right back. "Cooking and cleaning do not make one a mother, Iolaus. And you were one damned fine father yourself. I learned a lot from you before my children were even born. Anyway, you would so make a good girl. Blonde, petite, those big blue eyes...I would have to beat the men off with a stick! I can't even imagine what I would look like," he admitted, shuddering at the thought.

"Atalanta," Iolaus stated with calm certainity. "She always did remind me of a female you."

"You're kidding! Really? But..." Herc gulped, remembering Iolaus' frequent and appreciative gazes in Atalanta's direction.

Iolaus frowned. "But what, Herc? Atalanta's lovely."

"Ummmm..." Herc hedged, mind racing as he wondered where to go from there. Then he saw rescue arriving, in the form of Arianna and Ansen, each bearing a large platter heaped with food. "Dinner's here!" he announced happily.

Iolaus eyes lit up and he smiled at his new friends. "Thank you so much," he told them both.

"You're welcome, Iolaus," Arianna smiled back, then turned to her brother and added "I'm going to take Dascus his dinner now. Think you and Allie will be able to handle everything?"

"We'll be fine. Go along now, and remind Dascus he promised to tell Percy a good-night story tonight, so he can't go spending all night in that forge of his," Ansen reminded his sister, then turned to Iolaus and added, "And don't you forget there's plenty more where that came from, so eat as much as you like. Think this will hold you awhile?"

"Oh, yes," Iolaus sighed, regarding the platters of steaming hot food lovingly. He tore his gaze away to smile at Arianna again, as he offered, "Would you like me to walk you to the forge? It's getting late."

Both brother and sister smiled in response. "I'll be fine, thank you," Arianna said softly.

Ansen nodded. "Nathia, the wife of Gracius the leatherworker, will be going with my sister. The leather worker's is right next door to the forge. They do this every night. Don't worry, they will be fine."

Frowning, Iolaus asked, "What about coming back? I'm not saying you folks have a problem with crime or anything, but two lovely ladies alone...."

Arianna's smile widened. "That's very sweet of you to be so concerned, but Gracius will be coming back with us. He's like a brother to me, and worries as much as you and Ansen." She laughed softly. "I'm very well protected."

"Well, if you're sure..."

"I'm sure. Now eat, before you hurt my brother's feelings. He likes to see people actually eating his food, not just looking at it!" she teased.

"Well, don't want to insult the host..." Iolaus replied, grinning as he scooped up a large chunk of chicken. After giving him a little pat on the shoulder, Ansen and Arianna smiled and left him to it, taking the empty cheese dish with them.

Iolaus stretched, rubbed his full stomach, and regarded the bed in front of him fondly, if a bit drowsily.

"A bed, Herc. A real, live bed. Almost forgot what one of these looked like," he sighed lovingly. He started unlacing his shirt as he spoke and pulled it off, dropping it on the chair in the corner. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he pulled off his boots, then stood and unlaced his pants deftly.

"Um, Iolaus, why are you stripping?" Hercules asked timidly, a barely noticable edge in his voice.

"'Cause I intend to enjoy this, buddy," Iolaus replied, pulling back the coverlet. "Look, Herc. Clean sheets! And they're all our's!" With a happy sigh, the hunter slipped between the sheets and stretched and wriggled contentedly. "Ohhh, this feels wonderful!" he breathed, smiling as he trailed a hand along the area of sheet next to him. "We're clean, we're full, and now we get a nice nap on clean sheets. I tell you, Herc, life doesn't get much better than this!"

Hercules chuckled partially in amusement and partially from Iolaus' genuine pleasure. "Iolaus, maybe I had better leave, now? I know it's not dark yet, but it's only a little while until I go back to being myself, " Herc suggested gently.

"Nah," Iolaus objected muzzily, eyes already drooping. "This is fine. Sort of end like we started. Take a little nap, Herc, then go get your bod back. Might as well let poor Timeron have this last hour or so. I'll meet you tomorrow morning at the castle, ok?"

Iolaus turned on his side and snuggled his cheek into the goose-feather pillow as he pulled the coverlet over his shoulders. "Might as well enjoy this while I can," he mumbled playfully, "Tomorrow night you'll be back hogging the bed and the blankies and breathing down my neck."

"Are you sure?" Herc asked.

"Been doing it for years, Herc. I don't think you're gonna stop now," Iolaus mumbled into the pillow.

"I meant about the nap," Herc corrected sleepily.

"Sure I'm sure. All cozy?" Iolaus responded dreamily.

"All cozy," Herc practically purred. He was, indeed, very cozy.

"Nighty-night, Herc," Iolaus murmured, "See you in the morning."

"Sleep well, Iolaus. See you in the morning," Herc replied, and Iolaus totally missed the tiny twinge of regret in his voice. Within moments, they were both fast asleep.

It was only supposed to be a short nap for Hercules, but even a demigod can oversleep when he's cozy and content.

"Hercules! Hercules, can you hear me?!"

Herc blinked up drowsily at the source of the agitated voice. Hades stood next to the bed, arms folded, glaring down at his nephew. "Hercules, get up out of there! Now! It's time!" Hades pronounced.

"Time?" Herc mumbled.

"Yes, time! Timeron, remember? Your body?" Hades frowned, wondering what the holdup was.

"Oh, that," Herc yawned and turned back over, away from Hades, to snuggle deeper into the softness of the bed, eyes drifting shut. Inside, he could feel Iolaus snoozing away.

"Yes, THAT! HERCULES!" Hades shouted. How dare Hercules turn away from him?!

Hercules tossed him a bleary dirty look over his shoulder. "Shhhh, you'll wake Iolaus," he scolded, yawning.

"Hercules, you have to reclaim your body!" Hades reminded him, annoyed.

"That's okay," Herc mumbled, pulling part of the pillow over his head to block out Hades' agitated tones, "Timeron can keep it. I'll just stay here."

It takes a lot to shock a god. That did it.

"You will not!" Hades gasped, reaching in and bodily yanking Hercules' spirit out.

"Hey!" Herc protested, abruptly awake...and angry.

Hades hissed at him, "Are you out of your mind? Do you even begin to understand the stupidity of what you've been doing?!"

Hercules responded by yanking his arm free from Hades' grip and glaring at his uncle. "Not that it's any of your damned business, but we were taking a nap!" he snarled back.

Hades blinked, taken aback by Hercules' obvious anger. Unless Iolaus was dead (again), Hercules wasn't usually this belligerant, but his nephew was glaring at him downright murderously.

"Now, if you don't mind showing yourself out," Herc said dismissively, turning back to towards the bed and its occupant.

Hades blocked him. Looking into Hercules' eyes, Hades shook his head in wonder. "Not a moment too soon," he said, "A few hours more and you would have been permanently merged."

"Merged?" Herc repeated, puzzled.

"Merged." Hades confirmed. "Hercules, why would you do such a stupid thing? Don't you know that human flesh can entrap a spirit? You weren't even trying to get free."

"I....I didn't want to get 'free', Hades," Hercules explained. "Iolaus volunteered to house my spirit today. He didn't 'entrap' me."

"He may not have meant to, but that's what was happening. You were merging, Hercules! Don't you understand what that means?" Hades asked.

Silently, Hercules shook his head.

Hades ran a hand through his usually neatly combed hair. "You were becoming one," he tried to explain, "You were becoming part of Iolaus or perhaps he was becoming part of you. A few hours more and even I wouldn't have been able to separate you. You were....entwining around each other. Your souls, I mean. Neither of you was even putting up a token resistance."

"We were comfortable like that, Uncle," Hercules murmured, looking down at Iolaus thoughtfully. "We didn't know it was dangerous."

"More for you than for him, I suspect. He seemed to be the dominate one, though that just doesn't make sense. If you had merged completely you would never have been able to return to your own body."

"Why? I mean, if Timeron...?"

"Different case, Hercules. Timeron isn't 'comfortable', as you put it. He's eager to go back to just being Timeron, even if that's only as a spirit. He knows Daphne will join him in the Elysium Fields eventually. And, may I point out, he isn't cohabitating with you in your body."

Beside them, Iolaus stirred slightly, pulling the coverlet a little tighter around himself. "Herc?" he mumbled, eyes not opening, still asleep.

"Shhhh, I'm right here," Hercules bent over his friend comfortingly.

"Come back to bed, Herc," Iolaus mumbled, "Don't go 'way."

"I'm not going away. I'll be right here when you wake up. Go back to sleep now," Herc urged gently.

Hades stared from the mortal on the bed to the demigod and back. "He's reaching for you," Hades whispered, shocked at the strength of the bond he was sensing.

Hercules looked up, eyes haunted. "Can't I go back?" he pleaded. "Just for a little while?"

"Hercules, if you merge you will lose everything. Your strength, your godly sight, even your possible immortality. Especially your immortality." Hades placed his hands gently upon Herc's shoulders, trying to impress him with the seriousness of the situation. "You will be bound to him for life, Hercules. His life. All of it. You will live and die as a mortal; you will suffer pain and sickness and you will age. The bond between you may become so strong that not even death will break it, and then you would be bound to him for all eternity."

"What would that have done to Iolaus?" Hercules asked quietly.

Hades frowned. This was not the response he had expected.

"Not much," Hades admitted slowly, "Iolaus is incredibly good at ...adjusting. He would have been aware that you were there and he would have been able to 'hear' you, but that obviously doesn't bother him. Apparently he was 'comfortable', too."

"So this 'merging' wouldn't have hurt him?"

Hades just stared at Hercules. "No," he replied at last, "It wouldn't have hurt him, but it would have effectively killed you."

"Not killed, Hades. Bound me to him for life. Made my life his. That's what you said."

"Yes," Hades whispered.

Hercules looked at his uncle calmly. "It would have been a good life," he sighed, then he looked down at Iolaus, deep in slumber. "But it's not my decision to make," he continued wistfully, before turning and striding away to find Timeron.

Hades stared after him, unable to understand why someone with the possibility of all eternity before him would choose instead the brief breath of a mortal's days. And choose Hercules had, even if he seemed unaware of the choice. If Hades had not separated them, Hercules would have accepted his fate without regret.

Hades turned his gaze to the sleeping form on the bed. He had not told Hercules the full truth about the near tragedy. True, mortal flesh could entrap a spirit, but what Hades had failed to mention was the effect the trapped spirit would have on the body not it's own, of the damage such a trapping would cause as the spirit fought for its freedom. And no mortal body could hope to house the spirit of a God; such a spirit would consume the mortal frame like a blazing inferno from within. If Hades had entertained even the passing thought that the partners might think of pulling a stunt like this, he would have warned Hercules of this, but the thought hadn't even occurred to him and now it was too late. What was done was done.

But Iolaus lay there, complete and unharmed. Far from being injured by the near-merging, Hades sensed that Iolaus had emerged the stronger for it. Even now, Hades could feel Iolaus' soul reaching longingly for Hercules; and Hercules' own soul reaching back. 'Comfortable', Hercules had called it. As though they belonged as one.

Hades shivered, despite the warmth of the room. Of all the Gods, only he knew that golden apples and ambrosia were not the only paths to godhood. Was Hercules blazing a new path, and taking Iolaus with him every step of the way?

Soft touch, barely a touch at all, drifting weightlessly across his skin. Again, higher, along his collarbone, a soft as a breath. Then to his cheek, his eyelids, slipping over and through his hair; as light and cool as a breeze. Iolaus stirred, gradually gaining conciousness as the coolness drifted downwards, sliding along his bare arm to his ribs. He turned over onto his back, snatching at the softness in one fluid motion and found he was gripping...nothing. His eyes snapped open and he found Hercules gazing solemnly down at him from where he lay propped up on one elbow at the hunter's side.

"You're here," Iolaus murmured, puzzled by this for some reason; then the last of the foggy wisps of sleep melted away and he repeated, "You're here!" in a much more upset tone. "Herc, why are you here? You're not supposed to be here, you're supposed to be there!"

Herc shrugged one shoulder apologetically, looking vaguely guilty. "I overslept?" he offered timidly.

Iolaus literally leapt from the bed. "Hurry!" he gasped at the reclining demigod. "It's still night out! You can still make it to Timeron!"

"Um, that's the dawn, Iolaus," Herc replied, making no move.

Iolaus bounded to the window, threw open the shutters, and gazed at the glorious Grecian sunrise with utter horror. "Oh, Gods!" he cursed, then slammed the shutters shut and began to pace agitatedly up and down the side of the bed, gesturing all the while. "What'll we do, Herc? Gods! How could you oversleep?!"

Iolaus babbled as he dragged one trembling hand through his hair, to push his bangs out of his eyes. "My fault! First that bath, and then all that food, and then I just had to insist on a nap on top of all that! It's all my fault! Gods! That's it!" Iolaus halted at the foot of the bed, gazing at the strangely undisturbed demi-god. "Quick, Herc, which of your relatives owes us a favor? We gotta call in some markers on this one. You know how Hades gets when his paperwork is screwed up!"

He started pacing again, rattling off possibilities. " 'Dite? Maybe. Let me think...does she? Damn! Can't remember! Heph? No, definitely not, but he might help anyway. Artemis?..."

"Iolaus, calm down and come sit so we can discuss this rationally," Herc suggested.

"Can't sit, gotta keep moving, helps me think. Think! Herc, who?! There's gotta be someone...Hestia? Oh, no, don't wanna go there. Apollo? Nah, less done with that moron the better. Cupid? Yeah! Cupid and Psyche, now they...leggo of me, Herc, I'm trying to think here! Where was I? Oh, yeah, Cupid and... 'leggo of me, Herc'?!" Iolaus spun.

Hercules smiled innocently from where he had knelt on the bed's edge to snag Iolaus by the waist as he paced past.

Iolaus blinked, jaw slack. He glanced down at his own waist and when he raised his eyes they had narrowed dangerously. His jaw clamped shut. Hercules' smile took on a nervous edge.

"You're here, alright. All of you." It was a statement, not a question.

"Surprise?" Herc offered hopefully.

"You. Just. Scared. Me. Half. To. Death."

Oh-oh. Herc's eyes darted to the door, calculating the distance to safety.

"Uh-uh. You're not going anywhere," Iolaus informed him, lip curling in a humorless smirk that would have done Ares proud. The hunter's eyes now held a distinctly predatory gleam. "You're gonna pay for that, buddy."

Hercules swallowed and started backing up rapidly, hoping to put the bed between himself and Iolaus. He didn't make it. Iolaus pounced. Moments later, Hercules lay helplessly on his back. Iolaus straddled his hips, one hand loosely cupped over Herc's mouth while the other gently but mercilessly dug into his ribs. Herc, weakened by laughter, slapped ineffectively at the tickling hand, his helpless roars muffled as tears streamed from his eyes.

At last, giggling himself, Iolaus had mercy on his victim and rolled off Herc's stomach. Stretched at Herc's side, cheek propped by one hand, he watched the demigod chuckle and snort his way through the last of his Iolaus-induced hysteria.

"I deserved that," Herc admitted between gulps and giggles.

"Damn straight," Iolaus agreed, eyes sparkling. "So, how did you get in here, anyway?" Iolaus continued, idly playing with one of the decorative braids on Hercules' shirt with his free hand.

"Ansen has the back door open. They get up early around here. I snuck in through the kitchen while they were busy elsewhere." Herc explained, grinning.

Iolaus dangled the silken scarf he had found among the pillows over his partner's nose, one eyebrow cocked questioningly.

Herc answered the unspoken question. "Borrowed that from Arianna. Mari left it draped over the edge of her pillow in the kitchen." He wiped his tear-stained face with both hands, then reached up to ruffle Iolaus' already rumpled hair affectionately.

Iolaus ducked away. "Herc, you're the responsible one, remember? I'm the idiot who pulls practical jokes," he scolded gently.

"Guess some of you rubbed off on me," Herc replied, giggling and attacking Iolaus' hair again.

Iolaus giggled too, and pulled away. "Might as well get up," he announced, twisting into a sitting position and scooting towards the edge.

"Why? It's just dawn. Don't you want to sleep in; you know, enjoy the clean sheets and all?" the demigod asked in a puzzled tone.

"Herc, look at these sheets, willya?"

Hercules looked. He lay in a mass of tangled, twisted sheets, the coverlet half-hanging onto the floor. "Ooops!" he commented, giggling again.

Iolaus sat and looked down on his partner, shaking his head fondly. Sheesh, what had gotten into Herc this morning? He really was acting more like Iolaus than himself.

"Never mind, I was gonna ask if I could take another bath anyway," Iolaus said, shrugging into the shirt he rescued from the floor. "You can join me," he invited.

"Hey!" Herc protested, vaguely insulted.

Iolaus sniffed. "No offense, Herc, but I think Timeron was a little too preoccupied to take time out for a bath. Can't blame him, but you're a little ripe."

Herc took a quick sniff at his own underarm and his nose wrinkled. Iolaus was right.

The hunter grinned, as he slipped into his pants. "C'mon, you owe me a back scrubbing anyway," he teased, grabbing Herc's arm and giving a good tug, pulling him right off the bed.

Hercules snagged Iolaus by the waist on the way down to the floor, and they landed in the tangled sheets with a soft thump, amid much giggling.

Ansen, his sister Arianna, her husband Dascus, Dascus' sister Allie (who had directed Iolaus to his bath the day before), and 'Mom' all sat gathered around the largest of the inn's tables, finishing their breakfast before separating for the day. It was only a half-hour after dawn and none of the guests had risen yet. The main topic of the family's conversation was, perhaps not surprisingly, Iolaus.

"I still say he's been touched by the Gods," the blacksmith insisted goodnaturedly. "You saw that alley," he reminded his brother-in-law.

Ansen frowned. "Dascus has a point, Arianna. It looked like lightening had struck, but Iolaus came through it without a scratch. Just a little soot on his skin. That just doesn't seem normal, somehow."

"Oh, the boy's touched, all right," Mom commented, "Lad's crazy as a loon, but in a nice way."

There was general agreement on this point.

Percy dashed by, with a giggling Mari in hot pursuit.

"The Gods must pay lousy," Allie commented, stopping her son with an out-stretched arm and handing him and his younger cousin each a sweetroll. They accepted the rolls and took off. "Did you get a load of that raggedy old vest? I wouldn't line Ari's catbox with that thing."

"Poor thing ate like he hasn't seen food in a month," Ansen noted, "A whole roast chicken, a huge pile of turnips, and four servings each of baklava and honeycake. And that's not even counting the bread, cheese and fruit he ate while waiting for the hot food!"

Allie nodded in agreement. "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it. You could have sold tickets to that show."

"We can't just let that poor boy go wandering off to starve to death," Mom announced with all the authority of her position as family matriarch. "This family takes care of its own, and by saving both Dascus and Mari he's become one of ours. It's up to us to make sure he's provided for," she stated.

There was general agreement upon this point as well.

Percy and Mari dashed past again. This time they were both being pursued by a second boy roughly Percy's age. Allie handed him a sweetroll as he whizzed past. "No running inside! Take that out in the yard! And sit down to eat those!" she called after them. Giggling, the whole lot ran out the back door.

"How?" Ansen asked. "I offered him my friendship and a job and he just insisted that he 'has a friend'."

"Mr Her-q-lees. Yes, Mari told us all about the mysterious and invisible Mr Her-q-lees last night," Arianna informed her brother.

"Not Her-q-lees, Sis," Ansen corrected ruefully. "Hercules."

Allie blinked. "Hercules? The hero Hercules? The demigod?" She shot her brother a look.

Dascus shrugged in response. "I told you he was touched by the Gods."

"Why don't you just ask 'Dite?" his sister quizzed. "If this guy is a friend of our...I don't know, what would you call him?...cousin's, then 'Dite should know him."

"Haven't seen 'Dite hanging around much lately. Early Spring is always her busiest time of year. I hate to bother her, Allie. Why don't you ask Athena?"

"You'll get an simple answer out of 'Dite a sight faster than I'll get one out of Athena. Getting a simple answer out of 'Thea is always a challenge. By the time she finishes one of her lectures, you've forgotten the original question," Allie replied, smiling. "I still haven't gotten a straight answer out of her about just which god we're related to. She just says 'don't worry about it' and that we can call Hades and Posidon uncle'!"

"You know 'Dite doesn't always answer when I call," Dascus protested mildly.

"She'll answer you a sight faster than she'll answer me," Allie rejoined, her meaning clear. Even Arianna snickered a little. Everybody in the family knew that Aphrodite was much taken with Dascus' marked resemblence to her divine husband.

"Even if he is, what does that change? Iolaus is a nice guy. He deserves better than to be the pet by a son of Zeus. You know what they're like," Ansen said bitterly.

Dascus winced slightly. "I know, I've met one or two," he admitted ruefully.

Ansen started guiltily. "Present company excepted! I didn't mean any insult, Dascus, Allie," he apologized.

The blacksmith shook his head. "No insult taken. I'm not a 'son of Zeus' anyway."

"More like a great-great-great-great-grandson of Zeus," Allie commented playfully. "That demi-god blood is stretched pretty thin by now, Ansen, even if Dascus has greater-than-average strength and we both have a touch of the sight."

"Guys," Arianna said thoughtfully, "Do you think Iolaus might be a demigod? Surviving falling off 'Dite's roof, and exploding mini-monsters and all...maybe he's not a 'son of Zeus', but Zeus isn't the only god who, well, you know."

"He acts more like a favorite," Dascus said.

Allie snorted. "What my darling brother is trying to say is that lot up there," and she indicated the ceiling with a jab of her eating utensil, "are all loopy, and anyone who pals around with one of them for too long is bound to start going a little flaky too."

"Which brings us back to, 'how do we get the boy to stay'?" Mom asked.

"Wait," Arianna said, eyes widening as a whole new notion dawned. "If the Gods are as wacky as those touched by the Gods, then could Iolaus be a God? A minor one that nobody's heard of; or a new one? They pop up all the time, and Gods have been known to accept mortal hospitality," she pointed out.

"And just what is that lad supposed to the the God of?" Mom demanded.

"Light," Arianna replied promptly. "He would make a better one than that Apollo."

"Flirting," Ansen countered his sister playfully, making her blush.

"Laughter or Mirth," Allie tossed in, grinning, "You should have seen him when he showed up yesterday at the kitchen door!"

"Bountiful harvests?" Ansen suggested, tapping an apple thoughtfully. "Maybe that's why he packed away so much fruit?"

Mari dashed back inside, Percy and pal after her. "Run, vile villain, or face the wrath of the Mighty Silver Draco, hero of the people, protector of the innocent!" Percy snarled. Mari and his friend merely giggled in response. Skidding to a halt by Allie, Percy announced, "We're leaving for school now, Mom."

"Go play with your kitten, darling," Arianna suggested gently. Mari ducked and wriggled away from Percy's good-bye tickle to vanish into the kitchen, still giggling.

Ansen grabbed a large handled basket and started filling it with sweet-rolls and fruit. "Leave this for the market children. They know to bring the basket to Athena's temple when it's empty."

Percy rolled his eyes. "Baked too much again, Uncle Ansen?" he asked, but took the basket and waved good-bye to his family.

Outside, his friend turned to him and asked, "Did I hear your Aunt say there's a 'Iolaus' at your inn?"

Percy nodded. "Yes. Why?"

The other boy's eyes lit up hopefully. "You don't think he might be the Iolaus who's the partner and best friend of Hercules?"

"Nah," Percy dismissed the possibilty completely. "This is some funny little blonde guy who got Mari's kitten off a roof yesterday, that's all. He even fell in the fish-pile doing it. I saw this guy...no way is he a hero!"

Back inside the inn, the conversation resumed.

"Protector of children," Dascus suggested quietly. "Maybe he's the God of Children? He told me that all children were precious."

"They all fit, don't they? No doubt about it, the lad's pretty special," Mom stated.

"See, I told you," a deep, quiet voice that belonged to none of the family said softly. As one, they all turned to stare at the large man filling the doorway, one arm draped around the shoulders of a visibly embarassed Iolaus.

"Thank you," the large stranger continued, "I've been telling him he's something special for years, but he never believes me."

Iolaus blinked, eyes a little moist. "Gee, thanks guys, but I didn't do anything special, except fall off a really high roof." Iolaus grinned, obviously trying to break the mood.

The big man wasn't having any of it, not yet. "It's not what you do that special, it's everything you do. Iolaus, you're special just because you're you. Always have been, always will be," he said fondly and gave the smaller man a gentle, one-armed hug.

At that moment the kitten scampered past, Mari dashing after. The little girl skidded to a halt in front of the pair and looked up at the tall man with her friend. And up. And up, eyes widening as she took in the full length of him.

Iolaus grinned and grabbed the diversion with both hands. "Down, boy," he instructed, slipping from the hug and, placing both hands on the other's shoulders, he gently pushed the bigger man down onto one knee. Over his shoulder, he commented, "He forgets, the smaller thay are, the bigger he is."

Mari gazed pensively at the stranger, who smiled tentatively back.

"Mr Her-q-lees!" Mari exclaimed joyfully, throwing herself at his neck. "You're not 'nvisble anymore!"

Herc started making choking noises, arms flailing.

"Ham," Iolaus accused fondly.

"Maybe not," Dascus corrected, hurriedly rising and reaching to gently pry his daughter's arms from around Herc's neck. Hercules responded by taking a deep, sobbing breath.

"Strong," he wheezed.

"That she is," Dascus agreed, stroking his daughter's hair out of her eyes and giving her a quick hug. "A regular little Amazon, is our Mari." Mari giggled.

"That demigod blood might be running thin, but it hasn't run out," Hercules croaked, smiling warily at the little giggling girl.

Iolaus giggled too, shaking his head fondly. "Why is it that everywhere I go I run into Gods and the children of Gods?"

"Just lucky," Hercules and Allie chorused, then looked at each other and laughed.

As Herc stood, using Iolaus for support, the blonde hunter asked, "Would it be okay if we used the bath again?"

"Of course," Ansen replied, still a little taken aback by the reality of Iolaus' 'friend'.

Herc smiled shyly. "Um, we would like to keep the room another night. Could you please tell us how much that would be?"

Ansen shook his head firmly. "Any friend of Iolaus' is a friend of ours and I've already told Iolaus that he's free to stay as long as he would like."

"Oh, we couldn't possibly...ouch!" Herc shot a quick, dark, look at his partner, who had just firmly and unsubtly kicked the demigod in the ankle. Iolaus just looked back, expression neutral. "couldn't possibly refuse your kind offer," Herc finished with a tight smile.

"Good boy," Iolaus praised him, patting Herc's bicep and drawing a low chuckle from Allie. Several of the other adults smothered quiet snickers. Winking at Allie, Iolaus announced, "I'll get him properly trained yet."

Grinning at the group at large, the hunter asked, "Any chance of breakfast after our bath?" Before Herc could lodge another protest, Iolaus pulled his last couple of dinars out of his belt pouch. "We'll pay this time, 'fore I eat you outta house and home."

"Nonsense, boy," Mom said crisply. Frowning as she examined Hercules critically, making the demigod color under the attention, she continued, "Young man, when was the last time those clothes were cleaned?" She didn't give Herc a chance to answer, turning intead to Iolaus and announcing, "A clean shirt will be left outside the bathhouse door for you and I think I have something that will fit him as well. His clothes will be cleaned and returned tomorrow morning. Now, does the bed need changing?"

Before the dazed Iolaus could answer, Allie announced "I'll do it before I leave," and she rose to squeeze between Herc and the door frame. Just past, she stopped, peered around Herc's shoulder, and commented playfully, "Arianna, there are two of them and I think this one's kind of cute. We wouldn't have to share." She winked at her brother, who chuckled as Arianna and Hercules both grew pink-cheeked.

Giggling, Iolaus teased, "It's about time a beautiful woman thought you were cute, Herc!"

"I suspect I'm not the only one," Allie purred into the hunter's ear. "Do you need a second pillow, or are you sharing that with him, too?" Iolaus blushed furiously as Herc and Arianna gave short, startled, little giggles.

"Don't mind my sister," Dascus advised kindly. "She's been an attendant at Athena's temple too long."

"You're an attendant of Athena?" a startled Herc asked.

"Attendant, not priestess, Cutie," she replied, winking at the demi-god, "I'm a widow. Only virgins get the priestess jobs in Athena's places." Chuckling, she skipped up the stairs, leaving a flabbergasted Hercules slack-jawed behind her.

Herc and Iolaus looked at each other, grinned, and shrugged in unison. Dascus, grinning himself, ruffled his daughter's hair fondly and advised quietly, "The ladies of the family like you, fellows. Smile, say thank you, and don't put up a fuss when they want to pamper you or you'll insult them."

Iolaus promptly slipped into the room, dropped to one knee, took up one of Mom's hands in his own, looked deeply into her eyes, and purred, "Thank you, dear, kind lady for all the hospitality you and yours have shown to a couple of homeless strangers. We stand in awe of the beauty, intelligence, and kindness of you and your daughters."* Then he kissed the back of her hand with much show.

Mom snorted. Looking at Arianna, she commented, "Your brother was right, girl, he is a natural for the job of God of Flirting!"

Arianna pinked, Herc chuckled, and Iolaus bestowed his most radiant smile on the entire family.

"Go on with you, then," Mom fussed, making shooing motions with her free hand. Iolaus hopped to his feet and headed for the back door, shooing Hercules in front of him. As they left, the family could hear their conversation.

"After we've had our bath, we should go and offer to repair 'Dite's temple roof, don't you think?" Hercules was asking.

"What?! No! We nearly broke my neck falling off that roof! If the tiles had been put on right to begin with they wouldn't have come loose. That's a big temple, Herc. Let 'Dite's priests fix the roof...or better yet, let your sister do it herself! She can float in mid-air. I can't and I am not taking another dive into the fish-pile! Anyway, you've got to talk to the Queen about the market kids, remember?"

"But, Iolaus..."

"No 'buts', Hercules! I swear..."

They were still affectionately bickering as the door slammed shut behind them.

the end

Disclaimer: No tiny-teeny-but-nasty pets of Apollo were harmed during the making of this story, but one reeking fish-pile was totally reduced to ashes, for which the citizens of the town are very grateful.

* Yes, we know that Allie and Arianna aren't sisters, but Iolaus missed that. Even Iolaus misses a few things, occasionally. 'Mom' is the mother of Dascus and Allie, but not of Ansen and Arianna.

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