June 2000 Challenge Story
The blonde hunter crouched on a high branch, waiting. A rope attached to the branch above dangled
loosely in his hand. Eight scraggly barbarians appeared on the path below. A beautiful girl walked amongst them.
Timing his move, he gripped the rope with one hand, swung
down, swept the girl up, and continued on into the brush on the further side of
the road. He hit the ground running, pulling the startled girl behind him. With the barbarians in pursuit, Iolaus tripped and tumbled
down a wooded slope still hanging onto the girl. At the bottom he jumped into a thicket and pulled her behind a
fallen log. They watched as the barbarians stopped, conferred briefly, and then
charged off in the wrong direction Iolaus stood and let out a long breath. “GET OFF MY FOOT.”
The girl gave him a shove that sent him sprawling face first over the
log.
“What the…?’ “Oh, gods.Look at me. My dress is ruined.I’m covered with mud and my hair’s a mess.” She
stamped her foot and pouted. “THIS IS
ALL YOUR FAULT!” “Me?” Iolaus’ jaw dropped. “Do you see anyone else here? Now stop gaping like a moron and take me home. NOW!”
"It's too far. We'll have to find some place to camp tonight. So, how about a little,‘thank you, Iolaus’. I did rescue you.” “CAMP! OUTDOORS! ME!” “You’re welcome.” Iolaus walked along silently. She did not. During the hour it took to find a camping place, she told him he needed a shave and a
haircut (and a shampoo and a good comb). She also informed him, among other things, that his clothes were shabby,
he reeked like a stableboy, and he was short. They reached a clearing by a small stream, and Iolaus announced grumpily he was going to catch a rabbit for supper. She could take a bath if she wanted. She did; her dislike of being dirty
outweighing her distaste for bathing outside. When Iolaus returned, she was splashing in the water, so he surmised,
disappointedly, that she hadn’t drowned. By the time she had finished, the rabbit was simmering in a cookpot and Iolaus had taken some bread out of his pack. She bolted the food leaving him nothing to
eat but a scrap of bread and the greasy pot to clean out. “Now, where am I going to sleep?”
Iolaus pointed to a pile of grass he had cut. “Ugh! It’s probably lousy with snakes and all kinds of crawly things.” She rummaged through the grass until satisfied that nothing
lurked there and flopped down, only to leap up again. “AAACCCKKKK.” Iolaus jumped. “What? What?” “GET IT OFF ME!!!!!” She hopped around flapping her skirt, knocked the cookpot over, tripped on a rock and fell flat on her face. Iolaus laughed so hard he fell over. “It’s just a little beetle.” “HOW DARE YOU…LAUGH…AT…ME!” She picked up the pot and hurled it at him. It bounced off his head with a solid thunk. “OW!” “Oh,” she said sweetly,” did that hurt?” “No.” Iolaus lied. “Well, maybe this will.” She grabbed a fistful of blonde curls and yanked. “OUCH!!!” She stomped back to bed. It was a dusty, dejected, disheveled Iolaus who entered the
village gates the following day. She strode beside him still talking but he wasn’t listening. His back ached from carrying her over
countless streams, marshes and mud holes. His head still hurt where she had hit him with the cookpot and pulled
his hair. He was terribly hungry, he had allowed her to eat most of the food because the only time she shut up was
when her mouth was full; and his cheek stung from where she had slapped him
when he told her so. A portly middle-aged man ran to greet them. “Iona, my precious angel!” “Oh, Daddy” she burst into tears and ran into his arms. “I’ve had such a dreadful time!” “My poor pet. Those barbarians"
“Not them, Daddy, HIM!” She pointed at Iolaus. “He was so….mean to me. He insulted me and….laughed at me. My bath was cold, the food was awful and
there was a bug in my bed. Oh, Daddy, how could you send such an horrid little man to rescue me?” She cried harder "There, there, my sweet.” He patted her shoulder, gave Iolaus a withering look, and led her away. “Horrid little man…eh.” Iolaus looked up into laughing, azure eyes. Hercules smiled down at his best friend. “If you’re finished here, there’s a village
nearby being terrorized by a some sort of nasty creature. “O…kay, Herc.” Iolaus grinned back at the demigod. “Damsel rescuing isn’t all it’s
cracked up to be. I’ll take a slimy, disgusting monster any day.” THE END