I'll do something special for you, you... special person you!
I can't really think right now... but I'll eventually think of something special enough for you! If that's even possible! You are now officially the coolest person in the world!!! So if you want to keep it that way I sugest we keep this our little secret specialness that we have together... is it a deal special buddy?! Yipee!! I love having special buddies! They make me so warm and fuzzy and... that's the dryer... well... you're even better than a dryer than! You're like a special dryer! One that's reeeeaaaaallllllyyyy special! You're like a dryer that can never be full! I can go inside you as many times as I want and you'd still be able to take more!!! (wow that sounds dirrrty... : P ) You are the cream for my Twinkie! (I believe that name is trademarked... so like do I have to pay royalties or something now?...) You are the butter to my toast! I believe Mandy and Allie will be the only two that get that one... ; ) But all you have to do is ask! I'll be more than happy to share my butter with you! You are one of my special friends! And I'll be sure to put something in here... a story of how special you are... or something, so just let me know if you are my special friend and I will write you a story with you in it! It might get a little crazy if you don't tell me what you want it to be about though... : \ Thank you special friend!!!
So once upon a time there was this one kid Geoff. Geoff liked moofins. Especially ginormous moofins. One day Geoff was walking down a dark alley and he saw a trash can. It was like no other trash can he had ever seen. This was a very special trash can because this was no trash can even though it definately looked like a trash can. The trash can was in fact a cross-breed between a chimp and a Rolls Royce and was possesed by the soul of a dwarven genie. When Geoff approached the genie/trash can is suddenly spoke to him. It/he(?) said, "I will grant you 17 wishes and give you whatever is inside of me (he is a trash can after all) if you promise that on the 17th wish you will wish me a drunken french whore." Geoff said, "I'm Geoff mother fucker." And kicked the living holy hell out of the wino that was posing as a genie-possesed trash can/chimpanzee combination. As he continued walking through the acidic martian atmosphere he spied Mariah Carey driving in her head. She came up to him and asked, in a British accent, "Excuse me, do you happen to know where inland is? My you are an extrodinary gent of a chap." Geoff propmtly pulled out his "inland" and said, "I got your inland right here." (wilst grabbing at his groin area) And gave the evil Mesopotanian a shot to the mouth. (British accent again) "Bravo." This did not settle well with the locals who had a very strict no-chewing-gum policy. To see their capital violated so made them dance with 3000 lbs of napkins and a yellow extension cord. After the jewish lemur got a royal flush in poker, (every good story has a lemur in it) he wrestled melanoma, the off-white/baige/toupe embalism. Upon seeing that Gregory was no longer his middle name the lemur destroyed the paper-clip with such wrath that no paper-clip would ever defy the empire again. This greatly enraged other office supplies such as the bar code and the stamp pad who had been friend with paper-clip for 298438 hours. Shooting from the sky came a cow suspended in air by a homoerotic Peter Pan. Through losing all pepparoni he knew he could not hold the ticket of life, which had been granted to his father and his father's father, and his father before him who had all been very ungay individual lamp shades. After the Tulip legally changed it's name to "Get out my life bitch!" there was a grand party held with all girafes invited. Boats were flying throughout the sky and one very lucky little manifestation of my mind said... "what the fuck do you think you're doing you fucking marijuana smoking dude headed man?!"... aka... damn I need to go refil on my "medication" so this story must come to an abrupt, but satisfactory ending... So Geoff returned to his house after the car that brought him gelatinized into a huge gelatinously gelatinous ripper thingy... dude... man... type... thing... Geoff doused it with milk... the natural enemy of monsters and ostioporosis alike, and opened his box to find Carmen Elektra thinking she was his bed sheets... (I think you can take it from here Geoff... ; ) (true story by the way)
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
I love being dave's special friend!!!
I hate being dave's special friend!!!
This is all WAAAAAYYYY too crazy for me!!!