Workin' at da Dub G
Umm... I don't really remember what I made this part of the site for. I mean yeah I know I made it for my "old" job at Westgate, but I can't seem to put my finger on exactly what it was going to be about. So maybe if I just keep rambling on and on it might come to me. Well, first of all, I guess I'll tell you about some of my most memorable experiences there. (Any of my bosses at Westgate should stop reading at this point hehe)
Just a cheesy story...
Me and my friend T-bone (Tim Thoenes to the lay person) were scheduled to close together one night, oh about march or may 2003 I would say (one of those 'm' months). It was one of those real nice spring nights though. When we were trying to decide what to do that night, I mentioned the fact that I had my water-balloon launcher in my locker. So after all the customers left me and Tim took it out, but we quickly found out that it takes three people to work it. Luckily for us Jake (McPhearson) hadn't left the building yet and was also looking for a good time. So me and Tim each parked our cars in the back of the lot (to use as targets, hey its the only thing my car's good for) and we took to the rooftops. After we got bored of shooting at stationary targets we decided to fire at random cars that were driving by. Then we got the bright idea to fill one balloon full with nacho cheese. (very dumb thing to think) It took us about 15 minutes to come up with a funnel to get the cheese into the balloon. After that wasn't really working Tim decided to blow it up a little first than try to put the cheese in. It started working slowly but surely until the funnel slipped off and the balloon contracted covering Tim with cheese in the process. We all just started laughing like crazy. We finally did get one balloon about 1/500 full with cheese. : P It exploded in mid-air right when we shot it. We wanted to do something good with our last balloon so we wandered over to the side of the building right next to Washington Ave. It was still pretty busy for being about 1:30 in the morning. We eventually decided against the cars and went with distance. For those of you who know where the theater is, you may also know that there is an Odyessy restaurant across the street. Yeah that was pretty far away and we didn't think we'd be able to hit it, so me and Jake held and Tim pulled back. Yeah we came about a foot short of posibly going to jail that night. You see there is this really huge window in the front of the building, I'm guessing it's not very strong due to its size, and well, we came REALLY close to hitting it. In fact I know it would have broke, because when me and Tim actually did hit our cars with the balloons it looked like it got hit by hail. Anyway that was one crazy night at Westgate.
Swing batter, batter, batter...
Another time, I was working with my good friend Regina. This is when Jackass was still playing and I was cleaning up after one of the sets and she came in to help a brotha out. I don't remember why or how, but I had one of Mr. Janssen's (my boss boss) posters inside of a tube. I think I was wondering what it was and I was going to look at it in there or something. Yeah I'm a klepto. Anyway me and Regina decided to try out for the Milwaukee Brewers. There was a 44 oz. cup about 1/3 full of soda still and for some reason we decided that Regina was going to pitch it to me. I was giving her the old, "I used to play baseball for RYS, therefore I'm the best baseball player in the world!" routine. We thought better of actually doing that in the theater though and we going to go to outside and do it instead. But before we left I wanted to take a "practice swing." I swung about a full power swing and about half-way through the swing I just hear this "Fwoop" noise. As I look up the poster, my boss's poster, is flying at about an altitude of 30-40 feet in the air. I knew if that thing ripped I was fucking dead. I had that "what the fuck, that wasn't supposed to happen!" look on my face. After I finally realized what was going on, I took of running after it. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to make it there before it hit the ground but I just kept running anyway. It literally flew all the way from one side of the theater to the other! (I'd say a good 50 feet at least) Thank God that sucker was elaminated! I didn't even bother looking to see what the poster was of. I just rolled it up as fast as I fucking could. Later on when Mr. Jannsen got there I asked him what was in there. (also to see if he could tell anything happened to it) It was like an advertisement for commercials! I was like yeah that's really neccesary. P.S. he never mentioned anything was wrong with it and I thought it best to not tell him.
Walking the plank...
This next story took place when I was working with Max and we were cleaning Pirates of the Carribbean together. He wasn't really feeling like himself for some reason, so I wanted to try to cheer him up. I remembered that him and Nick used to have races across the armrest of the chairs. So I, not knowing what I was getting into, (Max is the champ at AR races I guess) tried my best to talk him into it. He kept refusing so I figured if I did it and he saw how much fun I was having doing it he would agree. So I got up on the armrest (broom in hand like an idiot!) and was on my way. I figured I would probably have to impress him a little too in order to get him to race, and since I wasn't going that fast I decided to kick it up a notch so to speak. I started going two armrests at a time. I was like hehe now he's gonna have to race me. On about my third double armrest I either under-stepped it or over-stepped it. I couldn't tell. I didn't even know what happened because one minute I was running and the next my on leg was caught inside the seat, my other bounced of the wooden armrest, my one arm caught beneath me and completely crushed between my knee and the metal chair frame and my other hand was holding the broom which missed my throat by about 2 inches when I fell. If I remember correctly my first words were, "What the fuck just happened?" (I still didn't feel any pain yet either) Max just started cracking up. A couple seconds later it started to hurt. I slowly managed to fall down and curl into the scared fetus position to try to curb the pain. After awhile it didn't start to hurt as much, but Max just kept on cracking up because he said he, "kept running it through over and over in his mind." Well, at least I cheered 'em up eh?
Modern day Karate Kid...
This next one was the most recent of all my "stories." It's not that funny, but kind of embarrasing. I was at our company party before we were going to watch an advance screening of Freddy Vs. Jason. I made a quick Walgreens run to pick up some candy before the movie. When I got back almost everyone was standing there in the lobby and I felt the urge to try to do something "cool." So I busted out with this crazy karate kick with a bag full of candy in my hand. When I was doing it I over extended and over-rotated. I could feel myself falling backwards and I didn't want to look like a complete moron in front of everyone. I was trying to think of something before I hit the ground. (and for those of you who know me, know I am s...l...o...w...and not the quickest thinker) Somehow I managed to roll into a backward somersault before my ass hit pavement. I thought it looked pretty slick and everyone would be like, "Damn Dave, I didn't know you rolled with Bruce Lee!" But when I got up everyone must have known what I was trying to do because when I looked at 'em, everyone was laughing : ( At least they still let me inside right?
Is that Jesus?...
This story took place during the great 2003 blackout at Westgate Cinema. Me and Brian just started cleaning the lobby (with our 3D glasses on because EVERYTHING is cooler in 3D) We were just joking around having a good time like we always do when the lights went out. You know that noise that they use in the movies for a blackout? That WHIIIIIiiiiiirr... Yeah, that sound's actually really acurate. All the lights went out except for the few emergency lights we have in 4 out of the 5 theaters. Thank God it wasn't like 9 at night. It was actually more like 7:30 so it was just starting to get dark out. Me and Brian had to walk into all the theaters and try to get our cranky customers to come into the lobby. When we were down in Seabiscit trying to get everyone to leave their seats, I decided to try to lighten the mood somehow. (Keep in mind about 95% of the people who watch Seabiscit are above the age of 80) So when one of our patrons asked which way they were supposed to go, (due to the severe lack of light in the theater) I promply replied, "Just follow the light at the end of the tunnel." Immediatly after I said that I thought, "Oh my God all the old people are gonna get pissed and gang rape me with their canes." So I just kept thinking if anyone comes at me just aim for the hip. That's their weak point. Go for the hip Dave, you can take 'em slugger. (I like talking in third person sometimes) Thankfully they just laughed it off and did just like I told 'em to. Hahaha my faithful little geriatric servents of death! That was a fun day though because when all of the customers finally left we all got to make fun of them, including our managers! I was closing that day, so at the end of the night on our schedule there is a place for notes to remind us about appointments and stuff, so I wrote, "Expect black-out about 7:30." I thought that was pretty clever of me : P
So you know karate?...
Another exciting night we had, was the opening weekend of S.W.A.T. (speaking of S.W.A.T. I should be getting the Michelle Rodrigiuz banner for that movie, much to Mike's dismay) Everyone thought that it was going to be rated R, so we hired Officer Brian (an actual police officer, not the other Brian who works with me) to ensure that law and order was upheld. In between shows us ushers like to stand up by the box office and talk with the ladies. Officer Brian (from here on out refered to as ODB, I don't know why) was telling us about his days in S.W.A.T. and all about the different tactics and manuevers they use to subdue their suspects. Of course everyone wanted to see just what he was talking about. And guess who got to be ODB's pratice dummy! That's right, yours truly. I was excited at first, but after he put the first hold on me (which made me stand on my tippy toes and scream like a little girl) my excitement slowly turned to fear. I was like, oh my God, this cop is gonna kill me and everyone is just gonna say something like, "Wow, that was an impressive move. What did you think of it Dave? Dave? Meh. Touch�!" He put a couple more moves on me including a demonstration on how to break a prisoners arm if he takes a swing at you : ( Yeah that one did actually hurt a little too. I got him back though. I put soap in his coffee! j/k (Supertroopers reference) But the last hold he put on me a customer walked into the theater in the middle of it. I told her, "Did you see how much pain I was in? Yeah he wasn't even trying, so you'll be 10 times worse than that if you try any funny business, kapeesh?"
Bottoms up...
This was just about the first crazy thing that happened to me at the Dub G. Now everybody knows about the "butter flavoring" we put on the popcorn. Let's just say a wager somehow came about having to deal with drinking an obscene ammount of it. My friend Nadia offered me and Jake $5 to drink a cup full of it. She said the first one to do it would get the money. I don't know why but me and Jake started bartering with her and lowering the price. (I.E. Jake said he would do it for $4, so then I said I would do it for $3, etc.) It ended up where I said I would do it for $2. So Nadia filled a cup to about 8 oz. worth. (About 2/3 of a soda can) I can't remember how, but everyone who was working that night found out about it within minutes. Everyone was seriously crowding around me. I felt like I was in the zoo or something. Then everyone else started throwing money into the "pot." So I got thinking, "Wow, now I gotta do this. There's no way I can get out of it now." So in front of a crowd of about 7 of my co-workers I raised the glass and downed that sucker. By the time I swallowed the first mouthful I could realize that that was the dumbest fucking thing I've even done. I chugged it in probably about 10 sec., if that. I immediately started drinking ANYTHING I could get my gruby mits on! Water, Fruit Punch, I didn't care. My mouth was literally coated in the butter. It was the nastiest thing ever. I remember I was so scared that when I woke up in the morning my pillow would be like see-through or something because all the grease would come out. I didn't care about the money at all by this point in time. In fact it was still just sitting on the counter. I'm surprised someone didn't just take it. Matter of fact, just the opposite thing happened. People started giving me what I like to call, "sympothy dollars." Yeah, that's how bad I looked. I ended up with $12 over doubling the original ammount. Not that I cared right then. Within about an hour I think it was, I was upstairs yaking my stomach up. : ( I still remember because when I was running up the stairs Max stopped and asked me if I was about to hurl. I just looked at him and kept running! I couldn't even open my mouth! Shortly after I came back in a few of my friends came in to see a movie. I remember Jeff and Jason were there, and I know a couple other peeps were there too, but no names off-hand. They could instantly tell something was wrong. The rest of the night is kind of blurry. The only other thing I do remember are the numbers that Nadia gave me. She told me about how much fat and calories were in that cup of "butter" that I drank. Umm...well, the fat was about 300 grams and the calories were over 12,000...yeah. Not good. I still can't stand the taste or even the smell of that crap! Boo on "butter flavoring!"
Jingle Balls...
This took place at my first ever/only company Chirstmas party. Sorry it took me so f'in long to finally get this up here, hope you find it worth the wait. Truth be told I actually kinda forgot about it. Anyway, so back to the story. So pretty much the whole Westgate crew was at Paridise bowling alley for our Christmas. (Max, Tim and Andy couldn't make it because they were working...yeah...ironic and sucky at the same time) Me, Jake and Barbara were nice enough to bring them some pizza and giant ice cream cookie. A little while later some of us spotted a photo booth that they have there. So me, Jake, Barbara, Regina, and Paige all hop into that cramped little booth and just go cah-razy! After we were all pictured out we went back to bowling. I don't remember what I got...but let's just say it would have been a good score if I was playing baseball... Anyway, after Paradise had all but kicked us out, (it was about 1 or 2 I think) Jake and I (hehe take that proper English!) wanted to take one more set of pics. So we quick jumped in the booth along with our extensive entourage! lol there was a couple people waiting for us though. So the first pic, we went with the classic "kung-fu" pose. Let me say, Bruce Lee we are not. We were the whitest bunch of black belts the world will ever know! For the second pose we decided to go Compton on that fucking cracka camera! (aka the infamous ghetto/gangster pose) Yeah, we didn't exactly pull that one off either, what with our tuxes and all... yeah, NO! For our third pictorial we went with the "look up there!" look. We both looked up like there was something there trying to get anyone who looked at the picture to also look up... there-by tricking them... (cough cough). Now we ran into a major dilema however, we had one picture left to take, and no idea what pose to go with. We already used up the terrific trifecta of poses! So I came up with the brilliant idea (not thinking that Jake would go along with it in the least) to bust out the full moon pose... yeah, that's right... I don't know what got into me or Jake, but after a little coaxing from our audiance we pretty much had to go through with it. So, knowing that that photo booth was really tight on space and we wouldn't have much time to get "set up" I thought we should try a "dry run." We figured out the best way we would both be able to stand on that little bench and were good to go. So just as we sit back down getting ready for the big moment, I don't know if Jake accidently hit the button on the way down or if there was a time limit or whatever, but the timer starts counting. Me and Jake just look at each other and drop our pants! (lol wow that sounds really bad if taken out of context...hell, even if it's not taken out of context it doesn't sound good) and give each other the, "if I don't make it through this, tell my wife I love her" look. It was now or never! So we sprang into action like Superman on fucking crack! I sprang so much so that Regina had to hold me in the booth literally! If she wouldn't have been there I would have fallen out, pants down, ass out, right as this 80 year old guy was walking by! (seriously! that's what she said!) Hey I've never killed anyone and I didn't want to give anyone a heart attack than either. Especially if after that he would have thought that maybe a naked chick would have been in there with me, so than he would have jumped in only to see Jake's ass right in his face. Ok, so that would have been pretty funny. Anyway, after I got stabilized the camera went off. Let me tell you, we might as well have been busted by the cops we spread 'em so far! lol j/k. There was seriously no time to do anything! We barely got up on the bench as it was. After the deed was done, I was starting to get kind of nervous because the girls were threatening to put the picture up at work... I don't think they would have though... key word being "would"... errrr... "think!" So me and Jake were huddling around that drop shoot like we were in Antarctica and that it was our only fire/warmth! We waited and we huddled some more... than more... and finally it came out! Except... it wasn't "it." It was a slip of fucking paper that said you need to order more fucking film! I swear to fucking God that's a true story! Jake and my nervousness quickly and violently turned to anger! I've never seen two guys do such a number on a piece of paper! That thing never stood a chance! Tore into it like two cows who haven't eaten or even seen grass in a week!... We were too embarrased to go up and ask the manager if there was anyway we could get our pictures though. I wasn't gonna have him go down there, put in a new role of film and watch as our asses became exposed in more ways than one right before his eyes! I just hope that the next day like a little 5 year old and her mom didn't decide to take some pictures only to have to see two jackasses instead of their mother/daughter hug on the photo! That kid would be scarred for life! So that's the story of my first company Christmas party! Needless to say, I can't wait for this year's, even though Jake, my partner in crime, probably won't be there. Hope you liked the story, even though its kind of hard to explain... you just shoulda been there! Next time you'll know! ; )
There have been about a gajillion quadtrillion other awesome experiences that I can't even remember or are just to crazy to write down! All in all, even though you never think it at the time, I would say that Westgate has to be one of the coolest places in the world to work. I miss everyone and can't wait to see you all again!
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way