Feb. 4
Hmmm... yes, I realize now that it is the bicentenial... mucho gusto senor! yo siempre tengo un hombligo con correr en septiembre. anywho... not much has been going on en el casa de west 740 where the playas (that's espanol for beach tambien) play and we gonna rock hard til we shriveled and grey... i was thinking i should answer the phone like that whenever somebody calls... but i digress... my classes seem to be gizzoin' aight for now... calc is a trip and a third... divided by the square root of pizza... no toppings... except peanut butter and marshmellows... don't laugh... i've had it before... when i was but a yound lad/wee toddler rounds bout the grand ol' age of 3 i was heavily influenced by those stylin' and hip ninja turtles... you know what i'm talkin' bout! and every night when those plastic, rail-rodded guinea pigs checked their mailboxes, but they never received any out of state thistle mountain sage... poor little wankers... swing and a miss! we now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast already in progress... hehehe, poppycock... misdemeaner on a serious note though... nothing too all that entirely completely astonishingly enticingly sensuizingly stimulatingly excitingly exciting has really happened this week so far... i don't think i've written in hear (that's here you drunken sailored dolt of a poor excuse for anyone even remotely in the presence of someone named atlantis... like that barber... the one with the jar... and the face...) for quite some time now... like since our last expedition to racine. (which, oops, sidenote: was the bombdiggity!) It was joel's and my mom's b-day this past weekend... joel finally found out what me and jeff got him too... lol... for those of you out of the loop ( | <---that's you... 0 <---that's the loop... and that is you not in the loop) we got joel a 6 ft tall inflatable punching-bag penis... and your waiting for the punchline... sadly that was it/the truth... lol you should have seen the waitresses face when he pulled that sucker out in the middle of applebee's! lol... she was a good sport about it though... even though she brought evenone at the table like 27 pink lemonades. lol... had such a great time though... t'was joel, mike, jeff, nina, josh, and saratoga michigan... aka yours truly... afterwards we all watched house of the dead... and i think that was the night that adam came home crunked off his sphinkter!... or maybe not?... i just know he came home sloshed like a damn lint bubble... or something to that extent... and dude's came down and started basically groping joel's face... christine wasn't exactly the posterchild/spokeswoman of sobriety either though... i'm pretty sure she was talking to herself... unless... no... definately to herself... than lucky adam got stuck being the designated driver on his b-day! poor chum...p. lol. (for all of you 2 and a half people out there wondering who adam is... its mikes brother, not adam macdougal... damn i wish he still believed i was a coke-head... lol sucks i never got to call him on it... spose it was kinda a dirrrty joke to be playin' though... crazy man actually believed me though... honestly... does it seem like i'm tweaked or what?!... HUH?!... i see orange... coming after me... and never letting up... clear orange water heaters... messing with my sterility... senility... penetrility... cough) yesterday i almost ran into a blind woman!... kinda freaked me out... cuz i was walking out of class late and just as i went out the door and turned... BAM!!! there was this lady there with glasses and a dog... which i didn't even make the conection at first... scary thing is... she said excuse me even before i did... she probably read my mind! before she even "saw me coming"... i was like excuse me... and then i realized that she couldn't see me... so i was about to ask... hey, are you blind?... or some other half-retarded ass question like that which i thought better of... at least her vision is still better and faster than my thinking... that would suck being blind... i'm just grateful i'm as lucky as i am... i also felt like a douche yesterday... because it was the 3rd obviously... and i was going to my econ class... and when i got there there was a note on the side by the door that said "econ class on feb 2nd cancelled... teacher has jury duty" yada yada yada... everyone in class saw me standing there and by the time i realized that it wasn't the 2nd i was halfway back to the dorms... and i woulda felt like the biggest doof in the world if i woulda walked back into that class after everyone saw me jumping for joy and doing an irish jig... (which i've been told by several irishmen... aka max... that it was a b-e-a-utiful rendition of riverdance that brought them/him near tears/giving him a hardcore stroke!... is there any other kind?) what's that wally? the fish aren't biting?... well why don't you try your hand at crawdads instead then?! but other than the blind person and the origami... and the 1956 chicago bears... nothing else terribly exciting has been happenin' up herrre really though... i guess some lady and her kids got abducted last weekend when we were in racine... coincidence?... i think not... as a fully-engaged s.w.a.t. team (and i don't mean they're married) pummels me into submission/oblivion... probably the most exciting thing that's happened is i got my tv hooked up to cable and watched some of the democratic primaries on cnn... i'm pretty geeked that i'll be able to vote this time! now if only the majority's vote could actually count for something other than a running gag on snl... all i'm saying is keep yo eyes on missouri... the candidate that had the most electoral votes in missouri has won 24 out of the last 25 elections... and bob dole's real name is chauncy mcriblet... anyways... that's about all for me... chester bogbriadad reporting live for channel 5, one-sided-late-breaking-action-news... signing off, and......................... go!
Feb. 6
So I had a test today at 10... man... that shit sucks... i know it does... anyway... yesterday was an odd day to say the least... for starters, i missed my calc discussion... again... and this time i actually did the homework! lol... just be glad the homework's not mandatory/senial... and than we only stayed in the history class for like 32.7984 seconds! ...killer whales and whatnot... i just came back here after that and ate some ajax and various other coroding missions my mom used to keep under the sink... i'm wearing a hat... so than i had to go to my first geo lab... holy canoly... that's italian for crap... no it's not... yes, it is... i told you to take care of my hampster... the wind is blowing north/northeast... than why can i see abe lincoln snorkeling off of pier 19?... back to the lab... so the room is about the size of a high school science class room... but apparently there was some "roll of quarters" or "malfunction" and they ended up double booking... damn managers just don't know when to say when... JOURNEY CAN'T PLAY TWO PLACES AT ONCE! THEY'RE NOT JESUS... or are they?... (fancy disolve into "what if" scenario) (the members of Journey are playing mini-golf when La la from the teletubbies walks up) Mark Twain says, "I could really go for some lemonade... well the nigger's not gonna walk it here himself!" (long uncomfortable silence with everyone looking at Mark Twain who has shifty eyes... Christopher Walkin comes flying by in the side car of a motorcycle driven by moonshine and 17 circus monkeys who are looking for work, he does a triple backflip out of the side car and hands Mark Twain a loose leaf sheet of recycled paper which explodes, Christopher Walkin grabs his crotch and flies away) The lead singer of Journey says, "man, i still need a stamp so i can send this letter..." (he holds up a jelly and hepetitis sandwich) (fancy re-disolve) maybe it'd be better if i put that in our movie so you could get a welcome-mat that says "is that a woodchuck or are you just happy to see me?"... or a visual?... but there were two classes in one classroom... what happened to Rosanne's reality show?... and i feel kinda bad cuz i was the last person who got a chair... anyway, i kept looking over at the other table that was across the room for undisclosed reasons, but i think this guy thought i was looking at him... because when i adjusted my pants and saw him, he was looking at me... and then he slowly/creepily started cracking a smile... i'm not sure but i think that's a tie for the most frightening moment in my life right up there with that time when i was in the hot air balloon with a dingo and we had a knife fight on top of the ignition/fire deployer when suddenly a band of rebel mallards swooped in to aid their fallen commrade... and that's when it happened... i realized my basketball was deflated... and that's when shit really hit the fan... i say... this pudding is absolutely MMAARRVVAALLOOUUSS!! hmmm... shouldn't there be an 'e' in there someplace?... riiiiiiiiiight... after g-o i had history... again... cept it was a discussion... of the lecture i didn't go to... wasn't bad though, we worked in groups... and i actually contributed unlike when that basket comes around in church and i just hold it because i think that its a nest for the african swallow and i want the mother to come back so i try not to pee on it... as hard as that sounds... get it? hard... like a cupcake! a delicious, angelfood cupcake with white frosting and jimmies... and, and... little, TINY onions floating in a sea of cream sauce... our housekeeper's name is rhonda... fact... lysol kills 99.9% of bacteria... god i hope that's not where i got my habit of saying fact instead of true... or diabetic instead of gugenhiem musieum... after history i went to work... which was a fairly uncomfortable situation... because the other day one of the workers got into a fight with his girlfriend/fiance who apparently cheated on him... again... and at one point i was talking to him but he wasn't paying attention so i asked him if everything was ok and he just started wiggin' out on me. he was like, "why you asking me if everything's ok? why wouldn't i be ok? why do you always have to ask me all these questions... yada yada yada it's feburary... yada yada yada"
i was just like... sorry... i mumble... that's like the worst thing you could ever do in my mind... well besides befriending a little irish camoflagued bottle of h2o with a smile and a cherry... on a serious note though... i don't see how anyone could ever cheat on someone else... that's the last thing in the world i would ever do... or the last thing in the world i would never do... because i would probably detatch my left testicle (the good one) with a seering hot disease ladden bendy straw than even think about cheating on anyone... excluding my driving test and if i was dating a male goat... named abigail... and even then it'd be questionable... anyway, after work was econ... fell asleep... got called out on it... got into a nunchuku fight witht the prof... there were desks in the room... and people... who were holding pens... they may have been lactose intolerant... i didn't ask... came back to my dorm for awhile, showered, fed my lunch tray an apple and some sugar free gum... than a little later went over to katie's... watched cabin fever... again... lol... its not that its a masterpiece or something... but she wanted to see it and i really wasn't in the mood for a scavenger hunt... than we watched my idol... conan! ...cept i always say it like he's the barbarian... had to retire early though cuz i had a calc test today at 10... blah... oh yeah... side note... i had the song "wake me up before i go-go" stuck in my head all day yesterday... and CRAP... now i got it stuck in my head again... mother fuck ass... was jesus a christian?... hmmm i'd say i've pretty much sealed my fate in hell over the past 2-83 years i've been here on earth with all the dumb fuck shit cunt banana things i've said... i have 31 knuckles... the test was pretty easy though... pretty much just review and stuff... a lot on slope, functions and limits... i got yo limit right here! (CROTCH GRAB!) all 2.87 inches of limit... sign my guestbook... do it... i was even able to write stuff in for the extra credit question!... the rest is in god's hands... no, it's not... DON'T ARGUE WITH ME! i want to take a picture of my brain... anyway, i'm off to pop tart... i should pay my respects to them by naming my first 3 children pop tart... and the next one barney rubble... or maybe f-14 fighter jet turbine... poop... i think i have to go sleep... lates all... lol... date a male goat?... there's gonna be a lot of heartbroken fire alarms tomorrow... let me tell you... "right now there's people at home eating pudding saying, 'what was that?!'"
To la casa de college