if love existed... we wouldn't be so soft and easy to ruin...
may03-2005
well... it seems to me that its been quite the grip since i've updated this do-hicky... meaning my 'secret page'... oooh... <---long 'o' sound... anyway... since last time shit has been soooo fucked up... repaired... than demolished again... and again... the last couple of months have been a roller coaster of deleterious proportions... i think that with a little assistance i am finally... repeat finally... getting over my 'addiction' to bobbi... thank god... i'm sure that i'll always have feelings for her... but that metaphorical torch is on its last leg... no offense to any 'one-leggers' out there... just don't try to roller blade please... anyway... if you're of the female persuasian... you might want to stop reading now... (this is intended for one female specifically... but i don't really want to interpose the name as of yet... as to give the opportunity to cease reading... hint:... its not bobbi... wow...) ok... there's no stopping this trainwreck of information now... i don't really have any musing as to where to begin... i suppose... like the beginning and ending of many things... it starts with bobbi... while we were still courting she introduced me to a handful of her friends... all of them were attractive in their own way... (that's one thing that bobbi is apparently good at... surrounding herself with outstanding people...) trying to get to the point here... i talk with her 'ex-friends' far more than i speak with her... and... well... i think i might have feelings for megan... well i know i have feelings for her... how deep they go... that's another story... i attempt to strictly think of her as a friend... but she has a way of getting me... gah... this going to come out really weird and creepy... crap... but... she's really really ridiculously good-looking... wether she's dressed to the nine's or just scrubbing it... she's gorgeous... and her hair smells of lemon trees... and her lips shimmer and emit rays of delight... : P... that last part was a half rip-off of anchorman... oops... but seriously... even though i don't really even know her... when i see her i feel so comfortable and yet at a loss for words... last night i tried to help her study for her math exam... key word there... last... and tried... because i'm terrorendous (terrible/horendous... yeah...) when it comes to remembering math/numbers/useless shit that nobody will ever need to know unless their boss makes them fill out mini-maths every week... anyway... i just remember megan did this thing where she kind of scrunched her face/nose... and it was the fucking cutest thing i've ever seen... it was even better than the pump! (that's an arnold schwartzaneggar/pumping iron nod... : P) seriously though... the little bit of time i do get to spend with her... every minute of it is like winning a gold medal... lol... tried to make that as corny as i could... she is one of the only girl's that's able to make me smile... (the other ones being tina fey and mrs. moross... an 87 year old hottie that used to give me candy bars...) megan is the only girl who i would ever date even though she smokes... and she is smokin'... : P... i don't think i'm going to go into any more detail about the situation as it would probably result in some sort of restraining order/mexican firing squad... it sucks that i know she just sees me as a friend though... but that's better than not having her around at all... i need someone in my life who can make me laugh and smile... she deserves somebody larger than life too... and i ain't nuttin' but a peanut... she's been through some rough times lately... and i hope that she can find somebody that makes her crazy... in the best possible way... (like beyonce... crazy in love?... eh you don't care... : P)
