| Chapter 12: |
| Serena walked with Sam in silence, taking in the familiar surroundings as they headed towards her parent's home. She had promised Sam that she would face her parents again, try to explain what had happened all those years ago. The only problem though was that with each step closer to her house, Serena felt the urge to throw up grow inside of her. She was more afraid of facing her mother and father than she had ever been of fighting any monster. In fact, she would have gladly run off to face a thousand Negaverse monsters than knock on one pale red door. All too soon they were at that door and Sam stood looking at her, waiting for her to make the first move. She wanted to. Wanted to take that last step and knock on the door but no matter how hard she ordered her limbs to move, they remain numbly hanging at her sides. "Serena?" Sam finally asked uncertainly. Serena finally got some control over her own body and turned to smile at her brother reassuringly. She actually managed to knock on the door but it was so light that she was sure no one could possibly have heard. Taking a deep breathe to steady herself, Serena raised her arm and knocked on the door again, this time much more firmly. Within seconds the door was whipped open and Serena's mother stood there, her eyes immediatly focusing on her son. "Sammy!" she cried, grabbing her son into a huge hug and bursting into tears. A second later, Serena's father came running out to throw his own arms around his son and his wife. Serena stood off to the side, unnoticed, watching the family reunion. Her parents must have been worried to death about Sam. Serena's mother pulled back from the hug and shook Sam, demanding "Where have you been? What happened? Are you okay?" Sam smiled, "I'm fine Mom. Really. Serena..." At that, Serena's father looked up and saw her, "You." Her mother turned her head to look in shock at a daughter that she hadn't seen or heard from in years standing less than two feet away. And in that moment, facing her parents, Serena was a fifteen year old girl again, terrified and confused, caught in the act of sneaking back into her house late at night. Her father glared at her and asked suspiciously, "You're responsible for Sam's disappearance?" "No! Dad, it wasn't Serena's fault." Sam cried out in denial. "Then why is she here?" her father demanded. "She saved me!" Sam answered. "Saved you from who?" her father asked, his anger bleeding out of his voice as he began to listen to his son's story. "These guys, they grabbed me. I think they wanted to use me to get to Serena. But she saved..." "To what?!" their father interupted, all the anger back in his voice as he turned to yell at Serena, "What kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into?" "Dad!" Sam yelled in frustration at being interupted. "No! I want to hear this from your sister." her father growled out. Serena had stood frozen during this entire shouting match, trying to think of something to say. Now, with her father glaring at her and her mother staring at her with some unreadable expression, the words she sought seemed even farther away than before. "Well?" he father promted her. "I..." Serena sighed and closed her eyes, forcing out the words that sounded more like an accused's confession to her than an explaination, "I have some enemies that thought they could use my brother against me. They kidnapped him. A friend of mine has been looking out for him for the past couple days till I got there. I'm just bringing him home." "Why your brother? You haven't seen him in years?" her mother asked quietly. Serena felt like those quiet words punched a whole in her stomach as she opened her eyes to look at her mother, "They knew because I have been hanging out with him occasionally during the last couple months." "What?" her father burst out, "How dare you sneak around behind our backs to see Sam!?" "I'm sorry." Serena said, bowing her head, guilt eating away at her. "I'm not!" Sam yelled, "Dad, you don't understand. Serena is..." "I don't want to hear it, young man. Serena put you into danger. She kept getting into trouble when she lived under this roof and I see she is still in trouble. I will not allow her to ruin your life like she ruined her own." her father interupted Sam. Those word burned a hole into Serena's heart, taking root among all her own insecurities and giving them a strength and reality that they hadn't had before. Some how, hearing her father say that made all her fears true and shook her to her very core. Serena took a deep breath and called up that calm that had always served her as both a Princess and a warrior so that she could address the man in front of her, holding back the tears that wanted to come, "Sir, I am sorry that Sam was taken. I promise that it will not happen again." "Your right. It won't. You will not see Sam again." her father stated. "As you wish." "In the house Sam. Now!" her father snapped. "But..." Sam tried. "Now!" Serena watched her brother walk into the house slowly. She could see the anger and frustration in his face before the door slammed shut and she hoped that he didn't do anything stupid. And suddenly she was facing her parents alone. "You were 'S.'" her mother said, wonderingly. Serena looked at her mother and her control wavered for a second at the look on her mother's face as she nodded. "I want to know what kind of trouble you are in, young lady." her father demanded. Serena looked at him shook her head sadly, "I...I don't think I can explain." "You had better. I will not have this family put in danger by your thoughtless actions." her father replied coldly. Serena felt her calm slipping as she tried to find some way of telling her parent's the truth in a way that they would believe her. She could see it in their eyes that they were prepared to hear the worse but she didn't think that they would believe the truth. With a deep breath she trnsformed herself into Sailor Moon. Her parent's stood there, staring in shock. "I promise, as a protector of this planet, I will not allow my enemies to use your son again in anyway. I am truly sorry for what you have gone through and pray that someday you will be able to forgive me for all the pain I have caused you." Before her parent's could say anything she lept up to the roof top and teleported. She knew she was being cowardly but she didn't want to hear her father yell again or her mother's soft voice, full of hurt confusion. She hadn't really planned on transforming in front of them like that but she knew now that it had been the only way. There was no way thet they would have believed mere words. Especially not from her. She allowed the transformation to fade away as she as she appeared in an alley several blocks away. Blindly she bagan to run in the opposite direction of her family's home. She felt the tears building in her as her father's word's replayed in her mind, slicing pieces of her heart off each time. She had almost allowed herself to hope that morning. To hope that her parents would welcome her back home again and forgive her for all the things she had done in the past. That they would finally understand who she really was and accept that person. Love that person as a daughter. But that hope was gone now, killed by her father's own words. And not only had she lost the hope of regaining her parents, but she had lost her brother as well. He was no longer allowed to see her and she would not get him into further trouble by defying her parent's wishes. She would not 'ruin his life like she had her own'. She would not have him lose their parent's love like she had. Without realizing it she had run to the park where she had spent so much time as a teenager. In the shade of the huge trees, Serena collapsed onto her knees, her hair pulled forward to cover her face as she sobbed. Her tears fell to the cold ground and disappeared into the same dirt she dug her fingers into. Clawing the ground as if she could get it to open up and swallow her. She felt the burning pain in her heart, like someone had plunged a hot, molten dagger into her and twisted it. The tears on her cheeks left cold trails behind as the soft afternoon breeze hit her face, whipping back her hair to expose her tortured features before disappearing into the trees around her. She hated herself. In that moment, she truly hated herself. She couldn't do anything right. Her father had been right. She was a screw up. She always had been. She wasn't smart enough, fast enough, strong enough. Things that other people seemed to do so easily were a constant struggle for her. It was a miracle she had actually managed to finish high school. And how many jobs had she gone through over the years because she was always getting fired for being late or missing work because some monster had shown up and she had to deal with it. Even things that she had once been able to do, in another life time on the Moon now escaped her. She longed for the grace and poise that had once been hers as a Princess of the Moon. The certainty of the future and her role in that future had died with her when Beryl had attacked her home on the Moon. She no longer knew what she was doing and felt like she was drowning slowly in a sea of her own uncertainties. Anyone who came into contact with her got hurt. Her friends, her family, her scouts, Darien. How many times had the monsters targeted those close to her in order to hurt her. Last time it had been Darien, turning him against her, making her fight her lover in countless battles. They had known that hurting him was worse than hurting herself and yet they had made her do it again and again. This time they had tried for her own brother, an innocent who had known nothing of her ancient fight. Smeone who had no part in this. He didn't deserve to be kidnapped, taken from his family to face real monsters. If Lita hadn't saved him, things would have been so much worse. It was something that ate at her. That she hadn't been there to save even her own brother. And those were just two examples. Everyone who came into her life suffered pain and loss because of her. She had tried to keep them safe by keeping everyone away but she wasn't good enough on her own. She needed them to help her. She had needed her scouts to stand by her side and support her. She was the one that had cowered in fear during battles in the begining and cried over stupid, silly things that had no real meaning. She had always been the one they died protecting, every single time. She may have learned how to fight better over the years but it still hadn't been good enough to spare her friends. No matter what they said, she knew that they had been better off living as normal humans. Without all the fear and uncertainty that their futures now held. It was amazing they still stood by her. That they hadn't turned away and left her. Like her family had. Her parents had every right to turn away, to kick her out of their lives. She had lied to them, kept secrets and put them in danger by simply being who she was. They had every right to tell her to leave them alone. Maybe someday... Serena ruthlessly crushed the thought. She had already been down that road. She would not allow herself to hope again that her parent's may accept her. It was enough that her brother loved her. Even if she never saw him again, she would always know that not all her family had abandoned her. Her brother had stood by her, fought for her, loved her. That was enough. It would have to be enough. To hope for more was being selfish and stupid. She had screwed up and she would take the consequences of that mistake. Slowly the tears began to dry on her face and she noticed that the sun was getting lower in the sky. She had almost forgotten about Mina. Here she was concentrating on her own problems when her friend was in pain and needed someone to talk to. And then there were Lita and Nephlite. Somewhere those two were trying to deal with their own set of painful issues. She didn't have time to cry over her own stupid problems. She had to help her friends as they dealt with their problems. The problems that were caused by her reawakening their memories. She winced as she stood up. Somehow it always came back to her. She had been right not to want to awaken her scouts. All it seemed to cause was pain. But she had done it and now she wasn't going to let them deal with their pain alone. She was going to face the consequences of her actions and deal with them. Serena began walking towards the grocery store to buy that ice cream she had promised Mina. * * * * * Serena stood outside her apartment in the hallway debating on what to do. She could hear the soft sounds of discussion coming from inside so she knew that Lita and Nephlyte were still inside talking. They needed the time and space to figure things out between the two of them, so Serena really didn't want to intrude. On the other hand she had two pints of ice cream that were going to start to melt on her any minute if she didn't get them in a freezer. Rei suddenly appeared, walking around the corner, "Hey. Need a place to crash till Lita clears out of your place?" Serena looked at the priestess with an odd look, surprised that she had thought to come back and offer Serena someplace to go, "Yeah. Thanks. Can I stash these in your freezer too?" indicating the ice cream. "Sure. Not a problem." Rei answered. They teleported to Rei's temple, so that that the ice cream wouldn't melt during the walk. As Serena stashed it in Rei's freezer, she could feel the other girl watching her. "Darien felt you transform." Rei finally said, breaking the silence with her soft statement. * * * * * Rei just stood there, watching her, waiting for Serena to say something. To tell her what had happened. Darien had called her when he felt Serena's transformation, asking if there was an attack. He hadn't wanted to go running to her if she was still dealing with her family. Rei had told him that she would wait around for Serena to come back and see what had happened. Darien had wanted to, but Rei had convinced him to let her handle it. She knew Serena and had a pretty good idea of what was going through the idiot's head. She was probably blaming herself for everything, beating herself up for mistakes both real and imaginary. There was no way that Rei was going to let her do that and she didn't want anyone else around to stop her from beating some sense into the blonde's head. "Serena, what happened?" Rei prompted. "I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I know. I screwed up. I probably put us all in more danger and now everything is even more screwed up. I'm sorry Rei." Serena started babbling, tears streaming down the side of her face as Rei listened in confusion. Slowly Rei was able to coax the full story of what had happened out of Serena. From what she could tell, Serena's parents had jumped to conclusions and Serena decided to just transformed. Aparently she hadn't given them any time to react before she left either. Rei,a little shocked, knew that hiding her identity from her parents had always been hard for Serena. Serena was sobbing, her knees having given out under her during her story so that she was now huddled on the floor. Rei tentatively reached out and hugged her, feeling a little awkward. Serena didn't seem to notice as she cried on Rei's shoulder. "Shh. Serena, this isn't your fault." Rei said, trying to comfort her. "Rei, I'm sorry." "For what?" Rei asked gently. "For screwing up again." Serena sobbed out. "You didn't screw up." Rei insisted. "Yes I did. I transformed in front of my parents. They know who I am and that put you all in danger." "Serena. We're Scouts. We are always in danger. You didn't put us in any more by what you did." "Yes, I did. I'm always screwing up and having to be rescued by you." Serena said firmly. "What!?!" Rei exclaimed, pulling back to stare in shock at her friend. "You are always the one who has to save me. Even from myself. I know it probably sucks and I'm sorry that I always need saving. I just can't seem to help it. I tried. I really did. But I just keep..." "You idiot." Rei interrupted, "You have saved me just as often, if not more times than I have saved you. And you don't screw up that often. Hell, most of the time your "mistakes" actually are good things." "Rei, you don't mean that. You would have been a better leader for the Scouts than me. I know you wanted the job. And then there was Darien. I know you used to like him and then I just kinda stole him from you. And then I endangered your life because I couldn't fight my own battles." "First of all, I do not want to lead the Scouts." Rei stressed. " I have only one Princess and that's you. You will always be the leader because you are the only one out of all of us with the strength and hope to fight anything that comes at us. And as for me liking Darien - Yes� I did. I *liked* him. You *love* him. There is a bit of a difference there and I have never resented you two being together. And that crap about you not being able to fight your own battles. Since when? Who was it that took on Beryl? Who was too damned stubborn to call in her Scouts and instead fought an entire army of monsters? Damnit! I thought we already went through this. I want to fight by your side. I want to protect you. You are my friend and my Princess. I don't want to be safe if the people I care about are fighting. I am a warrior and I want to fight." Serena looked up at her friend and Rei could see that she still didn't believe her. Serena doubted herself too much. Rei gave a frustrated sigh. A part of her really wanted nothing more than to find Serena's parents and beat them senseless for the pain that they had put their daughter through- for setting her on this downward spiral of self-doubt. Rei grabbed Serena's shoulders and shook her, "You are not at fault." * * * * * Serena struggled slightly to get out of her friend's grip. Rei looked so mad that Serena was more than a little frightened. She knew that the raven-haired girl had a temper and that it was best not to provoke her. People tended to get hurt when you did. But Serena was having a hard time believing everything that Rei said. Rei was just being nice, trying to comfort her. Rei? Nice? No. Rei was not nice. Rei was honest. Rei didn't lie. Rei was usually brutally honest. But she couldn't really mean everything that she said. Could she? Maybe. For the first time, Serena allowed herself to consider Rei's words. Maybe she wasn't a complete screw up? If Rei said so...well, maybe. * * * * * Rei was mad. Mad at Serena's parents for being too stupid to realize the pain they were causing their own daughter. Mad at Serena for being Serena and assuming instantly that she must have done something wrong. That had been what Rei was yelling at the dumb Meatball head about again, when Darien showed up an hour later. Rei had called him after she had dragged the entire story out of Serena in a coherent form. Darien showing up gave Rei an excuse to go fume in another room while someone else comforted her friend. He could probably do a better job of it anyways. Rei sat down in front of the temple's sacred fire and searched its depths - seeking calm in the dancing red flames. Slowly her breath evened out as she fell into a light meditation, clearing her mind. Suddenly the priestess' mind erupted- a thousand images flashed through her mind's eye. She couldn't understand everything. There were flashes of battle, a tall pink haired woman wrapped in the arms of some man. She saw all the scouts and the generals standing at their backs, fighting something that was just out of sight. There was a flash of long green hair. There was a city, bathed in moonlight unlike any she had ever seen before. And over all of this was a feeling of panic and fear. Time was running out and they had to fight. They had to get ready. Now. Rei came back to herself in a snap and gasped from air, her heart racing. She had never been taken so strongly by her visions before. And yet she didn't understand. She didn't recognize some of the people or places that she had seen. There had been such a feeling of impending danger, and yet she had no idea where it was coming from. The vision had been urging her to do something before time ran out but she had no idea what. A final, lingering image stayed in her head, so clear that if she closed her eyes she could describe everything down to the last little detail. Not that she needed a vision to force her to remember that face. The face of her one time lover -the only man that had ever made her cry. Jadeite. * * * * * |